View Full Version : The Turnpike Prank

12-21-2005, 12:17 AM
i found this on another site, but they stole it from somewhere, so whatever.


The Massachusetts Turnpike, our main highway leading through Boston, is a toll road. Riding it end to end costs you $5.60; commuting into the city from the suburbs costs $2.00, or more, each way. All those tolls really add up -- the average commuter spends $1000.00 per year on tolls -- but it's either that or keep our massive highway construction projects under budget.

Recently, while giving away yet another $1.00 of my hard-earned money for the privilege of driving into town, I wondered: how flexible are they about the tolls? So I decided to undertake a series of experiments.


1) You can drive through the "Fast Lane," which is a computerized system that detects a small device that you keep on your windshield, while pelting your car with gamma rays and slowly giving you cancer of the prostate. All Fast Lanes require that you slow your car to 15 mph, and some make you stop completely, giving new meaning to the word "Fast."

2) You can pay cash to the friendly toll booth operator, who will give you change, and, if you're lucky, a surly grunt.

3) If you have exact change, you can use the "baskets," which are big scoop-shaped buckets into which you throw your money. The money slides down a chute, where it is then processed by either highly efficient money-sorting machinery, or financially astute elves. It's a mystery.


Experiment #1. First, I went through one of the $1.00 toll gates, but I only threw in 97 cents. Believe it or not, I was nervous as I drove away -- would the Turnpike Police pull me over and make me fill potholes with gravel and hot tar until I paid off my debt? Would angry Dobermans chase me down the highway, chomping at my tires?



Nothing happened.

Experiment #2. Emboldened, the next time I went through the toll booth, I decided to try throwing in just seven cents.


Nothing happened.

Experiment #3. The next time I went through, I decided to just write them an I.O.U., and tape it to the toll booth. I signed it "Mariah Carey," because I figured she can afford the extra dollar.



Nothing happened.

This is great! I thought. All these years, I've been paying tolls, and it turns out they're optional! What other creative payment options could I use to pay my tolls on the Massachusetts Turnpike?

In days of yore, a traveling journeyman would have to pay off a wizened troll before he could cross a precarious bridge slung over a yawning gorge. "THREE GOLD COINS!" the troll would yell, flecks of saliva and goat meat dripping from his beard. Our modern-day equivalent is the Massachusetts Turnpike, where the trolls have now been replaced by automated toll-collecting baskets -- although you can see from the picture at right that their hygiene hasn't improved.


xperiment #4. This time, instead of throwing in $1.00, I decided to tape two pictures of rap superstar 50 Cent, because that adds up to a dollar:



As I drove away, I kept nervously glancing in my rear view mirror for the Toll Booth Police, or 50 Cent's posse, but the sad truth is that nothing happened.

12-21-2005, 12:21 AM
Experiment #5. For my next experiment, I made sure to check the toll booth sign, which reads "$1.00 COINS ONLY NO BILLS PENNIES OR CANADIAN COINS." (With all that toll money, you'd think they could afford some punctuation.) Fortunately, the sign makes no mention of other foreign coins, which is the loophole I used for my next experiment. I consulted an online currency calculator to get up-to-the-minute exchange rates, then tossed in the following coins:

1 Indian Rupee ($0.02 U.S.)
15 Thai Baht ($0.36 U.S.)
11 Singapore cents ($0.06 U.S.)
1 Finnish Marka and 200 Italian Lira (no longer used, since the Euro came to town)

That only added up to 44 cents, so I threw in a couple of Chuck E. Cheese tokens as well.



When I went through this time, I heard the toll booth operator shout something that sounded like, "WALP!" I had been trying my little experiments at the same toll booth, so maybe he recognized my car, or maybe he was choking on a thick slice of ham. I didn't stick around to find out -- I got the WALP out of there.

Experiment #6. In olden days, one could directly barter goods and services without the aid of money. So I bought a couple of oranges from a local convenience store, which cost me about a dollar.


In my next run through the Mass Pike toll booths, I threw in the oranges.


They sat in the bucket, where I assume they remained until a Fruit Collection Officer came by to pick them up. I'm sure he enjoyed their plump, juicy wedges -- after he removed the thick, encrusted peels that had been defiled by thousands of nasty-ass coins.

What do we, the citizens of Boston, get in return for our massive toll fees? For starters, a highway that is immaculately maintained:


And the satisfaction of sharing the road with other friendly motorists:


Since none of my experiments had any effect on the automated change buckets, which cheerfully allowed me to pass, I concluded that the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority was the most laid-back government agency ever -- even more than the Department of Motor Vehicles, where most employees spend 92% of their workday in a deep, restful slumber.

I felt that if I was going to leave an I.O.U. for a one-dollar toll, however, I should pay up. So I snail-mailed the following letter to the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority:


I thought it would be interesting to see whether or not the check would get cashed. It should settle, once and for all, how relaxed they were about paying the tolls.

And, hey, while I was sending out letters:

My prediction was that the Turnpike check would get mired in bureaucracy and never get cashed, while Mariah's agents would greedily deposit hers immediately, since they get 15%.

A few weeks after sending out the checks, I got my bank statement in the mail, and would you believe the Turnpike Authority actually cashed my check? I knew our highway construction projects were way overbudget, but, I mean, a dollar seventeen?!



Still no word from the Mariah Carey camp.

So I guess we've all learned a valuable lesson here: if you need to steal, don't steal from an impoverished, badly-managed government agency. Steal from Mariah.


12-21-2005, 12:34 AM
good thread. i like it.

12-21-2005, 12:37 AM
hahahahahahahaha so funny ^^

12-21-2005, 12:40 AM
haha. thats all though. one single haha. no interest grredy bastard.

12-21-2005, 12:43 AM
yeah that is pretty damn funny

12-21-2005, 12:54 AM
word bitch fuck mariah carey hahaha

12-21-2005, 01:07 AM
:lol: :blink: :ph34r: Damn. Funny find. I like it. I remember when my dad used to do that every weekend to go to atlantic city with us...he was like son heres a lesson...save $.50 at one booth .50 at another spend it on black jack win a million dolalrs

12-21-2005, 01:12 AM
haah i like it.......im surprised screw loose you actually commented on something instead of just say CLOSE....

vegimite on toast
12-21-2005, 03:09 AM
The site it came from has plenty more funny reads.

12-21-2005, 03:36 AM
OMG that is the most hilarious thing i have ever read.... im guna start bartering with apples here in chicago

12-21-2005, 05:53 AM
nice thread. I live no where near this place so no use to me.

12-21-2005, 07:46 AM
yeh tony got some shit up his sleeve. and screw loose im proud of you. you made a step up to say something besides close..

12-21-2005, 08:28 AM
If you like pranks like this, you will like:

12-21-2005, 08:46 AM
newz is starting to post? :)

12-21-2005, 12:11 PM
hahaha that stories great haha

12-21-2005, 12:38 PM
That was awesome.

:lol: :D

12-23-2005, 10:29 PM
newz posts?

12-23-2005, 11:06 PM
Bump for the chuckie cheese tokens.

rolling roks
07-02-2007, 12:04 AM
that was prettyfucking hilairous
did YOU actually do that
or is it form some website?
nice thread i like it

02-16-2009, 12:38 AM

02-16-2009, 07:14 AM

02-17-2009, 02:00 AM
Fukin Great!!!!!!!!!

02-17-2009, 03:29 AM
did someone change the thread title??

Terrible N
02-17-2009, 10:48 AM
I should try that on the tolls by Chicago sometime.

02-17-2009, 06:55 PM
did someone change the thread title??

02-17-2009, 07:19 PM
yeah i guess you're just an idiot lostyouth.

02-17-2009, 08:31 PM
im just trippin
your the idiot french
what kind of name is that any way

02-17-2009, 10:32 PM

02-17-2009, 10:42 PM
this really isn't a prank...

04-22-2009, 09:55 PM
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04-22-2009, 10:39 PM
wow..i hate those EZ-PASS lanes and the turn pike..shits wack..you know there thinkin about putting one of those right at the border of mass and new hampshire for all the people going there to buy plasmas and stuff..since there is no tax there...people lookin to save an extra 100$ buying whatever it is..there buying there..lol

04-23-2009, 06:12 PM

05-03-2009, 09:29 AM
what site is this from?

05-04-2009, 02:56 AM
haha that was entertaining :)

05-04-2009, 02:11 PM
im just trippin
your the idiot french
what kind of name is that any way

oh loawdy wat a herb

10-31-2009, 10:31 PM
This made me laugh so hard dude. Hahahaha.