Suicide

[Black Flag]

I would never shoot myself, because if you don't have a steady hand you can actually live and be forced to live with a fucked up face & head and you will probably also have brain problems ranging from body function to thought process.

[thebigman]

suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. its never worth it

[SANEKONE]

Do any of you guys go to therapy? I've been considering it lately, not sure if I got the cash for it at the moment though.

there are churches that offer non biased free therapy, at least where im from. i know church and God is a sore subject for a lot of foks, but who knows?

[upster.1]

tried to post earlier, stupid compy wouldn't let me.

I know I've only talked to you seriously for a lil bit, but I"m glad you didn't succeed dude.

who else do I know with mad ups in reno?

no one.

Who else do I know that I can talk to on AIM about anything?

maybe 1-2 others. I don't need that number gettin' smaller.



whatever happens next, wether it be Compton or Oregon, I'm with ya bruh. I promise. and if shit goes down, I'm here to help ya through it.

what happened to rogue's friend?

[-Wings-]

Just seen this thread and I was reading the first part and well yeah I agree with the we usually dont fit in with other people all the time. My so called friends sometimes wonder why I hang out with my tagger friends so much and not them, because they understand me.

[EGO31]

I had the black dog.
It comes around from time to time.
It wags it's tail and licks my hand.
So i kick that fucker in the face.

I guess i got through it by talking pointlessly to a counselor about random shit and looking for the posotive in everything. My view on life is that it rolls along and you just gotta take what it gives, be nice to everyone you can and realise that nothing is permanent. People are shit but individuals are beautiful people with stories.
that's how I deal with it.
Girls are hard though. I got problems with an ex right now. Just stand up and don't lie to yourself.
people come and go, and the ones that are important will stay with you throughout.

[Bars]

Im sick of what I have. What I dont have, and what I will never have.

Before the only thing that really stopped me from just taking the easy way out was fear of whats after, but now that fear is just goin away and I am finding it harder everyday to not do it.

I dont go bombing because society, and other writers tell me Im not good enough, Im not worth any fucking thing.

The music I listen to that helps is fading.

I hate myself even more when I think about how many other people have worse problems than me and it just fucking sucks.

[Thrice]

Work hard, smoke a cigarette, catch a few tags, and enjoy a nice beer while cooking a steak on the grill. Works for me, minus the cigarette since that shit fucks me up and it's not my style.

[Siner]

Im sick of what I have. What I dont have, and what I will never have.

Before the only thing that really stopped me from just taking the easy way out was fear of whats after, but now that fear is just goin away and I am finding it harder everyday to not do it.

I dont go bombing because society, and other writers tell me Im not good enough, Im not worth any fucking thing.

The music I listen to that helps is fading.

I hate myself even more when I think about how many other people have worse problems than me and it just fucking sucks.
Just do your own thing, if other writers don't like your shit don't let that stop you from bombing if your passionate about it. If you can be passionate about something and emerse yourself in it you certainly will have less time to be depressed. Are you recieving any help, seeing a phychiatrist, counselor. Are your parents supportive. Feel free to PM me.

[Aesir]

Go to a hardcore show and beat the shit out of someone in a mosh pit.

[DoctorOfCrime]

ahhh its good they topic up and running once more. I have been feeling like shit for more then a month. Recently got rejected by a chick i really liked and anti Depressants aint working. (aint going to mention all the other shit bringing me down because its beside the point I am trying to make) I was walking one day thinking about my life then I thought about biggies track suicidal thoughts this made me then think about putting my negative energy I have into my music. Being Depressed and down mixed with anger makes for some good hip hop tracks. Now when ever I feel bad I put it to my music and record it. It doesn’t take away the unhappiness but it certainly has helped more then drugs booze and meds. Find some thing to direct your negative energy into.

[jim.christ]

i just noticed this thread and it really made my day.

recently ive slowly weened myself off of my depression meds. i couldnt stand how level they made me, no real ups or downs, just level and almost disconnected. i also couldnt stand how if i missed my pill for more than a few days i would begin vomiting and feel horridly sick to the point i could barely stand. i couldnt take it anymore... so its been a month now since ive taken my last pill, and in the last week ive really noticed a change in myslef. ive stopped sleeping, aside from a few hours a night, and ive returned to my old roller coaster ride of a self.

but this time is different. ive noticed im much more angry. things have been setting me off way more easily, and it fuckin scares me.

ive never really tried to see a shrink because its soo hard to explain somthing such as graffiti to a peer, let alone an adult... so i was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. i have more to share, but ill just shut up for now.

[bilal_tariq]

I been sketching again to rid myself of the negative energies. I guess it's helping a little bit.

[bilal_tariq]

Work hard, smoke a cigarette, catch a few tags, and enjoy a nice beer while cooking a steak on the grill. Works for me, minus the cigarette since that shit fucks me up and it's not my style.
This is the truth - minus the cigarette and beer.

Best scenario for a daily life:

Wake up, barbecue, let some Dilla spin in the back.

Sir.

[Thrice]

Yea just find something that chills you guys out, avoid drugs tho, i suggest. Doesnt need to be graff, i enjoy BBQ and taking a nice drive around town at night. Lately going out and bowling with a few friends has taken my mind off things.

[triple6inthemix]

Do any of you guys go to therapy? I've been considering it lately, not sure if I got the cash for it at the moment though.

yeah. ive been through a few shrinks, and anger management. i gotta be honest man, none of it really helped. i think its a personal thing, whether that kind of therapy works for you, not for me. it more or less just made me more angry and feeling hopeless..everyone says the same thing but i feel like no one pays enough attention to the actual grieving feelings i have, we have. music, exploring, few beers with the boys..thats whats helped for me. lately im trying to focus on getting my money up, working as much as i can, stealing less. i dont know whos been to jail or on probation, but these kinds of circumstances make it so much worse. im trying to avoid going down there again.

dont let me shy you away from looking into therapy, if it works for you thats great.

[FlippingChickens]

u know ive thought about it a couple times throughout my life but ive been more mellow for sometime now.suicide thoughts just kinda come instantly when im in a bad situation but it quickly goes away and then i feal like more shit for thinking about killing myself.

but ultimatly were all in this thread for the same reason,at this point im stuck in my life with endless boredom but i can always find something to keep my mind off of reality,smoke a blunt go bomb some shit chill with ur boys or hit the strip club trust me something will make you happy no matter how depressed you are..most r problems are ex gf's or we dont got a hot broad to keep us active or school sucks or ur parents suck or you just FORGOT the meaning to your life..we all got something to live for either its graff or ur moms or whatever at the end you got something or somebody.Life may be at its worst right now just think to yourself that later on there is going to be shit worth living for..im sure a shitload of people have thought of suicide if everyone stayed on that same road of thinking then the whole world would be dead by now..people get through it u just gotta stay on point,peace.

[Lunchbox]

Man, I hate my family pretty bad.

And coming from a guy who doesnt really believe in the word "hate" its a big deal.

I've always been the problem kid, bad grades, worse behavior, "has SO much talent but just doesnt seem to make use of it" type of son, bright enough to be the samrtest kid in class but with enough spine to stand up when he calls bullshit.....

Basically the OPPOSITE my family ever wanted.

I thought about killing myself when I got sent to Alternative, because now my family would treat me like a caged dog, and nobody would even know enough to care.

Even carved shit in the arm.

But I got out, and my girl helped(just a little), Graff helped a fuck load, and I just look forward to a few years from now where I'l come home with my diploma, will walk in the house, pack all my graff stuff in the car, give my family the finger, and never look back.

Thats what drives me.

[Baszma]

I'm goin downhill again. I was aight for a while, but lately school hasn't been going the best, friends have been walking out on me like it's a boycott, and i haven't been in a relationship for coming up on 7 months. To top it off, my dad is now trying to find some way to force me not to go into the marines. I'm starting to consider running away, to stop myself from committing, but I don't know if that would help anything.

[bilal_tariq]

^^ Yeah eh, hope things work out for you man, even though running away must be a shitty option - a lot of people do it to go and breach their virtual boundaries, some of which start at home itself, so maybe getting out there might just be the biggest and best thing you do in your life you know, who knows where it'll take you later.

BUT DON'T DO IT 'CAUSE I SAID SO.

I'm just finding it so relaxing to sketch listening to mellow tunes, I barely go on MSN anymore 'cause it reminds me of messed up stuff with my best friend 'cause that's where she last stopped to me so I don't bother going online much anymore, I stay away from that 'cause it depresses me to go online and not have her there to talk to, but oh yeah I just sketch instead, and it might be completely ironic but I've been just sketching her name like no tomorrow. I wish she could see them but I'll probably email them to her one of these days.

Shit plus the weather here is so tacky it rains one day and it's sunny the next but it's still chilly in the air you know and right now it's raining so mans can't even walk home right now - the weather is so gloomy and dull.

Anyways back to sketchin men I hope everyone gets over their hurdles, we all need to try harder because it's not that hard to try hard. It might seem like it and honestly is a little hard in the beginning but you've got to start somewhere and sometime otherwise you're just going to keep putting yourself in more worse mindsets and it'll damage you mentally and physically, it's been doing that to me too so I sketch to shy away those sort of negative feelings, it was hard in the beginning but she told me I'm a strong person and I'd get over any hurdle, I just want her to be happy at the end of the day.

Peaze out everyone.

[Thrice]

Yea man this shit weather has been killing me lately, waking up to a cloudy day and rainy day ruins the whole day for me.

[Siner]

I've been doing alot better lately, before my posts in here were mentioning how great suicide would be and basically just fantasizing about it. But now it's alot better. I finally found a anti-depressant that is working for me. I don't feel weak anymore, I don't have daily thoughts of suicide, nothing in my life has really changed though. I still don't have many friends, I'm constantly lonely, I wish I had a girlfriend, I don't get out and do anything socially like at all. But I think the medication is balancing me out, I've been on tons of other anti-depressants before and none of them work, but unfortunately you have to try alot of diffrent ones out before you find one that works for you. I'm sure alot of people don't like the idea of having to be on a pill to feel "normal", but it's worked for me. So I guess I would encourage you guys to see a doctor or a phychiatrist if you feel like it would help. Sorry if I sound like a therapist of something.

[sallybsk]

damn man, i've been reading this thread for a while.
I'm glad you feel better siner.
Man I think I know how you feel, I'm not very social anymore, I left all my friends at my old school, I don't go to school daily so it's not like I'm really meeting new people, I haven't gone out and done shit just for fun with my friends in probably... wow I can't even remember the last time.
Friday I guess, but I just ran into my old friends by accident shopping at target, lulz. (but before that... uhh I honestly can't remember. it was probably a couple of months ago or so)

My last girlfriend fucked my bestfriend... i mean my bestfriend, he was like a brother to me. I haven't had a healthy relationship since(or girlfriend), I've been feeling sorry for myself and that was fucking forever ago(almost 2 years now?).
I always feel lonely lately, depressed, and i often have thoughts of suicide-about every other day. I haven't been close to doing it yet though, I'm just hoping it doesn't get worse. as cliche as it sounds, I feel more disconnected to myself than anything. I think that's what this loneliness is. I just want someone to love me. I've been making a list of amazing ways to kill myself.
I listen to a lot of fucked up music and it helps, I like to read books about psychology. I have a strange want to be lost in my thoughts all the time. and I mean ALL the time, talking and all people are just so annoying. I've become so socially disconnected, and it's weird because I was never like this. I just wish people loved their thoughts as much as I do.
I get so angry lately, over stupid shit, I can't control anything. I've been apathetic, and sometimes I don't want to sketch, I just want to stay in my bed and never wake up. I haven't found anything yet that's made me truly happy. Graff really helped for a while, but I don't know anymore. I really want a girlfriend, a connection with someone who's different. No one's real these days, everyone talks shit behind each others back's. I want a real friend man.
Sometimes I get the goosebumps when i think about how fucking depressed I am. hahha, and then i laugh. Sometimes I walk into a room, and just think of ways to kill myself. Relatively my life should be pretty good, I have a decent family, and I can have healthy relationships if I try, but I don't want to. I want to feel better and have healthy relationships it's just that... I don't know how to explain it. I'm somewhat masochistic. So the whole my bestfriend and girlfriend thing really fucked me up, I thought I deserved it for the longest time. I can't stop ths shit feeling man. one thing that really helps, talk a walk on a sunny day by yourself, somewhere relatively quiet

[Siner]

I know exactly how you feel man, I used to feel like you and actually in alot of ways still am. With the exception of the medication easing my pain, I fucking hate my life. Like I'm so used to feeling depressed it's like almost don't even want to feel better, and now that I am, I don't really know how to. I don't know how to get out there and do social activities with other people because I've been alone so long. I don't know how to break out of my shell. I graduated last year, so I really don't even know where I could meet people, I have like one person I hang out with regually and I don't even get along with this person that good and it's not a good friendship or anything. So I wonder how long I can be lonely for before I get depressed again because of that. Idk, but sallybsk, I was just wondering if you were getting any help, or if you would consider it, cause it would suck to lose you or anyone posting in here.

[Thrice]

Yo siner, same exact shit here. Im always looking to get a girlfriend since I'll come first in her life and have someone around, as for personal friends I don't usually hang out too much with people since I really don't get drunk or smoke or that shit. Also school has been pretty rough, so I haven't had much free time. Im not on any anti-depressants, but seeing on how it goes in the next year or so i might get on some. Im a pretty chill guy that most people get along with but never really can find a strong bond with a group of ppl.

[garbage down tha way]

gotta be honest, i find solace in my depression. it becomes such a familiar feeling that when its gone, you dont feel right. thats why so nobody ever succeeds in becoming normal again. depression becomes more of a lifestlye than a feeling, and you begin developing an interest in it. after that your fucked. you will not get better. sorry guys.



/end drunken rant.

[sallybsk]

gotta be honest, i find solace in my depression. it becomes such a familiar feeling that when its gone, you dont feel right. thats why so nobody ever succeeds in becoming normal again. depression becomes more of a lifestlye than a feeling, and you begin developing an interest in it. after that your fucked. you will not get better. sorry guys.



/end drunken rant.

maaaan, I agree with you so much, what a fitting post for your 666th.

but I think i'm getting into this lifestyle, i haven't had it for that long. It's full of insomnia, drinking and just fucking up my relationships so far. I actually haven't been drunk in a really long time.. so nevermind that. I think i'd like to get fucked up sometime soon hahahaa.

[twotimesfive]

I found that when I thought it was gone, but I still had that feeling as if I was missing a part of me, I was just in denial of still being depressed.

As of now I seem to have beaten it, and it just sort of feels like a giant weight lifted off my back, like there was some impossible task that I was previously worried about doing, that I no longer have to do.

[Akosta Phoebia]

i think you can get used to it if you are severly depressed for a long time. i just got assessed by a psych and they said that my extreme agression and dellusions of violence are all because ive been severly depressed for the last 5 years... i didnt even know. cant imagine not being depressed

[Baszma]

Im always looking to get a girlfriend since I'll come first in her life and have someone around, as for personal friends I don't usually hang out too much with people ... never really can find a strong bond with a group of ppl.


That's like exactly it dog. I have this crazy need to feel wanted, bcuz i have like a million friends, but none of them are actually close, good friends. So I'm basically always trying to be in a relationship. And it never works out.

[garbage down tha way]

fuck friends. i dont believe in making friends anymore. making friends is like buying a pet. its nice to have a pet but you know that its going to die before you do, so basically youre setting yourself up for loss.

[SageOner]

New to the thread,
Just gotta vent

Ive got a pretty decent life aside from the fact my dad has a terminal illness.
Parents both love me but i think i have been depressed for a while and haven't ever felt suicidal until recently, i dont know what have brought such thoughts about but it scares me, like im afraid to commit but a part of me wants to.
I am starting therapy and Prozac tomorrow so hopefully things turn around.
Any tips on taking my mind off suicide?

[Siner]

As hard as it is for you to see, put yourself into your parents shoes, they brought you into this world, your a part of them, and to lose you would just not be right. I mean, think about how heartbreaking it would be for your dad in his illness to lose you. His heath might even decline faster if your gone because he would be discouraged to go on also and could also become depressed.I'm glad to hear they love you and I hope they are supporting you going to therapy and getting help for your illness also.

Anyway, My anti-depressants are working, but it's kinda annoying really, cause it's just like a false happyness. I mean I feel better but my life still sux and I have no friends or anything, no one I can really talk to about my problem. My parents are supportive but I'm sick of talking about this shit to them cause I'm the only person who can make a change in my life. I think a girlfriend would be really great cause I feel like I would then have something to live for. I just have really don't know where I would meet anyone, like I litteraly do nothing socially. Sorry for the rant...

[Decide]

suicide is fucked up shit

[CASHLTEEZIE]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYM-BJ85-rI

[SageOner]

Hey siner man get at me
that post helped alot
I can talk whenever dude
always good to talk to someone ya can relate to

[bilal_tariq]

New to the thread,
Just gotta vent

Ive got a pretty decent life aside from the fact my dad has a terminal illness.
Parents both love me but i think i have been depressed for a while and haven't ever felt suicidal until recently, i dont know what have brought such thoughts about but it scares me, like im afraid to commit but a part of me wants to.
I am starting therapy and Prozac tomorrow so hopefully things turn around.
Any tips on taking my mind off suicide?

It's kind of odd (with all due respect) but it would be a good idea to storm out what and why you are down. You seem to be loved and that's such a good thing, maybe you're just getting suicidal thoughts because you want more of something and can't seem to get it and don't want to go on? I don't know but since you don't either, I'd say the best thing would be to find out what's putting you down. Remember man, suicide is not an answer for anything, you know what they say, "You have the full right to put yourself up, but who the fuck gave you the right to put anyone else down?".

By committing suicide, you're going to be putting a lot of people down, something you shouldn't even have power over, you know? So stay happy, things will hopefully work out for you I hope for your best, now take care and enjoy the weekend, I have so much studying to do it's been helping me stay calm so much, and I sketch every time I'm taking a break during studying, ahh it's all peaceful you see.

Take it easy.

[bigdic]

my advice - if your seriosuyl conteplatingf suicide and your talking about it on this thread .. JUST DO IT ALRTEADY ..

for real

[VaNdAL xBA!x]

lol is this serious haha why the fuck would you kill yourself u fucks go smoke a fuckin blunt n kick back n khill nikka fuck that suicidale shit thats on some weirdo shit

[Thrice]

Fuck off, obviously you know little about life. I'd beat the ever living shit out the both of you guys, we come here to chat and open up about our suicidal issues, give advice and shit. I really hope I don't end up killing myself because im religious and that means hell, but it's hard to fight it sometimes.

EDIT: moderators please come ban there fucking pricks that come into this threat with this shit.

[VaNdAL xBA!x]

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooo pussy
ya open up on the iternet to peopel you dont even kno sounds real fuckin entertain
go get smashed n forget bout ur problems

[Tokenkaligreens]

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Sometimes you cant see the light at the other end of the tunnel. you got to have faith that it is still there.

Letting ones self be overwhelmed is part of living, its how we deal with it that makes us stronger.

Stay strong people, Live for today, but never forget about tomorrow.

[Thrice]

See you in NH you fucking piece of shit, as you may not know us suicidial people are very very dark people, often I think about killing people, and it would be easy as breathing. If I commit to the idea of suicide, oh yes I will kill you before that. Good luck, for your sake you better hope i don't. Would you like me to tell you how you will die?

[VaNdAL xBA!x]

its all good kid come on beech street park all day ill b there wit my red rag u emo fuck if not beechg street park then go to pine street basketball court i might b there ask for kapital p so get at me kid
what reason u got to kill yourself theres no point your gunna go one way or anothers so might as well wait it out huh

[Tokenkaligreens]

Why dont both you shut the fuck up.

[Thrice]

I am suicidal, but that doesn't make me emo you dumb piece of shit. i don't have a gay ass haircut, or wear tight pants, I don't cry to mommy when i have problems. Emo kids cut themselves for attention, i dont even cut in the first place. More like stand over a cliff or have a lasso tied around my neck.

[~Star~]

my anti depresent= marijuana, i spend all day everyday hungry, happy, sleepy :D

[VaNdAL xBA!x]

^^exactley my point jesus christ im givin these fucks advice n this kids flippin out over here
k i dont really care at all lol
jus forget it all im sayin is i dont understand why u wouold ever kill urself when u get jus get fucked up n forget bout it thats what i do n nothin would ever amke me kill myself so im set goodbye lol

[~Star~]

Yeah turn on some Bob Marley, hit some bongs and enjoy some good old peace and quiet

[Tokenkaligreens]

People deal with problems in different ways. Not everyone is the same. Some people cant just "get fucked up " and forget about whats bothering them. Your generalizing everyone is this thread and that's pretty fucking ignorant. Shit isn't cut that clean and simple. What you may consider a problem may not even bother others and vise versa. For you to just say there problems cant be shit and that if they just got high it would all be ok shows that most likely what you consider a problem is not really that big of a deal.(holy run on sentence batman) What about the kid who is so torn the fuck up cuz he watched his boy get his wig split, you gonna tell him to just go get high. When you grow up and start having to deal with real life situations then maybe you'll have an idea of what some of these cats are going thru. With that being said, Im gonna go blaze this bowl and relax cuz its a nice ass day and I anit got shit to do. Keep your heads up.

[..romero..]

^^exactley my point jesus christ im givin these fucks advice n this kids flippin out over here
k i dont really care at all lol
jus forget it all im sayin is i dont understand why u wouold ever kill urself when u get jus get fucked up n forget bout it thats what i do n nothin would ever amke me kill myself so im set goodbye lol

so what happens when smoking doesnt work.some people are just so far gone that nothing works for them.their literally walking dead.i know some of these peoples.and if your like me and have no one in your family or close frineds who you can talk to talking to a bunch of strangers sounds like a pretty good idea.its shameful to want to kill yourself and would hurt to much to tell you parents or whatever so coming on here and venting to people that chances are you will NEVER meet it makes sense.your logic is fucked and your an e-thug and really need to stfu if you dont know what your talking about instead of fucking with poeple on the internet giving them horrible advice.smoking only helps for so long.most peoples problems are alot deeper than that.



on another note.fuck you guys hahaha.

[VaNdAL xBA!x]

lol see im an e thug but he was the one sayin hes gunna come lookin for me n told him where im at so whos an e thug n smokin helps all my problems n if ur problems are so bad that smokin dont help go get some therapy......

[Thrice]

Unlike you vandal, i don't sit around all day talking about some radical left wing liberal bullshit as I smoke weed in my mom's basement. I work hard and earn my own living, and deal with life's bullshit, not just smoke weed to try to avoid them. "the working man is the tough guy." -De niro (bronx tale)

[..romero..]

lol see im an e thug but he was the one sayin hes gunna come lookin for me n told him where im at so whos an e thug n smokin helps all my problems n if ur problems are so bad that smokin dont help go get some therapy......


its all good kid come on beech street park all day ill b there wit my red rag u emo fuck if not beechg street park then go to pine street basketball court i might b there ask for kapital p so get at me kid
what reason u got to kill yourself theres no point your gunna go one way or anothers so might as well wait it out huh

stop tryna bang on the internet fucker.'wit my red rag'.no self respecting gangster calls their flag a rag.you sound retarded.

[Siner]

For vandal and bigdic who i'm not gonna quote to bump to the next page. If you guys can't understand why someone would want to kill thereself thern don't even post in this thread. You obviously don't even understand mental illness and how painful and destructive it can be to your every day life. People come on here to talk about there problems cause they have nowhere else or no one else to talk about them with, so if people on here can talk someone out of ending there own life what's the harm of that, especially when bigdic said if your talking about suicide on this thread you might as well just do it already.

[..romero..]

forreal.ive been suicidal for about 2 or 3 years.one of my teachers killed my aunt.i think thats when it started.that plus i was already mentally ill.depression and things like that.i dont really have anyone to talk too because i dont really have family.i mean my mom but were not on good terms right now or ever haha.as for friends,i dont talk to anyone after i got out of jail.alot of people that called themselves my friends just used me for things and when the cops came half of them snitched on me.it made me resentful and learned not to trust anyone at all.so ive been holding it in for a long time. but its been a while since i really thought about doing it but i can say to anyone thats thinking about killing themselves the thing tat worked for me was just keeping busy.as long as i was doing something.anything that got my mind off of suicide it was a good thing.i still think about it but i mean not as much and not so in depth i guess.bombing makes me happy tho.i mean how can you be sad when your having so much fun haha.but dont think about it and surround yourself with good happy people.

[B.S. POLICE]

everyone thinks about it. specially writers... i have yet to meet a single writer thats perfectly stable. were all fucked up in the head to some extent, you have to be if your gonna go around ruining other ppls property without any regrets.

[Siner]

Yeah bombing definetly helps, I find just going for a walk helps alot too which I guess is a part of bombing anyway. Last night I felt like shit so I went for a walk for like two and a half hours and about halfway throught I started to feel better. Did a little bit of tagging but mostly just wanted to get out to clear my head. Keeping busy is great advice too, but when you have nothing to do it's really hard, which is my predicament unfortunately right now. Like when I have no friends to hang out with, no motivation to leave my apartment, nothing to do but watch TV and and be on the computer all day, fuck I hate my life...

[VaNdAL xBA!x]

well jus so you kno im pretty straight in tha dome i think its jus the attitude u gotta have to jus not give a shit bout taggin peoples shit n i dont think neone likes bein home all day

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Xanax, cigarettes, and drinking myself to sleep.

[Baszma]

the reason I post this to people i don't even know is so that I can get unbiased help. If I went to a therapist, they would know me, and therefore make preconcieved notions. You will as well, but not nearly to the level that someone I've known for years will. At least that's the basic thought to why I post this. It also helps others to know that people have the same (or similar, I should say) problems. Misery loves company.


and I second what Rots said. Skip the xanax though. cigs, and drinking/crying myself to sleep.

go ahead, call me a puss. idc. It gets me to the next day. and some folks appreciate that.

[Decide]

Xanax, cigarettes, and drinking myself to sleep.

u do xanax and drinking together? dont dothat shit if u do

[Siner]

Drinking is one of the worst things you can do if your depressed, heavy drinking at least. Drinking acts as a stimulant for a short while but the next day it's just gonna make you more depressed.

[Baszma]

Hahahaha, you're telling me! My life = go to school, come home, get yelled at for a couple hours, escape to my room, drink to forget I have parents, sleep.


Rinse and repeat. It's shitty, but it works.

[Siner]

Oh man, Been there, done that. Not any more thank God. Sounds like your going through a hard time. What problems are you having with your parents, Are they just not supportive? Are you getting any help like counselling or seeing a phychiatrist?

[Baszma]

well, I'm adopted, so there wasn't a very strong connection there in the first place, but now my brother (their biological son) is developing into somewhat of a prodigy. He's a high school freshman, in Calculus BC. I'm slightly above average, but the constant comparison between me and him is taking a toll. He's goody-two-shoes to the fullest, and I've always been the, "gifted, yet troubled" one, so they'll flat-out ask me, "why can't you be more like your brother?"

Then recently i told my parents about my life plan, which is fairly simple, but it'll work. it is as follows.

step 1: graduate, and join the Marines
step 2: once I finish my first tour, if I really liked it I'll take another tour, if not, move to step 3.
step 3: If when I get out, I can start a tattoo apprenticeship immediately, I'll do so. If not, I'll use my pension from the Marines, plus all the wages I'll have saved to go to an art school. preferably Creative College of Art and Design, in Omaha, Nebraska.
step 4: live life. I won't be rich, but i don't wanna be. I just want to have some $$ freedom to go to shows, chill with friends, and the like.


My dad flat out said that I'd "break his heart" if I joined up. And this is the same guy that gets drunk and hits me. So I didn't stress it at first, but now he's actively trying to keep me out of the Marines, pulling up b.s. requirements that I know they don't have, as I correspond with my friend who's already with them frequently.


and no, I'm not seeing any sort of help like that. idk, it just always seems that if they found out about me being suicidal, they would drug me for the rest of my life. And then I DEFINITELY wouldn't be able to do what I wanted.

[Siner]

Well the fact that you actually have a plan for the future like that may mean that your not as bad off as you think you are. I mean, sure your parents aren't supportive, but you have to do what you want, how old are you? If you have enough money, or can get enough, just move out, then you can do what you want and will be truely happy. I mean I can't even think of a future so atleast you have somthing positive in the to look foreward too.

[immoral]

In not so much the sense of depression, but unhappiness, I find myself with no appreciation for the fact that I am breathing. Sure, I paint and everything because it makes me happy and gives me the addrenaline rush I desire, but how long will it keep me going? It can't keep my mind off things forever.

All I know is, at the end of the day, when I run out of paint and stickers to put up, I am sick of being where I am, sick of coming home to no girl, and no love.

these girls I sleep with mean nothing to me but a quick fuck, they can't give me the deep feeling in the pit of my stomach that I want.

It's not suicide I am after, but I am waiting on some accident to kill me.
If it happens tomorrow, I can't say I'd be too concerned with it.

[..romero..]

Then recently i told my parents about my life plan, which is fairly simple, but it'll work. it is as follows.

step 1: graduate, and join the Marines
step 2: once I finish my first tour, if I really liked it I'll take another tour, if not, move to step 3.
step 3: If when I get out, I can start a tattoo apprenticeship immediately, I'll do so. If not, I'll use my pension from the Marines, plus all the wages I'll have saved to go to an art school. preferably Creative College of Art and Design, in Omaha, Nebraska.
step 4: live life. I won't be rich, but i don't wanna be. I just want to have some $$ freedom to go to shows, chill with friends, and the like.


My dad flat out said that I'd "break his heart" if I joined up. And this is the same guy that gets drunk and hits me. So I didn't stress it at first, but now he's actively trying to keep me out of the Marines, pulling up b.s. requirements that I know they don't have, as I correspond with my friend who's already with them frequently.


and no, I'm not seeing any sort of help like that. idk, it just always seems that if they found out about me being suicidal, they would drug me for the rest of my life. And then I DEFINITELY wouldn't be able to do what I wanted.


id join the army personally.but its nice to see you have a plan.im about your age i believe and i have only a vague idea of what im gonna do when i get older haha.but the service is very honorable i dont see why your father would be so against it...

[Hurs]

yea i got problems with school and myself.. been having fucked up thoughts in my mind.. even marijuanna doesnt help it just makes me have a deeper thought of worse things... finding out the unknown about my family and me and shit... its fucked... 15

[Hurs]

i mean.. i used to feel normal till now

[immoral]

Fifteen wasnt a good year for me either. Neither was 16, 17, 18, or now.

[Hurs]

word yo im just figuring shit out i used to be happy. always get wat i want and shit but im looking back at my years and shit i always was a loner even if i tried to fit in man i spent receses alone in elementary shit was fucked up and ive known these kids for years since JK .. i always made people laugh but i didint seem like it was a good laugh it was some awkward your an idiot joke laugh.

[immoral]

Well understand this, It could be a lot worse. Things are not always that peachy and will never be perfect but you take the good with the bad. In being a loner, your mind grows faster than it should and faster than those around you. When they are cracking jokes like fools, your mind is racing at ninety to nothing and you understand and see things in a different light.

time goes on and things will get better. all it takes is time. When you look back, you will see then, that is was not THAT bad, and I will warn you now, bad bad things can happen, and most likely will. Loved ones will die, and Loved ones will get sick, this is all a part of the fucked up cycle of life...

It goes on friend..

[Hurs]

yeh i dig it isnt as bad as i think i gues but its still fuckin me up and not letting me enjoy life

[immoral]

We have all had to go down this road. I can gaurantee you it will get better, soon

[bilal_tariq]

Well understand this, It could be a lot worse. Things are not always that peachy and will never be perfect but you take the good with the bad. In being a loner, your mind grows faster than it should and faster than those around you. When they are cracking jokes like fools, your mind is racing at ninety to nothing and you understand and see things in a different light.

time goes on and things will get better. all it takes is time. When you look back, you will see then, that is was not THAT bad, and I will warn you now, bad bad things can happen, and most likely will. Loved ones will die, and Loved ones will get sick, this is all a part of the fucked up cycle of life...

It goes on friend..

So well said eh, and about the mind growing faster, I can say that about myself too minus the loner part although I do spend a lot/majority of my time alone with myself and do meet a lot of other people during other times and I will say that yes I do see everyone in different, each in their own and you understand people better.

I'm just happy I'm going to get a good night's sleep, took a warm shower, and comfortable in bed, life is good night is young school work is going and gah I don't feel a thing right now because I'm just going to deal with all that once I wake up.

Peoples catch on some rest trust it clears up a lot of grogginess and makes you feel more fresh and able to approach things in a better light.

[immoral]

Well Said. Period.

Sleep clears the mind. :)

[Baszma]

Siner: I'm sixteen and a half, but I got no job. 25 months until i can move out! and thanks, you've been a major help. If you ever have any issues, shoot me a pm, look me up on AIM, gimme a call, whatever. I owe you one.


Romero: yeah, he's never articulated that to me, he's just made up facts and figures to dissuade me. I understand that I'll be shipped straight to Baghdad, and that Marines get put on the front lines. I was the one who had to explain that to him! he just doesn't make sense.

[DoctorOfCrime]

Every one I wish the best for you. The BS Forum has been awesome while i have been on.

Bye world Bye forum

[Baszma]

nah dog, you don't need to do that shit today, or ever. If you have a problem, talk to me about it. I'll help you a lot more than dying ever will.

shoot me a PM.

[Siner]

Harsh, I hope he's alright. If your on here dude PM me.

[nero112]

pick your shit up and deal with it simple as stop bitching and moaning only you can change what you deem depressive and what ever else.if you need to talk to someone try a close friend or fuck maby your mum.or grandparents they do help .

[Baszma]

step 1 of my plan is underway, and things are looking up! On the downside, I'm about to start working out with some local marines at 0600 every fuckin day. Should be fun! :D

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Drinking is one of the worst things you can do if your depressed, heavy drinking at least. Drinking acts as a stimulant for a short while but the next day it's just gonna make you more depressed.


Live in the now, I always say. Well no I don't, but it applies.

And yeah, snort one zanni bar + a couple beers and it hits you three times as hard. The Xanax is just a precursor to make the booze better.
Doing Xanaxi by itself is kinda lame. Unless you snort/eat half a script or so. And you can't pop zannis like skittles either, you get used to the effects and have to take a break for it to really hit you again. Like a nicotine buzz.



I used to drink like a fish, my biggest vice. I spent my nights getting wasted to forget everything. And this isn't too long ago either. I've talked to many a BS member on a lonely, drunken, depressed night. I never acted like a frat boy and got drunk at parties and shit. I much prefer getting drunk alone, with some music, and my cell phone to text message all the people whose lives I've fucked up, once I'm too loaded to care. Now I just smoke like an open flame and eat Xanax. I have my own script for it for anxiety sooo I get it free.

I see my therapist tomorrow at 2.

[Baszma]

Backalley, do you have a celly now? bcuz if so, pm me and I'll give you my numba, so i can text you even when I'm not on AIM. At least when you feel like communing with the general public.

[peacebomb]

yeah its not the feeling of like suicide. I get the feeling of deeeeeeep depression like it actually feels like something is screwed in me. No matter what I do Im still in the really deep depression. I live only to draw that is all. Its like im crying in my head constantly. I dont get a thrill out of my life at all no matter what i do... its really scary...I want to enjoy life but its like something is stopping me... you guys seem to be helpful so you guys got any advice?

[Siner]

Live in the now, I always say. Well no I don't, but it applies.

And yeah, snort one zanni bar + a couple beers and it hits you three times as hard. The Xanax is just a precursor to make the booze better.
Doing Xanaxi by itself is kinda lame. Unless you snort/eat half a script or so. And you can't pop zannis like skittles either, you get used to the effects and have to take a break for it to really hit you again. Like a nicotine buzz.



I used to drink like a fish, my biggest vice. I spent my nights getting wasted to forget everything. And this isn't too long ago either. I've talked to many a BS member on a lonely, drunken, depressed night. I never acted like a frat boy and got drunk at parties and shit. I much prefer getting drunk alone, with some music, and my cell phone to text message all the people whose lives I've fucked up, once I'm too loaded to care. Now I just smoke like an open flame and eat Xanax. I have my own script for it for anxiety sooo I get it free.

I see my therapist tomorrow at 2.
Thats what I really liked about alcohol too, cause it just numbed the pain and blurred my depressed thoughts. But I got sick of drinking cause of bad hangovers and feeling like shit all the time. I don't really feel all that much better now that I haven't drank in about a month, but whatever.

Anyway, too me, it almost sounds like you have just switched one addiction for another, that being, alcohol, for xanax, and then just a couple of beers. But your really not gonna feel better until you stop all that shit. I mean, I know your prescribed xanax for anxiety, but you shouldn't be abusing it. Sorry if it sounds like I'm judging you cause thats certainly not my intention. Anyway, how depressed are you lately anyway, like is it still bad?

yeah its not the feeling of like suicide. I get the feeling of deeeeeeep depression like it actually feels like something is screwed in me. No matter what I do Im still in the really deep depression. I live only to draw that is all. Its like im crying in my head constantly. I dont get a thrill out of my life at all no matter what i do... its really scary...I want to enjoy life but its like something is stopping me... you guys seem to be helpful so you guys got any advice?
Well first of all, I'm glad your not considering suicide, thats one thing thats still positive. Anyway, my suggestion would just be to talk about you felling with anyone who is close to you, rather that be your parents, friends, cousins, etc... Sometimes just getting your feelings out can just be really helpful. It definetly sounds like your depressed, so I would also recommend that you maybe see a counselor, I don't know if your in school but if you are I'm sure your school has one and you could look into seeing one, and they could also offer you some suggestions, hope this helps and good luck.

[peacebomb]

Yeah im goin to see a counselor tomoro. I just cant take this shit no more... thanks for the help:)

[CorrereLaCitta]

Every one I wish the best for you. The BS Forum has been awesome while i have been on.

Bye world Bye forum

ahh man i am pretty much crying right now RIP You shouldent have killed yourself your Family is not taking it well. I didnt meet you to meny times but you where i nice guy when i was around ya.

Rest in Peace DOC

[bilal_tariq]

Peacebomb - I know exactly how you feel man and don't even inch towards the self end man 'cause I didn't have the nerve to do it either and honestly I'm living to draw too and I sometimes feel that I'm crying in my head at certain times but yeah I try to cheer myself up by taking my mind off things and I do this by studying and reading and doing research and while doing those I sketch to take a break and live life a little every time, it helps bro it really does.

For me, I look around people and see how they need drugs or alcohol to either keep themselves happy or overly numb their sorrows so that if they can't get happy, at least they can't get sad either, and I think that's just messed. I've never looked at drugs and alcohol as materials to boo away any problems in life because they are just temporary numbing materials like anesthesia and sooner or later those problems still come back to haunt you because they're lurking right above your head, the only difference being that they can't be in your head while you're intoxicated because the drugs and/or alcohol are invading your mind at that very moment, once they're gone, those problems find a way to sneak back into your mind again and you're back to square one.

You see before my loved one left me, she made me stop everything, and it's not like I ever did either on a regular or a totally insane basis, sure I can count on my fingers the number of times I have but that was it, and I'm so happy I stopped for good and I'm far away from her in a different country and she doesn't trust me at all and she could probably be thinking that I'm puffing up and juicing down and all that but I'm not and the reason why I never even approach those things is because I've seen how people feel like lowlifes when they smoke/drink, they feel guilty, they feel messed up like they're not doing anything in life, they feel like all their hope is gone and such but they have no sense of any of those negative feelings because they're just so numb, so distorted - AND I'M GLAD I'm not ever going to be in that mindset again in my life ever because I feel so messed up that she's left me and if I were to ever consume such materials, it would just make me realize what a bloody horrible person I was even though my intentions were to love her and the worst thing is she has never given me any answers so I keep questioning myself and I don't want to that while I'm intoxicated because I might do something wrong to myself if I don't get the answers I need to know to find out why she had to leave me. Gah it's making me think about that all over again but I'm happy to see that in the past few pages no one has actually made a girl the reason to commit suicide, I'm very proud of everyone here who's managed that because no one should let anyone else ruin your life and lead you to ending it because of that person.

Love for all, hatred for none, my family always taught me that, I wish I was back my mother and father because living alone in a country miles away doesn't really help but I guess it makes me a little stronger... somewhat.

And I'd never go to a councelor because they'd never understand my problems and even if they did, they'd never be able to help me because they can never bring her back to me and she just won't look at me in the same loving light that she always did, heck I don't even exist for her anymore but I'm trying to punch myself in the face and telling myself that it's my fault and it purely is so I can't cry about it because I've been a douche who's made a lot of mistakes but never cried over them and I'm not planning on crying over them and doing something harmful to myself this time either. Councelors only come in handy if the problem is very basic and if they person is having a hard time wrapping their head around that problem to solve it.

I just hope everyone find a solution to their problems, I pray so much for everyone's happiness all the time, even though I don't know so many people's names, I still pray hoping that whoever is having any problems - please resolve them in some beautiful way. Bah I also hope Doc isn't serious about being gone.

But yeah, good morning everyone, one of the side-effects of my messed up mind is that I can't really sleep anymore, I've been like this for a long time now where I get to see the sun wake up before I can even think of a wink of sleep.

[.A.K.4.7.]

I feel suicide is selfish and pathetic. How can you do that to your loved ones? You are merely transferring your pain onto others. It solves nothing. There is ALWAYS a way through depression.

These are my opinions, let them offend you if you want, but don't try to talk to me about Psyk and Boner, I knew them and it doesn't change my opinion one bit.

[Decide]

I feel suicide is selfish and pathetic. How can you do that to your loved ones? You are merely transferring your pain onto others. It solves nothing. There is ALWAYS a way through depression.

These are my opinions, let them offend you if you want, but don't try to talk to me about Psyk and Boner, I knew them and it doesn't change my opinion one bit.

finally

[bilal_tariq]

Truth. Screw suicide, there's always a way out, that's what I always say too. I don't have many people who I can associate myself with daily but shit if I did I'd have shudders knowing they're not there anymore because they committed suicide... just have some concern and regard about what and how you're going to affect lives around you after your life is gone, it makes a huge difference. What if every time you and your boys had a session that you guys always run every other day and now that you're gone, those guys don't even chill no more and even if they do kick it once in a while, it'd be brutal to run a session without having you around in the rotation right? Plus how do you think they'd react if your name ever came up during that or whenever? Trust me, if you don't want to be put in all those shoes, then don't put anyone else in those shoes either.

[.A.K.4.7.]

These kids just going on about their depression and shit as if it's killing them. This sounds cheesy and played out but seriously, think of the fucking kids in africa. They get through day to day, why can't you?

Go to councilors, get out and do things, go for walks, take photographs, see the beauty in life. Get off this suicide trend, it don't make you a martyr, it just makes you look like a coward in my eyes.

[bilal_tariq]

Yeah, good looks on the suggestions 'cause most of those things are what I do too - photography, sketching, going for walks and stuff, just not going to counselors ever 'cause like I said problems go deeper and deeper and they just won't understand. I just look at this thread to come and just talk about reality a bit 'cause not everything in life is "unicorns and rainbows" as she'd say so I come in here to help out people and at the same time recluse a bit. Talking is always a good way to get stuff out, and A.K. as much as I respect you, I'd say some of us on here do a job as counselors helping out people just like how you are too, by telling them that it's weak to end yourself, I guess I'm just using a more subtle tone.

[Siner]

These kids just going on about their depression and shit as if it's killing them. This sounds cheesy and played out but seriously, think of the fucking kids in africa. They get through day to day, why can't you?

Go to councilors, get out and do things, go for walks, take photographs, see the beauty in life. Get off this suicide trend, it don't make you a martyr, it just makes you look like a coward in my eyes.
You do have some good points, but what you have to realize is that for alot of people, depression IS killing them, it's so destructive to their daily lifes that when thought of ending their own lives come into their heads, thats pretty much whats killing them.

I wanna come in here to help people throught there problems, cause if we can help save one life whats the harm of that. And awesome posts bilal_tariq, hope your doing alright, your posts are really insightfull.

Anyway, I just wanted to post this PBS documentary that I watched on TV a couple of years ago, I thought it was really good, it's pretty long but if you want to understand depression, I definetly recommend you watch it, it's in 9 parts:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9951IX6hos

[KidN]

It's not selfish if your reason for suicide is the fact that no one loves you.

[Aesir]

^Is it fucked up that that made me laugh?

[Worms]

suicide is in my head daily...i always envision just ending my shit its fuckd and lately ive been seeing some weird shit....like shadows and blurry figures of animals and bodies my parents r threatenin to kick me out if i dont go to counseling but i dont feel like talkn to some snobby bitch who could give a fuck less

[Siner]

Dude, you might not think that a counseler doesn't give a fuck about your situation, but maybe they can offer some suggestions about things that you could change in your life to make it better. I mean even if you could talk about your situation more in here maybe we could even offer some suggestions to you.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

These kids just going on about their depression and shit as if it's killing them. This sounds cheesy and played out but seriously, think of the fucking kids in africa. They get through day to day, why can't you?

Go to councilors, get out and do things, go for walks, take photographs, see the beauty in life. Get off this suicide trend, it don't make you a martyr, it just makes you look like a coward in my eyes.

Who the fuck are you?

[PeeInTheShower]

kidn you're right, in most suicide cases, the person felt like not even their parents cared about them. and did you know the root of depression, committing of violent and non violent crimes, bad parenting, and self destructive drug use, usually comes from lack of love from their parents? i know we can all kid with our friends and say "what? your parents didn't love you or something?" but see here, it's no bullshit. talk to any addict that has hit rock bottom and turned their life around, and they'll tell you themselves that they used their parents not being there EVERY SINGLE TIME as a justification for drug use and other crime. and obviously, your parents can't drop whatever they're doing all the time to come help you when you need it, but when people have self destructive behavior where they feel like there's no hope, they'll use anything they can as an excuse..

and siner, sorry to say, but counselors don't care. i know this personally. i was court ordered as a kid to see a counselor and whenever we had nothing to talk about he'd bring up shit like "and how did you feel that your dad was always at work? did you feel like that made him a bad father" and i thought to myself, "holy shit, this guy will say anything to fill up these 45 minutes"

edit:and food for thought. ak47, no way in hell can you compare africa to america. we are promised so much in america, and when we feel like those promises of "freedom" aren't fulfilled, and we can't trust our own authority, our own higher power, that we feel like the reason to live is to fight the government by destroying ourselves. to show authority that we "stand out" in a sense. some people figure that suicide is fame, and they'd rather rest in fame than work the everyday 9 to 5 and abide by bullshit laws which everyone (everyone being the average joe citizen) realizes are unfair, but choose to do nothing but obey. some people don't stand for it.

[Siner]

I guess I see what you mean by most people who commit suicide have no love from there parents.For alot of people like me, and other people who have posted in here who are surrounded by love in their families, it's doesn't matter at all, we still feel depressed as fuck. No amount of love can seem to change that. And I wasn't saying counselers give a fuck, I was just saying that they could hopefully offer you some suggestions if your depressed.

[.A.K.4.7.]

Who the fuck are you?

Someone with an opinion. Who the fuck are you?

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Someone more important.

[.A.K.4.7.]

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x123/dumbfux/scan0001.jpg

yep.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Two years ago.

And I've never seen you post a picture of, anything.

[.A.K.4.7.]

I could post something from 4 years ago that can kill that, shut up.

[DoctorOfCrime]

ahh man i am pretty much crying right now RIP You shouldent have killed yourself your Family is not taking it well. I didnt meet you to meny times but you where i nice guy when i was around ya.

Rest in Peace DOC

I am not dead

[bilal_tariq]

Not you... badalley.

[Aesir]

I'm pretty sure all of our doctors are alive.

[Siner]

I am not dead
Then do you wanna tell everybody why you made that post? Cause I think we were kinda worried about you, anyway glad your alive.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

I'm not fucking dead either.

[Baszma]

I thought doctor of crime committed. But not backalley, where'd u guys get that idea?

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

They were probably hoping

[Baszma]

Hahahaha, I know I don't hope that shit. Can't speak for the rest of these douchenozzles though.

[DoctorOfCrime]

Then do you wanna tell everybody why you made that post? Cause I think we were kinda worried about you, anyway glad your alive.

Well honestly i was close to dieing. I smoked ten bongs then i was vibeing thinking about how i should kill myself. I then inhailed a NOS canastor and it was the dopest shit i even did. Then i thought i would keep living so i could buy more nos to have when i was high. But seriously getting high then killing myslef was the plan. Lucky the message you sent me helped me realise life is worth living. For now any ways

[.A.K.4.7.]

This shit buzzes me the fuck out, if your so depressed and thinking about killing yourself why are you talking about it on an INTERNET FORUM as if its nothing? fucking stupid shit I hate this thread.


but i agree with you, stay alive for nos

[Siner]

Well honestly i was close to dieing. I smoked ten bongs then i was vibeing thinking about how i should kill myself. I then inhailed a NOS canastor and it was the dopest shit i even did. Then i thought i would keep living so i could buy more nos to have when i was high. But seriously getting high then killing myslef was the plan. Lucky the message you sent me helped me realise life is worth living. For now any ways
Well I'm glad my message helped, If you ever get low feel free to PM me, or if you want my msn so we can talk again just PM me.

[Homer'un]

Dont do nos...that's some stupid shit.
Gets all up in your brain and does some irreparable damage...kinda like huffing duster but with a longer effect...
Only reason people are using that shit now is because somebody got the idea to sell it in balloons at parties for huge profit.
seriously...please dont do Nos...or youll end up like me, with fuckin memory problems so bad that you can barely remember what you did the night before....
And all for a cheap high...

ok ill stop preaching now.

<3

[bilal_tariq]

http://www.tunerzine.com/news/58/1.jpg

Live or Die.

[SALVO]

Oh to be a teenager, crazy what hormones can do to you.


I could post something from 4 years ago that can kill that, shut up.

Truth.

[Aced]

Good thread idea man.

I lost a very good friend to suicide. RIP Joe.

[colderthanicee]

AK, your very stupid...

I'm sure fucking jumping into a mental clinic whould not be top priority on your choice as well, Backalley that peice was sick.

[Bars]

Man fuck everyone, I swear the only one you can rely on is yourself. To tell you truth is that I am sick of that man, not having anyone to talk to will make a person go fucking crazy and i think I'm startin to lose it.

[DUSTER]

Like 3-4 years ago when i was 17 yrs old now im 23 i tryed 2 kill myself ,i take a lot of pills cut my veins and just sitting on my bed waiting to die, my sheet was full of blood, and just waiting there on the bed.. but i realized thats it was a bad solution you know so i just call immediatly the medic ! so they came home grab me up at my house they found me on the ground because i lost consience " dunno if you write it like that ? " and going to hospital as fast they can going to the emergency room , stayed 1 week in the hospital then transfered to a psychiatric hospital you know " Whit suicidal person, schizophrenic and all the shit .. " so now im on prozac and i feel more depress more than back in the days whit that it's like .. with that pills its like they force me to be all the time HAPPY.. i was on depress my whole life, i was harrased at school, my parent complaining against me, i got judged all the ime in my yougers day and i don't have lot of friends im basiky very shy ! ans i never had a girlfriends due to their POKERFACE ! or "Hidden Face" i don't trust her .. you know.. whit all happens in my life .. 2 me its , me myself and i ! that's it ..
I love basikly nothin about the life .. i don't watch tv, i just draw, draw , draw , and internet i feel like on internet no one is judgin' you in a sens..
Im feel these days such an abandonned factory building collasped and rusted all over the place ..

Remembers that shit, suicide is not a videogame once your dead your dead there no way 2 come back so think about it bfore , and think at all the pain you'll left to your familly and around you ..

[Bars]

Man sometimes me, myself and I, don't work man. I am sick of me myself and I. No one to talk to, no one know the real me, nor do they care. I know my time is coming soon it's just a matter of time. People say to you make your own luck but thats fucking bullshit, I am a good person with a good heart and not a fucking thing good happens to me, I don't remember the last time I had a good day. I am sick of all these days that go by and I can't do a damn thing to make it go well so giving up sounds like the best solution. You guys may have someone to miss you but I don't.

[mmmburgers]

I dont know, suicide is some serious shit man. Ive been through it, thought about it multiple times. All i can say, its not worth it man. Its a selfish act, you end your problems but you make more for others. All i can say is always look up, everything happens for a reason.

btw i wrote this song, thought i should put it here. The song is basicly saying enjoy your life, even if its bad... Enjoy what you have, make the best of out every situation. Dont let your problems ruin your life, just enjoy it.

Let me tell you something, Its about life
I'll tell you how hard it is, i'll tell you what its like
You just gotta keep on moving forward, and realise
That life goes on,
Life goes on and I know it may be hard
But life goes on, even from the start
And life goes on, it keeps on moving
Life goes on, and life goes on.

Life goes on, it will never stop
Keep your head up, and alwasy be on top
Dont let your problems ruin what you have
Think about the times that made you laugh
Forget about the times that made you mad
Or the times that made you sad
just be happy with what you got,
You may not realise, thats alot
but when its all gone, you'll want it back
some things you will never ever get back
So enjoy them, while they last
Things will pass, its all too fast
I cant keep up, this has to end
You just gotta use your common sense
To see some good, i garantee it will
im telling you, this is for real.

Let me tell you something, Its about life
I'll tell you how hard it is, i'll tell you what its like
You just gotta keep on moving forward, and realise
That life goes on,
Life goes on and I know it may be hard
But life goes on, even from the start
And life goes on, it keeps on moving
Life goes on, and life goes on.

Let me tell you a little something about me
Ive had problesms that you wouldnt believe
Been though so much shit in the past 3 years
Believe it or not, At times i shredded Tears
But those times are over, Now im fine
just because i looked up all the time
had to pick myself up, it was hard
i did not ever let my gaurd down
i know at times it may seem impossible
but you have to promise not to let go
dont slip dont fall, just stand tall
fuck what everone else says
keep on doing, what you do best
fuck the haters, and all the rest
always keep a postive mind, forever.
And remember, life goes on.

Let me tell you something, Its about life
I'll tell you how hard it is, i'll tell you what its like
You just gotta keep on moving forward, and realise
That life goes on,
Life goes on and I know it may be hard
But life goes on, even from the start
And life goes on, it keeps on moving
Life goes on, and life goes on.

[CrashOverRide]

Keep your mind right, any true g or any REAL person would never commit suicide, that shit is for lames and peons. If you're actually talking bout that suicide shit then do something about it and don't be a pussy bitch, call a teen help line or whatever talk to your moms and dads and get over that whackass shit, too many homies lost in the game to suicide and if you're dealing with thoughts like that you can PM me and I'll come down if I can and just gve you 200 reasons for you punk ass to live. That is straight real.

[..romero..]

Keep your mind right, any true g or any REAL person would never commit suicide, that shit is for lames and peons. If you're actually talking bout that suicide shit then do something about it and don't be a pussy bitch, call a teen help line or whatever talk to your moms and dads and get over that whackass shit, too many homies lost in the game to suicide and if you're dealing with thoughts like that you can PM me and I'll come down if I can and just gve you 200 reasons for you punk ass to live. That is straight real.

your a faggot.you know nothing about REAL as you put it.some people cant cope.thats not becuase their not real.i know some real g's whove gone like tht id loooove to see you say that shit to them.theyd have mopped the floor with you.you dont know why people kill themselves.some of these cats get shat on every day of there lives every single fucking day and put up with it for twenty odd years before they go.not all of them.but the ones i know that commied suicide were no bitches or peons.they had some real serious problems and sometimes talking doesnt fucking work.you try living through some of the stuff these guys go through see if you make it.some people just have horrible lives and cant see the light and go.its no fault of their own its just how it goes.things wear you down after a while.

[friedchicken]

life is what you make it, reality is how you choose to see it.

if you see something you want and you can't have it don't let it get you down, just make a plan and take it.

if your lazy, get off your ass.

forget the word impossible exists.

if someone is putting you down and holding you back, put them down and keep them there.

if you see no purpose to live, have something worth dieing for.

if it control's you, control it.

if your not free, get liberated.

crime always pays.

it's not about good or bad, its about what gets your goals ahead.

The trick to life is to be an addict, if your addicted to experience then you'll never want for anything again.

[Scheme*119]

cool story bro.

[..romero..]

i had it and decided to use it haha.

http://i40.tinypic.com/25u1ouu.jpg

[Frantastic]

eyo.

i died 7 times. actually 8. that's why i only have 1 life left to live.
don't trip. don't listen. just tune out dudes and duddetes. fuck ffaggots dog. no scapegoats, k guys? please. it kills your parents.


casp3r

[nameless/cao]

Man, I hate my family pretty bad.

And coming from a guy who doesnt really believe in the word "hate" its a big deal.

I've always been the problem kid, bad grades, worse behavior, "has SO much talent but just doesnt seem to make use of it" type of son, bright enough to be the samrtest kid in class but with enough spine to stand up when he calls bullshit.....

Basically the OPPOSITE my family ever wanted.

I thought about killing myself when I got sent to Alternative, because now my family would treat me like a caged dog, and nobody would even know enough to care.

Even carved shit in the arm.

But I got out, and my girl helped(just a little), Graff helped a fuck load, and I just look forward to a few years from now where I'l come home with my diploma, will walk in the house, pack all my graff stuff in the car, give my family the finger, and never look back.

Thats what drives me.

you just described my life perfectly... worst grades but smartest student... i burned shit into my hand pretty much evrything u just sed describes my life also... never really looked for help from a female tho... always just seemed to cause more drama eventually ending in even more depression...

i dont have a job so YES i depend on my mom... im only 16 btw but anywayz evrytime i ask for new clothes she says "not enough money" ive had the same black tee's since last year, holes, faded, paint all over them and im forced to where them to school. yet she has the nerve to want to buy a fuckin boat, she just bought a new car, and if i want her old one i have to buy it from her for like 5000$ so fuck that and fuck family... shes stingy as fuck... and my dad is homeless and just went back to jail last week... i never really had a relationship with him since he was an alcoholic... i have a trust issue and i can never trust anybody so that makes it hard to get close to anybody... my family thinks im some kind of fuck up becuz i got arrested twice... im not lookin for a hand out or for any of you guys to feel sorry for me... i just put my story out there maybe someone can relate...

[Proper]

Apparently, an ex-South Korean president was suicidal.


You aren't alone.

[mtown]

hahahaha

[mmmburgers]

...

[..romero..]

You guys... Depression hit me pretty hard. Although i have no idea what triggered it. Ive been through depression before. Sometime last year my doc perscribed me Accutane (for mild acne) the most comon side effect for it was severe depression. I thought "eh i wont get depressed! PFFF!!!" so i took the perscription, and guess what!? i got depressed T_T. Accutane really fucked me up for that time period, i've been off accutane for almost 9 months now. About 2 months after i stopped taking Accutane my depression went away. I was happy again, got a new girlfriend, doing really well in school. My life was boss. But the last 3 - 4 months have been slowly going downhill... First of all, i started getting into some hard drugs (not good). Then after awhile i dropped out of school (definity not very good). And now I got cops trying to hunt me down for some bullshit graffiti that i didnt do in my city (VERY stressfull). I feel like its all building up on me. I dont know what to do man, i constantly feel fucked up... like i dont feel like "myself" i feel... different. and i dont like this feeling at all. ive been getting whats called "The Death Fantasy". Its were one constantly fantasies about being dead. although suicide is something i know i wouldnt do... but i just always wonder, what would it be like if i was gone. i always think about how i would kill myself how my funeral would be. I dont know man, i need some help bad.... Guys? please?
i have the same fantasies...the thing is i usually get them when im not doing anything when im just sitting in my bed or something.to stop that what you should do is just keep active.do something productive and try not to think about all the shit thats happening.its not gonna stp the depression but it gets your mind off wanting to kill yourself.just keeeeeep yourself busy and stay around people who are happy.just talking to someone who has a good outlook on life and is just chill in general..it seems to rub off on you...but coming from someone whos been suicidal for a few yeas now i dont think your going anywhere anytime soon.ive had depression and anxiety for about 8 years now.

[Devils_Advocate]

man im not suicidal or nothing but i was eating too fast and almost choked to death on some cereal one time.it was just horrible.i swear that i saw jesus...







to all you suicidies...cheer up :)

[peacebomb]

I dont know, suicide is some serious shit man. Ive been through it, thought about it multiple times. All i can say, its not worth it man. Its a selfish act, you end your problems but you make more for others. All i can say is always look up, everything happens for a reason.

btw i wrote this song, thought i should put it here. The song is basicly saying enjoy your life, even if its bad... Enjoy what you have, make the best of out every situation. Dont let your problems ruin your life, just enjoy it.

Let me tell you something, Its about life
I'll tell you how hard it is, i'll tell you what its like
You just gotta keep on moving forward, and realise
That life goes on,
Life goes on and I know it may be hard
But life goes on, even from the start
And life goes on, it keeps on moving
Life goes on, and life goes on.

Life goes on, it will never stop
Keep your head up, and alwasy be on top
Dont let your problems ruin what you have
Think about the times that made you laugh
Forget about the times that made you mad
Or the times that made you sad
just be happy with what you got,
You may not realise, thats alot
but when its all gone, you'll want it back
some things you will never ever get back
So enjoy them, while they last
Things will pass, its all too fast
I cant keep up, this has to end
You just gotta use your common sense
To see some good, i garantee it will
im telling you, this is for real.

Let me tell you something, Its about life
I'll tell you how hard it is, i'll tell you what its like
You just gotta keep on moving forward, and realise
That life goes on,
Life goes on and I know it may be hard
But life goes on, even from the start
And life goes on, it keeps on moving
Life goes on, and life goes on.

Let me tell you a little something about me
Ive had problesms that you wouldnt believe
Been though so much shit in the past 3 years
Believe it or not, At times i shredded Tears
But those times are over, Now im fine
just because i looked up all the time
had to pick myself up, it was hard
i did not ever let my gaurd down
i know at times it may seem impossible
but you have to promise not to let go
dont slip dont fall, just stand tall
fuck what everone else says
keep on doing, what you do best
fuck the haters, and all the rest
always keep a postive mind, forever.
And remember, life goes on.

Let me tell you something, Its about life
I'll tell you how hard it is, i'll tell you what its like
You just gotta keep on moving forward, and realise
That life goes on,
Life goes on and I know it may be hard
But life goes on, even from the start
And life goes on, it keeps on moving
Life goes on, and life goes on.

what song is that

[dior]

last week was the worst week of my life peeps gave me so much shit and i failed a class and i already failed all my classes second qourter(sp)so if i dont get it up ill go to summer school i found that graff helps so much i bombed 3 days straight and now i feel alot better

[CrustOner]

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da...

[ReKoNe~!]

last week was the worst week of my life peeps gave me so much shit and i failed a class and i already failed all my classes second qourter(sp)so if i dont get it up ill go to summer school i found that graff helps so much i bombed 3 days straight and now i feel alot better

then drop out and dont stress yourself while youre young, get your GED in your early 20's

[Thrice]

It's sad to know that most of your friends don't give two shits about you, or maybe that's just me. Im getting sick and fucking tired of being used and taken advantage of, people are shitty friends and shitty people. No one cares. I need to get on some serious anti-depressants, drama is just unescapable.

[staone]

i thuaght about killing myself before because i hate were i live and am like confined here and i cant do what i love most graffiti and i fucking hate school am tired of school i dont wanna kill myself anymore but am just depressed i act like am good when am around my freinds but am truly not and the only reasson i am posting here is because no one knos me and most likely will never kno me but idk i just felt like saying how i feel

[dior]

It's sad to know that most of your friends don't give two shits about you, or maybe that's just me. Im getting sick and fucking tired of being used and taken advantage of, people are shitty friends and shitty people. No one cares. I need to get on some serious anti-depressants, drama is just unescapable.

agreed i need some real friends

[TaxThis]

i was in a the hospital for a week for sayin i was gona, dont say ur gona unless ur accully gona, its fuckin hell in there, tehre is accully sick ppl and fuckin crazy ones. you only live once, i dont think anyone should end it on there own, even if u do wanna hit the heavens.
just think behind every dark cloud ther is a sun, let graffiti be that sun!

[lilbmxking]

this is ironic, one of my friends did this the other day.. left behind two baby girls and a wife

[EGO31]

dude, medication won't do shit. Been on it, tried to do myself in, yada fuckin' yada.
The only person that can stop it is you. To me, depression was always my problem, the way i viewed everything, and I guess i was incomfortable with my place in the world. The thing that helped me was just realising, that yeah, the world sucks, but I can have fun with it, and I can't necessarily change anything, I can just make the situation turn to my advantage. Eg; Computer crashes finishing an essay, tell the teacher it did that, get an extension and do better. Fucking win out of a crap situation. dwelling on the past is pointless, thinking to the future is Ludicrous, because you don't what will happen. To accept something for what it is, deal with and turn it to your advantage is the most freeing experience in the world.
devils advocate:Fuck off and die. Show some fuckin' empathy you weak streak of shit.

[IlikePie]

It's sad to know that most of your friends don't give two shits about you, or maybe that's just me. Im getting sick and fucking tired of being used and taken advantage of, people are shitty friends and shitty people. No one cares. I need to get on some serious anti-depressants, drama is just unescapable.

I've had the same issues before man. What I did was kept all the old friends, set them in my acquaintances box, and just made some real, down to earth friends, who actually give a shit. I see my friendship as a hift and if it's not being appreciated, then I'll just take it back, repackage it and send it off to someone else. I have like 5 real friends who would take a bullet for me and I'd do the same, and a few hundred kids that I just talk to to pass the time.

[Namek]

It's sad to know that most of your friends don't give two shits about you, or maybe that's just me. Im getting sick and fucking tired of being used and taken advantage of, people are shitty friends and shitty people. No one cares. I need to get on some serious anti-depressants, drama is just unescapable.

i feel your pain.
its the same with me, they think its funny to talk the shit that they do.
but they dont realise the toll its taking on me.

[the.message]

sometimes i walk tracks and wait for a train to hit me... but then i usually get over it before one comes...

[VaNdAL xBA!x]

It's sad to know that most of your friends don't give two shits about you, or maybe that's just me. Im getting sick and fucking tired of being used and taken advantage of, people are shitty friends and shitty people. No one cares. I need to get on some serious anti-depressants, drama is just unescapable.

im not suicidal one bit but i feel you on that one
people are mad shady n fake these days

[XskeletorX]

Pie has some good advice. I had to do the same thing unfortunately. After high school 99% my "friends" stopped talking to me. Luckily I've made a couple of good friends since school has been out. It still kinda sucks though because I'm still lonely. Another thing that sucks is that since I only have 5 friends it's harder to hang out with anyone because they could all be busy the same day, yknow?

[Mr yarbles]

It's always good to clear your head when you're getting down
Go take a walk
Just go walk the streets for a day
Go take a hike or some shit
From what I've learned the suicidal thought will usualy go away when you try to keep yourself occupied
Go chill with your friends or do something instead of letting your thoughts get to you

and it's always good to have friends who have gone through the same type of shit

and friends are friends none of them last forever its sad to say but it's true
But once one person leaves another one will come ya know
I guess I'm lucky to have two or three great friends who I can turn to if shit goes down.

[zenne]

you know what i think, and this is no bullshit, is your just better off alone. i dont know if its just where i live, but every person i know is 2 faced, and fake as hell. i have 2 really good close friends that i care about. i cant seem to find anyone around here thats down to earth and someone who actually shows some insight on life. people nowadays live in such a plastic society, its hard to find somebody thats real. everyone is fake. everyone.

i think depression is a great thing to go through. it is overwhelming, but there are always positives. when you get over it, you'll realize that there are better things in life than what your pissed about. people who are depressed often express their feelings creatively to produce amazing works of art, and thoughts. i have considered suicide many times, and i always do think about it. usually it just never seems worth it.

thats my 2 cents.

[VaNdAL xBA!x]

Pie has some good advice. I had to do the same thing unfortunately. After high school 99% my "friends" stopped talking to me. Luckily I've made a couple of good friends since school has been out. It still kinda sucks though because I'm still lonely. Another thing that sucks is that since I only have 5 friends it's harder to hang out with anyone because they could all be busy the same day, yknow?

my friend you get yourself a girlfriend because no matter what your boys are doing the bitch is down to chill.....but ya i only chill with 5 kids like on a daily basis but its all good these days friends are mostly bout whos got what u want......

[garbage down tha way]

I see most "friends" (acquaintances in actuality) as a series of conveniences. You use them for what theyre worth and then move on from them. You wont ever find yourself drifting from your real friends.

[JackieChanRollin]

I gotta agree. The term friend is used too loosely. Real friends are hard to come by. I consider myself have 1, and still hes iffy sometimes. It kinda sucks, but fuck it. Ive just come to accept the fact that I hate most people. It doesn't make me sad that I don't have "friends." I have acquaintances, but I dont trust them or depend on them. It definitely made me more of an independent person.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

i dont have friends...ive been tricked and used and fucked over so many times by people that i just dont talk to anyone anymore.some of the downest friends i thought i had turned their back on me when i went to jail for them and the others all snitched on me for shit i didnt even fucking do.ive had some rob me for my shit.talk behind my back and spread rumors and shit...then when you confront them they get all defenseive and try to turn it on me like im the traitor.fucking turncoats.i seriously hate every single person that i have ever called my friend.ever.becuase their always down when you eveything is goin smooth but when you hit a rough patch or you go broke(in my case i was always broke lol) they leave you.still it feels good to have someone to talk to...fuck the world.

[ReKoNe~!]

i agree that most ppl are just light headed retards and arent worth being friends with but dont act all depressed because you arent friends with said people..

[Thrice]

I have like 2 good friends that I hang out with on a constant basis, but one keeps pretty busy and the other one is constantly broke and drunk so it becomes an issue a lot of times.

[lord patrick]

she took my son and left without a word sometime before i woke up.
havent heard from them in a week now..
seemed like an appropriate thread for me

[Loki X Sho]

Its never worth it mann...it never feels like it at the time, but there are other people out there who can make you happy. And unless you did something terribly wrong...you can report that shit as kidnapping. You are the father...you see, when I get depressed, I harness my emotions and use them as evil powers. Fuck her over...

[DoctorOfCrime]

eh Life doent even need to be life I mean if the whole world blows up does it really matter. What can i say. I only have had one dream in life and one day I will live it. But until then the train of shit which is my life keeps chugging along slowly threw new tunnels of darkness

[Loki X Sho]

you'll have that.
just make the most of it mon...

[returned]

^Who wants some prom dresses??

they got mens sizes? i couldn't find mens sized dresses anywhere but provincetown...

[Thrice]

Sooo....Growing distant from friend and family, I personally received the news that my cat was dying after he got an aggressive tumor, had to put him down about 2 weeks ago. I had been talking to this girl like non-stop the past week, i won't go into the specifics but i could tell we were heading towards a relationship fast but just found out she go in a relationship today and ignored me all day, even though she texts me 50+ a day and we talk on skype like 2 hrs a day.

Fuck this bulllshit i want to shoot my fucking head off over and over and over and over again. Odds are i'll have dreams of me killing myself in 10 different ways and have temptations non-stop. Fuckin' need to vent. Cigarette pleasee!

[PeeInTheShower]

forgive me for sounding insensitive, but y'all need to learn what's worth moping about.

[chalo500]

I think that medical doctors and good intetioned people just want to make you forget your pain. They forget that the pain is part of you. The line between unbearable pain that drives you to suicide and sadness that lets you find compassion is thin though.

[Neon_M@]

man one of my friends shot himself a while back towards the beggining of the school year. We werent best friends but we would talk in class a lot and tallk in the halls, he would always show me funny videos or games at school...i guess you could have called us school friends. but he was the happiest kid, he was always laughing and making jokes, even going out with friends, watched inglorious bastards i think the night before my other friend texted me about it. He was also a great runner, would have done well in state this year, and he even made plans with friends to hang out later in the week. it was his birthday the day after as well, that just killed me. it hurts a lot when you see people you know grieve over someone who was so good, he would help out at churches on sunday and seriously couldnt havent been i nicer guy.

the thing is that there was no signs, he was never deppressed or angry, but something must have got to him.

[Thrice]

Yeah most my stress is comin' from my cat's passing. Had him since I was 5, tough shit man. I've been sucicidal for a long time, just more stess at a bad time. Venting, that's all. Oh and fuck you sable, GTFO.

[actlikeyouknow]

Yeah most my stress is comin' from my cat's passing. Had him since I was 5, tough shit man. I've been sucicidal for a long time, just more stess at a bad time. Venting, that's all. Oh and fuck you sable, GTFO.

fair enough everyone needs to vent shit out from time to time. all i want to say is dont loose sleep over a girl you didnt even have, there are plenty of them out there. besides, if the broad was sending you 50+ texts a day and you two weren't even hooked up would you really want to deal with that shit if you did hook up? find another broad who isn't as clingy and put those fingers to better use

[Lunchbox]

Fuck man, I just dont no anymore.

It's all just not there, and when it's there, it's not.
Not one to ask why, more than a little pointless.

Fuck.

I'm done.

[Thrice]

Everyday i remember the little things about my cat and that shit is tough, and for the girl things seem to be normal between us except for her bf. Although she and I shared mutual feelings, but for whatever fuckin' reason she didn't choose to be with me....w/e same bull shit, different girl. If i don't get with her i'll find another chick in due time, but getting fucked over is a constant thing lately. Just venting really, I mean school finals(about to lose scholarships), girl, family/friends, and my cat's death added together is bringing me down.

[Bazer]

that guy hasn't been online since he posted that. :\

[Vagrant]

Meh. I'm a firm believer that suicide is just self-inflicted natural selection
The number one goal of life is to keep living. Any organism that doesn't want to live is fundamentally flawed, and doesn't belong in the gene pool.

[Jackal1347]

Meh. I'm a firm believer that suicide is just self-inflicted natural selection
The number one goal of life is to keep living. Any organism that doesn't want to live is fundamentally flawed, and doesn't belong in the gene pool.

It makes sense. And i agree with you.

But Vagrant, your a sick mother-f*cker!

[.nolove.]

forgive me for sounding insensitive, but y'all need to learn what's worth moping about.

word...



your cat died? bury that fucker and buy a new one.i mean it sucks to have a pet die but nothing to kill yourself over..
bitch is blowin you off? tough luck you shoulda got with her when you had the chance...

[Thrice]

Ehhh it doesn't feel right to just go out and buy a new cat to replace my old one. I'll get new pet sometime in the future, but that shit sucks. My grandma passed away a week ago too, so more death to deal with. Ill survive, but just venting.

[pwndsauce]

Ehhh it doesn't feel right to just go out and buy a new cat to replace my old one. I'll get new pet sometime in the future, but that shit sucks. My grandma passed away a week ago too, so more death to deal with. Ill survive, but just venting.

just need to step back and look at what you do have. I've been in that sad phase as well. It all gets better eventually, man.

[BORG]

^^absolutely right, you seem to be focusing on all the hardships of life thrice, i dont wanna come off as a dick but, a cat? build that bridge and get on with your life bro, as for the bitch...if she chose him over you, then fuck her, i wouldnt even bother speaking to her anymore, she sounds like one of them psycho bitches that need attention from as many men possible, cut the "just venting", let em balls drop, focus on the positives life has to offer, and life a happy life, dont let the little shit tear you apart, also...take up drinking, heavily, atleast a 12pack daily, this will keep your spirits high and make you feel slightly happier

[OOPS!]

LOL he's contemplating suicide over a dead cat. Get real.

[Thrice]

LOL he's contemplating suicide over a dead cat. Get real.

Get you're head out of your ass, i've been suicidal for years and years man. This is more stress, i mean losing my grandmother whom I was very close with and my cat that i've had for 14 years die in the same month around finals time really fucked with my head. If ya got more beef GTFO or post your address cunt.

[graff4ever]

that guy hasn't been online since he posted that. :\

i accidently deleted my post b4 yours baze and yer lunchbox hant been on here sence he posted that I wonder????? :( :confused:

[Thrice]

Drinking ain't my thing, but i loved my cat, wasn't you're average cat either. Drank out of the toilet bowl, picked my nose for me(had him de-clawed), eat popcorn with me, eat the bottom half of my chocolate muffins(i hate the bottom of muffins), and so many little things like that. Plus losing my grandmother the same month is adding to the pain. I'll make it through, but shit has slowly been turning for the worse, and there really aren't too many positives lately. Most my friends are pricks who only give a shit about themselves.

[TrikAssHoe!]

shit i barely have any real friends anymore. all my graff friends i cant hang out with because i've gotten into too much trouble. but shit you think you got it bad my mom's dying of lung cancer, my dad's addicted to meds, my grandmother's dying, and my biological mom who i havent seen since '01 has been in a halfway house in baltimore for the past 3 years and is addicted to meds, crack, and a bunch of shit and a friend of mine got shot and killed at a royal farms a couple months back. and i'm broke so i've got to rack every now and then. too much stress here. but forreal why commit suicide? that puts your family and friends in a lot of pain. times are tough but stay positive people.

[Thrice]

I try not to be selfish about suicide knowing some people will be hurt, but you have to admit in your situation you're hurting.

[TrikAssHoe!]

damn straight man. life's a bitch and we all know that.

[Siner]

Glad your able to stay positive through all that shit TrikAssHoe! I'm kinda just holding out here, I think about it every day. Honestly, I don't think I'm gonna hold out to much longer. I know there's good things to come eventually in my life but I'm sick of waiting out for something good to happen, and I don't have the motivating to try hard to make something good happen because I just don't care anymore. I have a good life at home, my parents care for me, I don't have to worry about money or anything either. I'm just sick of being alone, no friends or girlfriend, I really feel like alot of people have wronged me and that I'm pretty much cursed by the world. Like I said earlier, I don't have motivation, so I won't go out there and make friends or a girlfriend cause I don't care enough, not that those things won't be great. I just try to be really nice to people and then I get taken advantage of cause I want relationships in my life. Whatever though.

[TrikAssHoe!]

Glad your able to stay positive through all that shit TrikAssHoe! I'm kinda just holding out here, I think about it every day. Honestly, I don't think I'm gonna hold out to much longer. I know there's good things to come eventually in my life but I'm sick of waiting out for something good to happen, and I don't have the motivating to try hard to make something good happen because I just don't care anymore. I have a good life at home, my parents care for me, I don't have to worry about money or anything either. I'm just sick of being alone, no friends or girlfriend, I really feel like alot of people have wronged me and that I'm pretty much cursed by the world. Like I said earlier, I don't have motivation, so I won't go out there and make friends or a girlfriend cause I don't care enough, not that those things won't be great. I just try to be really nice to people and then I get taken advantage of cause I want relationships in my life. Whatever though.

yeah man. i'm trying to but it gets hard at times. not to sound like dr. phil or anything but if you need a friend i'm here bro. i'm down for helping out. and trust me GOOd freinds are hard to find these days. nothing but snakes. just let graf be your escape from all that bullshit thats going on.

[Siner]

I hear ya, and lots of people on here have sent me messages and are support full, but I mean. I need friends in real life, not just online friends. As for graff, winters here so going out and writing isn't much of an option. Plus I like benching, but same thing with the weather. Thank for your support and message me if you ever need help or something.

[Flawless Victory]

Straight up, if you *****s want friends or a lady, go find some.
It really isn't hard to put yourself in a social situation.
Go to shows, hit up a bar, even just painting more will get you some friends.
I completely understand anxiety and depression, trust, but you guys can't just expect good things to fall in your lap all the time.
If you are completely fed up with a bad situation, give up on it and create a better one for yourself.

[TrikAssHoe!]

True that FV. i've got a couple good friends and i'm fine with the whole lady thing i'm just saying it's hard to trust many people. thanks Siner and why isnt winter a good time ot bomb? i mean its easy to rack shit because it's normal to wear bulky coats and not a lot of people are out except for christmas time. but yeah if i had a car i'd be out doing me right now.

[Thrice]

I too have very little motivation, not a matter of laziness, but i just don't give a fuck most of the time. I rarely actually have a fun time when hanging out with friends. Life is just bland as fuck lately.

[Flawless Victory]

So find some new shit to do man.
I've been in the same situation plenty of times in my life, getting bored as fuck with life and wondering what the point of all this shit it, I feel you.
But you just have to realize if you aren't content with what's going on with your life, then you need to work and fucking change it, it is YOUR life after all, so do what YOU want.
Either people will follow or you'll meet new people that share your interests.

[TrikAssHoe!]

shit. i've been there before. i just went to learning how to carve decoys(ducks)
from my grandfather, to skating, and now during the summer ill be doing carpenter work for my friend's dad. just bullshit around and you'll find a hobby or two. you just gotta get out there and try.

[OOPS!]

Sounds like some people are in dire need of some liquor and kush

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Life sucks again lately, I'd love to columbine a preschool right about now.

[2much!]

^ word.
all i learned is life is gonna have its ups and downs. we all have really shitty things that are in our lives but we gotta be real.
were different, were artists, we can just get through it through our art.. ya feel? when shit hits the ceiling for me, i just love to paint and watch movies lol. and i feel yall. friends.. just havent really stayed. they come and go. i never been able to find a down ass friend. and yeah i feel yall on the whole graff friends. we all got into to much trouble and im still mad young.. highschool and my parents dont let me chill with them anymore i mean there in their 20's.

all in all.. life is good. we just hafta realize that.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

I'm not an artist, I'm an asshole. What's my outlet?

[Flawless Victory]

Burly man cock.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Katy Perry - I kissed a girl.

[TrikAssHoe!]

rack em rack rack em rack rackball

[Baszma]

Life sucks again lately, I'd love to columbine a preschool right about now.

what happened to your apprenticeship in Bran-Bran, Mizzou?

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

It took a detour as recent events have led me to a steaming pile of fuckshit that is now my life.

[Thrice]

What happened?

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Everything you'd expect karma to do to a long-time absolute degenerate cockswab like myself.

[Thrice]

When it rains, it pours. I know how it gets, shit keeps piling up to the point you don't even know what to care about.

[Vagrant]

Weed is the answer, rots.
Lots of weed.
Life can still be good

[Flawless Victory]

Life is good.
Y'all need to step your game up and realize it's all on you how you feel.
You're only going to be happy if you realize that you can make yourself happy, and that you want to be happy.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

I'm usually pretty happy.
One of my problems is: I had to quit smoking weed, Vagrant.

[Vagrant]

why?

[actlikeyouknow]

its not hard to stop smoking pot, its hard to stop wanting to smoke pot. theres worse things than that, ive been in a similar situation for awhile now. theres always beer

flawless victory knows the deal. i wouldnt say life is good, but it is what it is. if you want real changes in your life you cant just talk about them youve gotta be about them.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

I had to quit smoking for work. It's not that big of a deal to me, bud isn't that great. But as of how the last week's been, it would seriously fucking help.

[MessTonic]

Smoking bud is so much better if you seperate it out such as a few times a week. Everyday gets old and kills the high, also makes you not want to function without being high.
Anyways if some of you are still contemplating suicide then go ahead and make way for the rest of us. I know that sounds harsh but if you are really going to toy around with a gift as great as life then you dont deserve it to begin with. But if you do get to this point try just getting away, go be a beach bum for a month, atleast thats my plan.

[charles bronson]

this is a good thread idea for sure. i had a girl i was dating try to do it. luckily i rushed over called the medics and she survived. now she is really greatful she did. got into AA and is doin much better. just an example that even when people try at the end they are glad they didnt. keep your heads up out there and please dont ignore threats or warning signs, its not always just all talk.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Let's make this clear for a sec:

Telling anyone to 'go ahead and do it' in this thread, will result, in some form of ban, if I see it. Immediately, no questions asked; NOT the place for smart ass, witty 'be a G like me' comments.

[Baszma]

It took a detour as recent events have led me to a steaming pile of fuckshit that is now my life.

damn dude that's messed up, if you ever need some help you know I got ya. matter of fact I'll be in Clayton, near STL this summer, so i might try to hit you up.

[Amanda Reckonwith]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/45426461@N06/4170330260/

[Thrice]

Do you guys ever dream about committing suicide? Lately i've been doing it a lot.

[Siner]

I don't really dream about it, more just daydream and fantasize about it what it would be like if I was gone.

[La Coka Nostra]

when i think about the future it makes me want to kill myself.
i mean, eventually, my body is gonna be overcome with medical problems, and i'm going to have to undergo some pretty ridiculous things in order to keep it working correctly. i'd rather just save myself the trouble, you know?

but i'd never do it for real. it just seems like the better decision.

[Decide]

i did suicide today

[OOPS!]

Be a G like me

[Baron]

when i think about the future it makes me want to kill myself.
i mean, eventually, my body is gonna be overcome with medical problems, and i'm going to have to undergo some pretty ridiculous things in order to keep it working correctly. i'd rather just save myself the trouble, you know?

but i'd never do it for real. it just seems like the better decision.

That's why I have a "shit-hits-the-fan plan". If I come to the point where I am wanted by no one, my life is on a one way street to no where and I am completely unattached to everything I will make my way to the other side of the country. Some of the cities I would hit would be Denver, Seattle, San Francisco and by the end of it all I would probably end up in Minneapolis/St. Paul or Chicago.

[inpho_211]

when i think about the future it makes me want to kill myself.
i mean, eventually, my body is gonna be overcome with medical problems, and i'm going to have to undergo some pretty ridiculous things in order to keep it working correctly. i'd rather just save myself the trouble, you know?

but i'd never do it for real. it just seems like the better decision.

yo same shit here..just hours thinking about all that depressing shit..

[Vagrant]

I don't really dream about it, more just daydream and fantasize about it what it would be like if I was gone.

i hate it when people say shit like this

if you kill yourself its not like you're going to have a national holiday named after you
you're friends and family will be hurt, and may think about you for a few years, some might get a tattoo to honor you if you weren't a jackass, but given enough time most of the people who knew you will completely forget about you.
Theres plenty of people i know that killed themselves that i haven't thought about for years until just now when i thought about it for the purpose of this post.
I guess what i'm trying to say is killing yourself is the most pathetic and weak thing you could ever do.
Unless you do it like a budhist and set yourself on fire in a public place. That's fucking hardcore.

[inpho_211]

^^gives me a great idea..

[Siner]

i hate it when people say shit like this

if you kill yourself its not like you're going to have a national holiday named after you
you're friends and family will be hurt, and may think about you for a few years, some might get a tattoo to honor you if you weren't a jackass, but given enough time most of the people who knew you will completely forget about you.
Theres plenty of people i know that killed themselves that i haven't thought about for years until just now when i thought about it for the purpose of this post.
I guess what i'm trying to say is killing yourself is the most pathetic and weak thing you could ever do.
Unless you do it like a budhist and set yourself on fire in a public place. That's fucking hardcore.
I mean just alot of people have neglected me in my life so I feel like it would atleast help them realize what they did. It just seems to me like suicide is ultimately what I want. I don't think it's weak, it takes alot of guts to actually do it. IDK, I just don't get any pleasure out of my life so it just feels pointless to be around if it's just gonna be painful.

[Vagrant]

I mean just alot of people have neglected me in my life so I feel like it would atleast help them realize what they did. It just seems to me like suicide is ultimately what I want. I don't think it's weak, it takes alot of guts to actually do it. IDK, I just don't get any pleasure out of my life so it just feels pointless to be around if it's just gonna be painful.

they'll still forget about you
and it takes way more guts to continuing living instead of giving up

[actlikeyouknow]

I mean just alot of people have neglected me in my life so I feel like it would atleast help them realize what they did. It just seems to me like suicide is ultimately what I want. I don't think it's weak, it takes alot of guts to actually do it. IDK, I just don't get any pleasure out of my life so it just feels pointless to be around if it's just gonna be painful.

people neglect you, neglect them back. killing yourself to prove a point is such a cop out, whats the use in proving a point if your not around to see if you made your point or not? thats like going to a casino and putting up every cent you have then walking out before you find out if you win or lose.

life is what you make of it, you want things to turn around then turn them around.

[PeeInTheShower]

tonight i was at a place with a shit fuck ton of old ass people. it made me angry, thinking about how clueless they are, with their bmw's and benz's... wearing a shit ton of makeup knowing they haven't had sex in mad years, knowing they'll never get to have sex again or they might shit all over their partner giving a reverse cowboy...it makes me so depressed to think that these people are living for the here and now type shit, while i'm working 3 jobs, trying to pay for school, can't even afford to put gas in my fucking car, thinking about my future and how i don't want a dead end job. in a sad way, these senile slow old lonely fucks are happier than i am. retired, money in the bank, don't have to do jack shit besides go to the local deli and read the paper, drink coffee, and shoot the shit with pillhead crackwhore waitresses who are only talking to these old fucks for tips. these cocksuckers are out there enjoying their lives, while i'm just building a void in mine, living hard, smoking weed every day to make life liveable. putting back beers to put more fun in my life. poppin zannys to forget that i have responsibilities. trying to find that balance seems so difficult. i just want to give up. i'm thinking about doing some crazy shit, like a quick come up, just so i don't have to work and i can lay in my bed all day and get trashed by my god damn self, nobody telling me what to do, how to live... nobody telling me to put my cigarette out, nobody to pass the blunt to, nobody bitching about who threw down on the trees. i just want to get rich by faking a freak accident, so i can be considered legally insane, and get checks.

why did i post this here?

[Vagrant]

whats the use in proving a point if your not around to see if you made your point or not? thats like going to a casino and putting up every cent you have then walking out before you find out if you win or lose.

life is what you make of it, you want things to turn around then turn them around.

all that needs to be said

[Messer]

they'll still forget about you
and it takes way more guts to continuing living instead of giving up

this i agree with.

and honestly i think that life is shit, no matter who you are or what your doing with it (i think it was peeintheshower that said something about old rich people) because they must hate their lives, having fuck all to do all day? seriously.

edit: question: any of you here got like mental illnesses? cause like yeah, suicidal ideation is a symtom of alot of mental illnesses.

[Jackal1347]

.....and it takes way more guts to continuing living instead of giving up
Such an inspiring quote.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

It also takes more effort. God it's easier being lazy.

[sanrtizer]

I've been through a lot of shit for a 17 year old kid in this past year. First I lost my mother to breast cancer. Ever since that my dad started taking his alcoholism to a different level. Basically I've felt sometimes that I lost both of my parents on the day my mom died. On top of that my brother is also an alcoholic and he drank alot more after her death. Our whole family is just falling apart over time. I get so depressed every day and sometimes i feel that theres no hope and that I am gonna feel like this forever but thats not even realistic. People just have to know that there will be a time that you feel better. The hard part is being patient...

END RANT

[Siner]

This kinda contradicts alot of the shit I've said in this thread but I was thinking today. The things in my life that I love and are fun, few as they are. None of that will happen if I'm dead. Even with all the horrible things, there's only one life to be lived and you will never get to experience it ever again. So live for what you DO love, and work at making a better future.

[Thrice]

life is complete fucking shit right now, i just want to fast forward when im alone and working in my major in some place far from here. I'll get a dog and that'll keep me company.

[La Coka Nostra]

tonight i was at a place with a shit fuck ton of old ass people. it made me angry, thinking about how clueless they are, with their bmw's and benz's... wearing a shit ton of makeup knowing they haven't had sex in mad years, knowing they'll never get to have sex again or they might shit all over their partner giving a reverse cowboy...it makes me so depressed to think that these people are living for the here and now type shit, while i'm working 3 jobs, trying to pay for school, can't even afford to put gas in my fucking car, thinking about my future and how i don't want a dead end job. in a sad way, these senile slow old lonely fucks are happier than i am. retired, money in the bank, don't have to do jack shit besides go to the local deli and read the paper, drink coffee, and shoot the shit with pillhead crackwhore waitresses who are only talking to these old fucks for tips. these cocksuckers are out there enjoying their lives, while i'm just building a void in mine, living hard, smoking weed every day to make life liveable. putting back beers to put more fun in my life. poppin zannys to forget that i have responsibilities. trying to find that balance seems so difficult. i just want to give up. i'm thinking about doing some crazy shit, like a quick come up, just so i don't have to work and i can lay in my bed all day and get trashed by my god damn self, nobody telling me what to do, how to live... nobody telling me to put my cigarette out, nobody to pass the blunt to, nobody bitching about who threw down on the trees. i just want to get rich by faking a freak accident, so i can be considered legally insane, and get checks.

why did i post this here?



but those old people were probably miserable as fuck, busting their ass all their lives so that they might be able to enjoy themselves one day.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

And now they're miserable as fuck as senile, crippled, ancient, fuckless elderly people, on their last leg, spending the majority of their live-savings on medical bills and trying to understand why their grandkids don't call.

Fuck all that. I remember hearing a quote once, "I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living"
Isn't that the truth. You work your ass off, do what everyone else wants you to do, then you get old, and fucking die. Welcome to life. If I didn't change my life situation so often, I'd have surely killed myself by now. I never keep a job long, I like the variety, the change. I've been couch-surfing since I was 15, and keep moving.

[M3KA1!]

i hear that ^^ been homeless for a grip. i travel around. and props to what vagrant said. my girlfriend passed almost exactly two years ago due to suicide and not to be preachy but a good friend told me basically you just gotta stand up keep steppin and keep ya chin up kid. words of motivation to all the cats that get down on themselves: the sun always shines another day. quite cliche but it's the truth.

[FlippingChickens]

I've been through a lot of shit for a 17 year old kid in this past year. First I lost my mother to breast cancer. Ever since that my dad started taking his alcoholism to a different level. Basically I've felt sometimes that I lost both of my parents on the day my mom died. On top of that my brother is also an alcoholic and he drank alot more after her death. Our whole family is just falling apart over time. I get so depressed every day and sometimes i feel that theres no hope and that I am gonna feel like this forever but thats not even realistic. People just have to know that there will be a time that you feel better. The hard part is being patient...

END RANT

this right here is some fucked up shit,sorry to hear about all that man.Just go fucking murder your whole city i cant imagine the amount of damage ill cause the day my mom dies,my grandmother passed recently and that was hard enough,keep your head up homie ur still mad young u got alot of shit to look foward to in life, man even if u dont see it now but u will one day



and it takes way more guts to continuing living instead of giving up
truth

[propht]

See, now here is the thing to me. This is the only thread I've read that has been filled with mostly positive messages. Why is it that we tend to hate on each other and tear each other down? Vagrant referred to writers as a set of outcasts. Doesn't it make sense for us to stick together and hold each other up? Most forums I've been involved with, I've walked away because of all the negativity. Don't let Bombing Science be like that.

Veterans - help toys improve, they need it.

Toys - introduce people to graffiti, reach out to people graff can help.

That's my soapbox statement.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Graffiti's not an anti-depressant. Have you looked into this culture at all? It's more likely to GET you killed. There is nothing but negativity that comes from graffiti. If anything, it'll make you more depressed. You literally get nothing out of illegal graf, positively, other than a feeling of accomplishment on some level. Otherwise, entirely BAD things will happen to you. You'll blow your money, fuck up your criminal record (Which fucks up job opportunities), get locked up, risk your life, get caught in heat, get your ass beat/jumped/murdered wcs, get hate and nothing but insults from people who don't suck. Shit. People are positive in this thread because:

a) BS has a few people who don't front and act like they're something they're not, and human up once in a while. Or at least a few of them come here on occasion to drop that fisade.

b) They'll get banned for being dicks in this thread.

I could sit here and write you a book about my life story (Which I have seriously considered doing) but I really don't have the patients.
So, reader's digest version:

Born
Mom: dipped to LA with some dude, left dude, went to missouri with different dude.
Dad: Left Babyrots at grandparents' house for a night while he 'went to the hospital'
Never returned.
Grandparents: Welfare check for babyrots = $$$$$$$$$
Babyrots turns into: Toddler Rots
Toddler Rots: Molested by trashy black neighbor.
Toddler turns into: Growing Rots. Evolve to: Teenage Rots
Teenage Rots: Moves the fuck out at fifteen in favor of couch surfing, must escape psychotic grandmother.
Grandmother: Whore (literally, sells ass), sociopath, lacks ability to care for anyone other than herself. Does not care if Rots leaves, so long as she still gets welfare check (Must continue to use her home address)
Teenage Rots: Alcoholism
Teenage Rots: Coke
Teenage Rots: Graffiti
Teenage Rots: Living in cemetery
Teenage Rots: Couch surfs way from San Diego, to Kansas
Teenage Rots: Couch Surfs to Missouri
Teenage Rots: Evolves into: Young-Adult Rots
Young-Adult-Rots: Meets Mother
Young-Adult-Rots: Here.
Young-Adult-Rots: STD(s)
Young-Adult-Rots: Couch surfing Kansas City
Young-Adult-Rots: Broke

If I took the time to explain the ways every single person I'd ever been in contact with, fucked my shit all over in ways deemed inhuman, most of you would probably send me things to kill myself WITH. This ^ Is a tip of a long, deep, cold, disgusting ice berg, and actually, most of this is the HIGH points in my life, by comparison to some shit, I can't even talk about on a public forum.

[Vagrant]

Rots, I have no idea the type of pain and hardship you have experienced in your life, but I can't help but tell you to try and see the silver lining.
I am a super positive person, and still feel that even if life sucks, there are still moments of beauty hidden in the shit.
And maybe writing a book is a good idea. It gives you something to work for would make an amazing story, no matter how you spun the tale.
If you ever find yourself in Wisconsin and need somewhere to sleep, eat, or hang out, just let me know.
I'll provide the booze.
.
<3 rots

[nickthegreek]

jump mate.