Suicide

[Evasion Of Invasion]

i just had a couple weeks where i was fuckin myself up hardcore drinkin ,smokin like a mother fucker and hurtin myself, recently shits gotten better most issues sorted them selves out and my gfs been helpin me out

and about that music comment I listen to the song Afraid Of Me by Twiztid whenever I'm feelin down cuz it makes me think about how the world is afraid of me and those like me good song i suggest a few ppl here should give it a try Oh and Karma by Twiztid

[Man!cBCV]

and man!cbcv, i wouldn't worry. the law shouldn't be something to be nervous about, at least when you're under 18. whenever i get in trouble with the law (never arrested though), the thing i'm most nervous about is my punishment from my parents. once you hit 18, there's nothing to worry about what's happening now, unless it's a felony. but this isn't, so it's fine.

yeah thats true, yesterday the outpatient rehab im goin' to gave me a letter for me to give the courts saying that i've been rehibilitated and all that shit so im hoping that it will come in handy on thursday. your right though, it isn't that great of a deal so it'll prolly be a slap on the wrist, im just happy that my parents arent buggin, my dad wont talk to me and when i asked him to come he said no you dont want me there because ill tell the judge to lock you away, so fuck him. lol my mom supports me though so thas whatever.

[wafflecakee]

Mast is right, while under 18 you're pretty much golden. After that become aware of your rights and learn to protect yourself because cops don't protect people, they protect private property.

I've been on medication for about a year and a half now, i used to be very depressed untill i got it checked out. I ended up starting on meds and then stoping soon after because i felt inadequate(sp?) taking meds. I later got worse and decided to try it again with SSNRI's as opposed to SSRI's and i've been doing much better. It's important to stick with treatment if you decide to start!

if anyone has questions about meds feel free to ask or pm me about them.

[Man!cBCV]

Mast is right, while under 18 you're pretty much golden. After that become aware of your rights and learn to protect yourself because cops don't protect people, they protect private property.

I've been on medication for about a year and a half now, i used to be very depressed untill i got it checked out. I ended up starting on meds and then stoping soon after because i felt inadequate(sp?) taking meds. I later got worse and decided to try it again with SSNRI's as opposed to SSRI's and i've been doing much better. It's important to stick with treatment if you decide to start!

if anyone has questions about meds feel free to ask or pm me about them.

thank you for your advice, i am more aware of my rights now and i appreciate your insight on this, and as for the medication, i feel you on that one, i got started on meds about 6 months ago and it didnt work at first, in fact it led to a suicide attempt, but after i got out of the hospital they raised my dosage and since i've been alot better, and i dont think there is a magic pill out there that helps everything, you need to work with the medication for it to work, and i think thats where most people get it confused, but im glad to hear that you're doing better, keep it up and be safe homie

[Siner]

I haven't posted in here for a while but was wonderin' if anyone could help me out a bit. Lately, I've been so depressed constantly. I feel alot like I would rather be dead then go on with this shit. The main problem is I'm extremely lonely, I go to school and nobody talks to me, and I find it hard to talk with anyone else cause I feel so diffrent from them. Like there's this girl I have a major crush on and I asked her out and she said she had a boyfriend but I still can't get over her or stop thinkin' about her. So usally school is the most depressin'. Second of all, I just feel like such a complete piece of shit. I've cut myself before cause it just feels good to hurt myself I guess cause I hate myself so much. I mean, I'm sure if I had someone to hang out with or a girlfriend, it would make me alot more happy. But I would rather just die cause the bad things in the future certainly seem to outway any good things to come. I really need to meet some new people, but it's so hard fopr me to talk to anyone cause I feel so inadequite and I'm so shy. I really can't find much to live for lately so some help would be greatly appreciated...

[Hobbes]

I haven't posted in here for a while but was wonderin' if anyone could help me out a bit. Lately, I've been so depressed constantly. I feel alot like I would rather be dead then go on with this shit. The main problem is I'm extremely lonely, I go to school and nobody talks to me, and I find it hard to talk with anyone else cause I feel so diffrent from them. Like there's this girl I have a major crush on and I asked her out and she said she had a boyfriend but I still can't get over her or stop thinkin' about her. So usally school is the most depressin'. Second of all, I just feel like such a complete piece of shit. I've cut myself before cause it just feels good to hurt myself I guess cause I hate myself so much. I mean, I'm sure if I had someone to hang out with or a girlfriend, it would make me alot more happy. But I would rather just die cause the bad things in the future certainly seem to outway any good things to come. I really need to meet some new people, but it's so hard fopr me to talk to anyone cause I feel so inadequite and I'm so shy. I really can't find much to live for lately so some help would be greatly appreciated...

You need to get out and paint, and smoke weed, and draw more. Don't cut yourself it'll bring unnecessary attention and doesn't accomplish anything. Keep yourself as busy as possible, being productive will make you feel better. School sucks, so practice your hand styles all class, I find sketching hard in school but its easy to get lost in your handstlye imagining what it'd look like as a piece. If you don't do something, you'll feel shittier knowing you wasted time you coulda spend progressing in SOMETHING.

[WoeInfinite]

whats a suicide pill?

oh, and yeah, you prolly shouldnt do that..but what is it?

[The_NaMEz_BaNKz]

it stops for heart

[Detoxication]

I'm losin it my dudes.. My job is killin me, boss is a dick, school sucks.. Yet I can't quit cause if the money doesn't come in I don't go to school which means I don't have a future.. I don't know what to do and I can't believe I'm actually posting in this thread.. Seems pointless.. I'm so tired and over the edge with all the bullshit being thrown at me.. And to top it off I have no herb, no pills, no alch, no nothin.. I find myself now just starin into space with ideas runnin through my end..

[71p]

I'm losin it my dudes.. My job is killin me, boss is a dick, school sucks.. Yet I can't quit cause if the money doesn't come in I don't go to school which means I don't have a future.. I don't know what to do and I can't believe I'm actually posting in this thread.. Seems pointless.. I'm so tired and over the edge with all the bullshit being thrown at me.. And to top it off I have no herb, no pills, no alch, no nothin.. I find myself now just starin into space with ideas runnin through my end..

Don't feel bad man I know how you feel. I've been depressed as shit lately and I don't say anything school, they labeled me as a risk too the school. Lately whenever I post on here I feel like I'm nothing compared too other people and that there's always someone to knock me down a peg. 5 of my best friends have died in the past 2 years and the only two kids that I was ever really friends with are in jail. My family is breaking apart from each other. I can't sleep, but when I do I hope I don't wake up and I'm having really messed up dreams.

[Siner]

You need to get out and paint, and smoke weed, and draw more. Don't cut yourself it'll bring unnecessary attention and doesn't accomplish anything. Keep yourself as busy as possible, being productive will make you feel better. School sucks, so practice your hand styles all class, I find sketching hard in school but its easy to get lost in your handstlye imagining what it'd look like as a piece. If you don't do something, you'll feel shittier knowing you wasted time you coulda spend progressing in SOMETHING.
Ya, I know what you mean by keepin' busy, it does help, but seriously. Lately I've been like just sittin' in class, or when I'm bored and daydreamin' about suicide. It just seems like such a relief from all this bullshit. I wish some people would actully talk to me at school, so I had more friends, but fuck, I hate all this bullshit.

[Man!cBCV]

ayo, so i went to court yesterday, i was nervous as hell and didn't get much sleep the night before but i went at about 9 and pleaded guilty, strictly because i don't remember what the fuck i did the night i got charged with the possession, but the judge i had was mad lenient and he decided to amend the charges and let me off with a strict warning and 6 months probation, i feel alot better going and getting it over with. ima try to keep it clean and ish for a little while, as for graff, fuck it ima bomb 10x harder.

[Darkeist]

Ive been getting so much shit lately. Its not really suicidal its just seems depressing. I get so much shit from school and family. So i get out of school and me and a couple friends, and this one kid i dont like but he thinks hes down with us. So we go rack some food and he tells like everyone. Which was more stress because i had to deal with that. And this girl that im trying to get down with isnt even noticing me that much. I get yelled at by my dad for pretty much no reason. He used to be chill and then he married this woman thats now my stepmom and he completely changed.


I just dont really know what to do anymore really.

[SAID]

bomb.
dude man,
fuck everybody.
they should give you the drive to go out every night and fucken destroy.

[Man!cBCV]

yeah bro lol i agree with said, fuck it and just go get up.
but i also know where you're comin' from, my dad's been the same fuckin way ever since he married this bitch from philly. everything feels like its comin' down, but just fuck it man, just look to the bright side and know that your better then that to get beat over such shit. keep ya' head up kid

[Darkeist]

Yeah thanks, i know it could be worse. But my dad was so cool, then he got married and everything went downhill here.

[xDesTx]

@ Darkeist,

I Suggest you tell your dad how you feel about him and how he has changed compared to before he got married, it would show him how you dislike how he changed and if he accepts that, and if he understands how you are, he might ease up alittle, how long have your dad and step mom been together?

[Man!cBCV]

yeah i know how you feel bro, my dad was mad cool, bought me paint and shit and supported me and ish but then he got married and he became hella whipped and just went totally gay. i tried telling him i how i felt but it didnt seem to matter, he said i was just being dramatic. best of luck homie

["Riot"]

I haven't posted in here for a while but was wonderin' if anyone could help me out a bit. Lately, I've been so depressed constantly. I feel alot like I would rather be dead then go on with this shit. The main problem is I'm extremely lonely, I go to school and nobody talks to me, and I find it hard to talk with anyone else cause I feel so diffrent from them. Like there's this girl I have a major crush on and I asked her out and she said she had a boyfriend but I still can't get over her or stop thinkin' about her. So usally school is the most depressin'. Second of all, I just feel like such a complete piece of shit. I've cut myself before cause it just feels good to hurt myself I guess cause I hate myself so much. I mean, I'm sure if I had someone to hang out with or a girlfriend, it would make me alot more happy. But I would rather just die cause the bad things in the future certainly seem to outway any good things to come. I really need to meet some new people, but it's so hard fopr me to talk to anyone cause I feel so inadequite and I'm so shy. I really can't find much to live for lately so some help would be greatly appreciated...


you could talk to me b.


I'm down to help anyone who needs it.
keep your heads up.

[The_NaMEz_BaNKz]

man..idk just the other day my mom seached my fuckin room while i was in school..and i come home and she says..throw away all that fuckin paint....( around 23 cans ) .and throw away the ones in the laundry room too.. ( around like 5) so i had to throw out 28 full cans of fuckin paint cuz that bitch cant mind her own buisness...

made me wanan destroy the fuckin city.. but i have no paint to do so..

[Blood Horror Show]

when i was in school, it was the lowest point of my entire life. i skipped as much as i could to try to make it better. but as a result i failed and had to go to summer school. i failed too many classes to just take in summer school so i had to go back as a thirteenth grader ha. it was the absolute worst. that was the lowest point ive ever been at. im out now and it feels a lot better. i still have my problems, but its definitely a huge burden out of my life. if any younger kids read this that are still in school and feels theyre depressed.. itll all be over eventually, just get through it.

also i still think about my parents getting divorced a lot and the way it happened. i was young but i still remember a lot of it. its a depressing thought. ive tried killing myself because of it a long time ago and my mom caught me.. i guess its something i can laugh at now haha.

[Jase]

I'm not suicidal just fucken angry.

I have ADHD and my parents make me go see a shrink.

I have to take concerta, which is like small amounts of speeds but in my case is 54mg of speed.

It gives the sideeffects of lose of hunger & depression. All my mum does is complain about how i'm depressed and how i don't eat but yet she is the 1 that makes me take it.
I'm about to be expelled but its only the start of the year and i have all this year too be good. My parents have already started doing interviews for other boarding schools in the country and i'm like fuck that there is no way i'm going there.

Then she wonders why i hate her. She takes me too the shrink and tells the dude i do drugs and hangout with bad people and i'm falling into a hole.
Fuck that my friends are fine honestly my frineds are fine i don't do shit all i do is hit bud like once a month.
We go to partys and shit. I don't go spread around that i graff shit just keep it between me and a friend of mine.

Yeah so i'm being forced to move school which will result in me hating my mum doing drugs and bombing shit fucken hard. If my parents think i'm going to boarding school they can get fucked, every school interview i go to i'm going to swear and tell them to get fucked.

So over this shit, all cause my shrink said i should try boarding. Way to go jackass. haha i never told my shrink anything, thinks he hells knows me what an asshole.

Fuck that shit

[Man!cBCV]

you could talk to me b.


I'm down to help anyone who needs it.
keep your heads up.

lol werd since you offered, i just went to this chemical dependency group thing that ive been court ordered to go to, and i fucking hate it. i mean im the first to admit that i have a problem but this place just makes it worse, theyre constantly talking about how good it feels to spark an l and i just wanna run out the doors and light a blunt. shit's stressin me to the fullest. im trying to get the best out of it but it doesnt seem likely, everyone there is so fucking negative and they just make me want to do more drugs, ive been clean for 33 days and i guess thats a start but it still doesn't make anything any easier, i still want to go pop a xanax or a vicodin. all of this over my head has just pushed me so fucking far, i wake up every morning depressed as shit, i smoke like a pack a day just to make it a lil bit easier, i want to go out and bomb but i cant really do shit since ive been so fucked lately, between ICU, rehab, and now this CD program. Any advice?

[The_NaMEz_BaNKz]

holy shit everyones xed out on that glass in ur sig..^^

[Man!cBCV]

lmfao yeah well it started out as bein my shit in white, then these toy bitches went over it, so i hit it over again with a mop ;]

[mas$]

I haven't posted in here for a while but was wonderin' if anyone could help me out a bit. Lately, I've been so depressed constantly. I feel alot like I would rather be dead then go on with this shit. The main problem is I'm extremely lonely, I go to school and nobody talks to me, and I find it hard to talk with anyone else cause I feel so diffrent from them. Like there's this girl I have a major crush on and I asked her out and she said she had a boyfriend but I still can't get over her or stop thinkin' about her. So usally school is the most depressin'. Second of all, I just feel like such a complete piece of shit. I've cut myself before cause it just feels good to hurt myself I guess cause I hate myself so much. I mean, I'm sure if I had someone to hang out with or a girlfriend, it would make me alot more happy. But I would rather just die cause the bad things in the future certainly seem to outway any good things to come. I really need to meet some new people, but it's so hard fopr me to talk to anyone cause I feel so inadequite and I'm so shy. I really can't find much to live for lately so some help would be greatly appreciated...
yea i feel exacylt the same
i had a 10 hour art exam in silence it felt so good, it was like, i just did wat i love, and ppl actually noticed me
now i feel like crap cus its all gone
wat the fuck who the fuck misses an exam
haha

[Siner]

yea i feel exacylt the same
i had a 10 hour art exam in silence it felt so good, it was like, i just did wat i love, and ppl actually noticed me
now i feel like crap cus its all gone
wat the fuck who the fuck misses an exam
haha
Uhh, Fuck I hate school, it's so depressin' for me.

[mas$]

i dont mind it sometimes
i have a prom
i got rejected for dates twice
god
mite ask the new girl
but shes hot so shes gna say no:p

[Pickton's Pigpen]

Uhh, Fuck I hate school, it's so depressin' for me.

i know what your saying dude.
school jsut pisses me off.
i always fantasize killing the kid whos pissing me off.
i used to get bullied and shit, till i started threatening people.
i unno, alot of people are scared of me, caus i always talk abotu serial killers and shit hahahahha but they dont know the half of it.

[sketch3]

leave skined pigions hangin in every locker in the school but urs

[Pickton's Pigpen]

hahahhahhhaha
we dont get pigeons up here EH

[DeDo1]

i know what your saying dude.
school jsut pisses me off.
i always fantasize killing the kid whos pissing me off.
i used to get bullied and shit, till i started threatening people.
i unno, alot of people are scared of me, caus i always talk abotu serial killers and shit hahahahha but they dont know the half of it.

i know what you mean i get bullied and shit and i dont know what to do so i go to sleep till class ends.
sometimes i just want to rip there heads off and use it as a paper weight or a soccer ball either way it entertaining

[Siner]

i know what you mean i get bullied and shit and i dont know what to do so i go to sleep till class ends.
sometimes i just want to rip there heads off and use it as a paper weight or a soccer ball either way it entertaining
Fuck, I don't really get bullied in school. I usually just like daydream about killin' myself, like pullin' a gun out and just shootin' myself while sittin' in my desk in the middle of class. I can just imagine everyone panicin' while they hear the gun go off and me hit the desk and blood everywhere. I guess I probally shouldn't be daydreamin' about all this shit, but thats what it's come down to unfortanetly.

[EgoZen]

School isn`t really that depressing but the reactions of parent if you get a bad grade..
Of course school is much stress but it`s for your own good..:

I`m in the 4th grade of grammar school...
And I`m so happy that this is my last year before I go to college...

And well I hate it too...

I guess it`s my time now to speak up about suicide..:

I wanted to kill myself couple of times, but I didn`t have the guts...
My last time was less than a month ago...
I wanted it to look like an accident ...
*Cutting bred and whoop there goes the knife over the wrist...*
Well the knife wasn`t sharp enough... so fuck it...

Guys, if any of you wants to kill yourself ...
Wait at least 2 weeks and if you still want to kill yourself then...
It`s your choice...
But just wait it will get better sooner or later ;)

[xDesTx]

Here we go again guys,

Well lately, three people i cared about passed away, one was my grandma which i was close to died recently and I've had a hard time coping with it, then my friends uncle died and it effected me because i used to hang around with him when i was younger, i never knew he had cancer which kind of stuffed me up lately, this has been pushing me further over the edge and I've been contemplating suicide, i looked up top 10 ways to commit suicide and the methods (easy to figure but they came as a package) and i planned on doing it this week (well rather today) but last night it slipped out when i was talking to my best friend, and she burst out crying, then at that moment i seen one true emotion towards me, my family couldn't care less what i do, the only real people who did, well did was my brother's, one of them passed away when i was 7 and the other i don't talk to now, but in the last week i found out that her other uncle committed suicide, that pushed me over the edge because i knew him well because i was always at her house when he was there, well today i was planning on shooting myself in the head because i have quick access to firearms (Gun Closet in the house) but when i started talking about if I'm going to do it to my friend yesterday i seen how much it effected her, and i just cried with her, i spent 4 hours trying to calm her down while explaining why i was going to do it, then she settled and said that she cant stop me, so shes not going to try to, and she told me she will never forget me and how i helped her (I'm like her guardian angel supposedly) but seeing her cry made me think twice and at the moment i don't want to put her through that pain, but i do want to commit suicide, I'm so confused.

Someone help a poor soul out

- Sick In Love

[Siner]

Here we go again guys,

Well lately, three people i cared about passed away, one was my grandma which i was close to died recently and I've had a hard time coping with it, then my friends uncle died and it effected me because i used to hang around with him when i was younger, i never knew he had cancer which kind of stuffed me up lately, this has been pushing me further over the edge and I've been contemplating suicide, i looked up top 10 ways to commit suicide and the methods (easy to figure but they came as a package) and i planned on doing it this week (well rather today) but last night it slipped out when i was talking to my best friend, and she burst out crying, then at that moment i seen one true emotion towards me, my family couldn't care less what i do, the only real people who did, well did was my brother's, one of them passed away when i was 7 and the other i don't talk to now, but in the last week i found out that her other uncle committed suicide, that pushed me over the edge because i knew him well because i was always at her house when he was there, well today i was planning on shooting myself in the head because i have quick access to firearms (Gun Closet in the house) but when i started talking about if I'm going to do it to my friend yesterday i seen how much it effected her, and i just cried with her, i spent 4 hours trying to calm her down while explaining why i was going to do it, then she settled and said that she cant stop me, so shes not going to try to, and she told me she will never forget me and how i helped her (I'm like her guardian angel supposedly) but seeing her cry made me think twice and at the moment i don't want to put her through that pain, but i do want to commit suicide, I'm so confused.

Someone help a poor soul out

- Sick In Love
I feel like I'm in no position to help you cause of all my fucked up problems, but I'm gonna try anyway. You have a really easy way to kill yourself, I mean havin' access to a gun is really temptin' I understand. But if you can't live for yourself, live for those who care about you. Think how it would affect your family and friends, and think about the fact that you actully have people to support you. Just by stayin' alive your helpin' other people like your best friend out, who might even kill herself if she has to see another person kill thereself. So seek some help, councellin' or whatever, cause theres so much to live for even though it doesn't seem like it now, good luck.

[Msfyt]

ok this is going to sound very extreme but here is my advice...

tell your parents straight up that you have thought about suicide because there are accessable gun(s) in the house, no matter how much you think they dont care

now if you dont want to open up to your parents i suggest you tell an adult who you trust and is concerned about your safety, so they can apporach your parents

dont make it easy for yourself to make spilt second life decisions, remove those items from your life (pills, guns, rope, etc)

but dont feel bad about wanting to know more about death or even killing yourself. you know why, because communication and honest information are usually what is missing in life. the reason people stay sane is because they can have all the horrible thoughts they want, as long as they dont act on those thoughts. but since we cant read others mind, we think we are alone with what ever emotions/situtation has us feeling down.

anyways im rambling...

but how can you be so certian things wont get better?



there is a
Here we go again guys,

Well lately, three people i cared about passed away, one was my grandma which i was close to died recently and I've had a hard time coping with it, then my friends uncle died and it effected me because i used to hang around with him when i was younger, i never knew he had cancer which kind of stuffed me up lately, this has been pushing me further over the edge and I've been contemplating suicide, i looked up top 10 ways to commit suicide and the methods (easy to figure but they came as a package) and i planned on doing it this week (well rather today) but last night it slipped out when i was talking to my best friend, and she burst out crying, then at that moment i seen one true emotion towards me, my family couldn't care less what i do, the only real people who did, well did was my brother's, one of them passed away when i was 7 and the other i don't talk to now, but in the last week i found out that her other uncle committed suicide, that pushed me over the edge because i knew him well because i was always at her house when he was there, well today i was planning on shooting myself in the head because i have quick access to firearms (Gun Closet in the house) but when i started talking about if I'm going to do it to my friend yesterday i seen how much it effected her, and i just cried with her, i spent 4 hours trying to calm her down while explaining why i was going to do it, then she settled and said that she cant stop me, so shes not going to try to, and she told me she will never forget me and how i helped her (I'm like her guardian angel supposedly) but seeing her cry made me think twice and at the moment i don't want to put her through that pain, but i do want to commit suicide, I'm so confused.

Someone help a poor soul out

- Sick In Love

[MessTonic]

Fuck, I don't really get bullied in school. I usually just like daydream about killin' myself, like pullin' a gun out and just shootin' myself while sittin' in my desk in the middle of class. I can just imagine everyone panicin' while they hear the gun go off and me hit the desk and blood everywhere. I guess I probally shouldn't be daydreamin' about all this shit, but thats what it's come down to unfortanetly.

dude dont think about that, school is just a load of bullshit anyways.. You are probably a better person than any of those fake ass bitches that go there.. I hate everyone at school except for my group of friends because everyone else tries to act like someone they arent just to be cool, fuck it.. People at school just fill your mind with a bunch of bullshit.. If you dont have many friends find someone that also doesnt and start talking to them, usually they will be very interesting and are probably also shy so you will have something in common and they will feel happy that you are talking to them..

[xDesTx]

MessTonic thats the brightest thing ive seen you say, well i aint seen much of your posts but

=D Wub For Tonic =D

[Siner]

dude dont think about that, school is just a load of bullshit anyways.. You are probably a better person than any of those fake ass bitches that go there.. I hate everyone at school except for my group of friends because everyone else tries to act like someone they arent just to be cool, fuck it.. People at school just fill your mind with a bunch of bullshit.. If you dont have many friends find someone that also doesnt and start talking to them, usually they will be very interesting and are probably also shy so you will have something in common and they will feel happy that you are talking to them..
Thanx for the advice, for me it's just so hard to connect with anyone at school cause I feel so diffrent. But I know there are people with the same problems as me at school, so I have to quit feelin' like that. Thanx again.

[acereborn]

^^ yeah, sometimes you'll get lucky and find someone you can really connect to, your usually not the only one that has been through troubles. just always look towards the future, think about the things that you love doing, and try to get out and do them more. just always look on the brighter side of things, because you can find happiness everywhere. whether its hanging out with friends, playing sports, painting, whatever it is, its better than taking your life.

if anyone on here ever wants to talk to me about anything at all, hit me up on msn or aim

aim: burgess19
msn: burgess19@live.ca

[-Leski]

Farther up there, about wanting to commit to suicide...
-----------------------------------------------------------
When I was little I got bullied until I had mental scars that still fuck with my head and social life today, I was over weight and a loner,that just happens to be one of the prime kinda people to pick on. Anyways so now I cant go out in public without a retarded subconscious fear of people judging me, hating me for no reason, ext.

Anyways I start working on that, I lost weight, start eating healthy, exercising, ext, ext and then out of nowhere I go into chemical depression. Hormones or what not caused my brain to stop making serotonin, the drug that makes you feel happy. So I fucking plummeted, I was working so hard to pick myself up but nothing I did made me feel good/happy.

At first I just gave up on everything, nothing worked so why bother, right? I dropped out of school (a 70-80% student without effort), lost contact with all my friends, and became almost subhuman.
I just lied in bed with my thoughts. I wouldnt talk to anyone, wouldnt eat, I just wanted everything to go away.

I would read books, listen to music, anything to stop thinking, my thoughts scared me. It was as though someone else was thinking my thoughts, they were foreign and strange. I would think of my friends and happy memories... then my mind slowly would twist them into horrible things, I realized I had at first misinterpreted these situations. They wernt happy memories at all, I had been living in some fairytale. None of it was happy, ever.

Depression transforms you and makes a false reality that makes perfect sense.

Within a month I was suicidal.
I didnt tell anyone though, because I wanted to keep that last chip in my pocket to throw in when I couldnt handle it anymore.
I looked for help, I got therapy which didnt help much.

After another few months of getting close to desperation... I tried to cut myself, I went to the bathroom layed down in the tub and held a packing razor against the inside of my elbow and slowly began to push it in, I've never told anyone in my family this, I was going to do it and at no point did i doubt it.

But I didnt, I threw it at a wall and then wept like a child.... I decided I couldnt do it to my family, I greedily wanted to die but I couldnt kill myself. I gathered up my knives and other shit and gave it to my mom to hold onto for me.

More months later a doctor finally realized that it wasnt environmental depression but chemical depression and the therapy wasnt gonna do jack. They started me on drugs and new therapy which did work.

So here I am, 2 years and change later, just finally having climbed out of the pit.
I feel fine, I dont handle stress well anymore and have to rebuild my life, but I'm still alive. I'll be off the medication in another few months here. You can get through it if you just hold on and dont take the shortcut along your forearm

TL;DR version.
Dont commit suicide, No matter how bad it looks, no matter how bad it feels.
If you get help, reach out when you dont want to and get someone to help pull you out you'll make it.

I'm happy I'm alive, I've found a lot of things worth being around for.
Fuck the rest of the world, do your own thing for yourself and your family.

Second what Messtonic said.

[/long ass post]

[...uhh]

alot of my friends have attempted it...me too....

its a wierd thing....u try to do it cause u hurt....but then the idea hurts.....so u feel worse about things than u did before.....it keeps going............and then u feel like a bitch who is fucked up for even thinking it in the first place...and noone really knows how mad or sad u are or were yesterday...and u just shut it in...



some days im like fuck it why the fuck not...i could go get that shit and it would be done in like 4 minutes...noone would give a fuck...it would actually help everyone out............and then other days its like ...i just wanna see what happens next...then maybe ill do it...

lol i came up in here cause today was one of those....fuck it... days...

[-Leski]

Feel ya man, I know that one.

You feel so bad you want it all gone, then you feel worse when you think about suicide as a way to make it all gone. Then you try to push it aside but you always know that you went there and it just ebbs in the back of your mind.

You just keep going there, a bit closer each time until you actually try to do it.
Then you pull yourself out of it, or dont...

Yah man, just hold in there. It will pass, then you gotta try to keep outa that state of mind.

As helpful as I know that statement is... >_>

[...uhh]

word i feel ya man

yeah man just keep urself busy...thats one of the easiest things to do...

[xylene hug]

i took the time to read every ones post on here and would like to offer some advice.

1. no matter what life throws at you there will be i point where it gets better. i promise .maybe not now but in the future. "life can only turn you upside down so many times till your right side up again" i said that. to a friend in need.

2.take what strangers have to say with a grain of salt.(who really cares what some one you dont know thinks about you) your loved ones opinions are what matters.

3.love your life. yeah like that atmosphere song!

4. be strong! hold your head up high in bad situations you can overcome it.

i hope these words help.
i know life is hella hard. but to make life easy you have to work for it first.

[IRL.TMP]

word
i will be passing through often for a wake up call

[xDesTx]

Thanks guys these helped a lot, I've heard from my doctor that i may have severe depressive disorder, which makes my life worse, but thanks guys, you've helped me a lot and you've made me realize there is people that care,

this is the thread that i visit most, and on other sites I've been on other suicide threads,

Thanks again,

- Sick In Love

[-Leski]

Yah, This thead is great. I never talked to anyone about the deep and gritty shit when I went through depression. I dont want to scare my family about how bad it had actualy been.

I'm down for helping out anyone I can in here, I've been on the lowest rung, I know whats its like.

[lolque?]

guys, i need help. my girlfriend just broke up... now its like all the shit in my life arent worth it anymore. school bores me, the music i listen to bores me... graff bores me, even...

[cds_dogg665544]

try listening to asheru hes the shit hes the one that did the boondocks theme song

[lolque?]

thanks

[...uhh]

mickey avalon is pretty funny too...listening to him now...

[traP905]

Ive wanted to but i think of everything i will leave behind... as much as they drive me crazy my family, my girl, painting, bmx like i dont think its worth it... Ive tried but dont have the balls...

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Bob Marley always cheers me up.

[cds_dogg665544]

i just started listening to klashnekoff from the UK hes some real shit homes. we should probly get back on topic now.

[ForGiven]

Bob Marley always cheers me up.

so true his music is so peaceful to me jus calms me down.

[knightrock]

hope i die soon

[acereborn]

why dont you do something about it? go outside, have some fun, buy yourself a new toy, just relax for a while, find something you really enjoy doing. and keep doing that thing. theres always something to look forward to, no matter what situation your in.

hit me up on msn: burgess19@live.ca
or aim: burgess19

[MAST]

guys, i need help. my girlfriend just broke up... now its like all the shit in my life arent worth it anymore. school bores me, the music i listen to bores me... graff bores me, even...

i'm still right there with you. i was with her for 6 months, and during that half year, i put everything else that had once mattered to me aside, so she was really the absolute only thing in my life that mattered to me. then it ended abruptly, so i was in a huge fucking rut. a little over a month later, i'm still there, but i've been SLOWLY inching out of it. i've found the only things that even slightly help are writing songs/poems and playing guitar.

it's harder too because we're still "best friends", so i discuss all of this shit with her (which is insanely hard, because i then feel bad about making her feel guilty). and since we still know eachother, and i still have that complete yearning for her, she disregards it, and goes her own way, and continues to break promises she made when she broke up with me. which just keeps throwing me back in this cycle, and making me more and more miserable.

yesterday was the first time in my entire life that i actually considered suicide. i know all about that whole "she's just a girl, and everyone goes through that at one time or another", but my life had basically no purpose before she came. and now i'm right back there, except lower, because i've forgotten how to make the best of what i have. i highly doubt i really will go through with it, but it's just been floating around my head constantly for a couple days.

the only thing i really have to look forward to all day is being able to talk to her on the phone for a few minutes and say goodnight to her each night. which i thank god i can still do.



i've just grown to be so cynical and selfish, which makes me loathe myself on top of all of it.



the only real friends i have right now are my words and my guitar. all art and graffiti and everything else bores me now.

[Zazuy Whore.]

Suicide? Not so much on the lines for me.
Cutting, Burning.
Relives most stress on myself, I'm more concentrated on the cut or the burn
then what i was stressing out for.
Makes you feel alive.
Or to note on your Fuck up, Some People cut over small mistakes or cut over something that Hurt a friend or family member just as much as it hurt you.
Most Of the reasons why, i cut or burn. =\

Knowing my girlfriend cutts Is tottaly hard on me, Which is an addiction for the both of us.
Were both Slowing down on the scars, Helping eachother when possible.

.Cutting like meth,
If anyone Needs advice or Help just message me, im gladly here for anyone.

[Proper]

i'm still right there with you. i was with her for 6 months, and during that half year, i put everything else that had once mattered to me aside, so she was really the absolute only thing in my life that mattered to me. then it ended abruptly, so i was in a huge fucking rut. a little over a month later, i'm still there, but i've been SLOWLY inching out of it. i've found the only things that even slightly help are writing songs/poems and playing guitar.

it's harder too because we're still "best friends", so i discuss all of this shit with her (which is insanely hard, because i then feel bad about making her feel guilty). and since we still know eachother, and i still have that complete yearning for her, she disregards it, and goes her own way, and continues to break promises she made when she broke up with me. which just keeps throwing me back in this cycle, and making me more and more miserable.

yesterday was the first time in my entire life that i actually considered suicide. i know all about that whole "she's just a girl, and everyone goes through that at one time or another", but my life had basically no purpose before she came. and now i'm right back there, except lower, because i've forgotten how to make the best of what i have. i highly doubt i really will go through with it, but it's just been floating around my head constantly for a couple days.

the only thing i really have to look forward to all day is being able to talk to her on the phone for a few minutes and say goodnight to her each night. which i thank god i can still do.



i've just grown to be so cynical and selfish, which makes me loathe myself on top of all of it.



the only real friends i have right now are my words and my guitar. all art and graffiti and everything else bores me now.

I'm right there with you, buddy.
Got msn?

[MAST]

nah, but i appreciate it man

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

live your life.
apocalypse 2012.
there isnt too much longer anyhow...

[acereborn]

i dont believe that shit, but w.e

and some people believe its possible to live through, so meh

live your life, and make the best of it. you could be hit by a car tommorow, just be grateful for what you have.

[Zazuy Whore.]

I also heard it was spose to happen in 1992 Or something like that?
I believe it now, But chances are ill be dead before then,
If not then fuck. im gunna get fucken trashed and wacked.
and Enjoy a good ol' apocalypse

[MAST]

it's easier said than done...



but i too will be getting absolutely fucked up beyond the ability to function.

[Zazuy Whore.]

AHahhah,
That will be such a night to remember, To bad though.
Aha, Oh well.
Totally gunna be worth it, Maybe

[Cozmo]

I'm sure it's been said before, so I don't want to sound like a broken record, but one of the best things you can do is be available for your friends to talk to. If you're not going through a particularly rough time, maybe you have a friend who is. Just be a good friend and be there, even if you can't think of something to say. Then later on, when you're the one who's in a spot, they'll be there for you to lean on.

I think graff is one of those areas where a lot of people, especially the younger ones (and I'm not picking on anyone here, just so you know) feel like they have to prove how tough they are. But let me tell you there is no shame in sharing your feelings with your friends. There is no shame in crying. Anyone who tells you otherwise probably has their own issues that they haven't worked out yet. Talk to your crew. Share your feelings. If you can trust them to watch your back while you're writing, you should be able to trust them to be there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on.

One person trying to move a piano is practically impossible. But when two or three or four others help out, suddenly the burden becomes more bearable.

I hope this hasn't been a complete waste of a post.

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

cozmo, you have such a philosophical mind,
you sound like my best friend, he's always there for me when i need him no matter what, at the drop of the hat even if we have some sort of beef between us.

respect.

[cds_dogg665544]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
that definantly wasnt a pointless post. i just figured out my first girl friend that i didnt even get to see yet doesnt want to go out no more. so i hope i remember what you said if i start losing it. She was the only thing that kept me thinking positive for the last few days. cus she was sposed to go to my house tommmorow. but i think ill be ok, i think it was all for the good anyway cus i need more time to do graff more cus i never do it and im starting to like some chick now. and shes the perfect girl for me to.

[MAST]

I'm sure it's been said before, so I don't want to sound like a broken record, but one of the best things you can do is be available for your friends to talk to. If you're not going through a particularly rough time, maybe you have a friend who is. Just be a good friend and be there, even if you can't think of something to say. Then later on, when you're the one who's in a spot, they'll be there for you to lean on.

I think graff is one of those areas where a lot of people, especially the younger ones (and I'm not picking on anyone here, just so you know) feel like they have to prove how tough they are. But let me tell you there is no shame in sharing your feelings with your friends. There is no shame in crying. Anyone who tells you otherwise probably has their own issues that they haven't worked out yet. Talk to your crew. Share your feelings. If you can trust them to watch your back while you're writing, you should be able to trust them to be there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on.

One person trying to move a piano is practically impossible. But when two or three or four others help out, suddenly the burden becomes more bearable.

I hope this hasn't been a complete waste of a post.

word, word. i've had some deep conversations with one of my best friends, but ever since i had my girlfriend, i never really needed to. now i need to, and another one of my friends noticed so he's been helping me out with that shit. it really does feel a lot better to be able to talk about it without making somebody mad.

[mas$]

i was really happy with my ex, n after we split it took like 2 months or somn to get over her
but i found this new girl, shes fucking amazing, beautiful as fuck and really chill
so we been hangin out n crap, ya kno, jus chillen n stuff
n i asked her to my skl prom, she was like i dunno i was gna go wit friends but apparntly she said to my friend that she was probs gna say yes
n i talk to her tonite, she said that she got asked out n crap..i dunno i feel like so much shit now, like everything i tried to bury has all of a sudden come out and nothing i do makes it go away..i need help anyone..i just dont know..its like, i been sorta ignorin so much shit in my life, and was gna be happy cus i was so sure she was gna be my gf, now shes gone, and like everything else has come back i dont even know what the fucks the problem
sigh

[Lie]

fuck emos
lol thats all i say
why waste a life
------
ive been through wanting to commit suicide, when i had a panic attack in the week of my nan dieing my uncle OD'ing and my house windows getting smashed with my mum having a heart attack on christmas eve
just went into my shed got a piece of glass and cut away writing my name and shit
then i went inside reggreted it and tried to cover the scars
:(
been through alot more aswell living on an estate is hard
just gotta stick through it
think of the good

[cds_dogg665544]

idk mass just it takes time for those things im always deprresed off and on i keep getting like mood swings and shit pretty much im happy all the sudden then depressed but mostly depressed just like all the time i think im just happy out of nowhere cus theres this girl whos perfct for me all my homies moved away my last friend left lives far away i dont got no one to talk to or no way of expressin my feelings cus when i try to catch some tags mutha fuckin police every where now so i hope i get her so she can help me out with shit ive never really been with a girl so this would be some real shit. i just dont know what to do mang i listen to music and watch movies and shit but then afeter im feelin so down i tryed to bomb last night but to many cops and it was friday and i seen all these people hangin out with there friends and shit i didnt see one person with out someone and it made me feel so down. I always feel good at school cus i talk to people ive tryed to get my friend forrest to come han out on the weekend but he never wants to and my other friends just a lazy fuck who smokes weed all day. i fuckin quit weed and shit and chose graffiti rather than doing drugs. im gonna try to write what im feeling and try to make a song out of it or something cus hiphop and other music has been helpin me for long time now i gotta get involved

[mas$]

yea i get that too
i think im bipolar like the smallest thing can smash me
i reckon that u shud go for it wit ur gurl man jus be like, yo lisn, since i met u ive really started to like u, you wanna go catch a movie or sumn?
i jus wish my girl didnt go get a boyfriend the night i was gna tell her i like her :(

[xDesTx]

Things have looked up for me,

since i posted on the thread about the girl i like getting a boyfriend and me falling into a downward spiral, well a week ago she dumped her boyfriend, and she told me she liked me, so we began to hang out like we usually do, and then yesterday she started hinting to ask me out by saying, "my friend keeps wondering when your going to ask me out" i smiled and said "hmmm, what would you say if i did" she told me i would have to ask her to find out, i did and in a heart beat she said yes,

so far everything is beginning to get better.

just wait you guys, things come right in this cruel world if you have the patience,

(i am still suspected to have Major Depressive Disorder, thats a down side but I'm coping with it)

[MAST]

patience is the only thing you need in the world.

it's not the spark, nor the flame, but what matters most is how well you walk through the fire.



and i really don't know. i mean, i love relationships, but i also hate the fuck out of them. they got you feeling like nothing can hurt you and you feel amazing, but when they're done you want to kill yourself. i just can't tell if it's worth it.

for the time being, i'm gonna say it is. we'll see though.

[wafflecakee]

suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, remember that.

[Ceazer]

good thread idea

I've actually thought how its a poetic end for a graffiti writer to die by his/her own hand like your goal is to leave a piece on a wall thats going to stand out and be remembered and shit and get attention, and if you kill yourself you kinda leave your last "tag" a metaphorical one, in peoples minds and you won't be forgotten, yanameen?

i don't know if that makes sense or not

[MAST]

i'm getting pushed closer and closer, and most of the pushing is done by me, just assisted by her.

and i've been having constant mood swings lately. i'll just go from happy to extremely depressed to extremely pissed back to extremely depressed......and on and on and on, and then sometimes i get a tiny bit content right before i go to bed, but that's hardly ever.

[TRY'N]

good thread idea

I've actually thought how its a poetic end for a graffiti writer to die by his/her own hand like your goal is to leave a piece on a wall thats going to stand out and be remembered and shit and get attention, and if you kill yourself you kinda leave your last "tag" a metaphorical one, in peoples minds and you won't be forgotten, yanameen?

i don't know if that makes sense or not
ever see 'against the wall'?? pretty much what you jus described.

anyone thinkin about suicide, life always gets better. suicide really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. i used to have horrible anxiety (i sometimes still do, its jus not as bad as it was) and bad depression, but it got much much better. theres always a light at the end of the tunnel you jus have to be very patient. focus on what you love and what makes you feel good, try to keep busy and eventually what you once worried about slowly becomes overshadowed by what you love and you realize life really is worth living until the bitter end which should not be by your own hand. i mean come on "love is life, and life is living, its very special" haha. theres many ways of turning your life around be it activities, certain people, mediation, anything!

[MAST]

the thing that makes me feel the worst is the thing i love.

it's the only thing i love.

it's the only thing i have left to care about, although the care isn't even halfway returned.

it's my only outlet.

and i keep making it worse, and then immediately feeling worse, and so on and so forth..

the hole is deep. and when i say deep, i mean deep.



so please elaborate further.


because it seems like my only other option is finding another, but i doubt i have that much patience, cause it took 17 years to find one.

[TRY'N]

wait how old are you? im jus thinkin you cant be that old to have seen it all. you never kno whats gonna come your way. and from where you sound like you are im pretty sure things really can only get better. new people will come into your life and things will change. id plead with you not to end your life cuz people will miss you for sure jus dont do it please. i kno if your heart is set on something its hard to change but theres no turning back from that. i wish the best for you i honestly do. and if a complete stranger can care for you, think of how much the people close to you do..

[Zazuy Whore.]

Mast, I've had the same problem that you are dealing with right now.
You Base your whole life on one thing that you look forward to most and it fucks you over, I once went out with this amazing girl, I Put everything i once used to look foward to aside, Friends, Graffiti, Work, Mostly eveything that i once did before i met her.
We never had disagrement's we were perfect, It was about 2 years almost 3 and she Claimed "That she wasent interested in a relastionship, and she much rather be with a girl", Prior to that, about a week later my mom passed away.
I was about a pill away, from ending everything.
I relized to myself, Is this how weak, and pathetic i really am,
Like poeple go on living with Being handicap, tourtured, Starving, i could go on,
and im thinking, like this is over and girl and my mother dieing, Which dieing is just a part of life , and i thought like, i know i will meet another girl in my life, like i was about 17 or 18 at the time, i relized that, Ending this won't slove anything, besides depression for long while, You'll go through it. And you'll get over it, i promise This shit happens to the best of us, Killling your self is just showing how weak and pathetic You can really get.
I live alone, my mom is dead and i have no clue where my dad lives.
I don't Look forward to much, I'm content with the girlfriend i have.
Life is going downhill each day for me, but There is something inside of me telling me that Ending my life, Won't slove problems Its just a Way of Copping out.
I wake up each day with agony, depression, and guilt.
You ending your life over a girl that you Really love Now, But 20 odd years down the road you'll be telling your wife this story on how you were very depressed and wanted to end your life over a girl, and laughing about it.
The state of mind your in now, will stay with you for quite some time, depending how much you stress and think about it.
I try to just forget about it, and look for the right side of everything.
Just remeber, You will be happier sometime down the road. Everyone will.

[MAST]

i'm about to throw my computer across the room. i typed up a giant explanation, completely vented, and thanked you guys for the help, but when i hit submit, my internet was out, so it took me to an error page, and when i went back, it had erased everything i wrote. it was about 4 well-sized paragraphs worth.


i don't feel like typing it all again, but it did help to at least type it all once. maybe i will again tomorrow.

but your guys' help is greatly appreciated. and in replying to your posts, i realized things that are helping me get to the absolute root of the problem, and things that somewhat bring me closer to getting out of this rut.

it's all just a mental state of mind that i know is attainable, i just have to be patient and work for it, which is what i'll try to do.


but the main problem, i've realized, is this: i've been abandoned by people (close and distant) for so long, i now have a fear of it. so i can't let go of what i have, for fear of being abandoned once again. and everytime i am abandoned, i get further and further down. this time it just feels like i dropped too much, because one day i was up ten times higher than i've ever been (figuratively), and then i suddenly dropped lower than i've ever been. it's just that great descent that got to me. plus, i just keep making it worse.

[Zazuy Whore.]

Things will come to you, Your life will only be stuck in a hole if you allow it.
Digging your hole is easy, Finding a way out it is the hardest part.
People giving up on coming out of that hole, Either live a shitty life, Or Suicide.
And the situation Your facing now is Horrbile, turst me i went through it.
but it could be hellah lot worse.
Thinking positive is the best thing you can do and focuss on the better parts of life, Even if you know yourself, that fuck, there is no bright part of this, Just find a way to look at it better then what it could be.
Thinking negitive, Digs your hole deeper and deeper, untill your stuck.
Thinking negitive is easy, thinking positive can come easy if you try.

[Siner]

I wrote this in Social over the past few days just to get my feeling’s out, it’s very personal, and probaly quite repetitive, but if anyone has any suggestions to help me through all this bullshit, it would be highly appreciated:

What it the point of living when you can only put a negative spin on everything that is going on in your life. Almost every aspect of my life points to death or a want for death. I am constantly feeling different than everyone that surrounds me, I feel inadequate because I can’t find happiness. I’m sure one day my life may get worse and that there will be nothing’ left living’ for and I’ll give up and this will be my ultimate demise. It’s as if life isn’t for me, which is kind of ironic because life is so synonymous with humans that how can it not be for me. It’s almost that the message that I need help will not be noticed until I end my life by my own hand. Then people will see how truly depressed and inadequate I am, and I doubt I will be missed. At this point, I feel so alone in this world. I am constantly lonely, and this just contributes to my depression. I wish I could find someone who could make me feel better about myself, and make me happy and smile, but I don’t feel like I’m worth someone else’s time. I sit around bored, just fantasying about suicide, just thinking about being discovered dead after I end my life. I think about just mutilating my forearm with a knife until I bleed to death, or taking O.D.ing on something. The moments leading up to my death would be the best, I would have to find like the ultimate thing to do before I die, like make love to the most beautiful girl I know which is probaly already not going to happen, so I would probaly just get all fucked up on drugs which would just help me die anyway. I just don’t know how much longer I can continue to live this shame. It’s literally painful to live, my heart aches, I feel weak, dying would be the easiest thing, I’m sure there is plenty of things to look foreword to, but right now I just don’t see much good happening. How long must I wait until I am finally happy? I just want to die so much, like what the fuck should I do, I can’t bear this pain much longer.


(P.S., I am not actually going to kill myself, it’s just I feel really like I want to die)

[xDesTx]

Guys no time for explanation but put it this way,

its the end of the line for Zatu

bye

thanks...

[Siner]

Guys no time for explanation but put it this way,

its the end of the line for Zatu

bye

thanks...
Man, come back here and post, please don't do it...

[MAST]

seriously, if it's not too late, DO NOT do it. don't. don't. don't. don't. don't.

please do not do that to yourself and your loved ones and us.

[acereborn]

Guys no time for explanation but put it this way,

its the end of the line for Zatu

bye

thanks...

jesus fuck man, you scared the shit out of me :|

i should let everyone know that hes alright, i was talking to him on msn today. some pretty bad shit happened, ill see if he wants to post it or not, but either way, hes still here.



dude, everyone here loves you, and any time you need to talk, hit me up

im there for you, and anyone else that just wants to talk

[Jihad]

I was once really really depressed. this was like almost two years ago durring the summer. i sat on my couch cryed all summer and barely ate anything. i don't really know why it happened or how but it did. it lasted up until about a year ago and thats when i finally was like you know what either i die or i find some help. and being strong i sat down with my mom and said i need help i wanna talk to somebody. you never really realize how much just comunicating you feelings with someone helps. basically it was no hassle at all. i filled out some questionares and talked to a social work and then a (now my) psychiatrist and found that i had depression and anxiety. i got put on a low dossage of 10mg of lexapro. it makes the worlds difference. nobody should ever feel like they're crazy or un-normal for taking medicine. nobody is perfect and everybody has their flaws. depression is something that i think we as friends and as people with something in common HAVE to be open about because again, its a disorder that leaves you all alone and in the dark with no where to turn.

for those of you struggling, your friends are there and your family is there. if your friends are really friends they will help you, no worries.

as for those of you that know some one or might know someone that has such a problem- its not a pain in the ass. just be there for them a little bit more than usual and make sure you make them feel good and not like shit.

[blunttokes]

^ i believe every word you said there jihad.... a buddie of mine has depression and anxiety.. in 2005 he never left his bedroom nor did he pick up his phone i dont think the poor guy even ate or showered for the year he hid away... then in mid 07 he relized he has something wrong wit him and went to the fink as he said.... now hes on the same brand ur on... nothing major but his heads clear as day.... just dont do drugs while u do those perscribed pills

i feel for you jihad friends will follow you till you drop if your freinds are who they say and think they are...

[SBOMBS]

PLEASE JUS KILL YOUS SELVES

IF UR CRAVIN FOR ATTENTION PULL A BULLET THREW YER EYE

YOUR SURE PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER U

REMEmBER, THE BIGGER THE CALIBRE< THE LESS CHANCES U FAIL

BANG BANG BANG

emo fuckers:mad::mad::mad:

[MAST]

you're cool.....

[sketch3]

you're cool.....
can say that again

http://www.toontracker.com/spinoff/fonz.gif

[acereborn]

no, idiots like him are exactly what their talking about... guys craving for attention..

and being a follower.

not all suicidal people are emo, sometimes they have medical conditions, sometimes something isnt working for them, or sometimes they just want to end it.

doesnt mean theyre emo, and doesnt mean you need to bitch about them..

[MontanaPainter]

wow sbombs thats really fucked up

[Proper]

I can honestly say that this is the most useful thread on BombingScience
Guys like Mast and Acereborn are holding down this thread, major daps.

By the way I gave Sbombs a warning and if continues to insults and joke
around in this thread just simply let me know. I'll continue to warn and then
suspend him.

Thanks.

[acereborn]

alright, i dont mind people joking around, but not in a topic like this. lets hope that we keep this thread clean, and that if anyone wants to talk about something they just post here. or hit me up on msn/aim

msn: burgess19@live.ca

aim:burgess19

[ASLOS]

yo don't commit suicide
message me instead

[innerbleeding]

....

[acereborn]

@aslos
or any of the people in this thread, theres always someone to talk to. and always try to stay on the bright side, and look forward to what you enjoy the most.

and at innerbleeding, there arent alot of things you can do about it. just try to forget about it, and realize that you can leave it behind.

[cds_dogg665544]

you guys were right about being pashint im so happy for the last 2 days but it could come back hopefully not im becoming better friends with my homie and my other friend i hope comes over this weekend so i can paint with him.

it just takes alot of time to get out of the deppresion hole but just try to talk to anyone you know and are close to and hang out youll feel better.

[innerbleeding]

....

[ASLOS]

ps i'm really good at listening and discussing problems

holla

[MAST]

i thought itd go away once i got a proper girlfriend but she just makes it worse sometimes and then other times if it wasnt for her i wouldnt bother being alive. i tell her that n she says not to get so clingy to her but i'm not clingy. she wants me to get help and get pills and all that shit but id prefer not 2

i'm no expert, but if she's like that, i gotta admit that what you guys have isn't real. me being as clingy as i am (the whole not being able to let go attribute about me), i never heard that word once in the 6 months me and my ex were dating. if it's forreal then she'll love you back just the same and won't mind all that bullshit.

i'm not telling you this for any other reason than to be informative and let you know that you can do better. it does get better than that.

things aren't always gonna be bad. you aren't completely stuck with what you've got. you can make a difference in your life and change it for the better. i've realized that you really can't just sit and wait. cause if you wait, better days most likely aren't going to just fall in your lap. take action. talk to someone. if you don't have any close friends that you can talk to (and don't feel singled out if you don't, a ton of people don't.), then talk to a counselor or something. plus, in the midst of all the taking action, you are occupied most of the time. that gives you a lot less time to think too much and wander around your mind

and don't worry about it if you have to talk to someone. it doesn't make you crazy or anything. a lot more people than you know get professional help all the time (and it really does work). as for pills, that's your personal choice.

[Jihad]

yo, im not trying to make this pressuring but if ANYBODY i don't care if its somebody thats talked shit to me on this site i don't care- if you feel like you've got no one to talk to that wouldn't judge you and be able to help you out by talking and relating then you can talk to me. even if you need help on your handstyles or whatever im here. i know how it is to feel like shit. and to that "SBOMBS" guy, get a life. stop being ignorant to the real world around you. being trendy and where tight ass girl pants listening to "senses fail" having a dike girlhair cut and generally looking like a douche and looking for attention from society is not the same as keeping to yourself not talking to any friends, not eating, laying on your couch doing nothing, crying all day because you want to die, loosing 15 pounds over 2 months because you cant eat, having panic attacks, thinking your going crazy, and generally wanting to die. everybody can get depression. it has nothing to do with current trends.


get your head out of your ass before you sit down and break your neck.


edit- like i said, ive been on the brink ive seen some dark dark pitch black times in my day... if you just wanna ask me some questions or whatever just talk , talk graf, shoot the shit, say whats up- hit me up. just say "hey its (your graf name) from bombingscience" or from "the suicide thread"

my aim sn is

promisekeptxxx

[MAST]

yo, i've lost 7 pounds this week. if i lose 5 more, i'm gonna try to start eating more. but the problem is, i really don't know if i can. if i do it'll make me feel like i'm gonna puke. last time i lost this much in a week was when i had mono. and i just straight up didn't eat shit for a couple days.

i dk, i'll just see where this goes and where it ends up.



but don't really worry about me and say "that's a lot of weight really fast", cause i can lose weight like a champ (at a crazy rate) if i try hard enough (healthily). i just don't have a problem with my build right now, so i'm not really trying. i've just been losing my appetite lately and i've had that gut feeling for a while now.

[acereborn]

ive actually been having sort of the same problem, i wont eat like anything one day, then be starving the next, and it will be totally random

im pretty sure that there are pills or something for it, but if your getting concerned about it, just check it with your doctor

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

yeah, sometimes i have to force myself to eat something at the beginning of the day and part of the way through because i lift at school and enjoy track afterwards, i need my strength, but other than that i dont have an appetite until im about to go to sleep.

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

i thought itd go away once i got a proper girlfriend but she just makes it worse sometimes and then other times if it wasnt for her i wouldnt bother being alive. i tell her that n she says not to get so clingy to her but i'm not clingy. she wants me to get help and get pills and all that shit but id prefer not 2

i tend to see really strong polar emotions as well when having a girlfriend.
i think that when you are attached to someone you allow more emotion out and dont censure yourself thus you feel emotions stronger.

as for the pills i am completely with you, i think they can be just a black box that "allow" people to function in their daily lives. i had a mate on them and a friend and i convinced him that he didnt need them at all, he hasnt stopped thanking us since. he had anxiety attacks and when the meds wore off everything seemed to just fall right back on him, once off the meds he was fine and was able to deal with his problems like a normal human being instead of being carefree about them.

[MAST]

yeah one of my best friends is on welbutrin, and i really haven't noticed much of a difference with him at all, except maybe that he has a little more fun doing fun things. but other than that, he's the same old dude. plus bad mood swings now. that's what that shit can do to you. (but don't get me wrong, it may also be able to make a world of diference and brighten up your day a ton, but not in this case)

and he has to watch out when doing certain things like acid now, cause welbutrin makes you a lot more prone to having seizures, especially on that.

and yes, he's gonna stop doing acid after next week. but still, there's no way to get him to stop doing drugs in general. unless he were to actually have a seizure. kid may never learn.


and i mainly eat for the purpose of having the energy to make it through the day too. so far, i've been getting by with the bare minimum, but that might have to stop.

[Jihad]

i tend to see really strong polar emotions as well when having a girlfriend.
i think that when you are attached to someone you allow more emotion out and dont censure yourself thus you feel emotions stronger.

as for the pills i am completely with you, i think they can be just a black box that "allow" people to function in their daily lives. i had a mate on them and a friend and i convinced him that he didnt need them at all, he hasnt stopped thanking us since. he had anxiety attacks and when the meds wore off everything seemed to just fall right back on him, once off the meds he was fine and was able to deal with his problems like a normal human being instead of being carefree about them.

yeah true. you're exactly right. BUT, each person is different and each pill is different, the effect on the person is going to be different. Lexapro, a medication used to treat depression and anxiety has NO negative effects on you if you take it when your suppost to. if it works it works and if it doesn't well it doesnt. its not like prozac where it can give you the negative effect and make you more depressed and doesn't give a large ambition loss. by that i mean being too care free. so pills work for certaint people and some don't. i take a really low dossage and usually thats what they're going to give you; i by no means feel like a zombie. its more like "im allowed" to feel happy or excited at the right times as aposed to being care free or super happy all the time OR not being able to enjoy anything all the time. it all depends on what you take. i once had the opinion that you did and i didn't want to take my pills but i just look at it like well some people are need insulin because they're diabetic and some people need a lexapro because they have a small imbalance in their head. its no big deal because nobodys perfect.

[acereborn]

fuck.. never scare me like that again

[innerbleeding]

...

[MAST]

i jus found out my gfs been going behind my back and been meeting up with her ex bf of 5 months ago and ringing him and saying she still loves him. ive bought it up with her and she always said she never saw him since we broke up and that she hasnt talked to him for months.
i dont know what to do

get rid of her. as hard as it may be, it's the best decision. staying in that is just gonna make it worse and get you caught up in way more drama. like i said, from what it sounded like, it wasn't real from the start. it may be a hard task to accomplish, but all in all, it will be worth it. especially when you find another better girl. if she's gonna play you like that, she doesn't deserve to have you speaking for her. i'm sorry that that's all happening though, man. it's a huge shame when that shit comes to life. my best wishes to you, and i hope you find the strength to cut it off. just keep us posted on that shit and we'll help you out

EDIT: make sure all that shit's true though. don't go solely on assumptions. only if it's known fact.

[LostYouth]

straight up, what ever you do, dont self harm yourself
worst mistake i ever did in my life
i have to face that shit EVERDAY, and there is not much i can do about it
*ahhh that feels good to get that off my chest"
P.S.
i hate my life right now, today i was in advisory and was like, fuck this, fuck all this, i hate my life
i really fucking hate it
but if your smart i mean TRULY smart, you will stick that shit out, and dont let it get to you, cause thats when you know your really a man, and know your not one of the losers who will eventaully fall to life's tortures...

[DeDo1]

i understand alot of u hate me and what not but i need to get this out i driving myself crazzy my dad will be dead for 2 years soon and when ever i think about him all i can remember is seing him lying in the grass and trying to wake him puonding on all the windows screaming crying woundering y it was me that had to find him like this i wish it was me instead i would have liked it better to have took his place it would have done the world better and i guess the internet too you all are probally not going to care what i have to say but live your life to fullest who cares it there are laws and rules fuck that in my experience it can be fine one day expecting the best to come and it all blow up in your face i just hope to enjoy myself while it last as time goes by i keep trying to make it better for myself and others but never succeed i hate my life but i try to make the best of it

[xDesTx]

For a fact Dedo1

I Dont hate you, actually your like my best friend on this forum

i know how you feel i've been through a similar experience with my mother but for me, i couldnt get over it either

im sorry atm im not in my right mind, my head has been destroyed with lies and my knowledge has been fucked to the max,

Dedo, i care for you like your my sister,

you really need msn lol

you'd be one hell of a person to talk to, because your deep from what ive noticed. but also all the shit you've been getting for just being a girl on here, is ridiculous

[Proper]

i understand alot of u hate me and what not but i need to get this out i driving myself crazzy my dad will be dead for 2 years soon and when ever i think about him all i can remember is seing him lying in the grass and trying to wake him puonding on all the windows screaming crying woundering y it was me that had to find him like this i wish it was me instead i would have liked it better to have took his place it would have done the world better and i guess the internet too you all are probally not going to care what i have to say but live your life to fullest who cares it there are laws and rules fuck that in my experience it can be fine one day expecting the best to come and it all blow up in your face i just hope to enjoy myself while it last as time goes by i keep trying to make it better for myself and others but never succeed i hate my life but i try to make the best of it

I don't hate you either.
I was even telling Borg the other day that I was talking to you and I really couldn't see why everyone called you crazy and found you annoying.
I feel like we had a good coversation.
You have my AIM, I know I don't know you that well but i'm all ears if you ever need to vent.

:)

[DeDo1]

thank you ur both great ppl and ill try to get msn its already downloaded on my comp but i am a little crazy i dont really vent to ppl i keep inside till i blow so i can get out all at once proper yeah we had a convo and ur still a pitbull and xdistx ur mad cool havent talk to ui mush but i think it would be cool to talk to u more thank you both for the support

[xDesTx]

Love you Dedo =D

[DeDo1]

love u too <3 i got msn now so yeah

idk how to use it pm so i can give you my e-mail

[maybemasai]

me and my homey "m" were both thinking of suicide but we made a deal to live as long as the other does so im straight now.

it sounds dumb as hell but its true

[MAST]

it's not dumb. it's great. friends looking out for one another. wish any of my friends cared about my life that much.





this week, everything has been going horribly wrong. i've been ditched by each and every one of my friends at different times all week. besides one. dude's got my back. he's been a better friend to me than my best friend of 11 years. and my best friend of 7 years. so fuck all of this shit. i'm finding more people to hang out with as we speak, so i don't have to keep dealing with this shit.

i just can't be happy anymore..

but god knows i'm trying as hard as i can.

[DeDo1]

thats cool but i a question what happens if ur life is going great everything u ever wanted ur starting to get and ur friend passed away?
i just wanna know cuz ive had friends do that with other friends

[MontanaPainter]

fuck everything.

for the past week my life has been shit.

either deppressed as fuck or wanting to fucking kill somebody.

parents are telling me i need help and all that shit but fuck that.

fuck life. its overrated.

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

i have so much going for me, i know what i want to do with my life, im going to college, i graduate high school this year, all kinds of stuff going on to make me happy, but im not, i dont connect with people like i used to,
lately and for the past year or so, ive felt as if i have an overwhelming death glare looming over me and that at any point on any given day i will just suddenly be killed.
when i get in the car i have to take a few deep breaths before turning it on to reassure myself and to calm my heart and tell myself that everything will be alright.
it makes it hard to live life to the fullest when you feel like you are going to die at several points throughout the day. ive come to terms that everyone has to die and that everyone will die, im not afraid to lose my life ive become numb to it.
everyday life is what im afraid of what if im doing everything i am doing for nothing,
what if i end up alone with noone there beside me to bask in my accomplishments and to share in my happiness over successes. what will all of that work been done for...absolutely nothing, in my mind.
im one to contemplate suicide and back out because of a million things that could one day make me happy. i try to be happy with monetary goods, and materials, but the truth is all i want is for someone to invest their emotions in me and to be able to invest my emotions in them. a true friend, a true love, a true relationship and to feel the gains from that, its hard to come by these days and it seems as if money and materials are just thrown in our faces in place of these things.

[deshi_kicks]

I'm def. not the type to talk about shit, but its just stressing me now.


First off I am 17, and I was homeschooled since 6th grade and we moved around a lot so I had no friends ever since then besides when I was in Pakistan for 14 months. I had the time of my life there because I had true friends that would kill someone if they fucked with me. When I came back, I came back to nothingness. I mean, I had my family but I have 5 younger siblings, and they ranged at that time in age from 1-10 (1,3,5,7,10) so they were always being loud and giving me a headache and thats how it was from October 2006 to October 2007 when I got kicked out. Long story short, stepdad always treated me like an outcast since I was about 10 (he has been married to my mom since I was like 3), and so he pissed me off and I lost it and broke his nose, so they kicked me out. With nowhere to go, I went to stay with my grandparents for like four months, then my stepdad wanted to make amends and send me to a community college and I would have my own apartment, IF I took care of the business because he was tired of it. So I was like ok, and he is cool now like he is a lot different and I don't have hard feelings anymore like I used to. Anyway, all that school and apartment shit didn't go down like it was supposed to. Basically, I changed my mind about school, my mom had a panic attack so I caught a Greyhound down here to Orlando to straighten shit out, and they thought for some reason I was moving home so they gave the apartment back now I am back living at home again with the loud kids. Everyday they piss me off, and today in the car my mom ran inside a store and my little brother (now 11) was pissing me off so I took out my sharpie and just scribbled on his leg because I knew he would hate it, so he pushes my hand over and the sharpie gets on my sisters nicest shirt, and they all tell my mom I was drawing on them for no reason. Of course, she believed them and tried to go off on me, but all I did was turn on the ipod and zone her out. But that kind of shit happens every single day, among other things. I have all these things in my life to complain about but I have NOTHING to live for it seems.

Everytime I walk by a window or door I just imagine or get the feeling someone is gonna just shoot me. I have lots of thoughts about death (not just mine but in general), and I wasn't like this before. I can't think straight, I have no idea whats going on in my own head anymore.


I just don't know...

[DeDo1]

i wanna die i hate this fucking world and most of the ppl in it i hope i get shot or hit by a car that would be fucking great

[xDesTx]

Dedo get your ass on MSN, we need to talk

[Jizzle]

you guys R faggots

[DeDo1]

^ and so aru

[GraffitiEast2008]

R.I.P chris macy.. hung himself at 14 man ..the good die young..

[Fish2]

Everyone Shut The Fuck Up Already!!!! Im Going Crazy Up In Hurrr!!

[keenur]

i wanna die i hate this fucking world and most of the ppl in it i hope i get shot or hit by a car that would be fucking great

BUMP!

[DeDo1]

just one more person that auguries

[MAST]

mods....



i'm feeling better, but whatever happens tomorrow will set my mood for a bit. hopefully i can stop by my ex's house for a little cause she's got a kidney infection and has been sick as fuck. which is mostly why we've been talking so much lately. her other friends hurt her feelings the other day cause she was already in a bad mood, and i was the only one who helped her feel better. so she started calling me when she got sick, and we've just been talking a lot the last couple days. i can't stay more than a couple minutes though cause her mom says she "needs her rest", but really her mom just doesn't like me now cause she assumes i'm a huge druggie. i don't care though cause i've never liked her parents.

but whatever, i just hope i can go. it would put me in a really good mood.

[maybemasai]

whoever asked what if my friend passes away...well if my life is shitty at the moment ill probly just do myself in. u see were both anarch primitivist we hate everyone were surrrounded by things we hate all the fukin time

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

thats a shitty attitude...
does everyone around you hate you as well?

[MAST]

some people can't help but be like that. some just have cynical minds. i used to hate everyone and everything cause i hung out with a group of kids that i knew actually hated me, and nothing ever went right for me.

i just decided that life was too short to be pissed off all the time, and i learned that i didn't need a bunch of people to be around. that's when i learned that i can cope with being alone. then i got a girlfriend.

and i can't cope with it anymore. i'm halfway back to my cynical state, but i'm being offered a hand, and so far, it's almost within reach. the thing is, it's the same hand that pulled me out last time, then just let go.

i don't care though. it'd be worth the letdown for another chance.

what i'm saying is that i did go to my ex's today and chilled in the hottub with her and another friend. then went inside and we all sat on the couch, and she put a couple inches of room between her and the other kid, and just leaned on me. i started to rub her leg without knowing if she wanted me to or not, and she moved it closer to me. she's been warming up to me a lot lately, and i really do think she's starting to get back into me. i just don't think she wants to though. i think she'd rather move on than stick around and linger on one person. either that or she's scared to go back. scared of all of that shit happening again.

i wish things were a lot easier for both parties. and i wish she'd just sacrifice premonitions of death for another go.

[xDesTx]

Okay, I've only told one person this (Acereborn) and he didnt take lightly to what i did.

last night, i attempted suicide Twice (Second And Third attempt in the last 2 weeks)

i tried to suffocate myself by tying a bandana very tight around my neck which cut the blood flow and my breathing amazingly. after a couple minutes i passed out for a while (dont remember how long) and i came back around and the bandana was untied amazingly (it was knotted) the sketchy thing is. no one was in the house at the time, i live with one parent and they're never home, this was 2 - 3 am, after that i began hacking into my arm with scissors ive left my arm / wrist in a terrible state, cuts gashes holes, bleeding, most have scabbed over by now, but in the end Acereborn offered me advice and i can call him any time, (Oh yeah i got his Digits =D lol jj) and he and dedo1 made me feel alot better

I didn't tell dedo1 i did this

I guess its just all the shit in my life pushed me hard, so i shoved back and said "I Quit"

at the moment, im feeling fine like nothing happened, because people stuck their head out for me and showed they cared,

acereborn has become one of my best friends, (even though he ditched me to go on the xbox lol)

him and i are planning a kind of "Tour of Usa" Bombing the fuck out of everywhere we stay, and every stop we make =D non-stop bombing

I'd like to say Thanks to Acereborn And Dedo1 =D

i owe you guys my life

[LuStErOcKs]

i dun understand this thread....
and by the way its not suicide if you live

[xDesTx]

Key word, Attempted

[maybemasai]

i dont think everyone hates me im friends with most of the "popular" kids in school i hate alot of them i hate the way the look down on everyone who looks different from them

[Siner]

So I posted this a few pages back, and since then, I've ended up in the hospital for a short time because I was seriously suicidal and got kicked out and the only thing that made me feel better was drinkin' which just made me more suicidal in the end so any help with this would be appreciated:

I wrote this in Social over the past few days just to get my feeling’s out, it’s very personal, and probaly quite repetitive, but if anyone has any suggestions to help me through all this bullshit, it would be highly appreciated:

What it the point of living when you can only put a negative spin on everything that is going on in your life. Almost every aspect of my life points to death or a want for death. I am constantly feeling different than everyone that surrounds me, I feel inadequate because I can’t find happiness. I’m sure one day my life may get worse and that there will be nothing’ left living’ for and I’ll give up and this will be my ultimate demise. It’s as if life isn’t for me, which is kind of ironic because life is so synonymous with humans that how can it not be for me. It’s almost that the message that I need help will not be noticed until I end my life by my own hand. Then people will see how truly depressed and inadequate I am, and I doubt I will be missed. At this point, I feel so alone in this world. I am constantly lonely, and this just contributes to my depression. I wish I could find someone who could make me feel better about myself, and make me happy and smile, but I don’t feel like I’m worth someone else’s time. I sit around bored, just fantasying about suicide, just thinking about being discovered dead after I end my life. I think about just mutilating my forearm with a knife until I bleed to death, or taking O.D.ing on something. The moments leading up to my death would be the best, I would have to find like the ultimate thing to do before I die, like make love to the most beautiful girl I know which is probaly already not going to happen, so I would probaly just get all fucked up on drugs which would just help me die anyway. I just don’t know how much longer I can continue to live this shame. It’s literally painful to live, my heart aches, I feel weak, dying would be the easiest thing, I’m sure there is plenty of things to look foreword to, but right now I just don’t see much good happening. How long must I wait until I am finally happy? I just want to die so much, like what the fuck should I do, I can’t bear this pain much longer.


(P.S., I am not actually going to kill myself, it’s just I feel really like I want to die)

http://www.bombingscience.com/graffitiforum/images/misc/progress.gif

[sketch3]

(P.S., I am not actually going to kill myself, it’s just I feel really like I want to die)


i hate you

[Siner]

i hate you
And why might that be, I'm askin' for serious help, not bullshit like your post.

[acereborn]

I know what you mean siner, lots of people have gone through times like that, and you usually just have to stick through it until it gets better. It might sound kinda crazy, but it will get better no matter what. What are you actually pissed about though, girls, bored, etc?

If its something like that, just find a way to change it. Even if you have to go to a different school, city, or country, theres always people willing to help you, and be for you when you need it the most.

It might seem like a good idea to kill yourself now, but it isn't. There's always something to look forward to, even if your post doesnt make it seem like that.

Love bombing?
Ditch school and bomb for as long as you want..

You just need to find that one thing that you love doing, and keep at it.

Sorry if I'm not much of a help, but if you want to talk on msn/aim pm me.

[sketch3]

And why might that be, I'm askin' for serious help, not bullshit like your post.
cuss u made me read that long post claimin to depressed and desperate

then u say ur not suicidal...u cudda put that first

[Siner]

cuss u made me read that long post claimin to depressed and desperate

then u say ur not suicidal...u cudda put that first
It doesn't mean I'm not suicidal, by all means, if I had a quick way of killin' myself now like a gun, I'd be long gone, I'm just tryin' to be strong (even though I feel completely week) and keep on goin'

[Siner]

I know what you mean siner, lots of people have gone through times like that, and you usually just have to stick through it until it gets better. It might sound kinda crazy, but it will get better no matter what. What are you actually pissed about though, girls, bored, etc?

If its something like that, just find a way to change it. Even if you have to go to a different school, city, or country, theres always people willing to help you, and be for you when you need it the most.

It might seem like a good idea to kill yourself now, but it isn't. There's always something to look forward to, even if your post doesnt make it seem like that.

Love bombing?
Ditch school and bomb for as long as you want..

You just need to find that one thing that you love doing, and keep at it.

Sorry if I'm not much of a help, but if you want to talk on msn/aim pm me.
Thanx for the help, but I guess i'm just depressed, and pissed about girls rejectin' me. I mean, I can't even tell people around me how I feel. I just don't feel I'm worth there time anymore. Honetly, the only thing I feel like I have to live for now is the hope of gettin' a girlfriend and fallin' and love, and graff. Thats it when I really think about it.

[LostYouth]

i swear to god is BombingScience the only place where i am welcomed and not have a cold shoulder turned on me like everywhere else i go???
i swear to god i hate the world, my family, and everyone else i know
there is like 2 ppl that are moderatley nice to me, and the only reason for that is because they have never been a bitch to me in the past
i swear to go i am going to SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP if i fucking dont do something about this soon (WHAT THE FUCK CAN I DO???? - NOT A FUCKING THING THATS WHAT)
seriously FUCK THEE MOTHER FUCKING WORLD, I AM FUCKING DONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I DONT GIVE A SHIT FUCKING LESS IF U SAY I AM NOT
FUCK YOU
IM OUT
PEace...
i mean its like i hate every one everywhere i go
i hate the fucking people in the cars i pass on the way to school
i fucking hate the ppl i see on the way im walking with on the way to school
i hate every mother fucker in my classes, everyone at my school actually
i hate all the mother fuckers at the malls, stores, places etc i go to
i hate all the mother fuckers in the mother fucking world
fuck fuck fuck
i have snapped and just realized it
im just glad bs is here to let me vent

[maybemasai]

u need a homeboy start trusting people.

[cds_dogg665544]

have any of you guys watched "The Secret" or read the book its about positive thinking and its actually a scientific fact that if you think positive positive thing will happen and if you think negative negative things will happen. if you wanna try anything towards getting better i suggest you watch the vid or read the book it would probly be better to read the book if your interested in "The Secret" i watched it along time ago its really been helping me lately ive been finding money and stuff and being more happy but i still get a little depressed still sometimes just on week days cus i cant chill with my friend on week days.

[Roolete]

i cant chill with my friend on week days

oh boo hoo! mommy if you dont let me chill with my friend im going to post in the suicide thread about it! waah!

...actually forget that, the idea of you killing yourself isnt half bad.

[acereborn]

hey, no need to be harsh about it...

id be pretty pissed if i couldnt chill with my friends whenever as well, so theres no need to get up cds's ass... leave it out of here at least, we need to keep this part of the forums clean man =/

[cds_dogg665544]

its that my friend lives far away so hes dont want to longboard all the way to my house and back and i dont want to ride up hills and stuff and his house is gay he thinks so to its way better at my place ive been lonely for so long and its been a huge part of my depression.

you guys should check into "The Secret" right away it will help yall get better with realtion ships and money i cant really explain it but just check into rite awayt

[Game905]

i wanna die i hate this fucking world and most of the ppl in it i hope i get shot or hit by a car that would be fucking great
cut your wrist or somthin you stupid fagget toy bitch

[Game905]

i swear to god is BombingScience the only place where i am welcomed and not have a cold shoulder turned on me like everywhere else i go???
i swear to god i hate the world, my family, and everyone else i know
there is like 2 ppl that are moderatley nice to me, and the only reason for that is because they have never been a bitch to me in the past
i swear to go i am going to SNAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP if i fucking dont do something about this soon (WHAT THE FUCK CAN I DO???? - NOT A FUCKING THING THATS WHAT)
seriously FUCK THEE MOTHER FUCKING WORLD, I AM FUCKING DONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I DONT GIVE A SHIT FUCKING LESS IF U SAY I AM NOT
FUCK YOU
IM OUT
PEace...
i mean its like i hate every one everywhere i go
i hate the fucking people in the cars i pass on the way to school
i fucking hate the ppl i see on the way im walking with on the way to school
i hate every mother fucker in my classes, everyone at my school actually
i hate all the mother fuckers at the malls, stores, places etc i go to
i hate all the mother fuckers in the mother fucking world
fuck fuck fuck
i have snapped and just realized it
im just glad bs is here to let me vent
your a homo to.

[maybemasai]

tellin ppl to kill themselves is not cool i used to think being depressed was for "faggots" too but i now find myself in the same situation

[acereborn]

come on, where are the mods on this shit? being depressed, or even suicidal doesnt mean your a faggot, if you think otherwise, i feel sad that you have to live with that brain.

[MAST]

just not acknowledging those people would probably work.


i dont really even know what's going on right now. it's just all too confusing.

[acereborn]

yeah, it might work, but sometimes the people that are in here cant forget about them...

and whats up up with you? maybe its the time of the season, because i feel really fucked up right now too.

[MAST]

true, true.



but it's just mostly shit with that girl. i don't know what's going on with her, and i don't know if i'm being led on or what. or if she's just that comfortable with me. (which also wouldn't be too bad)

another problem is, i've recently started with blow. my friend was tellin me not to like it too much, but i do. i mean, i'm not addicted or anything, i've only done it a handful of times, but a month and a half ago, i was saying i'd never do it. then i did it, and i said i wouldn't do it again. then i decided to do it "1 more time", that turned into a couple more times, and now i just want it more.

it's not completely the drug, it's mostly the principality of the situation. my self control is decaying. i used to be able to hold up so well, even before i had her, but now i really don't see much i'm living for, so i don't see a reason i should stop.

i'm just gonna talk to her about it soon, cause she's really the only person that can help me out right now. there's probably not a whole lot she can do, but it's worth a try, cause i really can't run my own life right now. i just feel too weak.



with that being said, blow is the best feeling i've had in the past 2 months. but if you haven't tried it, and you're in a bad situation already, don't touch it. and it really doesn't help at all that i've found a great hookup outside my friend. cause with him, he would regulate how much i could buy, and he wouldn't let me buy that much or that often. i just don't know right now...


but what's goin on in the life of acereborn?

[IlikePie]

Dude, you just need a fucking slap in the face. Seriously, depression and drugs? I've done that shit, and it's not really worth it. I'm not really trying to hate or anything, I'm not too sure on your situation(I don't visit this thread very much), but I know from first hand experience that you'll just end up fucking yourself over. If that girl that you're talking about finds out, and she stops talking to you about it, you're just going to feel even shittier, then you're going to want even more blow, and then, before you know it, BAM! More drugs. No use for it bud.

[MAST]

that's the thing. i'm gonna talk to her about it. she's not the kind of person to just be like "oh well you're dumb for doing that so i'm gonna stop talking to you". we've been through some shit, and that hasn't happened once. so she's gonna be understanding about it for a fact and want to help, but i just don't know to which extent she'll be able to help.

i do realize that the only person who can really help me is myself, but i really can't do it on my own, as i've said. if i just had some help in it, i'd be straight. i'm not to the point where it's really become a problem, but i just want to stop before i get to that point.


like, i could easily convince myself i won't do it again, but i know that when it comes down to the moment, i won't feel the same way about it. i'll just be like "well, one more time."

[acereborn]

yeah, it sounds like you really need to talk to this girl. ive pretty much tried to stay away from most drugs, just because sometimes id get fucked up thoughts. i'd be like you, and just say a bit more, and then start thinking that it was the best feeling in a while, and just keep with it.

then id start getting thoughts about quitting school, and just ditching my family, just basically thinking up alot of dumb shit.

im not much of a help right now, kinda loosing my mind. but one thing i do know is that fucking around with drugs will get you into a bad habit, just cut yourself off from them. ditch your money, leave your cell at phone, just make sure you dont get fucked with them.


and whats up with the life of acereborn? ehhh

alot of stuff... i loved this one girl.. she basically put me on a super life- high, it was an awesome time that we had together. she dumped me for my best friend, and my best friend and i have had some fights lately. ive got a new gf, i dont even know why were dating, i dont even really like her.

im being forced to do some crazy training for something im not even good at, im starting a new job, a fuckload of homework, been feeling sick for a while, and cant get out of it. my friends baby (not born yet -- or ever) just died, and ive been screwed up from that too.

losing a bunch of my friends, talking about how im always "out", and i never have the time for them. bs.

mehh.. idk...

/rant

[IlikePie]

that's the thing. i'm gonna talk to her about it. she's not the kind of person to just be like "oh well you're dumb for doing that so i'm gonna stop talking to you". we've been through some shit, and that hasn't happened once. so she's gonna be understanding about it for a fact and want to help, but i just don't know to which extent she'll be able to help.

i do realize that the only person who can really help me is myself, but i really can't do it on my own, as i've said. if i just had some help in it, i'd be straight. i'm not to the point where it's really become a problem, but i just want to stop before i get to that point.


like, i could easily convince myself i won't do it again, but i know that when it comes down to the moment, i won't feel the same way about it. i'll just be like "well, one more time."

Yeah man, just hit me up on MSN or AIM, PM, whatever you want. I've got a bit of experience in this sort of drug/girl/depression problems. I'm pretty sure I can help you out.

[acereborn]

that's the thing. i'm gonna talk to her about it. she's not the kind of person to just be like "oh well you're dumb for doing that so i'm gonna stop talking to you". we've been through some shit, and that hasn't happened once. so she's gonna be understanding about it for a fact and want to help, but i just don't know to which extent she'll be able to help.

i do realize that the only person who can really help me is myself, but i really can't do it on my own, as i've said. if i just had some help in it, i'd be straight. i'm not to the point where it's really become a problem, but i just want to stop before i get to that point.


like, i could easily convince myself i won't do it again, but i know that when it comes down to the moment, i won't feel the same way about it. i'll just be like "well, one more time."


sorry for the double post guys, but my other ones already way too long.

"ike, i could easily convince myself i won't do it again, but i know that when it comes down to the moment, i won't feel the same way about it. i'll just be like "well, one more time.""

i know sometimes its hard to just say no to stuff like that, but maybe thats the thing. try to not give yourself the opportunity to say no (or yes), just get rid of all your shit right now, and then how can you do them?

do you have msn/ aim?

and sorry about not having any really deep thoughts, or anything at all to help right now.. =/


EDIT: guess its not a double post.. and yeah, just talk to someone about it over msn/ aim or w.e., its good to be able to rant sometimes. especially if they can listen, and feel what your saying.

get feeling better, dude

[MAST]

thanks dudes, i appreciate it completely. first i'm gonna try talking to her about it one on one and see how that goes, but if it doesn't help, i'll PM my AIM to you's and talk about it there. i guess attacking it before i'm in over my head is a good thing.


but the powder's the only thing i'm concerned about. i can handle bud and alcohol and a couple others. i've been drinking and smoking and trippin for years, but i guess it's just the new feeling that i get from it that's got me. especially because it makes me feel so much better since i'm already down. had i started it before all this shit kicked off, i probably wouldn't be so bad about it. but there is the fact that i never thought i'd do it until all this shit kicked off in the first place.

but thanks for the concern. i'll keep up the posts in here for the time being

[acereborn]

yeah, i dont think that too many people get fucked up from green, but its still not a great thing to be messing around with. just the fact that you get used to doing it, sometimes leads onto bigger shit. idk, ive been trying to stay clean for a while.

but keep us posted in the thread or w.e., im up for just talking anytime.

[MAST]

well i talked to her about it today. she told me that if i ever did it again she would completely erase me from her life. she was pissed. but she did talk it out with me and help me out. when the opportunity arises to do it again i'm calling her to take my mind off it.

i also found out she's not into me again. i guess she's just that comfortable around me. but whatever

i still just feel like shit. and there's really not anything that can make me feel better but time.

but thanks for the help. i'm gonna keep posting in here pretty much every day, so it's word.

[xDesTx]

Its great that you talked it out with her and its awesome that you can just ring her and talk to her and get your mind of things.

its always great to have someone there for you ae.

well its better to know that shes not into you than to be led on expecting something to happen, i know people have said this many times, but there will be other fish in the sea, (if all the asians havent harpooned them yet, lol sorry couldnt resist)

Mate if you need help i'll always be here to offer a hand of support, and i bet my little buddy Acereborn will be too so if you need to vent to someone, we'll always be here

when ever you feel down, hit me up with a PM

MSN: devilsadvocated101@gmail.com
AIM: Evokedontprevoke

[MAST]

word, man. i realize life goes on, it just takes time. and i am thankful i have someone to talk to. that's the main reason i don't want to lose touch with her, cause i'd be losing the only person i've legitimately been able to trust in my entire life.


but i'm glad you're still around man. i've never talked to you before, i don't think, but from what it sounds like, somebody up there is looking out for you and wants you to be here. if you're ever in that situation again, just get on here and talk it out with us. thanks for the help, and just know that i'm here for you in return brosky.

[xDesTx]

Yeah thanks, im amazed im still here too... something pretty sketchy happend ae. but im fine now.

thanks its great knowing someone is here for me to talk to, (besides ace, lol)

[acereborn]

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."
- Anais Nin

Word everyone, I like all the positive support going on here. xDestx is a good guy, and he knows what he's talking about. Listen and learn.

[xDesTx]

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."
- Anais Nin

Word everyone, I like all the positive support going on here. xDestx is a good guy, and he knows what he's talking about. Listen and learn.

I didnt understand ONE word of that quote ....

yeah, ive been through suicide attempts alot... nothing to be proud of but its a learning experience each time and it weeds out your friends from the fakers

[acereborn]

the quote in laymens means... theres different parts of life, and thats normal, but you need to move on.

and your right, suicide attempts arent a good thing, but its still better then going through with it. learn from your mistakes, and become a better person from it. love every day

[DeDo1]

its deff easy to talk to someone u can relate to life's not easy but when u have ppl to talk to and be cool with it deff easier to get thru the day i love to make ppl laugh so if anyone needs to talk just let me know i pretty funny u can ask xDESTx he laughs at me lol or with i dont know but im here and want to help so PM me to talk or something

[SeapNSR]

this is the gayest shit fucken
but at the moment i got no mates to talk to and i need to heave some shit
i was lured by an evil temptress who i proceeded to lob my fingers inside
twice
while i was with the girl of my dreams
but now im questioning whether she is the girl of my dreams if id throw her away for some slut
but she fucking is
now she knows ive been lying to her for 6months
the only thing im thankful for is shes still talking to me but she feels horrible for seeing me cuz she thinks it makes her weak
but i think it enforces how strong we are
but then again i went and cheated on her for some fattish uglyish whore cunt
who i might add was my gf half brothers gf at the time
which makes it the most fucked up shit i ever done
and i kind of want to blame meth and alcohol cuz i was completely brained out but then i did it again
god fucking dammit dont do drugs i thought i was off the shit then blouwwwwww one night back on and i fuck everything
then another night back on and i fuck everything again
you ever fucked everything twice? cuz you get a mighty sore dick and brain and heart
i dont even want to kill myself anymore this is more advice tha anything
IF YOURE ALREADY THE MOST DEPRESSED CUNT OUT DONT FUCKING CHEAT ON THE FAVOURITE PERSON IN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE THE GUILT WILL DESTROY YOU UNTIL YOUR SHITTING YOUR INTESTINES OUT LIKE SOME KID WHO SAT ON A AMERICAN BRAND POOL FILTER
suicide is for pussies btw its a cheaters way out and its selfish
my mates dad killed himself and that fucks a kids head
for real just think about your loved ones faces when they find you dead and youll never get the balls to do it
if you have no loved ones then i dunno if people can love me they can love anyone so dont give up digger.

[MAST]

i almost did today. i can't though. every day brings a new feeling. tomorrow's prom. if i was going i'd be in a great mood. but it's the exact opposite. can't fucking think or talk about it.

if i do anything this weekend i'll be happy. my friends are giving less and less of a fuck about me and ditching me more and more. i'm getting worse and worse. the ONLY thing keeping me alive is this girl. if she didn't talk shit out with me i'd have taken my life by now. she's the only person in my entire life that hasn't abandoned me or thrown away my trust.

i don't know. i just want to sleep until i can be happy again.

[sevenohsavage]

damn u fucked niggha

[JustKoolinB]

get a universal remote.
;D

go adam sandler on that shit.
fast forward naggaaaaaaaaaaar.

[MAST]

whats up people.................









just....fuck. i always tend to pick at everything way too much. and i always tend to make the worst of a good situation.

[Small Time Crook]

bare with me, this will be kinda long.. but i need to get it off my chest somewhere...

i feel like i aint goin' nowhere mane, like im a fuckin' joke.
i got a bitch and i know she's just fuckin' playing me for a damn fool now, and it hurts like it did with the last.
i started kickin it with my boys more lately and i know why i stopped kickin' it, they just single me out cuz im different, and they always servin' me beatings cuz i aint around, but that's only cuz of work.
and work aint no better on me, i do all the same shit a manager does but my ass probably wont get the position and keep making minimum, while bitchass *****s rack up better pay and dont even deserve the position.

i dont see myself going nowhere, and it just makes me ask myself "why even bother with it anymore?" and when i get drunk i get even more down, cuz it seems like all this shit is grand-scale and ive tried offing myself off a couple times before when i was younger and on some ole drunk shit.. but nowadays its different, im older and i have access to straps, and when i dwell on it i cant help but think maybe some people would be happier, i mean, i know my ma loves me but im pretty useless, one less mouth to feed, easier on her to live life, shes even said that to me a couple times, it'd be easier if she didnt have two badass kids like me and my sister.. but idk mane..

i can't see no pro's at all anymore, all i keep telling myself is "they'd all cry for awhile.. then they'd forget about me".
which is no different from me being alive, they all know i exist, but i dont shine like anyone else does... i dont know dawg.. i just dont know anymore.

[MAST]

i'm with you man. i'm singled out with all my friends and people i call friends all the time cause i'm the different one.

i really don't see any positive side to life anymore. but i have a feeling that won't last forever. that's the only thing keeping me going is the chance that it will get better someday. so just sit tight and ride it out and know that you're better than all that shit. i can say don't let it get to you, but saying that is pointless. i know. just do the best you can for as long as you can, and when you feel like you can't give the effort anymore, don't let go. just try harder.

all this shit will build you up more than the next problem will be able to knock you down. you're getting stronger from all of this, if you just push through it. so stick to life and try to find new things to make you happy.

[Small Time Crook]

i feel where you're comin' from guey, but, ive tried moving past.
this one girl i knew told me a quote that was like "you live the life you're given because you're strong enough to live it" or some shit, haha, ima jack that quote for a rhyme...

but.. whenever i think of that quote i keep thinking im not strong enough to live it, bullshit piles up like bills and im getting weaker everyday, ive always been emotionally disturbed too, lately im talking to myself more then i usually do, the arguments get worse with myself.. and it's just getting hard to keep up, i used to take solstice in art and music and even that shit seems bland, phases like this would come and go but i think im finally gettin' close to the ledge and im lookin' down the canyon. feel?
it just seems pointless, i mean, why should i even bother for something good to happen when i know it'll come to an end quick.

I aim high only to realize I am falling.

[MAST]

i'm glad to hear i'm not the only one who talks and argues with myself. but forreal, you can't look at everything like that. you gotta see past the fact that everything good comes to an end. i know it's hard as shit, but a new perspective is all you need. you just need to find something worth working for. once you find that' you'll be motivated to get everything else together. i know you don't feel like it right now either. neither do i. i actually don't think i'll try for a while. but in the hardest times to work for something, the only thing that will help you is working for it.

i'd go more into detail and help more, but i gotta get to bed. i'm spent as shit.

[Apel-MH]

Yo,
If you cats dont like your life. rather then topping it. do something about it you know. If ya mates are bagging ya, they aint your mates, get some new mates. get a new job you know. get a education go back to school/uni you know...

I know what keeps some of my friends going throgh school is they no tomrow will be better if they try hard and do something with there life.

And take something your good at like art or music and try and make something with it you know.

I know its easyer said then done, but you have to remember tomrow will always be better then the worst day of your life. but you gotta live your life, not let your life live you. You reckon half the motha fuckers around have a good life. everyone wishes they had something or were someone there not. but rather then dwelling you gota make your self wat u wanna be you feel me?

anyways, killing your self is the pussy way out. you gotta fight man.

Peace//

[MontanaPainter]

im beginning to think this shit isnt worth it...fuck this life

[youngprophecy]

Yo,
If you cats dont like your life. rather then topping it. do something about it you know. If ya mates are bagging ya, they aint your mates, get some new mates. get a new job you know. get a education go back to school/uni you know...

I know what keeps some of my friends going throgh school is they no tomrow will be better if they try hard and do something with there life.

And take something your good at like art or music and try and make something with it you know.

I know its easyer said then done, but you have to remember tomrow will always be better then the worst day of your life. but you gotta live your life, not let your life live you. You reckon half the motha fuckers around have a good life. everyone wishes they had something or were someone there not. but rather then dwelling you gota make your self wat u wanna be you feel me?

anyways, killing your self is the pussy way out. you gotta fight man.

Peace// dats some ture shit right there

[silentchaos14]

all i can contribute to this thread is fuck what other people say, just do what makes you happy. speak whats on your mind and itll get you farther than you think. ive been doing this lately and its solved alot of my problems.

[XskeletorX]

Life goes on

[MontanaPainter]

uhhhh....

yea it does but who says you are happy?

[MarOne...]

I don't even understand why people come to Bombing Science (of all places) to get their suicidal thoughts out. The internet as a whole is a bad place to speak about shit like this.

[MontanaPainter]

its a graffiti forum

that has sevaral sub-forums

and one is about suicide

and you dont understand shit buddy...

[MAST]

I don't even understand why people come to Bombing Science (of all places) to get their suicidal thoughts out. The internet as a whole is a bad place to speak about shit like this.

nobody here knows who the hell i am. to them i'm just another kid. they've got nothing to win, and nothing to lose, so if they're a truly good person, they'll help, if not, i could give less of a fuck. people here know more about me than half the people i've known the majority of my life. and none of these people even know my name.

that's why i come here.

[acereborn]

yeah, theres a certain thing with not knowing who somebody actually is, but getting to know them. it makes it less akward to talk about things you normally wouldnt, just because you know that any minute, you can press a button and never talk to them again.

its kinda the same with me too, ive met a few guys on here that know more about me than my "best friends" in real life do... i think bombingscience is a fine place to talk about something like this.

[Fazed]

yeah, for a while I talked to my friends from here more than I talked to my real friends, too. I've met the coolest people on here...

[sketch3]

nobody here knows who the hell i am. to them i'm just another kid. they've got nothing to win, and nothing to lose, so if they're a truly good person, they'll help, if not, i could give less of a fuck. people here know more about me than half the people i've known the majority of my life. and none of these people even know my name.

that's why i come here.

i thaught u came here cuss of mee:(

[MontanaPainter]

I don't even understand why people come to Bombing Science (of all places) to get their suicidal thoughts out. The internet as a whole is a bad place to speak about shit like this.
you just got e-raped buddy

[MAST]

i want to get out of this place. it decays people. A FUCKING LOT of shit happened today that i don't care to address, but in the midst, i went to a show and talked to one of my brother's old friends that i've known for years, and he left this town 2 years ago and moved 30 minutes away. even that far is far enough. he said his high school years here were the worst years of his life, and once he left, he was able to be peaceful and happy. he said that i need to get out because this place decays people. i see that now. i'm in worse shape today than i was couple months ago. i'm too apathetic to cry right now. i'm in the worst shape i've ever been. i don't know who i can trust. at all. i don't know who's lying.


i just want to leave and not look back. just one good goodbye is all i need, and i can get the fuck out of here and start a new life. i have no friends anymore. i've had the best of friends, but i've learned i can't trust a fucking soul. i've spent too long trying to be a good person and hoping to someday cash in on karma, but reality hit me like a motherfucking bus today. no matter how much time you spend being only a good person and being patient, it doesn't do anything for you in the long run. fuck all of that. fuck my whole life. i've had the idea all wrong and i don't want it to be too late for change.


fuck this place. fuck these people. fuck the karma payment plan.

[..ask0ne?..]

i got admitted to a psych ward when i was a junior in highschool for attempted suicide. shit sucks man.... no belts, no shoes, dumb classes, sad people, lotsa pills, and locked doors. i was a weak bitch then..... the world only gets tougher.

[MAST]

suicide would be a dandy idea. i'd rather be dead than stuck in a hole with absolutely no way out. but i don't think it's worth it. yet. this weekend has taken a huge fucking toll on me and put me so much further down that absolutely nothing is making me even a little bit happy anymore. i look at all the kids in my school and wonder why i was one of the few around me chosen to feel like this at this age. everyone else seems so happy and pleased with their lives. this feeling is like cancer. it's spreading all throughout me, and i keep finding more and more reasons to stay down, and more and more things keeping me down.

i really don't know how and when and if this will end. i just really fucking want it to soon.

[Slushi]

Yeah thats right, everyones happy except you.

Stop procrastinating and do it.

[MAST]

gotta tell you, my sides are splitting.

[Slushi]

Are you still here?

[MAST]

are you still trying to be an asshole to feed your e-ego?

[Slushi]

Yeah. I have something to live for.

[sketch3]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y75/Libra930/07-06-062Magnum.jpg

[MAST]

..are you retarded?






that's an airsoft gun.............



am i supposed to bruise myslef to death?


have you even seen a real bullet in your life?

[Slushi]

Thats the point.... it's satire.

[MAST]

Yeah. I have something to live for.

i wasn't aware an e-ego was worth living for..

[..ask0ne?..]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y75/Libra930/07-06-062Magnum.jpg


now now sketch, dont you think you might be over-doing it a little?...



i mean c'mon, we all know it only takes one bullet

[MAST]

Thats the point.... it's satire.

good job trying to back him up. failure.

[sketch3]

ask not if u plan on missing then comig here an saying '' i atempted suicide''

bullets no cuss if i i had a loaded gun id actualy use it, not hold it to my temple for days moaning about that girl i fancy not liking me, or wat ever you crazy kid are depressed about theese days.


if u guys are so sad and want to end it book a plain ticket it cant be worse than a noose made of sheets

[MAST]

i'd take a long trip in a split second if i had the dough.

unless i'm completely missing the point of that plane comment.

[..ask0ne?..]

roflmaobbq. i enjoi your quiries sketch.

[sketch3]

well if ur actually contemplating suicide and not just bitching surly u cud aford itif you sold all ur stuff and stoped paying rent, i mean who needs a couch when you have a bullet in your brain

[Panda Jerk]

hahaha yeah i sold mine wen i did that it was soo useless because i never had company over

[cds_dogg665544]

k ive been busy so i couldnt explain the secret to you guys. you guys probly dont know what im talking about but "the secret' is the law or atrraction every thing that happens in your life you atract threw your thoughts .. thoughts become things im to lazy to explain more so ill paste this first 20 minute video and youll understand more its gonna seem retarded at fist but watch the vid this aint no bullshit here. i tried searching for the whole thing on limewire but couldnt find it

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8

[cds_dogg665544]

oh i aslo forgot to mention some kid in my town commeted suicede his name was jasper
he was in highschool apparentaly he killed him self cus his GF broke up with him when i haerd he killed himself i just felt so sad it hurt me hearin about someone killin themselves at that age i was nearly crying at the time but i didnt cry cus i was at school

[Slushi]

^^Lmfao.

[Siner]

Has anyone heard from MAST over the past few days, he hasn't even been on DS and I'm kinda worried about him concidering what he has previously said.

[MAST]

i'm straight man. check your pm's. thanks for the concern though

[ESKiMO2]

For all you who are suicidal, do you feel like it's not worth getting help. I'm feeling that way right now.

[MAST]

it's worth it. trust me. it takes more balls to get help than it does to go through with the act, and in the end, you'll see that it's worth it.

[xDesTx]

Well guys its been a while since i posted last on this whole forum,

and well guys

i still feel like shit, nothing has gotten better all it has is gotten worse

i don't exactly feel like explaining, because it is truly personal,

I've tried to get help by talking to my best friend and other people, been to a councilor and it still hasn't helped, my friend mike (Acereborn) who i normally talk to isn't really on when I'm on anymore, and my best friend, who I've fallen head over heels in love with (gah it sucks) doesn't even like me more then a friend its destroying me from inside out

i feel like inside i have died but im still waiting to die on the inside,

Ive been "playing" with knives lately and had my arms slice and diced all up and down them. and i havent felt the pain, so mentally i believe that i cannot feel pain in my arms...

but either way im still contemplating suicide.

theres things i wanna stay for and things i wanna die for. ya know.

Like, i wanna have a family, children and things like, but i just don't feel up to anything at the moment, I've taken many days off school because I've been Depressed like crazy and Attempted suicide those days, I've tried many but been caught a lot, no one has spoken up to anyone to seek me help and I'm kinda glad about that,

they just say "if hes gonna do it, we cant stop him"

So, Contemplating about to night, going to see how the next 2 and a half hours go.

[MAST]

man, don't do it. i know this doesn't mean shit to you cause i'm just another kid on a messageboard, but i know what you feel like. i'm right there with you. and if you were to kill yourself, that'd just be leaving behind all the other kids in your situation. instead of having it be every man for himself and only caring about yourself, try not to do that. people dealing with this shit need to band together and help eachother out instead of saying "fend for yourself, i'm leaving."

i don't want to see you leave dude. there's gotta be another way around it.

[Siner]

Man, I know how hard it is to see a light right now, but don't do it. I'm pretty much in the exact same position, but think about what would happen if you were gone. Your parents would be devistated, and your friends would feel terrible. Just find a good friend you can confide in, just tell them how your truely feel, and that you want some help, and they can help you find a counsoler or whatever, just keep seekin' help, cause it will be worth it.

[SWIV3L]

k ive been busy so i couldnt explain the secret to you guys. you guys probly dont know what im talking about but "the secret' is the law or atrraction every thing that happens in your life you atract threw your thoughts .. thoughts become things im to lazy to explain more so ill paste this first 20 minute video and youll understand more its gonna seem retarded at fist but watch the vid this aint no bullshit here. i tried searching for the whole thing on limewire but couldnt find it

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8

o yea ive read that book last year

[Church]

Well guys its been a while since i posted last on this whole forum,

and well guys

i still feel like shit, nothing has gotten better all it has is gotten worse

i don't exactly feel like explaining, because it is truly personal,

I've tried to get help by talking to my best friend and other people, been to a councilor and it still hasn't helped, my friend mike (Acereborn) who i normally talk to isn't really on when I'm on anymore, and my best friend, who I've fallen head over heels in love with (gah it sucks) doesn't even like me more then a friend its destroying me from inside out

i feel like inside i have died but im still waiting to die on the inside,

Ive been "playing" with knives lately and had my arms slice and diced all up and down them. and i havent felt the pain, so mentally i believe that i cannot feel pain in my arms...

but either way im still contemplating suicide.

theres things i wanna stay for and things i wanna die for. ya know.

Like, i wanna have a family, children and things like, but i just don't feel up to anything at the moment, I've taken many days off school because I've been Depressed like crazy and Attempted suicide those days, I've tried many but been caught a lot, no one has spoken up to anyone to seek me help and I'm kinda glad about that,

they just say "if hes gonna do it, we cant stop him"

So, Contemplating about to night, going to see how the next 2 and a half hours go.

dont think because they just say "if hes gonna do it, we cant stop him" that means they dont care. it is insanely stressful for the people around you that care about you, and they feel just as bad as you do. you feel helpless about your life so you thinking killing yourself is the answer, the people that love you feel helpless because they do not know what they can say or do to stop you. its killing them to just sit and wait for you to do something dumb, they would help if they knew what to do. and there is no "right answer, this is what you need to do" type thing.

it is like when someone says "my parents died in a car accident" regardless of how well you know them the best thing you can do is say "sorry, im here for you" and then just wait. samething with the peopel around you, its entirely up to you to get better, they can be there for you and help you get rides to a doctor, or just hang out with you etc, but ultimately everything depends entirely upoun you. you can bring a horse to water but you cant make it drink is kind of the same idea here. they can do all the right things, but ultimately your the one that is going to have to feel better.

also you said you didnt want to talk about it because it was personal, that is fine. However, I find that with a lot of people i work with, this helps them:

write down BY HAND everything that is pissing you off, and try to make it as coherent as possible. dont list things, make complete sentences with paragraph structure etc. write every thing that you wish you change in your life and everything you think is wrong with it, from big to small, small to big w/e. things like how the fan creaking annoys the shit out of you, or how you wish your mom did not have cancer etc. you dont have to show this paper to anyone, but for alot of people it puts everything into perspective. they tell me, alot of stuff they realized wasnt a real problem so they didnt feel like writing it down, then all the stuff that was serious only took up half a page. they said it made them feel better and their problems seem smaller.

wow did not mean to write this much, i know alot of it wont make sense since i didnt proof it. i may fix this later.

in short: please dont kill yourself, despite what you may think people will care. even if it is just random people on a message board.

[MAST]

i just put my elbow through the wall. i'm probably about to get a counselor.

[syrup2]

dont die , get high

[PureSole]

ive been fucked up and been thinkin of ending it really
its been a while i posted on BS
my graduation from hs sucked, my birthday sucked, my family sucks
i hate these assholes and i hate that we moved to louisiana
so much shit i dont wanna write about it
fuck life

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

try and channel all of that hate into something like art that you can live for and live off of.
now that you are done with high school you have college or w/e to look forward to, this summer is going to be the best summer of our lives leading up to the best years of our lives. (i am also graduating this year).
take a trip, or move back to where you moved from for the summer or something.
find something to live for and give yourself hope for the future, we have all been in your position, you are not alone.

[sketch3]

i just put my elbow through the wall.
jackass

[MAST]

esat a dick fucker.

[Rune1]

For all you who are suicidal, do you feel like it's not worth getting help. I'm feeling that way right now.
Man its definitely worth atleast giving it a try at getting help. I found out I suffer from bipola (think that's spelt right) and I started seeking help after coming dangerously close.

Its hard to even want the help but to be honest to yourself and the people u care about. Ya should man

[Rune1]

Like ok sorry to double post but take my story for example.

As generic as it sounds.

I attempted when I was 16 cause of my friend getting bashed to death infront of me by some gate crashers at a party.

Slipped me back to depression and I nearly attempted but my mother came home from work early for some reason and found me just sitting there just crying as uncool as that sounds :S

Its been 4 years and im thinking 8mnths since then.

The experiences have only amazing since then I've had a few times where I got stressed out and upset here and there but in the last 4 years I've found my love for graff again, found a girl who makes me happy, met new great friends, got a good job, seen my big brother get married, and just overall a lot of good memorys since then.

All I can think when I look back on it was... I would have missed out on soooo much.

I am glad to see a lot of people take this thread seriously.

Like I imagine wat was said at the start by mysfit is right. A lot of bad things can happen while writing. So depressions easy to slip into.
Not to mention the crappy sleeping patterns would make us so mentally exhausted

[PureSole]

try and channel all of that hate into something like art that you can live for and live off of.
now that you are done with high school you have college or w/e to look forward to, this summer is going to be the best summer of our lives leading up to the best years of our lives. (i am also graduating this year).
take a trip, or move back to where you moved from for the summer or something.
find something to live for and give yourself hope for the future, we have all been in your position, you are not alone.

thanks man, you dont know how much that means to me (the inspiration)
im at a point where im so fucked up i dont know how to feel..
my sleeping paterns been fucked too but i know what you mean thanks

[LostYouth]

man i hate my fuckin family
they make me want to get a fucking 357 magnum and just blow my fuckin head off
they give me a fuckin headache like evvveryday, shit cant be good for my health right???
and oh yea, fuck everyone at my school and all the bitches that dont talk to me their
peace.

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

well...
there's got to be someone at your school who shares some of the same interests as you.

[LostYouth]

no
no one ='(
i hate my school
like 6 more days and im out there forever
hopefully the real world is a lil more mature then those fucks

[acereborn]

BLAH

fuck, life is so fucking stupid. goddamnit, everything seems like its going decently, but of course, turns around. fuck, this is so fucking GAY

[MAST]

stick with it bro. if it was going decently, then for sure there's a good chance it'll turn around again and start going good.

you just have to let the good outweigh the bad in your mind.

[Proper]

no
no one ='(
i hate my school
like 6 more days and im out there forever
hopefully the real world is a lil more mature then those fucks

<3 Lakers buddy.