Suicide

[Pickton's Pigpen]

no
no one ='(
i hate my school
like 6 more days and im out there forever
hopefully the real world is a lil more mature then those fucks
man, ive listened to The Anatomy of a School Shooting by Ill Bill so much lately.
a week left for my school, hehe

i hate school.
i hate kids at my school.
i hate most kids in general.
i hate kasp.
fucking wack ass toy is gonna die.

[Melting Young Minds]

no
no one ='(
i hate my school
like 6 more days and im out there forever
hopefully the real world is a lil more mature then those fucks

There will always be immature fucks out there... avoiding them for good is impossible.

[Theroll]

BLAH

fuck, life is so fucking stupid. goddamnit, everything seems like its going decently, but of course, turns around. fuck, this is so fucking GAY

Come on man, life can be a bitch sometimes, but it turns around eventually. There is always someone that you can put your trust into, that can help you with anything. There is always someone who is willing to help you, just talk to us.

When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade.

Keep your head up.

[cds_dogg665544]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8 i posted this on the last page if any of you or all of you didnt watch it i highly recomend it. i hope some of you have heard of "The Secret" because it will change your life for ever.

[GIzUrD]

yea man i read the secret, ive been on prozac and buspar and welbutrin too. but i quit taking my medicine because its stupid that someone should have to take medicine to have to be happy. i wasted the best years of my life (highschool) being depressed. i think its mostly just this lonely feeling i have. and im not one of those people who has a girlfriend and goes out and parties on the weekend who think theyre lonely. i havent had a girlfriend in... 3 years? and the most partying i do is by myself. i used to cut myself and it still makes me angry when people say that cutting is "emo" or for pussies or whatever. it takes alot to try to kill yourself. its probably the most emotional and hardest moment anyone can ever feel.

[(SoS)Viruz]

I can tell Msfyt really cares about the kiddes in the Graff. World. Word fo rmakin this.

[Divine89]

how do they know its going to be ok?
because theyve been there, i bet a good 80% of us have thought about killing ourselves
these thoughts everyone has are normal, and it will be ok if you choose to face your problems
of course it wont get better if you choose to dwell in your own self pity or depression, but im not going to pretend thats not easy
there are so many tiggers out there that sure each one of are triggered by different reasons, but the feelings that make us want to die are all the same.....feelings of being alone, sad, empty, regeretful, ashamed, angry....
so being nick picky about the reason isnt important, sure they dont understand why you feel hurt but they know what it like to feel hurt, everyone does
you get what im saying, feelings dont differ but the triggers to our feelings do

as for thinking talking about your feelings is useless
i guess that your personal opinion
but isnt it always good to get a second opinion on something thats so important, like your life?
sure it wont change the world but why are you trying to change the world when you should working on small things like yourself
and if your friends dont care about your feelings at the end of the day i suggest you get new friends


I'm apart of that 80%, infact i almost have an entire notebook filled with ways i could kill myself. :o which is sad if you think about it, but i only add things to it if i'm depressed as hell. which happens ALOT for some odd reason...:mad:

[(SoS)Viruz]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8 i posted this on the last page if any of you or all of you didnt watch it i highly recomend it. i hope some of you have heard of "The Secret" because it will change your life for ever.

Yo What this Moive about, I never hear of it.:confused:

[ESKiMO2]

lol I tried prozac about 2 years ago and it didn't work so I was left with my depression. Lately shit's been doing fine. No suicidal thoughts this week.

[Siner]

Thats good to hear. I always here from doctors and therapists that meds and counciling together are 100% effective, but it hasn't really worked that good for me.

[SLEEP905]

BLAH

fuck, life is so fucking stupid. goddamnit, everything seems like its going decently, but of course, turns around. fuck, this is so fucking GAY

lifes like a rollercoaster man, its full of ups and downs
you have to deal with shit before it can get better

best thing to do is just stay strong and ride it out, taking it one day at a time
it'll be back to normal before you know it

[MAST]

this thread needs to be bumped.


i'm tired of spending all my time wroking for something that eventually just tears me down/. i've spent the last couple eyeards doing this shit, and it's getting the best of me. whatever. fuck working for anything.



and fuck alcohol.

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

bump alcohol in moderation!
fuck alcohol that makes you make shitty decisions.

[MAST]

nah. alcohol just makes me feel a whole lot worse. if i were to be sad about a recent event, which i am, i;m probbably gonna think about it alll night now and end up crying. if i was sober, i'd just be sad and go to sleep. alcohol is alright in the right conditions.

[Siner]

Well Guys, I think I've finally had it. my parents just spent 15 minutes shoutin' at me tellin' me to change and start doin' positive things with my life instead of stuff like gettin' drunk and graffiti. They just made me feel even worse, I mean I don't have access to my car, bike, money, the only freedom I feel I have is to go bombin' which they obviously don't approve off. I just wanna go cut myself til' I bleed to death cause I can never see myself gettin' any better or even bein' a good person.I don't know what I'm gonna do anymore.

[La Coka Nostra]

wow


took the words right out of my mouf.


suicide is never an answer for anything.
it takes some bad things happening for you to recognize what's good in your life, and be able to differentiate the bad from the good.

chuch.

[KASE2]

took the words right out of my mouf.


suicide is never an answer for anything.
it takes some bad things happening for you to recognize what's good in your life, and be able to differentiate the bad from the good.

chuch.
can i get a mo fukin AMEN

[Bazer]

Well Guys, I think I've finally had it. my parents just spent 15 minutes shoutin' at me tellin' me to change and start doin' positive things with my life instead of stuff like gettin' drunk and graffiti. They just made me feel even worse, I mean I don't have access to my car, bike, money, the only freedom I feel I have is to go bombin' which they obviously don't approve off. I just wanna go cut myself til' I bleed to death cause I can never see myself gettin' any better or even bein' a good person.I don't know what I'm gonna do anymore.
weird... i sit with my parets in the garage and drink till they get sleepy. then i say im goin out and theyre like "dont get caught" even though all i said was im going out. lol

but dude... how old are you first of all?
aside from graffiti, killin yourself is one of the most selfish thing you could do your whole life... if you want to avoid doin somethin that your parents dont approve of then DONT kill yourself. know what im saying? i used to be just like you. till i stopped gettin shit faced every night and started drinkin as a social thing. as for graffiti, my parents know im not going to quit because i got caught drawing on the school restrooms when i was 12.

[Siner]

I'm 18, almost 19. Yeah, and I know killin' myself is fuckin' selfish, but I am fuckin' sick of livin' my life for everyone else. I mean if I'm dead, my parents, sisters, and other people I know will maybe be devistated or hurt. Like today, I was goin' to get paint with some other writers, but they were just being such assholes dissin' me and shit, even though I know they were just jokin' it gets to the point where like I already feel bad enough about myself so do they really have to make me feel worse, so i just ditched them and wandered around all day. Every friend that I have or had has taken advantage of me, cause I'm so easily manipulated and just try to be really nice but it just ends up backfirin' on me. I'm just generally really unhappy with my life, and I really hope somethin' changes soon so that I will feel better.

[simple zen]

i'm here to tell you right now siner, i really can't believe you're serious. you just shouldn't let them find out in the first place, but here's my rant.

don't ever think your parents are trying to restrict you from living your life. of course graffiti is fun and relatively harmless, but to them you're hurting yourself. i could tell (if you're for real) that your parents love you very much and you're lucky that your parents give a damn. i know a kid whos mom disappears for days, doesn't leave him shit except the key to the front door. don't let mtv convince you that just because your parents are keeping you from partying and other fun shit, that your life sucks ass. life is gonna suck ass. so fuck you siner for being such a little attention whore because you make a mockery of people that have tried or have actually gone through with it.

[simple zen]

and siner, i don't know if you're from south florida, but im here to tell you i don't give a fuck how good you are or how much you get up, you're a drama queen who should realize that your parents are not against you and realize that now every person in their 30's and 40's is gonna be down with smokin' bud and destroying shit. so grow a pair. i don't even know why you're depressed, if that story is true.

[FuLa]

having something "greater than life" to believe in helps a lot....

I was brainwashed with christianity as a kid but reading about other (more compasionate religions) really helped me get out of depresion and putting names to feelings that you can't describe easily. Your problems aren't different than anyone else's...they feel that way because they're happening to you (obviously) but simply understanding that you're not alone, helps observe your life from a different perspective where you can just look at your "depression" or "sadness" as a thing, and not let it become your world/reality...sometimes the stereotypical shit will help, like sports, no alcohol or drugs, positive thinking, limit red meat eating, drink lots of water, yoga, meditation, some classical music(or whatever calming music you might like)...shit like that that we take for granted because we're "different"...this shit does matter and today's society tries to push you away from it...fuck society and sit down alone and fight the fucking monsters in your head...once you figure them out it makes you 10 times stronger, happier, higher self esteem, etc...

[Siner]

and siner, i don't know if you're from south florida, but im here to tell you i don't give a fuck how good you are or how much you get up, you're a drama queen who should realize that your parents are not against you and realize that now every person in their 30's and 40's is gonna be down with smokin' bud and destroying shit. so grow a pair. i don't even know why you're depressed, if that story is true.
Seriously, fuck off, if your not gonna help then get the fuck outta here. I'm not cravin' attention or a drama queen, I sufffer from the mental illness called depression, it's somethin' I can't help. My parents aren't ruinin' my life, it's just when they try to help me so I don't make bad decisions or whatevere way they try to help me, it usally just backfires and I end up more depressed. I know I don't have a bad life at all, but my depression makes every moment painful and hard to bear, and makes me feel suicidal. You don't have to be depressed about anythin', it's a mental illness so fuckin' educate yourself. Theres my rant.

[hammer_time]

http://www.subgenius.com/pam1/pamphlet_p1.html

try these people, this a religion that would be a perfect fit for you

it was for me

[CaseyJonesJR]

suicide is fucked up. i went out with a girl for a year. she broke up with me because she felt bad that she was talking to me friend on the side. so i was like fuck it. she wanted to go back out with me after she realized how bad she fucked up. she threatened to kill herself. those were the worst nights of my life. nothing is worth killing yourself. go out use that anger and fucking destroy shit. my parents threatend to kick me out for the same shit. you have to realize that almost every writer has to deal with that shit.

[Each]

My science teacher commitet suicide this year in the middle of the school year. he went away for like a month and a half cause he was gettin a divorce. then one day when he got back one of my friend had to go to detention early in the morning and saw him sleepin in his class room. the really sad part is that the day he did it, right before he punched his son, then attempted to hang himself but couldnt, so hanging from the nuse he shot himself. the kid wasnt lying cause he had the black eye and everythin. they had a seramony and you could see the rope mark on his neck. everybody who had him, their grade honestly dropped like 20 percent, even mine. i didnt even likethe guy, but after that i was like fuck, that didnt need to happen. everybody was torn up for the rest of the school year.

R.I.P Mr. Cooper

[EgoZen]

Depression sucks!...
I`m on it for over a year...
It was good for like a month inbetween but went from bad
to worse...

but still like in Gummo:
Life is great... without it you`d be dead...

And who says he wants to die doesn`t mean it..:
If you want to die you kill yourself...

People that say they want to die, they actually just want to disappear
, go away for a while...

Do you know what I mean?

[noise not music]

Im sure its been mentioned, but could someone tell me from personal experience their usage with anti depressants? Which did you take, which would you recommend, which would you not,how did it feel when(if) you stopped taken em, etc. . .

[PureSole]

And who says he wants to die doesn`t mean it..:
If you want to die you kill yourself...

People that say they want to die, they actually just want to disappear
, go away for a while...

Do you know what I mean?
I know what you mean man...sometimes I just wish I could just disappear into nothingness and come back later....

Like right now I'm okay but I got my days when I wish I could really go insane temporarily, so I wouldn't have to be here, and then come back to reality. I wish I could just lose myself...and sometimes it sucks knowing your smarter than that.

Woe, thats a pretty stupid thing to say. This thread in general is supposed to be even if the thought crosses your mind, because writing it even if know one responds is helpful...sometimes u gotta let it go. This isn't supposed to be a suicide help line where u got a rope on the ceiling fan

[EgoZen]

If I already had a well payed job IMO I would just fuck off now to somewhere else
than this place here..

I would already do that now but no cash= no travelling..
I would hitchike but people in my country totally suck about that!
And also my parents would kill me so I just can`t wait to be independent...

And I agree Retro and Gesus pills just make you worse one way or another...
Either you get totally numb and act like a zombie or it will get worse...
Also you can get really addicted to it which sucks and you get into
money problems like I did after the doc said I had enough of pills..
So I had to get them the other way..

Isn`t it funny?...Love.. it sucks but still we want to fall in love...
And also girls... you can`t with them and you can`t without them..

Just keep your head up y˙all

[Scheme*119]

ive thought about it plenty of times, was really ready to do it, i was thinking about it and i figured that i wont have to deal with anything, il be gone, i wont have any emotions, i wont exist and at that point i really didnt want to, i just spent some time though, going over everything and i realized it, living without fear of dying is alot better than living wanting to end it, im not saying i have a death wish, but if anything it made me realize to enjoy life, all of our times limited, i want to make the best of it, i could be dead broke, living under a bridge and be completley looked down upon by society but as long as i am doing what i want to do, as long as im happy, none of that matters, ever since that night life has been better than its ever been, now i go out bombing every night, i speak freely, i dont get attached to things the way i used to and all this might sound selfish but i really dont care anymore, the world is already filled with stress, i refuse to add to that

[EgoZen]

Remember first always care about your ass and then for others..:
If you do it the other way around you will be used and fucked...
Believe I gone that through many times..

Just try to enjoy the things you love to the fullest!

[PureSole]

Scheme, i feel you. I slowly am losing my fear of death as well and getting to the point where I do what makes me hapopy and other than that I just dont care. I dont try to go out of my way to please any1...and so far I think its made me better

but thats my goal...to let go and not give a shit

[BombingSciences Bitch]

If I already had a well payed job IMO I would just fuck off now to somewhere else
than this place here..

I would already do that now but no cash= no travelling..
I would hitchike but people in my country totally suck about that!
And also my parents would kill me so I just can`t wait to be independent...

Isn`t it funny?...Love.. it sucks but still we want to fall in love...
And also girls... you can`t with them and you can`t without them..

Just keep your head up y˙all

Snap! I can't wait to get out of here. I mean, I love my friends and family. But it seems as if I just can't escape them, can't wait to get away from the bad stuff that has happened here, be on my own for a while.

Oh and, love itself doesn't suck. If you're in a relationship that sucks, it's not love.

[kaiser]

i dont post much but i thought id share this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cFhPl67r1E&feature=related

[epew23]

Nothing is better than when you can log onto a disscussion forum and know there is people that help.

[bowchicabowow]

My girlfriends best friend killed himself on video. Gun to the head. She watched it not knowing exactly what it was and because he requested that she did. She hasn't been the same since. And now a couple months ago, her two other best friends were killed by a drunk driver.

And now her last two remaining friends are leaving to college and military school.

It's going to be a LOOONNGGG while before it's okay to tell her that our relationship isn't going to work.

:( fuck this shit. I love my life and I love her, I just wish all this shit never happened to her, then our relationship would be fine because there would be no more stress.

[exitus]

lol at toast NOT at bow
bow that sucks dude, what an asshole he requested her to watch it.:mad: does she go to therapy/ antidepressants? that might help your relationship

[bowchicabowow]

She had a GREAT therapist for a while. So good actually that they were kinda friends as well.

The issue is that she is kinda immature and not on my level on alot of things, and because of her new lack of ANYONE close to her, she had become more clingy than she already was. Deep down, I just want out. Because this shit isn't going to last. I love being with her shes beautiful (asian virgin *fucking win) and I love every moment spending time with her, but she is on that "we have to stay together forever" shit. Although I wouldn't mind that, it isn't realistic and I just want to live my damn life.

I can't bring any of this up to her, it'd hurt her too much. If her friend wasn't such a piece of selfish shit, I KNOW that shit would be better for her right now, her two other friends would be alive, and maybe we wouldn't be together, but shed be happier.

Fuck suicide.

[Msfyt]

please take this thread seriously
any jokes or enocuragement for people to "go for it" will get warnings and suspensions

[Siner]

She had a GREAT therapist for a while. So good actually that they were kinda friends as well.

The issue is that she is kinda immature and not on my level on alot of things, and because of her new lack of ANYONE close to her, she had become more clingy than she already was. Deep down, I just want out. Because this shit isn't going to last. I love being with her shes beautiful (asian virgin *fucking win) and I love every moment spending time with her, but she is on that "we have to stay together forever" shit. Although I wouldn't mind that, it isn't realistic and I just want to live my damn life.

I can't bring any of this up to her, it'd hurt her too much. If her friend wasn't such a piece of selfish shit, I KNOW that shit would be better for her right now, her two other friends would be alive, and maybe we wouldn't be together, but shed be happier.

Fuck suicide.
Sorry if this offends you, but it sounds like you have it pretty damn good. You have a girlfriend and you a bitchin' about how it's not goin' to work out and how you might break up with her. Also, why are you callin' her friend that killed himself a piece of shit, it's too bad she had to see the video, but I'm sure he was havin' a hard time. Are you actully depressed, I'm sure your girlfriend is because of all the shit she's been through. Just tryin' to get a better view of your situation dude.

[Subconcious]

Sorry for the double-post, but I just read this:

I'm 18, almost 19. Yeah, and I know killin' myself is fuckin' selfish, but I am fuckin' sick of livin' my life for everyone else. I mean if I'm dead, my parents, sisters, and other people I know will maybe be devistated or hurt. Like today, I was goin' to get paint with some other writers, but they were just being such assholes dissin' me and shit, even though I know they were just jokin' it gets to the point where like I already feel bad enough about myself so do they really have to make me feel worse, so i just ditched them and wandered around all day. Every friend that I have or had has taken advantage of me, cause I'm so easily manipulated and just try to be really nice but it just ends up backfirin' on me. I'm just generally really unhappy with my life, and I really hope somethin' changes soon so that I will feel better.

I know exactly wut you mean man, I'm the same way. I'm just way too nice to disagree or defend myself... even if I'm gettin completely dissed by someone I really try not to say anything rude back, and everybody knows I'm like that and take waaay advantage of it. I lost all of my best friends because they all turned into complete assholes and I just stopped hangin out wit them. I got used to being lonely man, when ur by yourself, you can do whatever the fuk u want an nobody talks shit. Instead of hangin w/ them douchebags, try juss hangin w/ urself fer a while and find the good things in it. I dunno if it'll help u, but I got strong will (and a form of micro-autism) and never let other people bother me. I've always got my own thoughts to fall back too and as the saying goes: "I may live in my own little world, but at least they know and approve of me here."

[Siner]

I know what you mean about hangin' with yourself, but lately if I'm out by myself. I just get so bored and my depression gets so bad. I find my depression is the worse when I have nothin' to do.

[simple zen]

time to yourself can be the most therapeutic thing in the world. when you're by yourself, rather than thinking about others, think about you. fuck everyone else bro. you're the only one that has your back. think about that. be prideful. fuck what people say. pride is not in any way shape or form bad. cockiness, that's another story. just be you man. i know this sounds like cookie cut bullshit, but just remember it.

[Divine89]

Sorry for the double-post, but I just read this:


I know exactly wut you mean man, I'm the same way. I'm just way too nice to disagree or defend myself... even if I'm gettin completely dissed by someone I really try not to say anything rude back, and everybody knows I'm like that and take waaay advantage of it. I lost all of my best friends because they all turned into complete assholes and I just stopped hangin out wit them. I got used to being lonely man, when ur by yourself, you can do whatever the fuk u want an nobody talks shit. Instead of hangin w/ them douchebags, try juss hangin w/ urself fer a while and find the good things in it. I dunno if it'll help u, but I got strong will (and a form of micro-autism) and never let other people bother me. I've always got my own thoughts to fall back too and as the saying goes: "I may live in my own little world, but at least they know and approve of me here."


after reading that it makes me feel more confident about what things i have control and don't over. thanks for posting it dude. and the one sayings pretty funny/kickass :)

[Subconcious]

id like to say that if you get past your teen years where all you can do is be depressed you get to a point in your life where nothing matters but your self. ive lost all my friends and what not and my family still doesnt care and i know it a wear and tear process but eventually all those feelings turn into a very passionate hate for anything that holds you down. fuck every one and live for your self!

100%, absolutely true. I know EXACTLY what you are saying.

Oh, and no prob man^ PM me if ya wanna talk.

[Yusef]

time to yourself can be the most therapeutic thing in the world. when you're by yourself, rather than thinking about others, think about you. fuck everyone else bro. you're the only one that has your back. think about that. be prideful. fuck what people say. pride is not in any way shape or form bad. cockiness, that's another story. just be you man. i know this sounds like cookie cut bullshit, but just remember it.

word. man you guys gotta cheer up. smoke some weed, listen to bob marley and meditate.

[Thrice]

Do you guys find bombing as a good way to ease your pains and stress? Lately that's been the case with me and I don't want that turn into an addiction or my only way of dealing with it.

Total deja vu by the way, have I posted this before???

[simple zen]

word. man you guys gotta cheer up. smoke some weed, listen to bob marley and meditate.

i dig bonobo for some meditation my00zik. check it out. some songs will have you crying.

[EgoZen]

I know what you mean about hangin' with yourself, but lately if I'm out by myself. I just get so bored and my depression gets so bad. I find my depression is the worse when I have nothin' to do.

I totally know what you mean...
I was over 40 nights on my own just sitting from 8 pm to 3-4 am alone..
I was sitting near a transtation, next to the tracks so you know what
thoughts were running through my head..

And believe me I felt bad and just wanted to disappear...
It got worse since I was there with a girl and we had a great
chemistry but then she just said that it would be better that
we would be just friends...

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

gonna go sit on the tracks now.
and think.

not necessarily about death. but about life.

[Subconcious]

^ one of my favorite things to do. I could spend all day down in the subway... (My subway was abandoned like 40 years ago, it's super dark and noone bothers u, plus there are thousands of square feet of graffiti everywhere)

[SBOMBS]

were you from^^

[Subconcious]

Roc city NY

[MessTonic]

damn i wish i had a chill subway spot to hang out and paint.. consider yourself lucky!

[simple zen]

around my way, if there's a spot to paint at, cops would be all over it the next day to take pictures of the latest shit. then they'd stop every kid in the town who's riding a bike to try and tell them they were getting a whole bunch of bullshit citations and arrests if they didn't rat out who did it. aint that fucked?

[Subconcious]

That is fucked. The cops are pretty chill about the subway. One time they let me and friend down there and told us to paint the department logo.

[hellagargoyle]

you cant do graffiti if your dead..

[COBALT]

we all have had shitty times and im on anti depressants and i still have my bad moments

but i get threw it and yall get threw it too

just draw thats all i do when i feeel like shit makes me feel mad good

[osnapizzel]

yeah i draw when im down, its pretty relaxing.

plus my mood comes through a lot in my style

[Divine89]

The anatomy of a school shooting, shotgun under my trenchcoat
Columbiners did it, dead spoke - bloodred soaked
My mind consume the doom as I walk through the school
15 people killed and over 14 wounded
My name is Eric Harris, I was forever harrased, an outcast
You fuck with us and now me and Dylan is pulling out gats
I've been wantin to murder people
Suicide is played out, if you gonna die, take people with you
We've been planning this before the kids from Jonesboro did it
And I wanted the world to know when people died why we did it
I even killed myself but don't feel sorry for me
Feel sorry for your seads as we spread the diesease
Another bloodbath coming soon to a school near you
Smalltown killing-spree that's organized by the youth
Fuck the media, them fags be disguising the truth
Dragging my name through the mud when televizing the news
A bunch of ticking timebombs y'all, is more like me
Overflowin with hate, bullied to get raw like me
They constantly get picked on and shitted on like me
You'd probably get your head blown off by a kid like me
I put my mind to it and what I accomplish's frightening
The right thing, no matter what you idiots might think
Check it, I did that shit so idiots might think
This ain't a game, the nerds that you be fuckin with might flip


It's like this, what's more fun than slice wrist?
Kill that teacher that you hate, spray 25 kids
You'd be famous just like me if you did what I did
This is the anatomy of a school shooting


I see dead people, it isn't my fault that they were evil
Fuck a favorite I hate everybody equal
Bitch I warned y'all, didn't I?
Now everybody wanna talk shit and cry asking why
- Two geeks picked up guns and turned murderous
All of y'all under beneath me you don't deserve to live
Two nerdy kids is that a crime?
why I've gotta be one of the cool kids just to walk by
- without being tripped, thrown down on the ground and kicked
Insulting me for no reason, I was treated like shit
The teachers let it happen
I've even seen some of them teachers laughing
That's why I had a smile on my face when I started blastin
I wasn't crazy - all of y'all were sick
I was the nicest person in the world - y'all were dicks
Don't even try to analyze me now you have no chance, back then
- maybe you could've been my friend



i've been feeling like this/thinking of this for about the past month....

[MiDnightSnitch]

you know i aint down with all the drugs and bull shit but i love the art and if i didnt have bombin or graff or any a this shit id be dead son..

[IlikePie]

Your signature is fucking stupid.

No suicidal thoughts in a while, just got back into cutting, but I lost my razor somewhere in my room. :(

[retnemed]

im not suicidal but ive though t it before..i gor major depression dissorder so im on like..prozac hella....

[nero112]

what you got to be so depressed about?youre white.
-CARE TAKER/CHRIS ROCK

[Noddles912300]

Suicide is going in and out of me. Like I think about it one moment, then the next im fine, then it's back to thinking about killing my self again.

[explosivo_420]

more problems arise, tough road to the knife, half life- half lie.

[Scino & Spank]

RIP DILLON "SPIN" LEIF ULMER
(YES i know he bit spin, but i still loved the kid)

[garbage down tha way]

........

[MAST]

time to yourself can be the most therapeutic thing in the world. when you're by yourself, rather than thinking about others, think about you. fuck everyone else bro. you're the only one that has your back. think about that. be prideful. fuck what people say. pride is not in any way shape or form bad. cockiness, that's another story. just be you man. i know this sounds like cookie cut bullshit, but just remember it.

so so true. for a while i was stuck in an ongoing fight with my ex, on top of everything else stressin me out majorly, on top of ongoing depression i've had for a while. she would always point out everything that was wrong with me and all this shit, and i legitimately took most of what she said to heart, so i was really really down for a while, then i finally just said fuck it. stopped listening to her, realized that i am who i am, and if that's not good enough for her or anyone else anymore, then oh well. i'm a whole lot more proud of who i am now than i was before. she always tells me she hates how i am now because i'm so "cocky", but i just say at least i know and like who i am. not a word she or anyone else says gets to me anymore. i've spent my whole life having people tell me i'm not good enough for them and what's wrong with me, and i'm finally just done caring. i've grown a pair of balls and now i actually go out and meet a lot more new people, many of whom actually like me for me, and it feels good. plus, i do have a couple real friends who have stuck by me through everything and have given me some valuable valuable advice.

all of this came out of time spent alone. i just sit and draw, think, stare, listen to music, play music, etc., and i'm able to figure out so much and come to so many conclusions. i wouldn't be able to function without spending a lot of time by myself. it makes me who i am.


this guy i quoted is giving you kids some very good advice, and you should really take it to mind. be proud of who you are. fuck what anyone else thinks of you.

sorry if this all sounded cliche, but it's damn true. i'm doing a LOT better now than i was mere months ago.

it's late though and i've got school in the morning, so goodnight kids.

[LostYouth]

even though life can be rough (and trust me, i have been through some fucked up shit in my days) suicide really aint the way to go, or cuttin ur self, or none that bull shit
u gotta look at the bigger picture, cause life is 2 short and eventaully things will pass
so keep ya chin up fool's

[LIQUIDFOOT]

yeah that retarded not everyone is suicidal and the ones that feel that way dont need to perhaps they think its a reasonable solution but it truely aint i bee nthere dun that but like they just need someone they can trust to speak to cause someon who is suicidal is not gonna want to call some helpline they want someone close that they can relate with

[not_hammer_time]

i got a paper cut from writing my suicide note.....it's a start

[RetroLikeWhoa13]

terrible joke, ass.
my psych teacher tells us every class that 80% of people have depression at some point in their lives. its not uncommon to have it while you are growing because your hormones are off balance and your body is going through changes. you are taking on responsibilities you never had before, and that is stressful.
you have to take into memory that life isnt just here and now. when people tell you you should live in the moment they are being dumb as fuck. where is your future if all you think about it now. keep your dreams of family, love, occupation etc. those things will keep you going strong throughout the tough times.
im done typing for now. i will come back and rant/help a bit more later.

[chef wontonne]

weed is a natural psychiatrist when it is applied correctly.
fuck ya eyesight keep ya 3rd eye wide with insight.

figgas who scratch them delfs is straight pussi*****s.

less chorus's more corpse's.
one.

[Darkeist]

Well im not really depressed but more aggravated so im just going to rant here.


My parents have been divorced when i was about 6, neither of my parents had much money. Then my mom got some money from my grandma and moved away and remarried. I had then been moving schools every year since 4th grade. Then as soon as we get settled in my mom divorces my stepdad, and his two daughters who are both awesome. Over the stupidest thing, how loud the house is at times. Because there's 4 kids. And she divorced and then bought a new house and everything within a week. And it kinda hurts to go ask your mom something and shes on eharmony.com on the computer about 3 weeks after.

I should be alot angrier than i am, for her doing something so selfish. She basically does whatever is good for HER and doesnt think for others. MY dad used to tell me she was the most selfish person he had ever met. At first i disagreed, but now, im starting to realize it more and more.


/rant.

[AoAssis]

Damn that was some helpful info there.

[dont=play=ketchup]

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/8215/004vf6.jpg

[RFI. SPit]

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/8215/004vf6.jpg

Banning you for a few days. Quit littering thread after thread with this picture, especially a thread like this.

[Jdip]

I never knew anyone who tryed an didnt succeed at suicide but thats also becasue they all sat infront of the LIRR ronkonkoma line... but thats besides the point suicide is the punks way out ppl do it to end the pain or watever else but the ppl that do it are the same ones who dont realise that theyre throwing away the most precious gift of all
LIFE
plz ppl if you thinkin about takin your self out do it the rite way go bomb a wall an do all the mess wit dien wen its your time an theyres no stoppin the inevitable. SUICIDE IS NOT AN ANSWER. thnk you . remember life is the hard part death is easy 4 no one.

[sketch_three]

shit if u actually are thinking aout and not just itchin out teenage angst all i can tell u is
if its so bad save u for a year and get on a plane...even living mexico is better than being dead
fresh start

[retnemed]

I've never accually cut myself or anything, because I always thoguht if i went that far id just end it, i was doing pretty bad but im on meds now so its workin out pre good..just bomb everynight, helps alot too.

[Thrice]

Anti-Depressants???

[retnemed]

yeah, my dose just got uped today...so im feelin pretty weird lol, prozac~

[Baszma]

I've been suicidal since about third grade, but cutting to me never seemed to be a warning sign, as along with great friends and great art, it is one of the things that stops me from ending it all.

[da_crazy_caucasian]

cry, cry, cry, sob, sob, sob, man you dont like something fix it, or fuck it up. Just like Ill Bill said, "suicides played out, if you're going to die, take someone with you."

[Baron]

cry, cry, cry, sob, sob, sob, man you dont like something fix it, or fuck it up. Just like Ill Bill said, "suicides played out, if you're going to die, take someone with you."

You have to be the dumbest piece of shit scraped up from the rancid floor of the hot-topic. That has to be the single worst piece of advice I have ever heard, and you have given A LOT of bad advice.

[Baszma]

cry, cry, cry, sob, sob, sob, man you dont like something fix it, or fuck it up. Just like Ill Bill said, "suicides played out, if you're going to die, take someone with you."


I wish I could let you know how I feel. And I wouldn't wish that on any decent human being. Once you know what's up, you can come back, and then I GUARANTEE you won't say stupid shit like this.

:( Sorry, that just really pisses me off.

[Baron]

cry, cry, cry, sob, sob, sob, man you dont like something fix it, or fuck it up. Just like Ill Bill said, "suicides played out, if you're going to die, take someone with you."

You think this whole fucking thing is some cheesy ass movie. Where depression is only a word and suicidal thoughts are fleeting notions and that "taking someone with you" is a great way to die. Now I know that you are only 14 and a freshman in high school but you will start to hear in a few years of some kids kicking the bucket in many ways. Personally 3 of my close friends have tried commiting suicide, 2 OD but were rushed to the hospital, the other, my best friend tried to hang himself. I hope no one even takes you seriously for a moment, especially for quoting a rapper on your concepts of life, again.

[Baszma]

Baron makes a good point. This shit's for real. I'm only 16, and a sophomore, but I've already had four friends try and two succeed.

[AvE-]

I tried to commit suicide a little over a year ago. I went through a lot of shit; had an abusive dad, I went to several doctors and had endless tests ran on my heart, brain, etc. and after all that I transferred to a new highschool, where I knew no one. After that I soon developed anxiety which prevented me from meeting anybody at school, and thus having anyone to talk to about all of that shit. I developed severe depression soon after.
Around November last year I downed a bottle of Acetaminophen with about 50 pills, which should have shut my liver off. Luckily I threw up the pills; that saved my life.
I'm so glad for that now. Depression may or may not ever go away, you need to deal with it, suicide is no way of dealing with it. If you kill yourself the problems are still there, you are just passing your problems on to your family and friends.

[iPwnF00lz]

No matter what goes down, you're supposed to be living for some reason, everything you do effects the people around you daily. You change people's lives around you by your actions and committing suicide can be really hard on people that you don't realize you care a lot about. Don't give a fuck about society, if someone calls you straight up ugly or not what society thinks as acceptable for one reason or another and they are someone that you really care about, then just think of them as not worth your time. You are living and life is something really amazing. Don't get depressed by living to impress others based off of what others think as acceptable or appealing, think of how low they are for judging people like that and just cherish your life, who you are, and what you represent by living as yourself. Try to impact some people positively in some way and you are living for a reason. So don't ever think that you have no purpose in life or that you are a fuck up. Society is the fuck up, not you.

If you kill yourself the problems are still there, you are just passing your problems on to your family and friends.
Word.

[Baszma]

Society is the fuck up, not you.

I posted that in the quotes/words to live by thread, credited to ipwnFOOLz.

And that's one of the big problems I have, is trying to make sure that everyone likes me, and as that's impossible, Im never happy with myself. I know it's wrong to feel like that, but idk how to change it.

[da_crazy_caucasian]

You think this whole fucking thing is some cheesy ass movie. Where depression is only a word and suicidal thoughts are fleeting notions and that "taking someone with you" is a great way to die. Now I know that you are only 14 and a freshman in high school but you will start to hear in a few years of some kids kicking the bucket in many ways. Personally 3 of my close friends have tried commiting suicide, 2 OD but were rushed to the hospital, the other, my best friend tried to hang himself. I hope no one even takes you seriously for a moment, especially for quoting a rapper on your concepts of life, again.
stfup I know depression, and I wasnt trying to make others feel like shit, I was just saying an aggressive attitude is better than a passive one. Im done beefing with you dude, just stop trying to start shit.

[Baron]

stfup I know depression, and I wasnt trying to make others feel like shit, I was just saying an aggressive attitude is better than a passive one. Im done beefing with you dude, just stop trying to start shit.

I'm not re-hashing the dead beef I am just telling you that had to be the single worst piece of advice I have ever heard. You said to bring others down with you, as if you want them to suffer for your own internal problems.

[MarOne...]

Hey crazy_caucasian, how about you shut the fuck up.

[Slushi]

You damn freshman kids think you know the world.

[iPwnF00lz]

And that's one of the big problems I have, is trying to make sure that everyone likes me, and as that's impossible, Im never happy with myself. I know it's wrong to feel like that, but idk how to change it.

Just sit back and accept who you are, you have to learn to appreciate yourself. No one is perfect and if they were, a lot of people would still say they were fucked up because everyone hates on everyone for different things to try to comfort their feels about themselves. Let them think what they think, if you be you, when people do truely like you, they will like you and respect you a hell of a lot more for being your real self, rather then trying to hide who you are and trying to be who you think people want you to be.

[Cesk]

I dont knwo if this happens to anyone but me but christmas time always gets me fucking down, ever since I moved from Toronto things have been shit, like I live in a family thats always had a lot of money so everyone I know is superficial and my parents are never home so yeah christmas time makes me feel lonely cause everyone at schools like "im going to ..... for vacations with my family!" "my dads taking us to ......" and I really have nothing to do when people ask me what I'm doing them say "uh......stay home?"
But friday I went with my psyciatrist again and I'm back on anti-deps.
Now the point of all this was because on monday I was on the verge of killing myself, so I'm just gonna tell you guys like it is, if you guys have problems get help, if you go to a psyciatrist its not cause youre demented or crazy, you need that help, if it wasn't because my friend found out I was going to kill myself I would've been dead, but he helped me to go talk to my parents about it and yeah.
So don't hold in the grudges, get help.

[Baszma]

*Cesk*: I know how you feel. I got adopted into a well-to-do, extremely upper middle class family, and everyone at school expects these benefits to carry on to me, when in reality, my parents haven't paid for shit for me.

*iPwnFOOLz*: Exactly, like in my mind I know that, but I can't convince the rest of me. :(

[da_crazy_caucasian]

I'm not re-hashing the dead beef I am just telling you that had to be the single worst piece of advice I have ever heard. You said to bring others down with you, as if you want them to suffer for your own internal problems.
Isee youre point, but thats just my thoughts.


Hey crazy_caucasian, how about you shut the fuck up.
Why dont you mind youre own damn business

[Small Time Crook]

Having attempted suicide and just recently getting help for it I'm going to say this.

If you're honestly having these dark thoughts and suffer from depression, please, PLEASE seek help, whether it be from a religious figure, a psychiatrist, anyone! There are other options and you are not alone! If you feel like you have no one to talk to AIM or MSN me, just click the buttons by my name, I may not be around all the time but when I am I'll talk it out with you, I know what it's like to be down and to feel like no one is listening. Don't be ashamed to seek help either, it won't make you any less stronger then you originally were, it won't make you a wuss or anything like that, you'll go see a doctor, get a prescription and/or therapy and you WILL feel better. Crook's word.

That's my two cents.

[Baron]

I've been the go to guy fot a lot of people I know. I've helped people get out of terrible relationships, physical abuse, I had long talks depression, sexual abuse, verbal, and rape :( . I've found that there are a lot of people out there who just want some one to listen and that right there will help greatly. If you need some one to talk to, shoot me a PM

[PeeInTheShower]

SERIOUSLY suicidal people:
-don't tell anyone, they just do it, or attempt it.
-don't cut their wrists for people to see, they might cut their thighs or anywhere else that's not visible.
-don't care about the ones around them who are gonna suffer through the loss (selfish)
-can even be a "thug" type character. they come in all forms of people.
-alot of attempted suicides come following a death of a close one, making them feel like there's no reason to live...

ay people, watch out who you talk shit to. a kid in my town killed himself on webcam because he had a low self esteem, was on bars, and kids on the internet were egging him on to do it. such a fucked up world. about 2000 people were watching him as he did it, took cops 12 hours to figure out he wasn't messing around.

[EgoZen]

Winter time gets me mad down and depressive..
I feel like shit and want to kill myself...

Sometimes I`m just too lonely I guess..

[bilal_tariq]

I hear you man, I'm about to go back to Toronto in the blizzard...it's going to be messed seeing I just lost my loved one. I sound like such a whiner.

[PeeInTheShower]

it's going to be messed seeing I just lost my loved one. I sound like such a whiner.

meaning someone died? because i just came to recently realized, i'd rather not be friends with someone and never see them again than have them die and never see anyone ever again.

[bilal_tariq]

No, not dead. But I'm pretty much dead for her. It was a breakup. Over this stupid site. Rather ONE OF THE REASONS was this site.

[Baszma]

Bilal Tariq, don't listen to SBOMBS. He's bein a douchebag, it sucks to have a bad break-up. Just remember to try and keep your chin up. And no offense to you, but if she's willing to have one of the reasons for breaking up with you visiting a silly website(and it's not even porn...), you can do better. Just remember, there are lots of fish in the sea, even in Toronto. :D

[Siner]

Well, long story short, i'm currently in a mental hostpital and have been for three days now. It's not too bad but i still would rather be on the "outside", leagally i'm not even allowed to leave until three more days. But it is good to talk to a physicitrist and go to groups about assertivness, anger managment, depression and anxiety. I just really hope when I get out I will truely feel better and not wanna kill myself, anyways, i have to go back to the ward...

[bilal_tariq]

Bilal Tariq, don't listen to SBOMBS. He's bein a douchebag, it sucks to have a bad break-up. Just remember to try and keep your chin up. And no offense to you, but if she's willing to have one of the reasons for breaking up with you visiting a silly website(and it's not even porn...), you can do better. Just remember, there are lots of fish in the sea, even in Toronto. :D

Don't worry about Bombs, he's always just venting his anger out on everyone, even on good days. Anyhow, it's not that she's mad about me visiting the site. Hell she knew I write, but she got pretty heavily cheesed about me posting in the hot girls thread making it look like as if I want to get it on with the chicks posted in there and thinking I'm going around looking for casual shit with chicks I don't even know of. She's sensitive and she has full right to, come on, gotta keep in regard her feelings too, you know. Can't blame her at all.

PS. I ain't no fisherman, so I don't go fishing. (That's one of the main things I've been trying to explain to her too, that I don't go fishing around for chicks, she thinks otherwise :(). Shit's pretty gully nowadays, and she's leaving out of town for a bit, luckily she'll be back before I'm gone for good, but still. I'm going to fucking miss her like no tomorrow.

[kill_fred]

Having attempted suicide and just recently getting help for it I'm going to say this.

If you're honestly having these dark thoughts and suffer from depression, please, PLEASE seek help, whether it be from a religious figure, a psychiatrist, anyone! There are other options and you are not alone! If you feel like you have no one to talk to AIM or MSN me, just click the buttons by my name, I may not be around all the time but when I am I'll talk it out with you, I know what it's like to be down and to feel like no one is listening. Don't be ashamed to seek help either, it won't make you any less stronger then you originally were, it won't make you a wuss or anything like that, you'll go see a doctor, get a prescription and/or therapy and you WILL feel better. Crook's word.

That's my two cents.

i was on pills for depression and shit.lots of violent thougths and stuff.but they made me sick so i stopped taking them and now im all depressed or angry all the time but i cant take pills cuz they make me sick(like duh i just said that) so yeah.....im fucked.haha.life is a bitch

[Baszma]

Bilal: That makes a lot more sense. And I do not recommend "fishing" in the least, I simply meant that you will still be able to find love out there with another fish if you're not able to work things out with this one.

[Noddles912300]

Just venting, I haven't left my house in around 3 days? I think i've successfully drove everyone away. I've always got sketch books though.

[Yusef]

its interesting that theres alot of depressed people on this site. not to be ignorant or dismissive of dudes problems, but surround yourself with people you genuinely enjoy, meditate, smoke weed if that works for you, slow down with shit and calm down. enjoy your surroundings, lifes really not that bad ya dig

[JETPACK!!]

word up noddles. i dont get why kids would wanna kill themselves rather than build on what they do well.

no one likes graffiti. all i get is constant shit outta it. kids wanna beef me an friends are always backstabbin me. my parents dislike me and ive ruined any career i could get with multiple charges from graffiti. i dropped outta college an wasted $2000
but i aint bitchin, it builds character. i got more stories than the majority of you. rather than being sad cuz very few want to get close to me i just keep walkin on. find something that you wanna live for, whether it be drugs, paint video games or whatever. living for drugs is stupid as fuck... but it aint as stupid as killin yourself.
know what im sayin?

wordup yusef

[PeeInTheShower]

its interesting that theres alot of depressed people on this site. not to be ignorant or dismissive of dudes problems, but surround yourself with people you genuinely enjoy, meditate, smoke weed if that works for you, slow down with shit and calm down. enjoy your surroundings, lifes really not that bad ya dig

smoking weed actually causes depression when you build a tolerance and then one day dont have it. all the every day stoners experience that shit.

[The_Crying_Indian]

I dont knwo if this happens to anyone but me but christmas time always gets me fucking down, ever since I moved from Toronto things have been shit, like I live in a family thats always had a lot of money so everyone I know is superficial and my parents are never home so yeah christmas time makes me feel lonely cause everyone at schools like "im going to ..... for vacations with my family!" "my dads taking us to ......" and I really have nothing to do when people ask me what I'm doing them say "uh......stay home?"
But friday I went with my psyciatrist again and I'm back on anti-deps.
Now the point of all this was because on monday I was on the verge of killing myself, so I'm just gonna tell you guys like it is, if you guys have problems get help, if you go to a psyciatrist its not cause youre demented or crazy, you need that help, if it wasn't because my friend found out I was going to kill myself I would've been dead, but he helped me to go talk to my parents about it and yeah.
So don't hold in the grudges, get help.
so what does dick taste like

[JETPACK!!]

i went to a shrink not to long ago... all he told me was that i was fucked up and had many issues. waste of money. all shrinks are.

find some self worth people. get a hobby that works

[MarOne...]

this site turned u into a gay bitch....maybe if u confronted ur shit and deals in REAL LIFE....u wouldnt have to copme an complain on the internet

go fuckin rub ur naked dick in her window.....maybe shell want u back....hahahha whatr am i sayin..... shell never take u back....probably why ur postin here....

Sbombs is a fucking PEE-YIMP.

[ColorOptional]

Honestly bro, I dont know you at all but it sounds to me like your trying a little to hard to be mister perfect in hopes she might read this shit again. No bodies perfect and if she cant take the good with the bad, then its not worth it. Give it alittle bit, let it maranate and if she dont come back, move on.

[Baszma]

hahahaha, i've never heard that from another dude, but multiple times from multiple different girls. And yeah, i know what you mean. There's a girl I haven't gotten over a year and a half later, and I'm constantly trying to figure out what to do to get her back. I know what you mean.

[bilal_tariq]

That must be a pain. A year and a half?? Does she even know you trying?

[Cesk]

so what does dick taste like

For me great, idk about you... :]

[Baszma]

O yeah, she knows. She has just gotten the short end of the stick her entire life(raped multiple times, ex's who've killed themselves, a miscarriage) and thinks that I deserve better as she'll just drag me down. As much as i try to convince her it doesn't work.

[Yusef]

sweet baby jesus

[bilal_tariq]

Shit, that's intense. My respect-o-meter for you just bucked up a notch, and on top of that, you just go down on the list of people on these forums who don't just talk shit out of their asses like most of 'em on here do, respect man.

But yeah, I guess that person just has low self-esteem thinking someone like you is better off without them and that they coming into your life will only cause you to sadden or something.

Guess she's just looking out for you?

Edit: Reading that kind of stuff just makes me thankful for not coming across that kind of predicament man, 'cause that's like a pretty messed up situation for both parties...

[littlerocky]

im right with you bilal..i feel like if this girl had a gun to my head and put a bullet through my brain with my last breath of air i would tell her i love her.she herself is having problems and wont let herself belive that when i tell her no matter what i mean it. its like as she loses hope in herself she loses hope in everyone?.

edit: actually i didnt read this whole forum but i just realized im in the exact same situation as baszma with the rape abortion and whanot...except im still with her. but i hear you exactly.. shes starting to think she only brings me down..when shes really all that is keeping me together..i wish she could just understand that. or maybe more accept it.

[C3ZR ONE]

Everyone just settle the fuck down in here for reals.... It's like 3 days from Canadian Boxing day... Do you know what that means?? BS boxing day sale!!! All the illest euro mags for only $1.95.... If that don't make you wanna hold on, then you probably have actual priorities or you're a closet homosexual...No hate. Just sayin. Pull the dink out yur bum and cop those mags! They go great with anti deppresants!:D

[littlerocky]

free with xanax?

[Baszma]

For me great, idk about you... :]

I'd agree Cesk. :D

Bilal: Thanx, that really does mean a lot, I could say the same about you, you seem truly legit. The diamond in the dirt, you could say.

LittleRocky: I know how you feel man. I could say the exact same about this girl.

[Cesk]

I'd agree Cesk. :D

Bilal: Thanx, that really does mean a lot, I could say the same about you, you seem truly legit. The diamond in the dirt, you could say.

LittleRocky: I know how you feel man. I could say the exact same about this girl.

You're gay.....? O_O

[Baszma]

I'm bi. :D

You?


Edit: and yes, I am prepared to take 9834893458934589489 tons of shit for this revelation considering on what forum I'm posting this info.

[Cesk]

I'm bi. :D

You?


Edit: and yes, I am prepared to take 9834893458934589489 tons of shit for this revelation considering on what forum I'm posting this info.

Nah bro, you wont get shit.
I'm gay btw.

-

Anywho, am I the only person who gets really really really hyper with anti-deps to the point you dont know what to do? LOL

[Baszma]

That would be really exciting if I didn't. I'm about to kill some of the fucks at my high school that give me shit every day, goddamn.....

Do your parents know?

And yeah, i do too. it's not that bad for me, but it's noticable.

[Cesk]

That would be really exciting if I didn't. I'm about to kill some of the fucks at my high school that give me shit every day, goddamn.....

Do your parents know?

And yeah, i do too. it's not that bad for me, but it's noticable.

Yep, my parents know, I actually made sure they knew.

I mean all the people who give you shit just ignore them, I get homophobe comments all the time dude. I just ignore it.

[Baszma]

That's tight. I wish I could do that. I have to actively make sure that they don't find out, as I enjoy having a house to sleep in.

But only 2 more years of this B.S., then I can have my own house with no haters.

And yeah, that's what I have to do. it's w/e.

[C3ZR ONE]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWs_GG50Jgw


A little music to enhance the mood for you fellas..:D No hate. Whatever keeps you from offing yurself... But I swear, the cheap graff mags will do the trick too. <3

[Cesk]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWs_GG50Jgw


A little music to enhance the mood for you fellas..:D No hate. Whatever keeps you from offing yurself... But I swear, the cheap graff mags will do the trick too. <3

Dude the Accapella version is shit D:

[C3ZR ONE]

I just liked the album cover art on that one and how it flashes periodically like it's gonna do something. LOL

C'mon, you gotta admit, that was great timing...

[Baszma]

i know what you're going through Mr. Switch. I'm scared for my situation everyday, as my parents wouldn't kick me out, they would try to punish me until i changed.

*Cezr1*: agreed, once it was over I was almost a lil disappointed it didn't do anything. Lolz. :p

[ouchaoner]

ive tried a total of 6 time in my life.

the last time my girlfreind of 5 years got pregnant. broke up with me, and had an abortion without my knowledge, was and still am broken up about it. took my seatbelt off and tried driving right into a barrier. pulled away last minute. still think about doing it alot. i had a ring for her, and was looking forward to being a dad.

she was also a graff writer

[ouchaoner]

actual writer. she did it all, but mostly wheatpaste and stencil, hardly every did free hand stuff.

[Baszma]

I'm sorry dude, I know this must be hard for you. I hope you can pull through it, if you need to talk, shoot me a pm.

[bilal_tariq]

You know, at one time when you've felt a lot, and seen mad shit, and been through enough, and you turn solid and cold and straight m'fuckin' gangster on this world that people start having a problem with your cold front, then you can't really blame yourself 'cause you've become the product of what other people have molded you into. I'm just saying 'cause you know, I loved, and the bullshit part is that when the other person doesn't love you anymore, you think okay, two options - you can still keep loving and make a fool out of yourself 'cause that person ain't coming back, OR you can turn cold turkey on that love tip, but what the fuck is more inhumane? The former where you're fighting a lost cause or the latter where people start having problems with you 'cause of your attitude towards "normal" feelings.

I don't know, at times, shit does get kusty when you look back, but you are who you are. You can't just kill yourself and your whole presence because of what people do to you, yeah I know it's messed 'cause they come into your lives and change you for the good or the bad and then walk away and you just realize that all this change that has been brought upon is just for...nothing...and no one, BUT yourself.

Hone yourself. I guess that's what I've learned the most. She's gone but she changed my entire perspective of a MAJORITY of things I relate to all the time, really, even graff. Hone yourself not for someone, but for yourself 'cause at the end of the day man, you're the top dog, and sometimes you're the domino, snuff yourself out and the structure propells and crashes.

Suicidal thoughts will always come into people's minds, and even to an extent where the attempt succeeds, that's why they say that the human mind is the most dangerous weapon known to mankind, so if you put your thoughts towards that, sooner or later someone's getting dropped, and if instead you'd just put your mind towards the opposite which makes you want to make yourself better for each upcoming day, trust that shit'll work out.

Yeah it does get hella glum and shit when they're not around anymore the same way or not around AT ALL, just know you're around and so is your shadow. Dying takes moments, living on takes years, that's the real test.

"Even after you're buried underneath the soil
Send a message to hell, nobody grieve for you
Your physical mass is converted into ash"

- (Jus Allah) Jedi Mind Tricks - The Executioner's Dream.

[PeeInTheShower]

tariq i'm under the impression you haven't had many girlffriends...

do you have any idea what it's like, seeing someone struggle through opiate addictions, and whenever they withdraw they MAKE you sit there and listen on why they want to kill themselves but never will? do you know what it's like having to sleep in the same room as someone addicted to heroin while they're kicking their sheets sweating balls and every couple breaths they're saying "i wanna die" and then when you try to get close they just punch you..? any idea what it's like trying to help someone that doesn't want to be helped? im convinced, people do hard drugs because they don't want to leave this world, they just want to stay absent minded. those people you see on the side of the highway dressed in raggedy clothes, have mostly committed emotional suicide. they're just not here.

[retnemed]

I've uhhh, had Depression and anxiety since i was about 7 years old..Grew up in a hella rich area, was bullyed alot for no reason, even through high school people treated me like dirt and it fucked me up, I still remember countless times when i was younger where the teachers literally had to pull me off my mom because it was almost like i was being sent to prison.. id scream and cry and i couldnt breath, i also went through the same thing in high school just in different ways.. and have had some serious bad luck. im on medication now..Prozac, I also take nexium cause i have gastritis....I get pretty scared of my state every day too, self infliction and all, but my parents love me alot theyv been there for a long time so its all really confuseing and hard to cope, i can barely take anything at all, i almost would rather die than listen to someone put me down, or tell me what ive done wrong, i cant even be in big crowds anymore and i get seriously numb to the point where i dont care anymore, well. I stopped caring about life a long time ago. But art has helped me alot..If it wasnt for graffiti id be fucking dead straight up. Respect to all those suffering from the same shit holding it down, your not alone. And I know how you all feel, because the pain you feel runs so deep its unexplainable, which is why most of you are going to look at this post and say hey, that kid is depressed because of how people treated him, but its not that once depression gets to you it fucks with your mind and runs so deep that words cant even explain it. I never payed attention in school, I wasnt ADD and i woulda put up with the bullshit but i hated it so much i couldnt stand being in rooms with alot of people, bells, lockers slamming, people screaming, yelling, rumors, trends, teachers telling you what to do putting you down, constantly haveing to follow rule after rule, its because of shcool that my parents almost put me down EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE. Tell me how you feel after 10 years of that and not being able to explain yourself because your mind blanks out whats truly ripping you apart inside. Much love to all those who read and udnerstand this, PM me if you ever wanna talk.

ER.. Tariq, I beleive in your position, you can't truly understand how it feels in some peoples positions who suffer from depression. I'm sorry, but you shouldn't talk about what you don't know untill you truly wanna end your life looking at a bloody wrist ^.^

[bilal_tariq]

tariq i'm under the impression you haven't had many girlffriends...

Bingo.

any idea what it's like trying to help someone that doesn't want to be helped?

Yep. It's pretty messed up when you're trying to help out someone and they either just don't care or just don't want to be helped.


I've uhhh, had Depression and anxiety since i was about 7 years old..Grew up in a hella rich area, was bullyed alot for no reason, even through high school people treated me like dirt and it fucked me up, I still remember countless times when i was younger where the teachers literally had to pull me off my mom because it was almost like i was being sent to prison.. id scream and cry and i couldnt breath, i also went through the same thing in high school just in different ways.. and have had some serious bad luck. im on medication now..Prozac, I also take nexium cause i have gastritis....I get pretty scared of my state every day too, self infliction and all, but my parents love me alot theyv been there for a long time so its all really confuseing and hard to cope, i can barely take anything at all, i almost would rather die than listen to someone put me down, or tell me what ive done wrong, i cant even be in big crowds anymore and i get seriously numb to the point where i dont care anymore, well. I stopped caring about life a long time ago. But art has helped me alot..If it wasnt for graffiti id be fucking dead straight up. Respect to all those suffering from the same shit holding it down, your not alone. And I know how you all feel, because the pain you feel runs so deep its unexplainable, which is why most of you are going to look at this post and say hey, that kid is depressed because of how people treated him, but its not that once depression gets to you it fucks with your mind and runs so deep that words cant even explain it. I never payed attention in school, I wasnt ADD and i woulda put up with the bullshit but i hated it so much i couldnt stand being in rooms with alot of people, bells, lockers slamming, people screaming, yelling, rumors, trends, teachers telling you what to do putting you down, constantly haveing to follow rule after rule, its because of shcool that my parents almost put me down EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE. Tell me how you feel after 10 years of that and not being able to explain yourself because your mind blanks out whats truly ripping you apart inside. Much love to all those who read and udnerstand this, PM me if you ever wanna talk.

ER.. Tariq, I beleive in your position, you can't truly understand how it feels in some peoples positions who suffer from depression. I'm sorry, but you shouldn't talk about what you don't know untill you truly wanna end your life looking at a bloody wrist ^.^

Apparently you didn't even get what I said then. You sound pro-suicide so you shouldn't even be here 'cause this thread is about helping people out who've had those thoughts, everyone does at some point in their life at least once. All I said is that there's a way around it always and it's just up to you to choose that way and pursue it for the sake of tomorrow or just blindfold yourself and take the dive into suicideville.

And Pee, trust bro, I hear what you're saying and depression comes in all forms and sizes and causes man, relationships, deaths, chemicals, climate, surroundings, so each has a different story and a different reason, and no one can deny that. Mine was my relationship, yours have been people, Ret's has been school (?) but yeah.

I didn't come in here hating on anyone here telling 'em to fuck off for having suicidal thoughts and shit, instead I'm giving them my two cents to find a way around that and make two hundred thousand dollars out of those two cents you know, live on.

I'm going to spend some time with my dad today, he wanted to chill with me plus dinner maybe later tonight, he told me I have just a few days left before I head back to Toronto, so it'll be cool to chill with him. It's good that once in a while you being around people matters, but it sucks when those people aren't there anymore/around you. So yeah, just think if you went away, it would suck for a lot of people. For me it's just a different thing because I haven't let more people than I could count on my right hand fingers come so close to me, except my girl. And when she left, she took away an entire half of me and I used to tell her a lot when we were together how she's like the other better half of me, and now that's she's gone, being left with the not-as-better half, all I can do is work on this half and hone myself and make myself a better person and recreate that better half of myself. Rebirth of some sort I guess, look at it as you may.

2009, yay you lived this long.

[retnemed]

Hmm, lets see here. "You can't fully understand untill your truly wanting to end your life looking at a bloody wrist". Mother fucker I've been to hell and back and think about ending my life every single day, and I can picture it perfectly, but the people that love me hold me back, and you know what? Personally. I'd rather just be alone. By the way you also sound like the biggest conservitive asshole in the world, and trust me I've been there, done that, got fucking guilt tripped and minipulated by a crazy fucking puerto recan bitch for a whole year but i cant stand up for myself for shit so eventually when i did leave her I was getting death threts n shit by El Salvadorian gang members, I had to listen to that girl cry to me every single fuckign day for a good 4 months, I had a mental fucking breakdown then I got fuckin 24 year olds n shit telling me if I ever hear gun shots in the night its my turn? DOPE. thats not even 1/100th of the shit thats happened to me I told you already, I'll tell you again. You don't. Fucking. Understand. I wanna talk to someone about it whos on the same page as me like Pee. Maybe not that deep, but he fucking knows how I feel I bet. Alright people who've been through the same experiences should be helping eachother on this thred not some Conservative douche bag with his head stuck up his ass, like are you fuckin dumb? Obviously I'm going to tell people the gist of shit before I go helping others, stop acting like you know everything I wanna talk to people whove been through the same shit or at least someone whos sweeet about it not some Conservative Religious Liberal Media Brainwashed Douche.

[bilal_tariq]

Well since you're going to be an arrogant fuck when I'm not even being one to you, let me tell you too, motherfucker, that I've spoken to Pee too, even he knows it's fucked on my tip, and sure it's not as fucked as yours, but nonetheless, I'm trying to help myself and whoever asks, not even needed to ask actually, that's what this fucking thread is about, helping out when no one is even asking to, so shut the fuck up and get your facts right and see that I'm not telling you to fuck off and go do something better than ending your life, I'm saying you're the fucking man, and you can do something about it. Don't fucking call me a "Conservative Religious Liberal Media Brainwashed Douche" 'cause you sound like a fag when you say shit like that 'cause it doesn't make sense in the first place, once again, get your shit straight. And I'm not telling you or anyone for that matter to come talk to me, in fact, they can come if they deem it necessary so fuck off and quit thinking I'm trying to put you down 'cause you haven't even been here for long and if you were, you could ask the fucking people on here and they'd tell you I don't fuck around about shit like this you fucking dyke.

On a route for betterment, feel good soon, and this isn't about beef or shit ESPECIALLY not in this thread 'cause we're all different stories in this thread and the only way we can fix each other up is by fixing ourselves first and then compromising with another person's differences and understand where they're coming from, and that's why I put a fucking question mark next to your name 'cause I DIDN'T KNOW completely where you're coming from, so seriously, get your shit straight.

And mind you, don't fucking front on someone when they're trying to help you out by saying look, fine this method may not apply to you but if you fucking read the first page of this thread, it tells you to post up shit that helps US deal with the situation so that others can read and understand and then help THEM. Don't fucking come in here saying shit like I'm trying to fucking be cold and not understanding you fool.

So what if I'm not (and a hella lot of others in this thread) aren't on the same page as you? So what if your ass ain't going to find "someone who is sweet about it" but instead you find someone telling you how they coped with their shit and instead you learned from that? Are you fucked? And obviously we aren't on the same page which is why you spazzed out all of a sudden but look once again, all I said is that you're the top dogs, you're the keystones here in the arc, you fall, you bring down others, and they could end up messing themselves up for your downfall and if you're ready to put someone in that situation, then you're fucked, but if you're ready to read about someone who chooses to live on everyday despite having fucked up thoughts and learning from that, then you're on your way to recovery already mang.

Peace from the Middle East.

[retnemed]

I'm sorry.. I'm really frail I get agrovated very easily and I'm sorry you had to experience that.

[bilal_tariq]

Don't even worry about it, scroll back a couple pages, you'll see a lot of shittalking and hating going on, but trust man, sooner or later your saving grace is going to come by and you won't even know it. But right now, you're fucked, just like most of us in this thread, the best thing to do is to pour yourself out. That's what I do too, and I my girl was the only one person who I used to pour out shit to and when she left me, I can't even do that anymore 'cause she just told me today that I need to stop coming back to that topic, and what's worse is that her phone isn't even working so I can't even hear that soothing voice of hers to at least make shit a little easier, you know? Instead all I do is email her as often as possible and I write my ass off emptying myself out, she doesn't really care and tells me that it's a good start to get pissed off and shit in the mails 'cause it'll make you feel better but she's told me no matter what she's not going to come back for me.

And I'm not even going to come and tell you "try living with that son" 'cause this shit isn't about competition about who's living a more fucked up life, we all are in the same pool, let's keep it at that and swim in it's shallow end rather than the deep end and finally get the fuck out once the goosebumps start creeping in, 'cause that shit is not cool.

[AESOPuno]

Dude just my opinion... suicide is retarted
seriously guys once ur dead, ur dead. u dont get to do shit anymore. Ya life sux somtimes but if u just ignor the bad shit and focus on the good its more fun
You should make a list of shit that u always wanted 2 do and do that shit be4 u off urself
my list would include. Having a orgy wit playboy models, getting a bj while skydiving, and havin my dream car.
just my thoughts

[IlikePie]

I hope you pull your parachute early and get your cock bitten off.

[AESOPuno]

wow dude thats harsh
my sig is another reason not 2 commit suicide

[retnemed]

...Read back about what I said.. girls are trouble, especailly those kind that hide their face under a mask.

[bilal_tariq]

Yeah once you're dead, you're dead. But yo, sometimes it's cool to think about what it would be like up in the clouds, and when I think about that, I always think about watching out for the person I love and wait for them to join me wherever the fuck the afterlifeafterparty is at, ha.

But concentrating on the good shit is pretty hard 'cause a lot of that good shit loses flavor when you come across even a slight hint of the bad shit. Like sure you'd try to cope the whole day with something(s) good and then a little unexpected thing may reset you into that shitty mood and you're back to running shit across the street, I've tried to concentrate on a lot of the shit I'm good at, even graff, but for some reason I've felt it becoming so hard to piece lately that I pop out a couple handies and call that my daily dose of graff, which is shameful I think personally but there's not much that I can do other than fix myself up by looking at reality and being like hell yeah this ISN'T the shit but it sure is something, which is better than nothing, and suicide = nothing, so that's a no go for me.

But yeah, I think we've all had the list phase, and mine's somewhat been to have a building with my credentials, contribution towards economic progress, and inventing this whole bunch of shit I've ACTUALLY put down in writing (with deep thought) and seeing it come to life something like Hugo Gernsback's "Ralph 124C 41+".

Oh well.

[bilal_tariq]

Aesop - ...What? That's one hell of a shallow reason...

Then again, your first sentence included "suicide is retarded".

[retnemed]

Yeah graffiti has defently helped me alot, without it no doubt about it I'd be dead and gone if I didnt paint every night lol, and I agree with you Taliq.. Was pretty shallow. Did you know the suicide sucess rates for girls to guys is 34% first time for girls and 88% first time for boys?

[AESOPuno]

wut page is it on?

[bilal_tariq]

"Graffiti saved my life." - they say that for a reason bud. And for me it's trippy 'cause my mental state is the biggest influence on my pieces. If I'm feeling good, my piece looks good, hell I could come up with a thousand different ways to pull off handies when I'm feeling that good. For most people though, their graff makes them better, it's just the other way around for me. I just gotta make myself better and my shit automatically progresses.

[retnemed]

my shits bacicly all the same so i dont really care too much lol, bombing is bombing to me, ill switch er up every couplea months but thats about it, anyways im out to a movie, peace

[AESOPuno]

dude no its not a shallow response i just suck at writing deep stuff
but like why would u commit suicide like ya stuff sux but u can always fix it. If you forget the past and the future and just live in the present its easier to focus on the good and get over the bad

[smooth_nuts]

Did you know the suicide sucess rates for girls to guys is 34% first time for girls and 88% first time for boys?
I did not know that and it surprises the shit out of me...


On another note,i never understood the whole "graffiti saved my life" thing,to me it's always been nothing but head aches and i always felt it was jsut some slogans a bunch of internet hipsters made up cause catching sharpie hands on parkbenches makes htem feel like they accomplished somethign in life(NOT TAKING A SHOT THAT THOSE WHO SAID THAT,JUST WANTED TO ADD TO THE DISCUSTION)

[retnemed]

86% of all adolescent suicides in the U.S.are comitted by boys
In Canada, Boys commit suicide at a rate four times higher than girls. Its the truth, guys can't take even a quarter of the shit girls can put up with.

[bilal_tariq]

dude no its not a shallow response i just suck at writing deep stuff
but like why would u commit suicide like ya stuff sux but u can always fix it. If you forget the past and the future and just live in the present its easier to focus on the good and get over the bad

True, you can ALWAYS fix it, word to that. But yeah if you just move by it like as if it was nothing thinking if I go past it it'll be okay, then nah, that's just shallow and if it's THAT easy for you to toss shit like that then no wonder a lot of the people who tap themselves out are those who're shallow and find no deep meaning in life and fucking toss it away. The whole "not giving a fuck", "anything goes" and "move on" attitude easily develops people to lose meaning for real shit, and then boom, without thinking at the slightest time they're already off the cliff thinking it'll be alright, everything will be alright, when that's balls.


I did not know that and it surprises the shit out of me...


On another note,i never understood the whole "graffiti saved my life" thing,to me it's always been nothing but head aches and i always felt it was jsut some slogans a bunch of internet hipsters made up cause catching sharpie hands on parkbenches makes htem feel like they accomplished somethign in life(NOT TAKING A SHOT THAT THOSE WHO SAID THAT,JUST WANTED TO ADD TO THE DISCUSTION)

Well I think they also mentioned it in Wild Style how kids could be doing more worse and fucked up shit like drugs, gangbanging, shit around the streets that's worse than slapping wheatpaste and emptying out cans on walls, and graffiti is their saving grace, it keeps them away from all that shit. Sure it puts you in the pigsty but at least it's something that makes you better at what you are.

I've yet to hear a fag come along and say that he was walking down the street one day and picked up a Montana micro which was 3/4 done and he decided to drop a handie on the wall next to him and now his life is saved.....by a can of Montana FTW.

[AESOPuno]

aite i kinda get wut ur sayin bilal but... if it is like one of those things where u do somethin stupid and it gets u killed atleast ur havin fun doin it lol
like im against gettin urself killed either way but if i had to choose i would rather die doin somethin fun and stupid than be all upset and killin myself cuz i was depressed and whatnot

[littlerocky]

i hear tariq..i was just about to say the same shit to aesops point yes you can always fix shit but living your life in the present only is complete bullshit.i mean yeah it create alot of problems looking into the future..creating false hopes and whatnot. but when you have nothing to belive in, only living for one more smile, i dont think you can ever get better, just faker?..it hurts to see people throw away their future because they cant handle the present. i learned that today.

edit: you need something to live for.

[twotimesfive]

I'm happy cause I came close a few times, but never did, and my life seems to be quite a bit better now, even though nothing has changed. All just perspective, if something else kills me, I might as well have a smile on my face when it does, cause I sure as hell can't stop it.

[bilal_tariq]

What up mang?

I hear the getting whole faker part, that's downright true. I'm fucking through with a lot of shit today man, "fuck all", just like how Jetpack would say. 'Cause being original made me a good person, too real, the moment I started changing myself, shit started hitting the fan and the fucked up bit was that the person who I changed for doesn't like both the original nor the changed me, so what the fuck right?

Something to live for? Yeah I live for myself. It might sound shallow in the beginning man but remember, at the end of the day you're the damn hustler and life's a hustle, we all know that, keep the flow going. I live for the past, the present and the future. The past I learn from, the present I imply to, the future I work towards - 'cause I got mad dreams and shit I want to accomplish, and the thing is I'd love to accomplish my dreams with someone special, but what's even more beautiful about those dreams is that I can do them all by myself, and I got that from my girl before she left me, she told me I don't need her 'cause I'm a fuckin' trooper and I get mad shit done and I'm capable of all that. Guess I'm just living on to live out my capabilities man.

Too much drama shit falling for people when they don't give a flying fuck about you, what's worse is that they're so much better than you and you're not too much of a big deal for them. But then again, if you look at it that way, you'll obviously feel shit, instead I'm starting to look at it the way I always used to look before, that I can run heaps of shit na mean? Therefore, I live for myself, I trust myself, I love myself, I know myself, I know I'm a good person, I don't care if I'm a bad person in someone's eyes because they don't even bother knowing me that well, I think for myself, I run myself. It's a kick to keep you going everyday man, and get best at whatever you're truly good at, being yourself, and not some faker.

[littlerocky]

i meant i hear your like i get what your sayin..lol..and yeah im in the same shit right now..just broke up with my girl today..but like i notice as she left me she had already left everything..and told me. she cant handle thinking abotu the future because she cant handle the present. dropped out of college unemployed the whole bit. and she cannot see fixing herself to the point where shes done trying. thats what i mean when you need something to live for. she wont even live for herself. i love her to death and care everything about her and its almost understandable she needs to get her life in gear before she wants something serious again. but the problem is i know, because she has told me, there is nothing she wants because nothing will make her happy again. we had to leave on that note.
edit: and the big problem is as im sure you kno..its likee ive put legitimately evreything into this..like its all i kno how to do.. and now that its over it feels like everything's lost purpose. like i forgot how to do everything else.

[bilal_tariq]

Fuck...same thoughts here. The whole last bit where I too put in everything I could, that's why I've become so drained that I lately can't sketch anymore because I've lost my whole grip on the pen too, y'know? But yeah, the only difference is where she's all set for life and I'm pretty much drained but I know I'll be back up and running in no time soon because there's no point in having any regrets over shit like this. And yeah I love her to death too, it's a fucking pity for me why she won't see it from my eyes and what I can do for her and how loving her has become like one of the sickest things I could ever do, but oh well man, life shoves shit in your face you just gotta take it and bake it.

My advice to you though would be try even harder to make yourself more stable, then help her become even more stable and give her a purpose too while you're at it (the whole live for something joint) and once that's done, you can hit that serious tip 'cause now you're down for each other in a different manner to pull each other through shit like this, word she'll be happy and back to being human and loving again. She's just confused and I bet you are too 'cause you put in way too much before time and now you feel like there's nothing left in you when you still got mad time ahead of you and mad shit to give to her, trust it'll work out.

[littlerocky]

yeah i hear you..weve kinda been rocky like this shit for a little now like near breakups/like a week breakup and whatnot as was prolly the same for you.so like yea honestly i think i shouldnt look back for her for a bit cus last time i did that (that week or twoish breakup) the same shit happened again. so i figure live my life a little try and pass this by right now (haha rigghtt.) and make sure i can be stable without her and whatnot. like it would be easier to try and cope shit but its not gonna fix anything at this moment so i guess ill just ride it out a little do my thang but its gonna be hard..but ehh it is a big world.somethings gotta be worth it.
edit:but yeah..we already promised at some point in the future regardless of whats happening in our life to see each other..and i mean we are like 19 so we figure maybe this also happened all to early.but honestly anything could happen.shit will work like it should, blunts will help till then haha.

[yournewdaddy]

emo youz bitchz

[lifer]

Fuck a bitch

[littlerocky]

daddy im glad you tear up the suicide thread on your third post.what a way to live.

[lifer]

I agree

p.s FUCK A BITCH

[yournewdaddy]

zhhhhhhhh

[La Coka Nostra]

blunts will help till then haha.

blunts always help.

p.s.- killing yourself over a bitch is retarded. if you get involved with a girl, don't let them become your whole world. most relationships fail. so most likely, yours will too. it will be hard at first, but after a while, you'll stop caring, and so will they. or you can just date someone else to fill the void. but then they'll probably leave you too. rinse and repeat.

[Baszma]

i really hate to agree with you, but I have to... :(

It makes it sound so bleak and loveless, but it's so true...

[Pickton's Pigpen]

i have a whole sketch book filled with suicide plans lol......

[ouchaoner]

life sucks. if it wasnt for friends, family, and my ex i wanted to kill myself over guilt tripping me, i would deffinatly be dead. some days i wish i would just take off without telling anyone. to some random place, destroy all my id. and kill myself so they think i just abandoned them all and never know i was dead.

as gay as it sounds, a song that really sums up my thaughts is numb by lincoln park. i hate that band so much, but the other day i was driving home and it was on the radio. and i was intensely listening to the lyrics and i had to pull over cuz i couldnt see from all the tears.

i had to deal with the girl i love taking a shit on me, and killing my kid. and then my parents being disappointed in me, and forcing me into some college i didnt want to go with. and then deal with them on a daily basis for not doing good in college and how im fucking my life up. and all this on top of being bullied since grade 3 till grade 12. every day. in fact in grade 4 my brother use to leave highschool eirly to pick me up from school to walk me home, cuz this kid that was a highschool drop out use to beat me up on the walk home. one day he made the mistake of saying something to me when my brother was walking me home.my brother who use to write too and had a backpack full of paint. when he heard the guy say something my brother started beating the guy with the backpack full of paint cans. my brother ended up getting arrested as a result

[DoctorOfCrime]

Yeah alot of things get ya down. But it cant stay bad forever.......if your problem is school or people at school (Alot of high school kids on the forum) then you can drop out or you only got a year or so of shit until you finish. I mean back in my days thats the problem i had. Going too a under middle class high school got me down. People there pissed me off i was surrounded with dog cunts. But after a few years i left a found a job and dont even see those mother fuckers any more. So life turned out well i just had to wait awhile.......

[bilal_tariq]

Props to Coka for spitting the bare truth, and Doc - patience I guess is always a virtue, and sometimes it just fucks you up.

But yeah getting messed up over a girl sometimes is a good thing in terms of like it shows how much you love her and shit to actually get messed up about it and it affects you and shit and sometimes it's bad 'cause it makes you do fucked up things and mess up further y'know?

The best way is to ride this shit out and forget it ever happened. Just learn from it, it's just like high school, you forget it and don't remember every single day of it BUT you did learn a lot right? So that's that, move on, let it go, in the words of Jean Grae:

Let it go, let it flow
Move on with your life and act like you know
Been on my last breathe, been between life and death
but I gotta let it go, can't deal with the stress
I let it, go.. let it go, let it flow
Move on with your life and act like you know
Been on my last breathe, been between life and death
but I gotta let it go, can't deal with the stress

The Herbaliser - Let It Go (Featuring Jean Grae).

Dope track and lots of meaning. Listening to shit like this makes one also think that they're never alone 'cause hey even though these people haven't been through the same shit as you, they still know what it feels like and there's always a message out there, so yeah.

But yeah ride that shit out go with the flow, people come and go and some of those people don't give a fuck if you come and stay 'cause they're too used to people coming and leaving and if you can't persuade them and make them believe that you're here to stay and shit then killing yourself not only fucks shit up for yourself but for you too 'cause they'll end up having the guilt of you being dead because of them, and a normal human being doesn't want to live with that sort of guilt for the rest of their life, fuck that.

It's very rare you gunna find someone who gives an equal fuck about you and themselves 'cause trust man as much of a saint you are, the other person might not be and just 'cause you look like a fucking devil on the outside they don't believe you and shit but whatever's clever right? It's like you work in a big ass firm and you know how to get the best out of it so you propose ideas to the boss CEO guy and tell him yadi yadi da and he thinks about it and realizes that yeah it's going to get him mad money/be more profitable to employ that idea whatever it may be 'cause it's all about gain for most people, and you get that shit and that promotion you been always fiending but if the idea sucks you get pushed away and even worse if the idea is implied and screws up you get the shots. That's the bitter truth, but like I said, it's going to be a rare find to get that someone who looks at shit from one of your eyes and one of their's and goes like holy shit bite their tongue before they say bizarre shit and realize that you're just crazily in love with them and being mature about it and if they're not going to be mature about it then yo, what're you saying right?

I'm just mossing out and living the last week of my vacation and figures that I got work tomorrow and they didn't cancel it so I'm just going to go and bomb during work and shit and get better at holding that pen 'cause I'm losing myself and my touch over stuff like this and I know I'm never been like this so back to bringing myself up top notch, once I'm back in Toronto I'm going to start a new better life even though it's not going to be much of a difference but for me the last three months were a lesson of a lifetime so fuck all.

[La Coka Nostra]

honestly though. my first real relationship, i gave this bitch 2 years of my life, and then one day she just stopped caring. but i still did. that shit was the worst. i stopped trusting everyone. to this day, i don't trust a soul. and it fucks with all my new relationships. i'll never be able to have a normal relationship again.

fuck bitches.
now i'm dating that girls old best friend. and i couldn't be happier. and she knows it. so she can eat a big ol dick!

[PeeInTheShower]

you guys are complaining about girls that fucked you over and took years out of your life or killed your kids through abortion, but here i am, not even able to hold a relationship for more than 4 months... i fucked this nasty hoe as a hook up type shit, thought i had hepatitis c and herpes 2, found out i didn't.. and now it seems like fucking isn't gonna be fun if i can't do it without a rubber, ya dig? shit's mad ghey.

i honestly think the people that drink EVERY day... are the ones that want to be dead but they don't want to leave the earth officially... they just don't want to be in the same state as everyone else.

[dim]

i think the only way to really get over what is going on in your life weather its a long loving relationship with some u truly have a connection with or its something going on at home. you always have to feel that pain u need that pain to keep you human and not just an emotionless being. the pain that u feel will make u a better and stronger person in the long run on an emotional level. so if ur depressed and what not dont numb the pain by taking anti depressents or drinking alot more to numb the pain just do things thatmake u feel happy and up beat weather its chillin with your boys painting or bombing or smoking a spliff do w.e. it is that makes u happy

[smooth_nuts]

i have a whole sketch book filled with suicide plans lol......

i had a freind that did that shit,ended up letting himself get hit by a freight train cause his girl broke up with him :/

[lifer]

first of all i said it before and ill say it again FUCK A BITCH and second for thoose of u who want to die i suggest murking everythin but urself murk as much as u can with paint billies highways whatever the crazier the spot THE BETTER YOULL FEEL I SUPPOSE if IF u make it back if u die then fuck it BUT NO ONE SHOULD TAKE THERE OWN LIFE

[bilal_tariq]

It's amazing to try to write some sort of a progress blog or notes or some shit for yourself to watch how you progress through all the shit daily, kind of like a self record and shit, I don't know might just help 'cause I know I do that shit in form of like long ass written pieces and shit I try to take my emotions out on paper. It never hurts to try 'cause the best part about it is that you're the only one who writes/reads it and it's a fucking gold to be able to watch yourself get over shit like that and knowing how you're doing it and not just randomly let it take you by. And no one can judge you too 'cause it's your shit no one knows about it unless the person who you care for the most knows how you're coping with it and wants to help you get better even though they're involved and shit but I know fuck all 'cause I'm kind of stupid to think that people really care to get you through till the end 'cause the day you care so much for someone so deep they come up to you and say that when you fuck up, you're the only one that can help yourself, wow....thanks for all that support right?

And yeah Coka that shit is weak still I know what you saying 'cause even I can't seem to hold down a decent relationship even though I try hard 'cause when I do I get shoved in the face so like I don't know what the fuck to do except stay away from all this shit, Jetpack tells me that shit'll make me mad anti-social and what not but fuck it 'cause I tried to make someone happy and if that's not appreciated then I'll try to make myself happy instead. Loving someone when they don't love you back is BARE FUCKERY straight up son, and I don't trust a soul either 'cause the one soul that I really trusted was nice enough to not betray me but she dwelled on my trust so I kind of fucked myself over with my own trust you know. I miss her like fuck though, so I try to chill with my boy whenever I have time off work 'cause he's like the only one that comes close to me after her but I'm out of this fucking country in a week so I'm pretty much leaving behind both her and my boy and running missions lone soldier soon. Soft shit...screw taking your own life man, Lifer speaks illin' 'cause murking everything around you makes you hella stronger and also what don't kill you can only make you stronger so I'm just going to build on that shit, screw drugs and juice to numb that pain crap 'cause the burnout would probably bring back all that shit to slap you in the face asking you "why did you numb yourself last night?" and you're back to square one thinking oh shit I did it 'cause of whatever reason it is and now you're thinking about it all over so fucking cycle repeats and it's a vicious circle so just break free. I'm planning a good trip this year to Asia again, be a proper fucking tourist and snap flciks all over the place especially Tokyo since I always wanted to go there all my life, and I know for a fact that right now if I had the chance to go there, I'd be one fucking happy man but I know I'd want to go there with her 'cause I always tell her about it and she always wanted to travel with me - shit I'm like just thinking about all that shit again and it's kind of putting me down - but whatever you know, loving someone is the greatest feeling and I know I love her and she does too and if she fucking forgets that any day I'll still remind her that I do a lot with each progressing day 'cause loving someone and taking your life out of that love 'cause they don't want you is bare bullshit. I made up my mind literally to make myself good enough and worthy for her and shit and if she doesn't want me then I'm still good 'cause I did all this for her so even then she'd be a little happy thinking this guy did something for me, sometimes they won't really give a fuck but as humans, I think no matter how bitter and cold we are inside, we'd love something done for us by someone else, even it's a TOTAL stranger but with good intentions.

Intentions are also always a vital part behind what you do, and with taking your life what are your intentions? Good? Bad? None 'cause it's neutral you're not helping many people and you're fucking enough shit up for others and yourself and maybe one man's joy is another man's sorrow screw that shit. Keep good intentions even if you think you're messing up and shit and it'll pull you through, it's just how the universe tends to unfold man, and I used to do go through a lot of crap for her that I never used to tell her about 'cause I didn't want her to worry about it and I still haven't but it's not like she'd care anyway but point being that all that shit seemed feeble because doing shit for her made me invincible and made me get out of that shit as soon as possible and as easily as possible, just 'cause of my intentions and my intentions were good to keep her happy and shit.

One of the best parts about posting on here is that nobody really gives much of a shit so that just makes you even stronger thinking that fuck all not many give too much shits so just come on here and post away just to let it drain out or vent or whatnot and at the same time working on honing yourself 'cause when you keep punching a wall that doesn't crack, you only end up making your fists stronger and land harder solo punches, unless you're soft about it and let that wall shatter your knuckles.

[lifer]

i smoke mad buddha to numb myself out i smoke trees like a maniac and i honestly think it helps to cope with the bullshit

[bilal_tariq]

That shit gunna hit you sooner or later with that afterglow, word let that shit pile up and push by for say hours days weeks months years sooner or later it's going to come and shank your ass and then no juice or substance gunna get you by and then you'll be thinking about the dive, serious. I'm mad hungry...

[lifer]

i dunno guy im a full time smoker and all i can say is it gets the job done i never tryed any hard drugs so i really dont crave any other substances

[bilal_tariq]

Yeah I can tell, must be mad chilled the fuck out, eh.

I just realized tonight that proper action movies set in a good country with decent story make me forget enough shit and not give a fuck about messed up situations.

Mad discoveries...

xJapan
xChilling with my boy
xDecent action movies

And fuck Batman was such a shit movie...

[lifer]

MAD CHILLED

u should check out that flick defiance and the che movie good shit

[retnemed]

Yeah man no doubt La Coka thats the cold hard truth. Takes a lifetime to find the perfect partner and even then it may not work, and Ouchaoner. That shit sucks man I was guilt tripped and abused straight up for like 9 months by my X she was the biggest Puerto Recan bitch ever, and when I eventually got rid of her, her 24 year old cousins who are in gangs n shit where sendin death threts n shit, fucked up. She was thretening she was gunna kill herself it fucked with my head, Had like a mental break down n shit it was fucked, and I agree with you Lifer fuck your fucking city, hit roof after roof after roof wall after wall after wall, and trains n freights if you got them. I paint every night and I can't wait untill the night comes every night so I can go write on peoples shit ^^

[bilal_tariq]

Damn right hawdoah son.

And fuck a lifetime sometimes it just happens out of the blue that you find someone so connecting that you guys end up being made for each other and that's what happened to me and as always not all tooth grinds so you gotta sharpen it up a bit more and I made myself better for that person too and it was still messed up and sometimes even a lifetime isn't often enough 'cause it's RARE as to find someone like that soulfully connected to you and people often tend not to find that person hence the fuck ups, 'cause hey even if you do find that person, some sort of shit can tear you apart, say death? But seriously though, I don't go looking around for shit like that or for anyone and I was happy because I was being myself and not once did I fall for anyone and this amazing person comes into my life and chooses me out of the blue so fuck knows what I did I'm just that same guy day in day out. And as far as the system goes, I'm taking my turf by storm once I'm back. Plus I'm cracking a few sketches in a bit once I'm done with my LATE LATE LATE night/morning snackumz...

[littlerocky]

bilal i dont have time to read all the shit now bout to go out an drink some but i will later..but from what i have read yeah i feel you and thanks..seriously its like the exact same shit.i just gotta start my life over.

[dadestruekings]

honestly though. my first real relationship, i gave this bitch 2 years of my life, and then one day she just stopped caring. but i still did. that shit was the worst. i stopped trusting everyone. to this day, i don't trust a soul. and it fucks with all my new relationships. i'll never be able to have a normal relationship again.

fuck bitches.
now i'm dating that girls old best friend. and i couldn't be happier. and she knows it. so she can eat a big ol dick!

dawg i know this exact feeling except for the best friend part now im in my new relationship and for some reason i cant trust her worth nothing idk wtf to do like all that runs thru my head is getting fucked over like i did last time and it drives me nuts

[bilal_tariq]

Just wait your feelings for each other develop, give it time and obviously observe all this while where this is going, see if you guys TRULY love each other and shit 'cause I kind of had that fear a bit in the beginning but my girl really fucking loved me like crazy or at least that's what I thought but point that just bond with each other and if it's that strong you'll really feel it and it's going to be too damn powerful, just be safe you know, hope for the best and prepare for the worst, I messed up 'cause I hoped and prepared for the best and fucked the worst 'cause we were truly in love then these fucked up forums came in the way and fucked shit up for me but screw my story just give it time all I'm saying, y'dig?

[dadestruekings]

yea i feel you maybe i just rushed into shit again but i do love her like after wat i went thru this girl finally got me to open up again for the first time i just dont know if im gettin it back or not but ima just wait on it see were it goes... back that up man

[bilal_tariq]

Yeah same man I been through the same shit like you, first girl fucked me up real bad and shit and I became too cold for anyone straight up hip hop on their ass son no mercy shit after her and then this girl comes into my life and I'm just straight up hardcore and shit as usual except I don't go woozing that around in people's faces and she falls for me and tells me she digs me and shit and I'm just like woah what the hell right and in my head I'm just like damn I had a feeling this would happen 'cause holy fuck we connected too damn much despite me being two steps ahead of her and shit and we just took it from there and just fucking loved each other more and more everyday and yeah we both rushed into it hellz yeah but we knew where we were going and she trusted me also to sort our lives out together and we shared a lot of shit and that's when I knew that she's down with me and I never really took the attitude of "seeing where it'll go/take us" 'cause I'll tell you what I told her too that we write our own fucking destinies and stories and so I'll help us through and carve a path for each other and all that deepness. But I know how you feel man you feel like loving and being loved that's amazing I felt that too and I opened up to this girl a lot and still had a lot more to give but don't become like me - give as much as you can and and give it a nice way to keep shit safe, even if she's fucking around with you, show her how much you love her and what you can do for her, and then she'll really have true feelings for you, then take it from there part II you know, 'cause trust dawg I fucked up and I tried to give so much to her that her system rejected it and often at times her system took it the wrong way so I was like shit I just poured myself out into this one person the way I've never done so my entire life and NEVER will again to anybody else but her and all this time I poured out so much into her that she just couldn't take that much, be it good or bad. Yo at least you have that fear gwapping in you, shows you're being real and not like me I fucking fell facefirst got straight stitches. I sound like some fucking counselor.

[lifer]

Fuck a bitch

[La Coka Nostra]

dawg i know this exact feeling except for the best friend part now im in my new relationship and for some reason i cant trust her worth nothing idk wtf to do like all that runs thru my head is getting fucked over like i did last time and it drives me nuts


i know what you mean. i always think my girl now is doing some shit. i'm always so sketchy about everything, and we fight about shit that we shouldn't fight about. and everytime i start to try and trust her, she does something else to piss me off. i just don't wanna let my guard down.

[bilal_tariq]

I bet she's probably saying the same shit about you on some next forums of hers...jokes.

And screw being dominant in a relationship.

[La Coka Nostra]

i dunno. she has nothing to worry about from my end. i'm completely satisfied. she tells me she is too, but i let jealousy get the best of me sometimes.

[bilal_tariq]

Word eh, I'm sure one of her exes has to be involved. And if that's so, then I think I know where you going with that...

[lifer]

Fuck a bitch

[La Coka Nostra]

Word eh, I'm sure one of her exes has to be involved. And if that's so, then I think I know where you going with that...


yesssssssssssssss.

[bilal_tariq]

Murk her exes...or some shit.

[JETPACK!!]

i love how 99.98% of these kids wouldnt even know the best way to kill themselves if they wanted to.

"ima take my seatbelt off an drive into the barrier"

thats the best idea ive heard yet.. but your too pussy to keep the wheel straight






take a tube, attach it to the exhaust pipe. put it in the car window an sit in that shit until you have sweet dreams.

that way you can finally do it AND still be a pussy to pain!


i wouldnt suggest doing it if your just looking for attention though. learn the difference.

[bilal_tariq]

Fuck suicide, this thread should make a turn towards betterment.

+1 point to Jetpack for h@wdc0h.

[Baszma]

yeah, except Jetpack may have gotten that from ATHF, when shake tried to do that. Not sayin' he did, no beef, but w/e.


and yeah, I know how you feel Coka, i get so jealous so easily. :( That;s part of what screws up my relationships.

[dadestruekings]

ahh the ex thing drives me nuts to but she tells me when she sees him and shit or when they call but idk bilal u gave me some of the best fuckn advice that not even my boys could give like i see everything different now were not together after some stupid shit i did but idk your right i mean maybe im putting to much into it n pushin her away

[JETPACK!!]

what the fuck is ATHF?

just ignore the bitches calls. fuck. if you bug out each time you talk... unless you like having your heart gouged from your chest cavity with a spoon

[PeeInTheShower]

we should change this thread from suicide to "relationship tips". fa trill..

i really don't let girls stress me, point being i don't plan on being in a devoted relationship for a good minute, girls are ho's, the one i want doesn't want me but still tells me she loves me. talk about a niggha name friend zone.. she always blows my phone up to chill, and i'm like ehhh...nah.

[dadestruekings]

lmao for real

dawg i know that feeling n it seems messed up but if she can tell u i love u but wont be with u its better u just let her go instead of just fallin more and more for her u feel me like itll be tough but theres more girls out there yo probly better ones to but ur never gonna know unless u start lookin for em

[PeeInTheShower]

lmao for real

dawg i know that feeling n it seems messed up but if she can tell u i love u but wont be with u its better u just let her go instead of just fallin more and more for her u feel me like itll be tough but theres more girls out there yo probly better ones to but ur never gonna know unless u start lookin for em

yeah that's some realness you speak of, but what if i was this girls first friend since she moved down here? she moved down from ny, we dated for about 4 months, never even told me why she broke up with me, made a whole bunch of excuses, comes cryin on a myspace message about how she thinks about being my girlfriend again, i tell her i'm in love with her and she's just thinkin "fuck that shit... but i'm down to be best friends". lol. shotout.

[dadestruekings]

trust me my girl right now is pullin the friend shit and im cool with it u know but for a certain time if were gna stay friends well just be friends but im not gna run back to her every time she gets fucked over i aint no fuckin sucker its usually like that so they can have u as a rebound but i aint down with that if ur gna be her friend stay friends but dont run back to her everytime she says she misses u kuz its her fault that she got hurt anyways and her fault yall aint 2gether i mean u were there the whole time but were the fuck was she

[PeeInTheShower]

trust me my girl right now is pullin the friend shit and im cool with it u know but for a certain time if were gna stay friends well just be friends but im not gna run back to her every time she gets fucked over i aint no fuckin sucker its usually like that so they can have u as a rebound but i aint down with that if ur gna be her friend stay friends but dont run back to her everytime she says she misses u kuz its her fault that she got hurt anyways and her fault yall aint 2gether i mean u were there the whole time but were the fuck was she

i feel you dawg, i just hate when she be pullin out memories of when we used to go out and shit... and then she'd laugh about it, but i don't laugh about that shit. i just make it obvious to her that i be partyin and pullin party sluts and i try to make her jealous, but i don't think it's working. if i heard about her being with another guy, i'd get jealous as fuck.. no lie. but it seems like she don't wanna date..

[dadestruekings]

memories are great and everything its pretty much all me and my ex talk about but if shes just bringing them up to kepp u around then its better u just forget about em trust me dawg it hurts to let them go but watch wen u do ull notice that theres alot of better shit out there id be jealous to if my girl gets another ***** but i wont let them no that just smile it confuses them be cool with everything and if she doesnt come back eventually ull get a new one

[PeeInTheShower]

do you smile and act like it don't bother you for the rep? or you just don't want her knowing that you give a fuck still?

i notice girls be more attracted to the dudes who act like their hangin on the "givin a fuck" thread.

[dadestruekings]

***** shes ur girl rep aint important u smile to let em know that there not gna be the thing fuckin up ur life even if it hurts n u still give a fuck smile man a girl aint worth making ur life worse over

[bilal_tariq]

Dade - no worries mang anytime 'cause I'm going through the same shit right now too so it's all good.

Trust the more you give it's not always going to push them away but at the same time it could possibly make them realize that yeah you're there for them, not saying you gotta be some sort of rebound or shit but just be there you know, you said you LOVE them and that's one hell of a strong word son and when you say that once you mean it for as long 'cause when I said I love you to my girl and I told her I'd be there for her forever through ups and downs and wear and tear and so I am even though she's not been talking to me for a few days but that's 'cause she has an exam coming up in less than a week and 'cause she's got family over so it's all good but at the same time it's not like I'm expecting her to come talking to me and be all mushy mushy with me 'cause she don't love me like that no more and really doesn't even want to be together anymore but I said okay at least be my friend 'cause you changed my entire life and who I am and how I look at the world so the least you can do is watch me - your product - develop and become something better and I always cared about her happiness so if she sees me what I've become in the near future I'll be happy to know she's happy into what she's made me even though all we could ever be is friends yeah fuck a nikka called "friend zone". And when she said she loved me I asked her what she meant and she said that when she says I love you she only means it in the moment and I was like wow that shit's something new for me but whatever she said I felt it from her and she was very confused about us but she really held on and I don't blame her at all for anything 'cause it's not like you can expect a heart patient to get discharged from the hospital and expect them to run a quicktime 100 meter dash the next day, that shit is just not possible and even if it is, it'l kill the nukka so yeah she was like that in the sense that her trust in me was still developing and recovering from our ups and downs and then fuck the goddamn hurricane just busted a shit in my face and screwed shit up with our relationship but I can't do anything except pray and hope for her to come back it's the least I can do.

I guess just don't let that shit get to you and stress the shit out of you 'cause man if it takes over you like a demon trust it'll bunk you real badtimes and you're going to get even more messed up and angry at the person and you just can't do anything about it except get more and more angry and that person won't even give a fuck or two 'cause they told you to move the fuck on and they don't really care what you doing with your life and shit and if you're not fine then hey it's not their problem they were smart to move on and shit and they didn't feel enough for you to get affected the way you're getting affected 'cause you loved them more. Hey at the end of the day man be happy you were able to love A LOT 'cause no matter what man, knowing that you have a big heart is a good feeling and it'll make you really look at things more happily I'm like that again even though I'm straight up I try to give off an acceptable aura and it's good to know you're appreciate and it's good to know when you're dissed 'cause it'll just make you work harder for yourself and make you stronger.

What's a girl going to do? She'll mold you and she'll make mistakes and so will you and when she doesn't like her mistakes she will try to fix them and you will try your best to co-operate and eventually she'll get tired of molding you and making you someone she'd love 'cause she'd think fuck this I don't want to have to do this my whole life and you're going to get tossed away and now you are what she's made you, you see what I mean? But hey, she made you a good person, you can look at it like that and even if there was enough tiffs and shit just know that you guys pulled through and you're strong, seen.

And Jetbag got that image on spot feeling the cavity shit 'cause yeah man sometimes it feels fucked up to hear that they love you and they're so confused about "us" you know...just talk it out and ask 'em what's on their mind and shit and be the man about it man stop being like okay cool I'll do as you say 'cause if you don't responsibility and show you can run shit she's going to be OBVIOUSLY worried and get unsure as the days pass so I tried to gain that confidence in her and she told me one night that she loves how I always have answers for her questions and know what to do in situations and know how to take care of us and I said yeah I'm not going to let anything come in between us and I'll do everything in my power to keep us straight and formed na mean. Let 'em tell you how much they love you even if they can't be with you 'cause she got feelings for you right so what one day it might just make 'em want to be with you 'cause no rebound shit will be telling you they love you unless they still feel for you and not saying to let them go or really fucking hold on just be yourself man, be the same person they telling you that they love you 'cause there's a reason why she's saying that and just be like that one day things will become better and the light will shine to clear enough shit up.

But screw fishing that shit is whack you go looking for shit and fall for it cool and then it shoves a pile of crap in your face and you're all like square one blaming yourself again on the tip that you fell for them yeah niggy you messed up that's why screw fishing just moss the hell out and shit'll be good, why you gotta run around getting into more crap and what not, eh?

And Pee - your gash is mad confused all there's to say 'cause she can't make up her mind so you just gotta roll the way you always been rolling quit making her feel jealous and shit 'cause ha it ain't going to work and she'll just more pushed away 'cause you creating mad barriers and shit and that's just creating a harder space for her to come back to you if that's what you want..

And Dade - your best bet is to not blame her about her fault and shit 'cause yo like I said if you're there for her what have you got to lose right? Yeah sure don't go falling for her grow all those feelings over again just stay mutual 'cause it's always always ALWAYS better to give than to take and give when needed and when you're not needed, take the sign and just chill no one is going anywhere and if they are then that's a whole different ball game but I hope none of you guys are going through that shit, I don't even know myself I'm just scared and fuck yeah I'll be jealous as fuck too but I know nobody can love her the way I did so that makes me happy and if she ever misses me I'll always tell her hey man I'm still ready to do everything for you just tell me if you really need me like that, don't go doing that shit unless you're needed by them 'cause then you're just pushing yourself onto her and pushing 'er away.

Pee at least she still bothers pulling out memories and even though it hurts her she decides to laugh it off and call it goodtimes but I'm not even in that position I have like a total cold turkey from her regarding that whole joint and I've been warned if I'm ever to bring that shit up it's straight block and delete for me so I'm fucking creeped about that, but yo I gotta stick to the zone 'cause it's the last thing I got with her and I don't want to fucking crush this too you know...I guess being grateful is the key here for whatever you have, even your life and suicide nikka needa be more grateful for whatever it is they got you know, you could have it way more worse and seeing that you don't just swallow it and live on day by day one day at a time.

Screw rep and shit and fuck playing Monalisa smile on 'em 'cause hay like I said sooner or later they not gunna care so who you gunna be smiling for son? Just be that dude they met one day and fell in love with - you - and what more is there to it? Being a fake and making them feel like shit doesn't make you any better than them and you know what they say that an eye for eye will make the world blind so just push it aside 'cause if you go whining to them about how much shit you take and what you do/did for them they'll just be like ooooookkkaayyyyyyy son move on it's the past it's over, finish and then you got no option but to just back the fuck off 'cause you can't make them feel for you or make 'em love you the way you love 'em so just stay normal and make good that's all, nobody hates or dislikes a good person.

[dadestruekings]

damn son... im speechless.. u aint a counselor cause u could be lol

[bilal_tariq]

Yeah I'm greazy like that I was doing a battle sketch with Kabr and I needed a break to check on the BS famz and I'm only writing essays 'cause I'm just trying to help heads out and myself by writing out whatever I can, it helps as you talk it out to yourself while typing it out softly so you're actually making sense you know, don't front stillllll.

[dadestruekings]

but i really dig what u wrote u know we talked about this shit were friends for now and im cool with it but ur right i mean i am better because sshe showed me i could open up again n she did make me better for that reason and im not gonna lose her over some stupid shit but idk it will bug me if shes with someone else but ill get over it eventually i mean

[bilal_tariq]

So she's already done with you and she don't want that no more f'real eh, that's bare suckery right there mang, SKETCH SKETCH SKETCH! Plus I got work in a few hours I'm cracking that Kabr sketch he's gunna dig it still.

[dadestruekings]

like not done but its not the same as it was like i feel the distance between us its mad sketchy n shit n shes not with another guy that i know of but it just feels mad weird like theres gta be a reason and idk i think id be less mad if she told me then if i found out some other way

nd like idk i feel like i never gave her a chance to be single i pulled her from her last rel;ationship into the one with me u kno doesnt seem fair to her but idk i might be stupid for hangin on to something i never knew was really there or not like she told me i love u and shit n i said it back kuz she was the first girl i loved in a while but i never gave our love a chance to get stronger kuz i left right away but if she is with another guy n didnt tell me itll end it all id rather have a person be real n hurt me then be friends with a liar i dont need fake people in my life u know

[bilal_tariq]

Yeah eh I know it's going to take a toll on me sooner or later plus I'm outta here in a week so I'm guessing it'll come real soon and then I'm going to crack it all out either to her or myself somehow 'cause I still give a fuck but whatever's clever, I got school too and that shit plus living alone is mad sketchy it gets the best of you, I'm just going to snap fingers all semester long and wait for it to end and head out to Asia. On a other note the north is hella cold so we don't get enough sun in the winters and that's lack of Vitamin D and lack of that shit causes depression, man I'm going to get whammed I so don't want to go back but damn I got school and work.

[dadestruekings]

yea true but u gta be strong u know people affect ur life but u cant letem run it n since ull be busy with school and work u have something to take up ur time and when ur not doin that shit just paint keep urself busy thats how i try n deal with everything thats why im on vacation now n shit is gettin to me i need my miami son n weed

[dadestruekings]

yeaa but idk being by myself made me stronger then ever if u can make alone u can do anything a companion is just there to help you thru everything but ur gna lose em one day anyways so the strength u acquire by urself is something that helps you your whole lifee
why dont u get em offline

[.HATESONE.]

i think about commiting suicide every once in a while but i guess im just to lazy to get around to it.so im still here.ha.

[CakeWalk99]

Realize that the life that youre livin' is a right that youre given. Keep it in a safe place and dont throw it away. Exactly 4 years ago today, my bestfriend left us. Grew up next to each other and hung out everyday. Its nothing to joke about, and it hurts others. The whole thing was nuts. Growing up playing basketball and hanging out everyday, then one day hes gone. Stay positive even in the darkest days. Take a look around and realize that most of us got it good.

[Pickton's Pigpen]

i duno why im even postin on this thread...
im a sick fuck. i think about suicide before the last month... about 50 or so times a day, and a year or so before that like 200 or so times a day. i dont care anymore. it makes me comfortable at anytime i can just leave this fucked up world. suicides great, i support it. if you want to do it, then do it. i know there just demons in my head. so i try to ignore and atleast before i do, i will paint my guts out and spread my hell upon this earth.
especially after the overly amounts of lsd ive done, bahahahaa, i fucken insane.

nowadays i dont care as much, i wish i could... but damn. ive helped so many people and thats a reason to stay i guess. a handful of them sorta need me. maybe later in life after i meet giger and kill shit i will... but why feel sorry for people that do so. they want to. fuck it. support it.

do it kill yourself. hahahaha



i dont really support people killing themselves, but i do agree with you on thinking about it everyday.
i have a girlfriend and what not... even when we are togehter and cuddling and whatnot, i seem to fantasize about pulling a gun out and blaow.
my girlfriend says im selfish, so i jsut laugh.
draw my suicide out on paper.
its fun planning your own death.
caus quite frnakly, i get so fuckign angry and pissed off i couldnt give a fuck what someone would say if you were gone.
ive been in the hospital for attempts, and i still dont care.
no matter how much i make people lives, im not worth being where i am.
i dont deserve the shit i got.
this prob makes no sence caus im fucked right now hahah

[Siner]

i'm in a mental hospital right now and am getting out in six days. i guess i'm kinda looking forward to getting out, but nothings really changed. i mean, they've put me on different medication and shit so hopefully that takes affect soon. i just hope my life outside will be better. my "friends" have made no attempts to visit or contact me. so if they don't really care i don't think i will even call them when i get out of here. i hope to make some new friends and with any luck a girlfriend. i'm not really too depressed today but I have good days and bad days so i don't know what i'll be feeling like the rest of the week. any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanx in advance...

[MontanaPainter]

so...

im back


i ended up taking 70 motrin and 30 tylenol pms and 10 vicoden

parents kicked down door. i had already lost consciousness about 15 minutes earlier
got stomache pumped after pill bottle were found
woke up in hospital
saw my mom crying
psycologist came by, yada yada yada

spent 2 days in hospital why they watched me, failed drug tests, and they did blood tests



fun...

[CakeWalk99]

Montana: I know we dont talk, but I think youre a cool dude. Stay positive man! I read how you said "bye" and was thinking about it alot. Now I check here and see this. I hope everything works out.

[Baszma]

so...

im back


i ended up taking 70 motrin and 30 tylenol pms and 10 vicoden

parents kicked down door. i had already lost consciousness about 15 minutes earlier
got stomache pumped after pill bottle were found
woke up in hospital
saw my mom crying
psycologist came by, yada yada yada

spent 2 days in hospital why they watched me, failed drug tests, and they did blood tests



fun...


tried to post earlier, stupid compy wouldn't let me.

I know I've only talked to you seriously for a lil bit, but I"m glad you didn't succeed dude.

who else do I know with mad ups in reno?

no one.

Who else do I know that I can talk to on AIM about anything?

maybe 1-2 others. I don't need that number gettin' smaller.



whatever happens next, wether it be Compton or Oregon, I'm with ya bruh. I promise. and if shit goes down, I'm here to help ya through it.

[Thrice]

I don't know about you other guys but being depressed and having suicidal thoughts race through my mind randomly causes me to be to have no motivation to do anything. It's not so much of me being lazy but a lot of time i don't want to do a fucking thing, whether it be schoolwork or play video games. Im usually pretty dilligent but when im down i have no drive whatsoever. Also I rarely have a good time or feel content, just moderate. Anybody else on the same page as me?

[nine one]

I don't know about you other guys but being depressed and having suicidal thoughts race through my mind randomly causes me to be to have no motivation to do anything. It's not so much of me being lazy but a lot of time i don't want to do a fucking thing, whether it be schoolwork or play video games. Im usually pretty dilligent but when im down i have no drive whatsoever. Also I rarely have a good time or feel content, just moderate. Anybody else on the same page as me?


im with you on this one thrice


we lost 2 members? oh god,

can anyone tell me what happend?

and what i usally do to calm down depression is a nice bombing session, or blast the fuck out of music in my head phones and put a pillow over my head

usally taking a bath helps nice and is pretty relaxing

[twotimesfive]

no offense, but a bath or bombing doesn't help amazingly when it's been continual for a good year.

[Siner]

man, it sux, i have like no motivation even to go out bombing, i got out of a mental hospital like about two weeks ago and it's been boring as fuck ever since. i'm not even that depressed emotionally, but i've just being bored as fuck ever since then. my life has just become so utterly boring that i have no reason to go on. i mean whats the point, i hate it, every day is just a drag, i just want a qucik way out.

[Thrice]

Yo siner, same thing here man, same thing here.

[triple6inthemix]

has anyone ever broke down while painting? or out bombing? thats always interesting

[nine one]

when your painting a trackside, and a freight comes, dont you get that image of you jumping infront of it? i kinda do

[Reincarnation]

I may not really know much about all of you but apparently I have depression and I am taking medicine. I dispise taking meds with all of my heart but I was told I would be sad for ever unless I took it and got better. If you need any help or tips feel free to PM me.

[kinglerxst]

Not that I would do it but...

Is it odd to be thinking to yourself what would would happen if I topped myself, like what people would say, scenarios, would anyone care stuff like that...

[Siner]

Not that I would do it but...

Is it odd to be thinking to yourself what would would happen if I topped myself, like what people would say, scenarios, would anyone care stuff like that...
i don't think it's odd at all, i go as far as to fantasizing about what people would think if i was gone. i feel like it's the only way they would truely realize that i was depressed and i would actually be happy if some people were hurt by my death, although i doubt very many people would care if i was gone...

[Thrice]

Do any of you guys go to therapy? I've been considering it lately, not sure if I got the cash for it at the moment though.