Suicide

[Msfyt]

I actually thought abot making this thread a while back
And hope that it can stay on track and be helpful to those that need it most

Sadly BS has come to realize how serious suicide can be, by loosing two of our most talented members

Ive also noticed that we arent very supportive here in our own community.
We can clearly see that in the whatyalooklike thread.

There could also be a connection in the fact that graffiti is a frowned upon by society. It's hard to make our parents, gf's, etc happy and proud when we are getting arrested and in trouble with the law.

Personally Ive also noticed (no offense to anyone) that graffiti writers tend to be the kinda person that dont fit in with other groups. Usually because as artists we see beyond just fitting in.

Anyways I dont really know what we can cover in this thread, but I'm hoping anyone out there in need of help realizes there are resources for you. People who you can turn to and who wont judge you. People like your school concuiller, kids help line, your teacher, etc and they are usually well trained to deal with depression and suicide.

Being depressed is very common, and I'm sure most people have had the thought of suicide cross their minds. So you are not alone with the pain you feel, we have all been there. The best thing to do is vent, express those feelings to someone you trust because tackeling depression alone is hard and usually we end up in our own deeper ditch of pity.

So to all you out there trying discover if life is worth it, it is but it may take alot of time before you can see that light again. Being happy doesnt happen in a heart beat it can take a whole life time, but dont rush your lifetime and end it early otherwise your pain will be passed on to others that cared deeply for you (and sadly the ones you want to feel your pain wont even care).

Here is the Canada Kids Help Line
www.kidshelp.sympatico.ca
1-800-668-6868

The Suicide Information & Education Centre
www.siec.ca/

...and the US
Natl. Referral Network for Kids In Crisis
1-800-KID-SAVE (543-7283)

National "YOUTH" Crisis Helpline
1-800-999-9999

National Hopeline Network
1-800-SUICIDE or 784-2433

SPANUSA-Suicide Prevention Advocacy Network
1-888-649-1366

Suicide Information & Education Center
1-403-245-3900

Survivors of Suicide/American Foundation of Suicide Prevention
1-800-723-7985


...and worldwide
http://www.befrienders.org/ - A 24-Hour confidential e-mail service by the Samaritans)

[AIP]

good thread to make.

[a_slave_to_creation]

i attempted once and ended up in a mental hospital..... shit is fucked up, seen it happen to too many friends. life is never that bad, there is always atleast one thing to look forward to. if your thinking about pulling some stupid shit, get some help..... you only get one life and when you die, you leave so much pain behind.

shit is not worth it

[slEEt]

One of my good friends shot himself in the neck and bleed to death in his room while his mother was trying to kick the door down. She never got to him.

If he could have seen how it affected all of his friends and family I know he would have never done it. I miss that kid..

[FOEone]

Thanks for the thread, Ms.Fyt. I hope this can help some of our comrades and fellow artists in the scene.

We live an incredibly taxing lifestyle. To my fellow artists who take their art seriously, we are out every single night, risking death and arrest, and let's face it, graffiti promotes a rather self-destructive lifestyle outside of the art itself. Drugs and alcohol go almost hand-in-hand with graff these days. We lead second lives, resulting in twice the stress. It's not surprising to me that so many brilliant artists have met their end by their own hand.

We need to band together and support one another, and squash our bullshit beef, and recognize we're all in the struggle together to support one another when things are rough.

[ShadowDwellerOner]

Originally posted by FOEone@May 7 2007, 12:22 PM
Thanks for the thread, Ms.Fyt. I hope this can help some of our comrades and fellow artists in the scene.

We live an incredibly taxing lifestyle. To my fellow artists who take their art seriously, we are out every single night, risking death and arrest, and let's face it, graffiti promotes a rather self-destructive lifestyle outside of the art itself. Drugs and alcohol go almost hand-in-hand with graff these days. We lead second lives, resulting in twice the stress. It's not surprising to me that so many brilliant artists have met their end by their own hand.

We need to band together and support one another, and squash our bullshit beef, and recognize we're all in the struggle together to support one another when things are rough.
Yo homie thats whats up and its the straight truth Fuckin amazing thread and I can almost guarantee at one point or another most of yall have had the thought cross your mind wether it be a detailed plan on suicide or a very vague thought. Truth be told its crossed mine when everything seems to go wrong and im in a pit of shitty thoughts and no1 to turn to. And as gay as this is gonna sound or as fuckin much as people are gonna talk shit graff was there for me at the hardest point in my life. When I felt I was worthless, when I felt I had noone in the world that cared for me , when I felt I had nothing to hold on to anymore there was graff. I realised all I had to my name was my graff and my ups and as pitty as it maybe there are some kids out there that look up to me even if its only as a writer its a good feeling when I felt that life shouldnt go on and I was hopeless writing on a fukin wall saved me. Even if it didnt literally stop me from doing something stupid to myself it flicked a switch in my head and thank god for that cause it gave me a push for graff and everyday Im happy I do it wether I be a vandal or a legal eagle it was something I used to vent.

[<~ReSiN~>]

thanx 4 this thread

[Zyklon]

Nice thread.
Let's hope it will help some people.
I thought about suicide a few years ago at school, age of 10.
Was bullied, not normal.
But when i thought about the good things of life i had the strenght to carry on.

[skateparadise]

I had a few friends who though about suicide. and a few of them actually carried it out. My x girlfriend sent me photos right when we started goin out of her arms batterd. they were cut so much. and they wernt scratches they were deep enough were see needed medical attention. i was the only one who knew about it.. then she told her bestfreind. and thats when we had to get her help. she was pissed.

if you know anyone who cut's them selfs or is tryin to comit suicide. dont stand back and let them do it. you need to step up and tell someone. it only takes one time for them to hit a main artery and they are dead.

i have had one of my good friends take a belt and hung himself from the top bunk bed. i walked in to see if he wanted to go swimming.. thats when i discoverd him not alive.

[fannypack uprock]

thanks for the thread miss fitt. i think its a good thing to have here. right now its a little too close for comfort but ill pop in when i can.. but i do appreciate the thread.

[Dez-One]

Msfyt, great thread. I've been close to it once, and hope that I never go there again. Luckly for me, I had a girl who loved me...

Skateparadise, thats some truth right there. Dont just stand back and let your friends do that to themselves. As bad as it can seem, life aint ever as bad you think.

To everyone who has lost someone.... I hope that someone is livin in the sky in a better place.

[FOEone]

I'm pretty sure this thread wasn't meant to be a "name-drop everyone you know who killed himself" thread, fellas.

Let's show some respect.

[Rogue]

Originally posted by FOEone@May 7 2007, 03:10 PM
I'm pretty sure this thread wasn't meant to be a "name-drop everyone you know who killed himself" thread, fellas.

Let's show some respect.
I don't think they meant it like that. They just told about it so people who think about suicide seriously can see how it affects other people. Suicide is never the answer, no mater what your going through.

[RFI. SPit]

Good thread idea

Any of my friends on here if you ever need any help, I'm not just talking about things so serious as suicide, but anything like relationship troubles, depression, or just any old bad day always feel open to drop me a pm, or ask me for my MSN / AIM.

[Msfyt]

i think a great point was brought up
most people who have commited suicide had warning sides
or attempted such things in the past
dont under estimate your friends depression
its very hard to admit how lost we may feel, so we keep it to oursleves hoping that we can face it alone
but personally i think just admitting our feelings leads to healing
i know it sounds so girly, but really depression is never as bad when you have someone there with you

[sInk.dIs.]

excellent thread,being as how alot of people in general are very close minded to the discussion. as some others have ill say i myself, have tried numerous times, was a cm away from losing complete use of my left arm, was landed in numerous pysch wards etc, etc. depression is for the lack of a better description, a horribly fuckin dark time. if your finding yourself depressed, try to stear clear of music, drugs, or things that generally send you into shitty thoughts. as much as getting high or juiced temporarily relives, it only fades to come back twice as worse. spend alot of time around friends and give yourself space and time. whatever is pressuring you, you try any way shape or form you can to let your feelings be known that it is, too much. suicide is really never the answer. the way i thought that helped me through days at a time was that, as i know it, from the day i was born, until the day that i do die, this is the first and last time ill ever be alive as i know it. so im not gona ever let anything make me feel any less alive then i do right now. no matter the cost. i myself is all i really own. dont take shit in your life, and live life how you dream it.

rant over.

[Dez-One]

I wasn't looking at it as dropping names. I was just saying that I've been in a position where I want to kill myself, and I can relate and I know just how serious it can be.

Sink.dis speaks mad truth. And so does Msfyt. Having someone there for you can all the difference in the world. I probably wouldnt be here if it werent for my girlfriend...

Its people like RFI and gestures like that, that save people.

[Oink.]

good thread, ive been down that path all to many times. Attempted and almost suceeded. HAD manic depression but got myself to a place wheere i can be happy. Hope erryone else thats been in my position can too. great thread. Oh nd i got hard into graff when i started to get depressed. It was actually quiet helpful.

[a_slave_to_creation]

yeah, it is nice to have friends there for you, but in the end its all you. you cant get better unless you want to get better and no one can fix it for you. you have to have someone there to listen and give advice, but that isnt the end. you then have to take what they said, or what you did and apply it. i hate it when my friends and parents act like they 'saved me' i saved myself. and only you can save you, no one else.

[sInk.dIs.]

ahah i know what your sayin, as true as it is, nobody can make you love life but you. your family sure as fuck can help a whole heap by being there, and understanding. but when it comes to life or death, thats going to ultimitley be, your feelings.
*edit* sorry for the rapid responses, its just personally a topic that alot of people tend to not talk about or bring up, i just love the human mind.

[beltonuk]

unfortunatly you say life is never that bad but for the person feeling that pain its the worst thing in the world i've tried to kill myself and thought about it many many many times and each time its just bullshit you wake up with some1there tellin you its all gonna be fine you'll be ok ect but how the fuck do they know what your going through?
your all sayin if you do it then you leave alot of pain behind ect ect blah blah but at the end of the day it doesnt matter if you take your own life or it comes naturally its still gonna hurt some1 theres still gonna be that pain there
people say talk about it ect but talkin about it dont do shit all even the closest friends you coould ever ask for may listen and may care but at the end of the day how the fuck is that gonna change how you feel? how the fucks that gonna change all the shit and depression your feeling? how the fuck is that gonna change the way the world works?
its not



sorry if i offend any1

[a_slave_to_creation]

^been there, and i feel you dude. the world fucks you every day HARD and nothing anybody says can change that. and this may come out wrong but deal with it. everyone just has to accept that the world is a cold ass place, so put on your gloves and go to work. the snow is thick and you have to look hard to find the sun, but being cold is better than being nothing at all. ans the sooner you figure out that no matter when, where, or how you wake up..... life is gunna blow 90% of the time, but its the 10% thats good (or atleast okay) that keeps you moving. never lose sight of your dreams, pick up your feet and never lay down to die.

sometimes you have to lose everything before you find your something.

[G-Fat]

yeah man, i've given up multiple times, but haven't considered suicide as a way out... but when you have people around you who care, its makes life worth living. eventhough you may get fucked over alot and knocked down, family and or friend will be there to pick yuo up again.

[MAST]

Originally posted by a_slave_to_creation@May 7 2007, 04:43 PM
yeah, it is nice to have friends there for you, but in the end its all you. you cant get better unless you want to get better and no one can fix it for you. you have to have someone there to listen and give advice, but that isnt the end. you then have to take what they said, or what you did and apply it. i hate it when my friends and parents act like they 'saved me' i saved myself. and only you can save you, no one else.
my friend's boyfriend broke up with her about a year ago, and while she had her best friend over, who tried to talk her through everything and shit, she went into the bathroom, locked herself in, and cut her wrists. i think her friend got the hint of what was going on, so she told the girl's parents, and somehow, they got her out and to the hospital, and she lived. she seems like a completely different person now. before that, you could tell some thoughts like that crossed her mind, but no one knew it was that serious. she had a couple really close friends at the time, but none of them could do anything for her. in the end, i guess it does all depend on you. no one else can go into your mind and rewire it and make you fine.

when i was going through the really depressed phase, some of those thoughts crossed my mind, and i did what i would not suggest to a single person going through depression, which is using any kind of drug as a crutch. that was the point that i started smoking a lotttt of weed, but surprisingly, it helped everything pass over, and i realized that my life is definitely worth living, no matter how much shit was going on then. and a little later, i realized that listening to depressing music will not help a bit. except for maybe seeing that other people go through the same problems as you, but still, listening to more upbeat music will eventually help you feel a little better, it could be gradual, but it usually still helps.

[sInk.dIs.]

Originally posted by a_slave_to_creation@May 7 2007, 07:56 PM


sometimes you have to lose everything before you find your something.
ill.

[GEE-DOT-ONE]

both me and my twin have tryed to od on pills around the same time and never told the other for like 4 months
the way i see it is theres a reason god didnt want eather of the 2 of us to die at that point in time.
as rough as life gets someones there for you... were all writers here weve prolly seen it worse than most people just becuase we are involved with something illegal....
all i can say is to find things to live for.. not just 1 thing... more like an asslaod of things...
suicide is basicly having more problems than ways to cope with them... need to change how that weighs out eather by getting rid of problems or adding more coping meathods...

and as much as i like to be a dick sometimes ill be serious and talk to anyone who needs help.

[beltonuk]

so why should people continue to live in a world that they hate? a world where even your closest friends will stab you in the back if they know they can gain from it, maybe not for a long time but they will at some point this world is run on lies deceit and deception and no matter what happens it'll only get worse. why should we have to live in a world where your a slave? maybe not in the conventional sense like the black slaves back in the day picking cotton or anythin but we are all still slaves the the governments of the world
like some1 said lifes shit 90% of the time so tell me what the fucks the point in livin a shitty life for that little 10% of happiness or whatever it just means your gonna feel like shit for the vast majority of your life so why live life to feel shit?
whats the point?

[Msfyt]

Originally posted by beltonuk@May 8 2007, 08:06 AM
so why should people continue to live in a world that they hate? a world where even your closest friends will stab you in the back if they know they can gain from it, maybe not for a long time but they will at some point this world is run on lies deceit and deception and no matter what happens it'll only get worse. why should we have to live in a world where your a slave? maybe not in the conventional sense like the black slaves back in the day picking cotton or anythin but we are all still slaves the the governments of the world
like some1 said lifes shit 90% of the time so tell me what the fucks the point in livin a shitty life for that little 10% of happiness or whatever it just means your gonna feel like shit for the vast majority of your life so why live life to feel shit?
whats the point?
why because its not always going to be like that
sure being a teenager or even in your early 20's is hard
but as you and your friends get older, you learn what in your life is creating that 90% "shit" and you eliminate it from your life
you get to know yourself better and keep the friends that you know ill never back stab you
sure when were young we have to listen to people we donest respect and work at jobs that are shitty, but its not always going to be like that
unless of course you dont work to improve yourself
so when we are young we arent given the same choices as we are when we "grow up", we are forced to put up with bullshit at a young age because elders think well learn from it and thats how the real world is
but its not, you dont need to accpet soicetys outlook and rules to be happy
little do they realize that sometimes they are too rough on us
or cant see the warnings signs until its too late

anyways my point is if you think life is 90% shit, what are you doing to make your life better
its your life, you have the option to change it
maybe not everything right now, but when you get older there are so many oppurtunities to do so
so thats why you should give it a chance, cause you never know what the future holds

[Msfyt]

Originally posted by beltonuk@May 7 2007, 07:41 PM
unfortunatly you say life is never that bad but for the person feeling that pain its the worst thing in the world i've tried to kill myself and thought about it many many many times and each time its just bullshit you wake up with some1there tellin you its all gonna be fine you'll be ok ect but how the fuck do they know what your going through?
your all sayin if you do it then you leave alot of pain behind ect ect blah blah but at the end of the day it doesnt matter if you take your own life or it comes naturally its still gonna hurt some1 theres still gonna be that pain there
people say talk about it ect but talkin about it dont do shit all even the closest friends you coould ever ask for may listen and may care but at the end of the day how the fuck is that gonna change how you feel? how the fucks that gonna change all the shit and depression your feeling? how the fuck is that gonna change the way the world works?
its not



sorry if i offend any1
how do they know its going to be ok?
because theyve been there, i bet a good 80% of us have thought about killing ourselves
these thoughts everyone has are normal, and it will be ok if you choose to face your problems
of course it wont get better if you choose to dwell in your own self pity or depression, but im not going to pretend thats not easy
there are so many tiggers out there that sure each one of are triggered by different reasons, but the feelings that make us want to die are all the same.....feelings of being alone, sad, empty, regeretful, ashamed, angry....
so being nick picky about the reason isnt important, sure they dont understand why you feel hurt but they know what it like to feel hurt, everyone does
you get what im saying, feelings dont differ but the triggers to our feelings do

as for thinking talking about your feelings is useless
i guess that your personal opinion
but isnt it always good to get a second opinion on something thats so important, like your life?
sure it wont change the world but why are you trying to change the world when you should working on small things like yourself
and if your friends dont care about your feelings at the end of the day i suggest you get new friends

[i write]

Im pretty sure everyone here's been depressed. for me when i was depressed, and i mean depressed, i didnt get out of bed and i constantly felt ill and lethargic, but then i went for a ride one day and i looked around and realised how nice the things in life that we take for granted are and no matter how "bad" i thought things were, there were people doing it touher than me and they had the sack to pull through. now i know how to cope with being down and i know that theres no reason bad enough to end it. theres a quote i heard " when life throws up roadblocks at you, just know that you can drive straight through them." it helps me see things more rationally.

oh and the last line of msfyts first post^^^^^^^, thats where its at. you never know you might end up being good at graff in the future, so stick with it champs.

[Flash]

I dont get it.

so many people beef on this forum. tere isnt a point of having a freind online.

whack.

but amazing thread, this is the thread to come too if you got some messed up feelin's

thnks msfyt

[FuLa]

life isn't great...don't try to make it great...live it as it comes and you'll experience lows and highs.......
the mind can be like a little animal that you have to control.

it's relatively easy to talk about how we feel and the theory about not killing yourself...

but some practical things that might help:

REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FEEL:
exercise, be active, go out, spend time in the sun, eat healthy, don't do drugs or drink alcohol exessively, don't smoke, don't spend so much time in the computer, meditate, get a regular sleeping schedule, eat fruits and vegetables, limit caffeine...etc. etc.

find a goal in life...imagine yourself in your funeral...what kind of person do you want people to remember you as?...use that as a goal in life and shape your life today so you'll eventually get there and let go of grudges, etc...

Ive gone to counceling and gone through a lot of shit in my life...like many people here...and many times we feel alone..I actually feel alone as I type this but I have hope...
peace, nice thread.

[sacwacko]

live every day like its ur last....i just had a dream my mom was gonna die in 6 years.... thats shits sad....


siuside is gay and emo

[Fore!]

Msfyt great thread.

I've been down that path a few times and been in many different counsellor and psychiatrists chairs. Thankfully there is help. There is an out sometimes. You just have to realize to live your life for yourself and pretty much do what makes you happy. If you want to paint. Paint. If you want to sing. Sing. As it was stated earlier in the thread. You only have one chance. Make it count. And make it last.

peace

[Msfyt]

Originally posted by sacwacko@May 8 2007, 11:43 AM

live every day like its ur last....i just had a dream my mom was gonna die in 6 years.... thats shits sad....suicide is gay and emo
hmmm ever think what youre saying is contridiciting

ever think that there is nothing wrong with being gay or emo
how two lines earlier how you say you think death is sad
but yet dont have hard time putting people down

[Msfyt]

Originally posted by Fore!@May 8 2007, 11:46 AM


I've been down that path a few times and been in many different counsellor and psychiatrists chairs. Thankfully there is help. There is an out sometimes. You just have to realize to live your life for yourself and pretty much do what makes you happy.
very important being happy doesnt mean being a smiling flowery hippy
you can still be happy being you
you dont need to love everyone to be happy
you dont need to wear bright colors and smile all the time to be happy
being happy is a subjective term
if you are happy being miserable then there is no reason to change your life outlook
if you are miserable being miserable then you need to re-examine things

[ILuvHoodRats]

damn since ive got arrested i got madd problems with my family and shit , i always thought of suicidethen my mom sent me to the psychologist and shit i still think of it but at least im feeling better , way better

[[phenom5]]

I realise that alotta writers are/will/have experienced bouts of depression or dealt with suicidal issues at one point or another. I think it's cuz were those kids that think too much. Our minds are all over the place, I bet everyone here knew that they were different growin up. That one original kid that was all obsessed with art, and blessed with the talent. In my mind that's our strength. Anyway I'm rambling cuz im all baked and into the discussion but kids need to realise they're never alone.
When you get into that mindset yea it's real hard to pull yourself out you just think "there's no way i can spend the rest of my life like this" You goootta talk about it, it's so important to get it out there no matter who it is. Alotta the time it's hard to say that to your parents or friends or somethin cuz you don't want them thinkin your fucked up but believe me after you tell someone then instead of thinkin "i need to get it out there" you start thinking of ways to help yourself get through it.
Life changing things are probly the best thing for you. Shit like how you eat, exercise, who you chill with, where you live it all has to do with you.
And if you ever suspect anybody you know of bein depressed or if you think they're hurtin themselves don't hesitate to try and help them, it's your responsibility as much as theirs. It's alot easier for someone if they're asked about it, cuz then they know exactly who they can tell and who will understand.

[MooMooTheMoose]

Amazing thread.
Some people may not see this, or are not affected by it, but a lot of times health can lead to serious depression. Paint can really mess with your insides over time, and when you get sick you probably sleep a lot, right? Well sleeping and then outcasting (unintentionally) from your life can lead to deeper depression, and it's like an ongoing cycle.
I'm not saying this applies to EVERYONE, but some people can really let it get out of hand and not notice it, and I've seen it a lot, with writers, and "regular" people.

Also the stress we are put under trying to balance a normal lifestyle, and those writers that are up everywhere having to keep on the low and keeping even their friends from knowing what they do every night. I talk to 2 other people about writing, and they also write, and I trust them. I think that when people are trying to keep two VERY different lives seperate is difficult for people.

And a lot of beef can get to people. I know that probably sounds lame as shit, but some people take it straight to heart. I personally am not really affected by this because I can keep stuff from getting to me to much, and getting in my head. I think we all should be more respectful and whatnot, and even though "OMG INTERNET" we're all really doing the same thing, and just about everyone here (I'm assuming that's why you're on this site. Because you love writing) is under mostly the same situation.

Just talk to people, express how you feel. You don't need a damn shrink to help you through it. Just let your closest friends know how you're doing. Sure some people may think you're a pussy, but if they're real friends, I'd hope they're comforting and care about your sanity. Or if you don't think you have anyone to turn to call those numbers msfyt posted.

My girlfriend hates that I write, so I've slowed down some, but I can't just stop. And it sucks having to lie to her. She may live in Jersey, and with me living in Virginia, the distance really gets between us, but she's basically the only thing keeping me sane.

Sorry about writing the novel.
Keep on chuggin'

[yakrian]

First off, I'd like to say I appreciate this thread a lot. Thank you Msfyt, everything you've said is true. Enough to the point where I have little to add to it. That having been said, the saddest part is that hard as we may try, those who are despairing are the only ones who can help themselves. As much as I know we all would do anything to save those we love from feeling such pain and eventually meeting such a fate, we can only tell them how to get out of the hole they are in. When it comes down to it, they themselves are the ones who have to follow through. It's frustrating, and it doesn't always end fair, but that's the way it is.

All I want to say is this: Even the deepest of despair leaves us with one thing at the end...The knowledge to get out of it.

Thanks again, Msfyt. Much respect.


Shamee...Take your poor-tasted jokes somewhere appropriate. This isn't the place.

[Fore!]

Originally posted by Msfyt+May 8 2007, 12:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Msfyt @ May 8 2007, 12:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Fore!@May 8 2007, 11:46 AM


I've been down that path a few times and been in many different counsellor and psychiatrists chairs. Thankfully there is help. There is an out sometimes. You just have to realize to live your life for yourself and pretty much do what makes you happy.
very important being happy doesnt mean being a smiling flowery hippy
you can still be happy being you
you dont need to love everyone to be happy
you dont need to wear bright colors and smile all the time to be happy
being happy is a subjective term
if you are happy being miserable then there is no reason to change your life outlook
if you are miserable being miserable then you need to re-examine things [/b][/quote]
Exactly. You need to be happy for you. And that's it. I like the way you look at things.

[Oink.]

Originally posted by Msfyt+May 8 2007, 12:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Msfyt @ May 8 2007, 12:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Fore!@May 8 2007, 11:46 AM


I've been down that path a few times and been in many different counsellor and psychiatrists chairs. Thankfully there is help. There is an out sometimes. You just have to realize to live your life for yourself and pretty much do what makes you happy.
very important being happy doesnt mean being a smiling flowery hippy
you can still be happy being you
you dont need to love everyone to be happy
you dont need to wear bright colors and smile all the time to be happy
being happy is a subjective term
if you are happy being miserable then there is no reason to change your life outlook
if you are miserable being miserable then you need to re-examine things [/b][/quote]
Yep, I basically changed my life nd rethought about things the day i almost died. Drank to much nd took to many pills. Long story short i guess my friends nd family do care. It was a bad way to realize it but it worked. Now im still a greedy dick, But now i care. lifes all the way you look at it.

[Spector]

Suicide is for the people who arent able to cope with life...Tell me I am wrong and I will counter it.

[Ravek]

fuck depression and suicide

drink beer or break things or write on shit until you find your niche in society or a girlfriend

[Slaze]

good thread.

beyond suicide i would agree that in a community of "vandals" who are frowned upon we need to support one another. it's hard enough with cops, parents, and friends on our backs.

With Love and Support:
-Slaze and the rest of the DBcrew

[MAST]

Originally posted by Spector@May 8 2007, 06:29 PM
Suicide is for the people who arent able to cope with life...Tell me I am wrong and I will counter it.
no one really "can't cope with life". they most likely either don't want to try, feel like they can't, or just don't know how. which can all be dealt with over time with a little help.

[Msfyt]

Originally posted by Spector@May 8 2007, 06:29 PM
Suicide is for the people who arent able to cope with life...Tell me I am wrong and I will counter it.
im interested in knowing who knows how to cope with life
cause id sure love to know that secret

[ODonthesetrees]

great thread, ive never seriously contemplated suicide but my brother attmepted it and luckily it didnt work, though my family sadly has thoughts hell attmept it again and succeed next time...

suicide is the worst way out, i dont care if the japanese think its honorable, its just cruel to everyone you love, all the huundreds of peopel you dont think care abotu you who really do

[.Auro.]

i love you guys



i love BombingScience :D



stay up there guys and gals

i mean where would the world be without you;re art.

[Dropping Bombs On Society]

I think that this thread was a great idea. Its amazing to see how many of us here have been depressed/suicidal. its nice to hear all of these people speak up. When I was depressed I seperated the people into two groups: the ones who get it(which seem like the majority of BS), and the ones who dont. To me the ones who dont are the people so caught up in everything to the point where they have no time to aknowledge who they are. i was one of those people at the beginning of this year. Ive had insomnia my whole life but this fall was when it got really serious. I was no longer able to go to school or be with friends because I was up all night and too exhausted to do anything during the day. After a while I felt so alone and incompetant that suicide crossed my mind many times. I went to my friends but none of them had ever felt the way that I did and didnt understand how big of a problem I was facing. I would find myself lying awake until dawn trying to think of a reason not to take my life. I saw no point in living in a world where no one understood who I was, not even myself. I felt that somewhere deep in my subconcious there was something trying to get out. i concluded that in order to shake the depression I would need to figure out who I really am. As corny as that sounds that really was what I needed. I know this sounds so nuts but my way out came from myself in the end. I developed a depresional/ sleep deprived case of skhitsophrania (sp?) And opened a connection with something really deep inside me that I never knew existed. I convinced myself that life was worth living. shortly after that I reilized that the guitarist in my band was going through the same exact shit and we helped eachother gain a new outlook on life. I look back on the whole situation as a blessing because now I feel that I am so much more of a person and can cope with my own problems and understand those of others much easier. I also wake up every day much more thankfull for the people around me that care and for the new intrests that have been sparked largely from depression such as music, photography, and graffiti.

[whahappen?]

i agree witht he fitting into groups thing, everyone at my school likes me for the most part im just not in a particular social group, i just hang out with the "nerdy kids" and a few close friends
and graffiti is definatly self destructive but at the same time can build you up to think your the shit, which just makes it so bad when someone tells you your stuff is wack
ive definatly been feeling alone until recently but it got better and everythings cool now B)

[Flash]

i had a dream that my mom died when we were in a conveniace store in newyork.

and i live in toronto.

[whahappen?]

Originally posted by Msfyt+May 8 2007, 12:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Msfyt @ May 8 2007, 12:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Fore!@May 8 2007, 11:46 AM


I've been down that path a few times and been in many different counsellor andÂ* psychiatrists chairs.Â* Thankfully there is help.Â* There is an out sometimes.Â* You just have to realize to live your life for yourself and pretty much do what makes you happy.
very important being happy doesnt mean being a smiling flowery hippy
you can still be happy being you
you dont need to love everyone to be happy
you dont need to wear bright colors and smile all the time to be happy
being happy is a subjective term
if you are happy being miserable then there is no reason to change your life outlook
if you are miserable being miserable then you need to re-examine things [/b][/quote]
i know dude, somedays i just dont feel like smiling and people assume im depressed and scizo and a druggie and zomgz blah blah blah
people should just shut the fuck up everytime they make fun of someone it only builds them up in their own mind from their own problems and depression and whatever else, then they pass it off like they have none

also most people write because it makes their self esteem higher knowing they can do what the general public considers some secretive mysterious artform and makes them feel like their worth somethign when everyone tells them they arent

[ChRoMa 11820]

cool thread but personally i think anyone who commits suicide is very weak and thats the easy way out
if u are suicidal , dont write cause the second cops are in the picture you will probably wanna jump of the nearest bridge
but i know this aint a joke there have been about 3 suicides around here between philly and jersey on the walt whitman bridge which is serious shit

i can see where ur comin from wit gf problems too
i got arrested for havin paint and the girl im talkin to didnt believe me that i wasnt paintin and i was innocent and she told me im an idiot , this and that and i havent really talked to her.
If u write have a good reason not just vandalism
even if ur reason is adrenaline rush at least ur friends might get it

cool thrread!!

[Spector]

In coping with Life I mean live it and believing that there will be better days..Living in life basically, solve your problems in a positive way. Learn how to deal with bad situations and more important HOW TO FIX THEM...Some people do need help and i encourage it...Go for it if your suicidal..Try an alternative to place where you never come back. Think about it. suicidalist (Is that even a word) well in some case some suicidalist believe there is no point in living..But does there have to be one? Is there really a reason? whats the point of points? Knowledge has the power to make someone insane.
Well not to get off subject but thats what I believe

[MAST]

Originally posted by ChRoMa 11820@May 8 2007, 09:39 PM
cool thread but personally i think anyone who commits suicide is very weak and thats the easy way out
if u are suicidal , dont write cause the second cops are in the picture you will probably wanna jump of the nearest bridge
but i know this aint a joke there have been about 3 suicides around here between philly and jersey on the walt whitman bridge which is serious shit

i can see where ur comin from wit gf problems too
i got arrested for havin paint and the girl im talkin to didnt believe me that i wasnt paintin and i was innocent and she told me im an idiot , this and that and i havent really talked to her.
If u write have a good reason not just vandalism
even if ur reason is adrenaline rush at least ur friends might get it

cool thrread!!
i have no idea why i write. it's just what i do. i guess i just have a talent and a love for it, so i do it. the illest shit i do comes from deep inside, though. how i'm doing is usually portrayed on the paper when i'm sketching.

i didn't really sketch all that much when i was depressed the most, and i kind of regret it. i think i could've busted some mad crazy sketches.

[MAST]

Originally posted by Spector@May 8 2007, 10:14 PM
In coping with Life I mean live it and believing that there will be better days..Living in life basically, solve your problems in a positive way. Learn how to deal with bad situations and more important HOW TO FIX THEM...Some people do need help and i encourage it...Go for it if your suicidal..Try an alternative to place where you never come back. Think about it. suicidalist (Is that even a word) well in some case some suicidalist believe there is no point in living..But does there have to be one? Is there really a reason? whats the point of points? Knowledge has the power to make someone insane.
Well not to get off subject but thats what I believe
sorry for the double post, but i totally get what you're saying.

the problem is, not everyone is a deep thinker. i have this problem all the time when i try to argue with people. if you think that, and then go through with it, your family and friends most likely won't think the same thing. as a deep thinker, you have to think deeper than yourself and your own life. like other people's feelings. you may see through the shit, but they don't, and they may never be able to. they would have to live with the horrible feeling of having lost a loved one.

when you think you're so certain about something, there's always other things to consider. no one, and i mean no one has all things considered in any situation, because there's just too much to humanly think about in this world.




consider that.

[dcite]

i can't speak for everybody but i know that life really is never bad enough to feel like it should end. if it starts to pile up on you everyones just gotta let it out. worst thing to do is keep it all inside and think hurting yourself is going to get things better.

there is seriously so much awesome stuff all around the world, and if you dont have whats making you happy right in front of you at the present time, go out and find it. you never know what you can find happiness in yah know?

[JEDI-MASTER]

:huh: i find myself reading all of these posts nd they give good advice, truly, but i find that alot of this dosent really apply to me, i have truly thought about it at 1 time or another but i cant do it. my life though is on the self destruct. i am constantly batlling my own life living both worlds. the Writer nd ur every day Joe. i am not truly depressed graff is my way to express myself, to get away from the bullshit at home at school nd the world around me. but after im finished reality sinks back in, parents r still bitchin wen i come in the door, motherfuckers still wana fight at school, motherfuckers still blowin up ppl round da globe just the bullshit gets to me. nd now im battlin wif juvie nd da schools for graff nd weapons charges nd i guess the stress is just gettn to me. most of my buds r n da same boat we like family but theres only so much we can do for each other wen were all going down the same path, jail or death. the fights r wats gettn to me, i can handle myself preety well but its an everyday or other other day occurence im physically fightin or arguing all out wif sum cocksucker thinkin dey hard. i used to b a die hard skater, still do it but not for da same reasons i used to u kno. graff has become a release nd, is basically my life. i just dunno who to turn to, i got sum bois who dont write but i cant really dicuss my luv for artr wif em so i just bottle up all my shit, nd get really angry or depressed until im holdin that can nd im n a haze of paint again, i just dounno wat to do even wif wat yll have said im still lost n a swirl of confusion nd i am just drained nd to top it off im prolly getn expelled tomorro for a brawl thats going to take place, cuz sum ucker keeps running his mouth. well i guess thats my ramble, thanks for readin-piece

[<SMK>]

There is always 2 solutions to a problem besides death...
I believe that if you want to kill yourself then your not man enough to cope with your problems, if your on this site then you most likely have some sort of talent toy or not so your life has some sort of purpose...and its to go fuck shit up...
GET UP AND STAY UP

[JEDI-MASTER]

wen i brought up death for myself, ididnt mean by my hand. im talkin bout ppl beefn wif me round here we dont play its kill or be killed, no literally but to sum they mistake that nd will cross da line dats wat i meant........

[EsKoNeR!!]

read the first page and felt obligated to reply...
this by far is one of the best threads ive seen in this forum, and i think that everyone that sees it should read it through. the beef really needs to stop, because, like it has been said before, people over the internet, who are in completely different worlds than yours, have no idea what type of situation your life may be in.
When people on here are talking about depression, or having a shitty day, and others respond with negative things, or jsut start useless beef over those posts, it can affect them much more than anyone could imagine. im not saying it always does, but i can.
and like foeone said, we lead two lives, that result in twice the stress. obviously many of us are not going to have as many friends that write graffiti as you do that dony, and because of that, alot of us seek to find friends over these forums or other ways that write graffiti, to share stories with, share art, and even talk, because its true, we as graffiti writers have tend to lead very different lifestyles than those who arent writers. Because of this, the internet can affect us much more than we would like to admit.
so like said before, just help each other out, its fine to fuck around with each other, but if someone is obviously in destress, treat it like they are, instead of like they are bullshiting.

if that didnt make any sense sorry, was trying to cram to many thought sinto too few of words.

[Desipher]

See it's fucks like you that always mess shit up. You think that just because someone is depressed or suicidal their emo. Well thier not buddy im not even close to emo some people dont live the kind of great life maybe you have. Some little rich suburban kid getting 100 bucks for allowance instead of having a job and earning it. I know i'v been through alot of shit when my mom choked me i certainly wanted to die i felt no one wanted me alive or even cared about me. But i was wrong even though at the time it felt like that. I just had to wait a see what happened later i met writers on the internet and they could relate i had someone to talk to shortly after i got my gf. Theres always someone there to listen the best way to get over depression is to let it out tell someone. If it comes down to it change your lifestyle around i did i dont smoke weed or drink or cut myself anymore i got rid of all my friends that did because i was tired of helping them it was just bringing me down. In my opinion id rather turn to friends then the help lines and such msfyt posted it would be awkward for me i'd end up doing it as a last resort but in any case most of the time people just need a good set of friends to get through shit.

[Tode]

well 1st of all...no sorry i not no suburban kid i live in the worst fuckin part of detroit where there isnt shit but bums and crack heads and bodies i guarentee u would not survive 1 week where i be where i live it's a bad day when someone dosent get shot up here ..come to think of it you prob sum lil right im only 23 living on my own and have had to live in the street till i got my life together so dont chu be coming at me with the bs cause i have prob been thought 10 time worst shit then you have ever ... "oh no my mom choked me" yea i bet you have never had your real father stuff a shot gun barrel in your mouth now have you... well sry to say i have ...but i managed to escape that crazy fuk ...IMO suicide if for fucks who just cannot handle life in itself man up get ur life together fuck friends who needs em main priority in anyones life should be life in itself..fuck the rest either way were all goin to die anyways ...right.....right so live the life you have now........

[GEE-DOT-ONE]

Originally posted by Tode@May 9 2007, 06:26 AM
well 1st of all...no sorry i not no suburban kid i live in the worst fuckin part of detroit where there isnt shit but bums and crack heads and bodies i guarentee u would not survive 1 week where i be where i live it's a bad day when someone dosent get shot up here ..come to think of it you prob sum lil right im only 23 living on my own and have had to live in the street till i got my life together so dont chu be coming at me with the bs cause i have prob been thought 10 time worst shit then you have ever ... "oh no my mom choked me" yea i bet you have never had your real father stuff a shot gun barrel in your mouth now have you... well sry to say i have ...but i managed to escape that crazy fuk ...IMO suicide if for fucks who just cannot handle life in itself man up get ur life together fuck friends who needs em main priority in anyones life should be life in itself..fuck the rest either way were all goin to die anyways ...right.....right so live the life you have now........
thats great... i used to live in north philly
no offence but you want a badge cus your from a horrible place?

its not something to wave around... that your community is so fucked up than an outsider wouldnt last a week... we dont need gun violence in this world....

the only good thing to come from all the gun violance here is that i can critisize why the fuck the city is more worried about vandals than murderers....

get up.. stay up

[RFI. SPit]

Originally posted by GEE-DOT-ONE+May 9 2007, 07:19 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (GEE-DOT-ONE @ May 9 2007, 07:19 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Tode@May 9 2007, 06:26 AM
well 1st of all...no sorry i not no suburban kid i live in the worst fuckin part of detroit where there isnt shit but bums and crack heads and bodies i guarentee u would not survive 1 week where i be where i live it's a bad day when someone dosent get shot up here ..come to think of it you prob sum lil right im only 23 living on my own and have had to live in the street till i got my life together so dont chu be coming at me with the bs cause i have prob been thought 10 time worst shit then you have ever ... "oh no my mom choked me" yea i bet you have never had your real father stuff a shot gun barrel in your mouth now have you... well sry to say i have ...but i managed to escape that crazy fuk ...IMO suicide if for fucks who just cannot handle life in itself man up get ur life together fuck friends who needs em main priority in anyones life should be life in itself..fuck the rest either way were all goin to die anyways ...right.....right so live the life you have now........
thats great... i used to live in north philly
no offence but you want a badge cus your from a horrible place?

its not something to wave around... that your community is so fucked up than an outsider wouldnt last a week... we dont need gun violence in this world....

the only good thing to come from all the gun violance here is that i can critisize why the fuck the city is more worried about vandals than murderers....

get up.. stay up [/b][/quote]
Well said

[Tode]

nah i dont need a metal it just pisses me off that people ohh im so depressed im goin to commit suicide....well u have 2 choices live die you can either live you life so the best ability you can or die end of story and the other thing that pisses me off it the people who say "im goin to cut my wrist shott myself yada yada yada ....

you you really feel that fuckin way dont just say it you you reaLLY HAVE THAT FUCKIN BAD OF A LIFE THEN DO IT AND STFU ABOUT IT . CAUS ENO ONE NEEDS TO FUCKIN HEAR IT you think you have a bad fuckin life ..you have a fuckin GREAT life compared to the rest of this world u have a home you have clothes food w/e ther is peeps over across the world that dont even have a fuckin bucket to shit in yea you sayin you have a bad life?? u seem them people over there commiting suicide??? no thay die cause they dont have the shit we have over here that dont have a fuckin choice yet they still live the best they can over there over here we do have a choice we do have help/counslers etctec ... they dont sry to say yall fuckin sucidal fucks make me sick im not here to peach to no one i m just droppin my opinion if you dont liek it then fuck off simple

[GEE-DOT-ONE]

its not a game of who has it the worst

like its easier if youve had it hard to say that

but suicide is simply having more problems going on at the moment than coping meathods....

in example the guy who has noone to help him thru the loss of family/friends is more likley to commit suicide than the guy who is in etheopia starving who has people in his life that make him want to live

i understand what your sayin tho.... but if you dont wanna hear people talk about it then i dont think you should be sitting in the suicide thread... i take this seriously cus ive been down that road... i wanna help people out man its not something i want people to feel

[Tode]

yea i know that i see the shit everyday just last week was cruzin throught the heart of the D and there wqas a bunch of police and med down the street i drove by there was this girl not even 15 from what i could see with he wrist sliced open bleeding on the pavement i asked a few peeps at the store about it on what happend they said they talk to the girl and the reason she was cutting her wrists was because no one liked her in school.....thats fuckin stupid if you ask me...that is no reason to try to end ur shit and that type of shit goes on everyday cause the people these days are just fuckin assholes {hence why i dont feel one bite bad about the the school shootings} n shit some people jsut deserved the shit wana make fun of people etctect bash em cuz their odd/different then u dont deserve to live imo so people fuckin respect and you will get it back most of the time its that simple if someone dont liek you then u have the choice of makin changes for them to liek you having probs at home with parents /abuse w/e man up grab your balls and go to the people who are there to help ...i did... im only 23 now since i ratted on my dad for abuse i have had a great life better then i can images i have my own place my own biz @ home here a decent 9 to 5 and a new whip yet im still in the ghetto but fuck it its a roof

[Msfyt]

tode i think you need to get help
you have some serious issues
and bad times/hard life doesnt equal suicide
and who the hell are you to deicide whats worth living and dying for?
shouldnt that be our choice?
why do assume thats your decision since youve seen hard times?
as for your hard times, im sorry to hear about it, but stop assuming you have it the worst you have no idea what we have faced in our lives
just like we dont know what you faced

[klauss]

some time ago i was between live my fuckin life or die.. the best thing in my life is that im still livin :| good disscusion.. maybe it will help someday!

[nero122]

what your saying bout writers being artistic n not fitting is so true i have thought bout killing myself cos well no parents equal no support seein shit that aint normal dont help n my grandmas the only one lookin after me so i feel like a burdon n i just wnna go away n be invisible the only thing in my life i care about is graff n the only joy i get is bombin buses n trains n when i get enough shit to do a piece. thanks for the thread anyone who i can speak to bout this shit personaly that understands losin evrything n shit can u pm me ?

[beltonuk]

Originally posted by Tode@May 9 2007, 07:48 AM
nah i dont need a metal it just pisses me off that people ohh im so depressed im goin to commit suicide....well u have 2 choices live die you can either live you life so the best ability you can or die end of story and the other thing that pisses me off it the people who say "im goin to cut my wrist shott myself yada yada yada ....

you you really feel that fuckin way dont just say it you you reaLLY HAVE THAT FUCKIN BAD OF A LIFE THEN DO IT AND STFU ABOUT IT . CAUS ENO ONE NEEDS TO FUCKIN HEAR IT you think you have a bad fuckin life ..you have a fuckin GREAT life compared to the rest of this world u have a home you have clothes food w/e ther is peeps over across the world that dont even have a fuckin bucket to shit in yea you sayin you have a bad life?? u seem them people over there commiting suicide??? no thay die cause they dont have the shit we have over here that dont have a fuckin choice yet they still live the best they can over there over here we do have a choice we do have help/counslers etctec ... they dont sry to say yall fuckin sucidal fucks make me sick im not here to peach to no one i m just droppin my opinion if you dont liek it then fuck off simple
yeah sure blah blah blah your chattin on about how people in the 3rd world have it worse than all us cos we have a house, computer, toilet ect but dont forget they dont have the stresses and bullshit that come with it either. we're so caught up in this new age bullshit that we arent even livin our own lives anymore
if a man steals a loaf of bread to feed his starving family is this wrong? most people will say no, but you'll still get arrested and a criminal record for it. so if its not wrong why the criminal record?
you know sometimes its not just the shit in your life that matters or gets you down or anythin its the way the entire world is run and all you lot on here sayin the best way to deal with suicidal thoughts is to find out whats causin them and change it, do somethin about it, change your lifestyle. but how the fuck are you supposed to change the entire world? some fucker will propbably reply to this with some shit like oh tree hugger hippy wants to save the world and shit but thats completely impossible. so if your feeling suiacidal because of the world around you then how the fuck can you change your lifestyle/ outlook on life when everything is so fucked up? some1 will probably say well just ignore it, dont let it bother you, dont let it get you down but thats not dealing with your problems thats just lockin yourself in a box and hopin everythin will go away and be alright
people sayin suicide is a pussy's way out/ an easy way out but the people who say that i bet they aint got the balls to go through with it so hows it a pussy's way out?

[bilal_tariq]

briliant thread msfyt, jus love it how u set out a small simple task of helping out all of us on here and ended up making it a starting home for those who can come here for comfort. yea sure i hav had some thoughts lie killing myself and ending my life but then sumone ont his thread wrote tht theres always atleast one thing to look forward to. its not really what i liive for but its something tht i do look forwad to..yea..thas right for me. im not such a happy person..not nemore really...i was given the cold shoulder..still am like daily or sumin...by a loved one to be precise, but yea..thas how my life is now..but whtever, i mean, i wa s ahappy person, ppl used to come to me to cheer them up but now i go to them and try spending time with frends to clear my mind.
i dno bout other pppl on here but i have my GCE AS level examinations coming up...those of u frm the UK prolly knw wht i m talkign bout so yea....i hava bad feelign im gonna get screwed,...not to blame or anything but i spent a lot of my year concentrating on how to make my loved one happy...turns out i just never came of any help..
but beleive it or not....its gotten me so down tht i think im gona fail coz of tht....n right now..i shud be doing sum calculus but i eel really comforted nwo tht im replying in this thread, thank u msfyt, n thank u all once again...for this nice thread, makes me feel...not really AT HOME but AMONGST those who have always been wated to be accepted for who they are...for what they do...for how they are... =)
sometimes u come across ppl who make u feel like *invisible* n u think tht y ot jus kill urself n REALLY become *invisible*....sigh..life doesnt suck..u us suck at living life...i mean..take it as it comes...go with the flow, thas how i AM LEARNIing to liv it at the moment...
oh oh..ive been acepted to University of Toronto and well YAYY =D =D, thats one thing tht i am looking forward to...i hope i hav a good future =), but yea...im realy depressed..u knw msfyt, pls come here quite often, its nice to see ur replies along with other ppls opinions aswell, u seem decent enuff *not picking anyone out* to respond to a situation..jus saying...blaah...my playlist jus plays these random songs wich hav bad memories attached to them...i really need some motivation, im sorry but yea...im a pity.
i cant really do much, see..this is wht i planned and his is how its going right, i wake up...study for 1 or 2 hours, go for extra classes since schools out..i come back around evening, chill on the pc for a while, i cant waste MUCH time so i stick to the pc n no outing for the moment...then i study...till about 7 in the morning, go to sleep, wake up..n the day repeats...its the only way i can keep my mind off my depression...sigh..but yea.it works for a bit but wenever i come to my pc..blaah..i dont wana think about it.
but anyways, graff...i sketch out my heart n mind n everything ive got as a ventilation DOCK...yea..i vent thru graff =), n i write a lot of depressing thots on my pieces, *i dont post much coz i wasnt open about these type of things before...i guess im opening up now*...but yea...thas how it works for A WHILE for me...i guess i found this thread...but umm...imnot really talking from my side but maybe..just MAYBEEE...by coming thru this thread..someones life or livess may hav been saved...i guess thas a happy reason to come to this PARTICULAR thread quite often for me.. i hope to be happy for a while longer..a long WHILE...heh...now im smiling =) =D *thank u so much*.

[MAST]

how come the people who have it the worst still don't see that materials can't make you happy? the richest man in the world could be just as depressed than a homeless guy with no family.

we live in a materialistic world, and it's tainted the minds of everybody.

[HuntingLOLs]

heh, mast - read a survey about peoples life quality. models had a worse quality of life than the ones sitting behing a counter in a supermarked generally. money does indeed not give happiness.

its not about how bad you have it in terms of wealth. tode. im happy for you to be able to cope with what seemed to be a miserable childhood at home, strong persons should help weak persons, but not everybody is as mentally gifted as you would like people to be. cutting yourself is an outlet of anger and desperation (and probably more) and suicide is for some just the final stop on that road. its really sad to see you being so narrow minded. this thread is now about some macho bullshit of how big a man you are because your dad threatened you or that you live in the shitty part of town. its about people having trouble and many not knowing how to deal with it, seeking help but being unable to find it. you should be understanding or not post at all.

[dcite]

Originally posted by <SMK>@May 8 2007, 11:50 PM
There is always 2 solutions to a problem besides death...
I believe that if you want to kill yourself then your not man enough to cope with your problems, if your on this site then you most likely have some sort of talent toy or not so your life has some sort of purpose...and its to go fuck shit up...
GET UP AND STAY UP
haha 'toy or not'
i support this statement

[bilal_tariq]

Originally posted by dcite+May 9 2007, 03:44 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (dcite @ May 9 2007, 03:44 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-<SMK>@May 8 2007, 11:50 PM
There is always 2 solutions to a problem besides death...
I believe that if you want to kill yourself then your not man enough to cope with your problems, if your on this site then you most likely have some sort of talent toy or not so your life has some sort of purpose...and its to go fuck shit up...
GET UP AND STAY UP
haha 'toy or not'
i support this statement [/b][/quote]
yee haha, so do i, lol, FUCK SHIT UP, in a good way :P

[Hask420]

wordd i always turn to graff or some art to keep me going when im down or somthing ive made some dope pieces when i was really pissed and i was trying to express how i felt to people or someone..graff is a life saver for me

[Flash]

im tkaing essential math for a couple of months in grade 9 next year. i failed some shit.

im prolly gonna get made fun of.

but i hope that doesnt leave with depression. cause i have a school councler and shit. to go talk to they save lives aswell. but still. any tips guys.

and mysfyt. thanks. and im surpised people hated you on tehese gay forums.

peace.

[Desipher]

You probly wont get made fun of I'v been in essentials math since gr 8 and I'm in gr 11 now. The only people that might bug you may be your friends but if they do you can always tell them to shut up or something.

[Flash]

thnks man. its just like i wouldent be surpirsed if i had a LD learning disabilty which would prlly be ADD. but in essential do you stay in a year behind? asking. cause shit mad peopel get made fun of i hear. and it doesnt mean your a retard right?

im jsut mad slow..

Peace.

[Desipher]

nah you basicly do same shit as everybody else just a little bit slower and less complicated.You do learn basicly a little bit of every unit but you dont go to far into it.And to answer your question no it doesnt make you retarded thats just silly some people have trouble at math. I for one do but do perfectly well in other classes im about b-c+ student if you have any other questions just pm me lets not get this off topic.

[skateparadise]

Originally posted by Tode@May 9 2007, 07:48 AM
nah i dont need a metal it just pisses me off that people ohh im so depressed im goin to commit suicide....well u have 2 choices live die you can either live you life so the best ability you can or die end of story and the other thing that pisses me off it the people who say "im goin to cut my wrist shott myself yada yada yada ....

you you really feel that fuckin way dont just say it you you reaLLY HAVE THAT FUCKIN BAD OF A LIFE THEN DO IT AND STFU ABOUT IT . CAUS ENO ONE NEEDS TO FUCKIN HEAR IT you think you have a bad fuckin life ..you have a fuckin GREAT life compared to the rest of this world u have a home you have clothes food w/e ther is peeps over across the world that dont even have a fuckin bucket to shit in yea you sayin you have a bad life?? u seem them people over there commiting suicide??? no thay die cause they dont have the shit we have over here that dont have a fuckin choice yet they still live the best they can over there over here we do have a choice we do have help/counslers etctec ... they dont sry to say yall fuckin sucidal fucks make me sick im not here to peach to no one i m just droppin my opinion if you dont liek it then fuck off simple
People who cut themselfs usally dont go around telling everyone. They are the ones who cut themselfs night after night, go to school or go on with there daily activities. They dont know how to take there pain out, or express there feelings. They take it out Phisicly cause thats the only way they know how.

The people who cut them selfs and run to school and tells everyone is more then likely doing it for attention. if thats the people you are refirring to.

for the people you are talking about in the 3rd world countries. they have a high suicide rate over there. just think of the suicide bombers.

you should really seek professional help.

not peaching to you or anything.

[Rane-One(JTF)]

shadow dweller, im with you man...100% you hear me?
if you do sumthin stupid, and EVERYONE turns their back on you.
and youre so far down that u hit rock bottom, then u fell in a hole, then u fell through the floor in that hole some more, u got graf.
your black book aint gonna run away, neither are your cans.
so dont let your mind.
its helped me out in the roughest times, when im mentally and physically on my own...
thank you taki 183, and cornbread, and cool earl...
you started it, and it aint dead!
were all together, even in the most distant of ways...

[Rane-One(JTF)]

hey mysfyt, im not even kidding wen i say ima dedicate my next piece to you and send you a pic...just kuz you had the brains, and put forth the effort to make this very important thread happen for all of us.
for those who need help, or for those who offer help.
its all very positive, and thats a change on this site thats for the better.
as for tode, he has/had a hard life, and i support him fully as a writer making it through life, and i wish him well in the future.
hes expressing his opinions, and a lot of people agree with him, so like it or not, you gotta respect his opinion.
i dont know him, and i dont agree 100% with his 'im worse than you' attitude, but even if everyone disagrees with him, what will that do?
it wont change his mind. so i think arguing with him is useless.
he is wat he is, just like you are wat you are. thats all.
trust your instincts is the only advice i can offer sumone whos suffering through depression.
especially if youre a writer, kuz i believe we have strong instincts
write, paint, tag your way to happiness, or just out of depression.
i mean, if you think about it, if every writer united FULLY, we would crush the world and take it over, without a doubt.
no army could stop it, kuz that would require them to work together, and countries dont like to do that.
so youre not alone
if u think ur alone, do a handstyle on a piece of paper, and stare at it long and hard.
theres 700000000000000000000000000 of us out there doin the same thing.
were with you, kid.
as for mysfyt, i have a whole new respect for you

[Rane-One(JTF)]

anybody else think we should create a bombingscience army?
thatd be awesome, and if we all just acted like soldiers, painted the same things, the world would be covered in drippy ink and paint.
my life long dream is to see graf take over the world.
we could, and its a matter of time
but unless we unite, the system and the forces that hinder us will overpower us.
trains in my state run clean, and i hate it....im sure there are hundreds if not more of bostonians on this website alone. if jsut them and me hooked up, we could paint those trains
just imagine that on a wider scale

i know im probably rambling and this might be rediculous.
but if graf could take over the world, ur tag getting buffed seems a little less important huh?

i vote we start an army, led by our mods. especially mysfyt...
not saying he wants command, nor would he be a great and all-powerful king, lol, but he has the right heart.
anybody else with me?
if not, im sorry for wasting your time

[Rane-One(JTF)]

and i mean take over the world in a less maniacal way then it sounds aright?
not some pinky and the brain shit! lol. but well thought out campaigns or bombings and watnot
also, dont let my lack of posts fool you into thinking im new here. i made a new name thats all, my last name had about 143 posts...
just in case ur prejudice to that.
which i hope ur not

[clockwork]

Im a be straight here okay kids.

You need some help, and you want it, you know where to find it. BUT! If your on bombing science and you see some sick fuckin burners and it almost makes your eyes melt onto your self, and its SO good you wanna kill yourself, your silly.

People whom tell others they are going to kill themselves are just wanting attention and its almost to the point of rediculousness to make a thread in the general discussion about this topic.

Huge, un proportional, pieces done by rich toys using 5 and 7 dollar cans makes me want to kill myself END OF STORY!

Color place BITCH! WEWT WEWT!

Whoever made this thread, if you need help. Find it, and leave it alone in BS.
Your fuckin up my CHI!

[skateparadise]

Originally posted by clockwork@May 10 2007, 03:22 AM

Whoever made this thread, if you need help. Find it, and leave it alone in BS.
Your fuckin up my CHI!
She made this thread on Bombingscience on purpous. Bombingscience community has lost a few writers due to suicide, and its a topic that everyone should be aware of.

If you don't like talking or reading about kids who have problems with suicide thoughts. No one is forcing you to click the link to enter this thread. It's simple... stay out of the thread.

[Mr Tasty]

great thread...i find the best thing to help with suicidal thoughts is talkin to some1 about everything.(not just helplines but friends)....2 minds will help ur problems wayy more then u sitting alone in ur room thinkin about ending it...ive talked to too many suicidal people and helped them (hopefuly)...and others have helped me...the best people(for me anyway) to talk to is those that have experienced the same as u and have pulled back from suicide...but 1 of the worst things is taking ur depression outside and making others feel sorry for u cos that just makes u a looser and it makes u feel sorry for urself....wich just causes more depression..

[fannypack uprock]

but you know sometimes talking to strangers about it help a lot more than you might imagine. sometimes it allows you to be more expressive about exactly whats going on and not having to worry about being judged about whats going on in your life or the trouble youre having dealing with certain things.

[clockwork]

Damn, people be getting all serious in here now.

If someone is gonna kill themselves and they are a BS contact, they have like 25,000 other people to talk to. So it isnt like talking to someone is the problem. I was joking clearly in my other post.

Yeah, it sucks that some people that we know killed themselves, but you know it happens. (Reguardless if they recieve help) If you know someone thats suicidal, tell them to post in here and get the correct help. There are always hotlines and all that garb but talking to peers and shits gotta be better.

Dont tread on me for posting in here in the first place...

;)

[Msfyt]

i disagree
sure talking with peers is good
but they lack wisdom which comes with age
plus they are not trained to deal with such extreme depression
sure venting to a friend helps short term, but most people who have reached bottom (thinking about suicide) need to see someone who is professional and unbais for long term changes

[anarchy]

Yall kids talking about depression in here and how your in a low math class don't know what the fuck depression is. You at a hardspot in life you ain't depressed. Depression is more then just feeling sad or angry.

[sInk.dIs.]

word^.


anyone in here bipolar? pm me.

[Msfyt]

but we need to remember depression doesnt equal suicide
many people have depression and dont commit suicide
and some people who commit suicide arent depressed
there are many factors to one taking their life, so we should be more open minded about peoples feelings and situtations

[Mr Tasty]

ah damn bs didnt let me post my reply cos it crashed...anyway i was sayin....i agree with u....talkin to friends and ppl u know aint always easy....unless uve found a true friend and u can talk about anything to them...ive found 2 ppl like that...and we exchange problems all the time...does make me feel better...always helpin each other.....but if i dont wish to tell ppl i know my problems...i can always find some1 on the internet...from anouther country for example...and talk to them on msn....have done before and it helps...i dono i could never get myself to call a helpline...never tried...maybe its good....also i usualy talk to ppl online wich have gone thru simular problems and pulled back from suicide or failed....they are in my opinion the best people to talk to.....
oh and i agree with anarchy....alot of ppl here dont know wat depression really is

[sika_2002]

exactly, theres different stages. i agree to mysfts comment about peers not always having experiance to help. iv spoken to somebody who found it more helpfull taking to a help line than too me. not because i was shit but because sometimes you need to tell somebody who doenst know you. my 2pence.

[Elusiv06]

[QUOTE]Nice thread.
Let's hope it will help some people.
I thought about suicide a few years ago at school, age of 10.
Was bullied, not normal.
But when i thought about the good things of life i had the strenght to carry on. .............huu da uk decides to comit suicide at age ten ur a fukin moron :o

[bilal_tariq]

learn how to quote sumwun u fucking dick...n stfu, maybe u dint go thru nuff shit wen he was a kid so just shutup n quit beefing ok? n not going off topic, hello everyone, im bak, doin sum calculus atm...sigh...so fucking bored...was depressed teh whole day and goddammit its made me slack off thru the whole day..godd...but i luv this thread, any whoo0o...i jus wana say tht before u jump to a thot about suicide as ur final resort...think about it....what if u go to bed tonite, do u think tht tmrw will be a better day? if so, go to sleep, n live a new day of a new life =)...all im saying is tht just try fixing urslf up one LAST time n see whether it makes adifference or chanegs ur mind...my 2 cents..

[yakrian]

I gotta agree, peers don't generally have the stamina to truly help you through serious depression.

And I feel like saying this much: Everyone who has talked shit about Msfyt since I first started lurking this place in early '05...You can shove every syllable up your ass.

[Oink.]

Originally posted by Elusiv06@May 10 2007, 05:13 PM
[QUOTE]Nice thread.
Let's hope it will help some people.
I thought about suicide a few years ago at school, age of 10.
Was bullied, not normal.
But when i thought about the good things of life i had the strenght to carry on. .............huu da uk decides to comit suicide at age ten ur a fukin moron :o
i got bullied when i was little then i fuckin started liftin weights nd stopped being a bitch. If someone says shit to you break their face. haha not even kiddin either.

[SoketSBK]

I was depressed a while back and thinkin hard about suicide, then i found the straight edge movement, shit changed me around, bein around alcoholics and druggies was old for me, so i moved on from that shit, and from the straight edge movement found graf, alot of ppl (writers even) would be suprised at the amount of sober kids who do graf, its gettin big w/ sxe
if your feelin down w/ that shit and your into rock/metal/punk type of shit then check that type of shit out and get away from the drugs/alcohol...when some ppl get depressed the turn to it, i started to turn to alcohol, but when i turned my shit around and sobered up i was able to kick the depression and get a positive outlook
those of you who drink and smoke and have no desire to give it up, more power to you, hopefully it never bites you in the ass or causes anyone pain, jst keep writin either way

[MAST]

i have nothing but respect for people who can claim the edge and keep it. word to you. and im glad you're not one of those close minded edgers who hates people who drink and smoke. i hang around a lot of edgers, and they're just as good of friends as the ones i smoke with. and i have a lot more respect for people like you who claim it for a reason. it's good to have that story to go along with it, and it probably is a lot more meaningful to you than to someone who claims for the sake of being drug free. even if along the line, you end up breaking, it doesn't matter at all, so don't let people talk shit on you if you ever do. i hate that.

but yeah, i don't really know anyone who has a reason like that, so it's kind of cool to hear that. so in a way, straight edge saved your life.

[JackJill]

Originally posted by anarchy@May 10 2007, 02:27 PM
Yall kids talking about depression in here and how your in a low math class don't know what the fuck depression is. You at a hardspot in life you ain't depressed. Depression is more then just feeling sad or angry.
Word. Sometimes it's chemical, ie: that's what my problem is.
Depression for me is not being able to produce enough endorphins or whatever they're called in the winter because I'm not getting the vitamins the sun sends through my eyes. It's always/ usually dark here in Canada in that season. Endorphins make you happy. I'm not making enough endorphins. Therefor I'm not happy. But that's putting it mildly, I've been dealing with this for almost 6 years now. It gets tough, but family helps, when you think back on the past years. Pets help too. :wub: spike:

[C-money fresh!]

Originally posted by Msfyt@May 7 2007, 11:09 AM


Sadly BS has come to realize how serious suicide can be, by loosing two of our most talented members.
.
I know we lost waster, but who was the other. I dont mean any disrespect to whomever it was but im just curious.


like you jackjill im also chemicly depressed and it ususaly getts to be the worse during the winter.

But one of my friends has a brain tumor that pushes against the area of her brain that produces endorphins causing her serotonin levels to sky rocket. luckily her tumor is beniegn or what ever its called to its harmless but she doesnt care anyway because of her extreeme happyness

[trupe]

sadly to say iv been there dun that got the t shirt n it aint a very nice 1!!! i was about 12 i think wen i did it i had a run in with my bro(4 years older) n i cba to live thru it any more kuz it happend alot so i popped a load of pills but it dnt word(well i chickend out of w8 4 them 2 take hold properly) so i ended makin mah self throw up violantly to get them out of my system then i went 2 hospial where they make meh drink ground down charcole and water (yuk!!!!!!!!!! the sick it blak 2:0) then i had 2 c a si-ciatrist and family counciler and my liver hasnt reli recoverd i dnt think because i still get pains (i there the over dose or drinkin lol) but that off the point!!! just think who your herting if you to du it!!!i kno iv been thru seeing maa fam breaking down around meh so its not gd 4 any 1!

[skateparadise]

Originally posted by trupe@May 12 2007, 10:52 AM
sadly to say iv been there dun that got the t shirt n it aint a very nice 1!!! i was about 12 i think wen i did it i had a run in with my bro(4 years older) n i cba to live thru it any more kuz it happend alot so i popped a load of pills but it dnt word(well i chickend out of w8 4 them 2 take hold properly) so i ended makin mah self throw up violantly to get them out of my system then i went 2 hospial where they make meh drink ground down charcole and water (yuk!!!!!!!!!! the sick it blak 2:0) then i had 2 c a si-ciatrist and family counciler and my liver hasnt reli recoverd i dnt think because i still get pains (i there the over dose or drinkin lol) but that off the point!!! just think who your herting if you to du it!!!i kno iv been thru seeing maa fam breaking down around meh so its not gd 4 any 1!
what are you, 10 years old?

you should go see a si-ciatrist

[FOEone]

I would like to recommend a book to you guys. It's called 'Night Falls Fast'. I forget the name of the author, but she spent years working with suicide survivors. Her book is a collection of stories of suicide victims and survivors, and an in-depth analysis of the phenomenon. One of the few books that I can honestly say changed my life.

[explosivo_420]

when i watch my mom look out of her window for ten minutes straight jumping around, my step dad sleeping on the couch.

homies shootin up daily smokin crack doin the same shit.

its a downward cycle of depression and hiding it, letting loose.

smokin and drinkin is just accelerating the anxietys that i wish i could aleviate

[Sner!]

good thread.

i think about suicide no joke like at least 10 times a day.

but i know i would never do it, i just wonder what life would be like without me there and shit like that.

like i get sent to the admin at my school about 3 times a week for the most bullshit stuff, and every time i go and im sitting waiting for our prick assistant pricipal to talk to me, i wonder if i could like pull out my pencil and rip my neck open or somethign like that.

its a pretty fucked up thought, but ive been holding that shit up for a while and i just thought bombing science would be the place to say it because i dont have any people that actually know me on here. i dont ask for this shit to go through my head. it just does.

good thread though.

maybe this will bring amore serious caring light to bombing science instead of the constant "YOU FUCKING TOYYYY, TAKE YOU SKETTCHHHH OFFF YOU N00BBBBB, GODDD YOUR SHITTTS FUCKIGN WACCKKKKCKCKCKCKCK!!!!1!!!111!11!!!one!!1!1!"

this should help alot of kids realize there not alone.

[GEE-DOT-ONE]

Originally posted by Sner!@May 14 2007, 10:12 AM
good thread.

i think about suicide no joke like at least 10 times a day.

but i know i would never do it, i just wonder what life would be like without me there and shit like that.

like i get sent to the admin at my school about 3 times a week for the most bullshit stuff, and every time i go and im sitting waiting for our prick assistant pricipal to talk to me, i wonder if i could like pull out my pencil and rip my neck open or somethign like that.

its a pretty fucked up thought, but ive been holding that shit up for a while and i just thought bombing science would be the place to say it because i dont have any people that actually know me on here. i dont ask for this shit to go through my head. it just does.

good thread though.

maybe this will bring amore serious caring light to bombing science instead of the constant "YOU FUCKING TOYYYY, TAKE YOU SKETTCHHHH OFFF YOU N00BBBBB, GODDD YOUR SHITTTS FUCKIGN WACCKKKKCKCKCKCKCK!!!!1!!!111!11!!!one!!1!1!"

this should help alot of kids realize there not alone.
dude i know what you mean

like the thought comes in my head of who would care if shit happened to me

i live for my sisters and i know i cant do anything to myself because i want them to be so fuckin happy....

but ive always wondered what if i jus walked into school and blew my brains onto the wall like in full metal jacket...

pretty fucked up shit.. i think its worse that i have them thoughts when im not serious about suicide anymore

[Msfyt]

i wish i could show you all how highschool really doesnt compare to adult life
and all the shit you have to put up with in highschool regarding teachers, restrictions, degradation, judgemental teenagers, bullying, etc just doesnt exist or exists in a more livable way


sadly depression will be more about money and love when you get older

[writer]

i think its good to make this thread is sadly for family suicide is serius problem i think mebay i wrong but fuck you then

[GEE-DOT-ONE]

Originally posted by Msfyt@May 14 2007, 10:44 AM
i wish i could show you all how highschool really doesnt compare to adult life
and all the shit you have to put up with in highschool regarding teachers, restrictions, degradation, judgemental teenagers, bullying, etc just doesnt exist or exists in a more livable way


sadly depression will be more about money and love when you get older
i know that, my troubles have nothing to do with school bullshit

its shit like my moms been fighting breast cancer for a wile now, and now shes starting to give up all hope and that kills me to see her decinding death is an option. i have a little brother who lives with my dad, he was born deaf and now has glaucoma and severe autism. i havent seen him in 2 years and i know my dad used to beat me when i would see him so im afraid of what hes doin to my little siblings...
its shit that induvidually i can deal with... but when it all happens at the same time its pretty fuckin overwelming... specially when the only person helpin me through this is my twin... she means the world to me

[Desipher]

Holy shit this week can't get any worse first I get hit by a car then my gf dumps me on her b-day and now I'm getting kicked out <_< well atleast i met some hot chicks who helped me thru the depression :D

[Robbie P]

Depression is a bitch, you really just have to cope with it. I've coped with the fact that I'm going to die young. Really just embrace life and those that make it something you enjoy.

[Msfyt]

mind over matter is sometimes all it takes
of course there are many genetic factors but still, i believe the mind can cure itself

[toxus]

Thucking weird people on this planet.

[revolt92]

Originally posted by Msfyt@May 14 2007, 10:44 AM
i wish i could show you all how highschool really doesnt compare to adult life
and all the shit you have to put up with in highschool regarding teachers, restrictions, degradation, judgemental teenagers, bullying, etc just doesnt exist or exists in a more livable way


sadly depression will be more about money and love when you get older
That's not ALWAYS the case, i know alot of people who have been chucked out at home, lost loved one's among other things, lifes a bitch! remember that.

Suicide? yeah i've thought about it a couple of times, about this time last year i was so close to just ending my life because it seemed as though my whole world had just gone, thankfully i realised that it's not just worth it, there's things you can do, people you can see to help you. So if you ever think about it just think to yourself, "is it worth it".

There was a 3yr old who was depressed.

[Desipher]

ya i have just gotten back home after being kicked out for like almost 2 months i wanted to die everything just seemed so shitty lost gf lost job didnt have a place to go slept under a bridge almost every night of it but now things are starting to pick up theres never good times in life just shitty ones and ok ones

[Msfyt]

*bump* for code sucht

sorry to hear about your friend and girlfriend
but you have to remember that its bond to happen
we will all fall in and out of love many times
and sadly our friends will die for reasons beyond our control
i know that makes it sound worse but hopefully you might see how important it is to seize what you have now, even though it might seem less then what it was the day before

i hope you see this, and feel better
youre more than welcome to PM me

[BORG]

i have lost a close friend a couple weeks ago, shit seems to be getting a bit better, but throughout all this month, life seems so dark n gloomy, does anyone have a good solution for moving on, it seems like everything i do brings back memories of him, and the more i chill with friends seems like the less they care about it, i guess i need a good way to put this behind me and move on without feeling so sad n depressed all the time

[AliasL1A]

Props to msfyt on this one..

When I lost my girlfriend of 2.5 years about 2 years ago, I thought my world had ended. I was in a pretty foul mood most of the time.

But then I picked up the pencil again and started writing (the written word, not graff) again. It helped me a lot to have that medium to pour all my frustrations and woes out onto. It was a release for me.

And now graff is doing the same thing for me. I've got no real ability at it yet, but it's a release nonetheless. Whenever people give me shit, put me down, hurt me.. whatever.. I can always just turn to the sketchbook and write something else out. It may not be pretty, but the effect is the same.

I suggest the same thing for anyone else going through trouble... do what you love, what your heart tells you to do. Which, I assume, is graff for most of you :D

[anti-anti-crime]

i have thought about killing myself. everything wasnt goin my way, i got arrested for writing and possession and i was failing out of high skool. then i thought about how it s always darkest before the dawn. so i just stayed depressed for a couple days

[ODonthesetrees]

Yo homie thats whats up and its the straight truth Fuckin amazing thread and I can almost guarantee at one point or another most of yall have had the thought cross your mind wether it be a detailed plan on suicide or a very vague thought. Truth be told its crossed mine when everything seems to go wrong and im in a pit of shitty thoughts and no1 to turn to. And as gay as this is gonna sound or as fuckin much as people are gonna talk shit graff was there for me at the hardest point in my life. When I felt I was worthless, when I felt I had noone in the world that cared for me , when I felt I had nothing to hold on to anymore there was graff. I realised all I had to my name was my graff and my ups and as pitty as it maybe there are some kids out there that look up to me even if its only as a writer its a good feeling when I felt that life shouldnt go on and I was hopeless writing on a fukin wall saved me. Even if it didnt literally stop me from doing something stupid to myself it flicked a switch in my head and thank god for that cause it gave me a push for graff and everyday Im happy I do it wether I be a vandal or a legal eagle it was something I used to vent.
my life took this exact same turn when i started writing, my brother had recently attempted suicide, i was not close to any of my family members and my "friends" were barely aquantinces..art and music was my life and without them i couldve easily kileld myself ,i thought about it weekly if nto daily for a long time...luckily im in a way better position now and hopefully will never return to that depressing time

[capo93]

this is gay writing it in some onlne forum but i have to say it just to get it out....
alot of the time i feel like its just enough and that i cant take it anymore that theres just so much unnecessary pressure in my life pushing down and that t would be esier if i werent here... ya i use music and art as an outlet but when i leave my house and where i feel safe i feel like breaking down and just ending it all...
my friends don feel like friends i cant laugh at their jokes or smile back at them and girls is a whole lost cause because im akward as fuck to be around i find and it always " i ve never hougt of you in that way" bull shit.
nothing right and i dont feel like i could talk to anyone about it, this is actually the first time ive written it down and ya its on some fucking internet forum.
i feel like i cant even call kids help phone or talk to a school counsellor or anything like that its just all fucking gay and like i said easier without me here i have no fucking clue what to do

[JackJill]

this is gay writing it in some onlne forum but i have to say it just to get it out....
alot of the time i feel like its just enough and that i cant take it anymore that theres just so much unnecessary pressure in my life pushing down and that t would be esier if i werent here... ya i use music and art as an outlet but when i leave my house and where i feel safe i feel like breaking down and just ending it all...
my friends don feel like friends i cant laugh at their jokes or smile back at them and girls is a whole lost cause because im akward as fuck to be around i find and it always " i ve never hougt of you in that way" bull shit.
nothing right and i dont feel like i could talk to anyone about it, this is actually the first time ive written it down and ya its on some fucking internet forum.
i feel like i cant even call kids help phone or talk to a school counsellor or anything like that its just all fucking gay and like i said easier without me here i have no fucking clue what to do

It seems stupid now, but for real you're not the only one going through it. And that's okay. Going to see someone about your depression is like going to the doctor for a sore throat. They'll help you. And you may think it's hella ghey for going, but you're not doing it for your family or friends, you've gotta do it for yourself. Make that choice and it's the first step to feeling better.

[Msfyt]

its not gay being able to open up to strangers
its quite normal to express our deepest thoughts to people that we dont have to face, kinda like beef on here people will run their mouths cause they know they will never see the person in reality
anyways as for the friends part not being friends, dont worry about that friends are great to have but can also be the excat opposite full of drama, backstabbing, etc
and girlfriends can be just the same
(by the way most of my friends dont care who smiles, or want to even be around happy people...i like them because they are like that; sinical, scarastic, and even social outcasts are charactists of my true friends)

so all in all you should be more concerned about yourself and your own mental health because thats what it comes down to
is mastering own on minds
not as easy as one might think, so give yourself a little credit just for teh effort of trying to do just that

[SLEDGEHAMMER]

R.I.P the fallen soldiers of suicide.

[revolt92]

I don't think he means gay in the literall sense, gay is no longer a word used to determine homosexuals. It's now used as an insult or for no reason at all. e.g. homework is gay, homework cannot be gay as it is not a living thing, therefore gay has no meaning anymore.

I'm very bored

[JackJill]

Yes, I believe we are quite well aware of that. But thank you, Revolt.

[Msfyt]

thank jill
i dont anyone thought he was refering to him actually being gay

[percoset fun]

this is a good thread, i can relate to almost everyone storys. while i was going through some of the hardest times in my life, graff was there for me. i was worth nothing in school and at home i was failing. but graff saved me i realized some people liked my work and some people looked up to me, and when everything was fucked up, and therepists just made me more angry graff was there people were complimenting me i didnt suck at it and it saved my life because i for once finaly fealt like someone like people knew me .

[sketch3]

I don't think he means gay in the literall sense, gay is no longer a word used to determine homosexuals. It's now used as an insult or for no reason at all. e.g. homework is gay, homework cannot be gay as it is not a living thing, therefore gay has no meaning anymore.

I'm very bored


revolts gay:p

an cmoney keep ya head up

[AnteUp]

well i grew up in a middle class home, made gud grades all that shit but, mah dad got pissed at mah mom, he moved out cheated on her wit sum ugly slut, an now hes sellin, an doin drugs, hes gonna get arrested for violating his probation, an i cant believe that this man...who WAS the best dad a guy cud have, went down that road, so i bin depressed for a while but im thinkin jail is best for him...no access to drugs, and no access to drug feens...

[revolt92]

thank jill
i dont anyone thought he was refering to him actually being gay

I kinow this, i was simply stating that he was using the word gay when it didnt really mean it's actual meaning, if you get me?

Anyway i don't really know why i posted that, maybe out of bordem? maybe i was just annoyed.

[JackJill]

Maybe you make me annoyed, shutup.
And Ante, he might be your dad but he's really not that old in his mind. my unle still smokes the reef with my aunt ni their hot tub every once ina while. It's a choice. He chose to ditch you guys. Let me tell you that you don't need him. He only makes your bond with your mom stronger.

[revolt92]

No i'm not going to shutup.

and no jackjill thats not always the case. Since i lost my dad i argue with my mum more than i used to, maybe it's because i've become a teenager since then...i don't know. All i'm saying is that it helps to have a fatherly figure around, i mean i have my older brother and looks out for me and stuff. Maybe this just me like i said i don't know.

Anyway i hope that helps

[moze.2]

wow reading this almost made me cry. imnot kidding. im 18 and i write and stuff in my life is fucked up. for the last few months ive been.. stuggling. a freind of mine killed hmself a few months ago. about a week ago i was begging everytime i got into a car for soomone on the other side to swerve right into me so i didnt have end my life myself. it just got harder and harder to go on everyday and wait for the day to end. and then when it did i knew i had to face another day of thoughs so dark and depressed, it made me want to never wake up at all. this thread i hope can help me. i pray it can. thank you

[revolt92]

Now i'm not gonna sit here and say i have a bad life cos well...i dont, i'm a 14 year old UK'er who has a good life so i don't know as much as some people but i have had a bit of experiance of wanting to end my life and i got through it so all i can do is give you the advice that i used.

Talk to someone, counciler, mum/dad?, freinds, girlfreind? or even someone off here. Tell them why youi want to end your life. Find the happy things in life and concentrate on them, then forget the bad things, blank them out.

But make sure you talk to someone, that is the one thing i wish i had done. Keep it bottled up and it just piles up in your head until one day you cant take it any more.

Hope it helps

[crac]

my problem was when i was younger 13 14 i got realy depressed after a friend died and everything that would happen in my day anything slightly negitive made it worse and it got to the point where i was willing to end it myself and then somthing snapped in me not only did i grow a huge fucking anger problem but from there on out i could only focus on blaming other people for problems .. i would blame myself for things i had no control over and all of a sudden i found out whos problem it was and took all that anger out on them for creating that problem.. oh yeah.. and all that anger eventualy landed me in counceling and anger managment 5 times.. somtimes talking about it helps but when your angry at the world talking about it to somone only makes you hate the person your talking to more.

[GrimeyScraper]

R.I.P.

DANEK{AP}

A friend of mine and writing partner committed suicide in '02, he is and will always be missed.

[moze.2]

yea after reading this i talked to some of the people at the phones but it didnt really help. it made me feel pathetic. my life and my friends seem...fake. they don care about eachother that just want theiir next turn in the spotlight of self agrandizing glory. they want to be idolized and feared and imressive and adored. i just hate it all. i hate how they dont know about my feelings on this. i hate how i cant tell them.i dont want to feel. graffiti is the only out let i have. and this. but i dont rreally want it. but what does it matter. death is inevitable. its bound to happen. why not now. i may have said it earlier but everyday of my life gets worse and worse. its not that bad things happpen to me its just that i hate myself. i hate how i hate people. i hate how i look. i hate my look on life. i hate that i want. i hate that i smoke. i hate that i dont ..... i hate... everytime im in the car i pray that the person coming at me swerves and hits me head on. i hate that about me too. but death happens everyday. so what if one more dies. people die all the time and no one cares. it doesnt affect anyone except in your immediate family. maybe they only care because the life insurace is void depending on the cirumstance of death.everyone says im artistic and smart and inspiring i just wish i could see it. .....please somone help me please

[Msfyt]

oh my darlin moze
there is nothing wrong with all that hate
i hate stupid people and theres a fucking lot of them in the world
i hate working everyday being some sprog for a rich elderly white man
i hate friends that only have friends cause they need the attention and drama
i hate myself for growing old
but that hate doesnt get me down anymore
why?? cause why shouldnt i hate those things, they suck
and life needs balance...good and bad
and id much rather open my eyes to the things i hate and move on then dwell on why my hate is wrong
is hate really wrong? i mean kinda like your own theory, "its bound to happen", why cant we hate as long as your true to yourself and your feelings theres no reason to feel guilty or ashamed (especially if your hate is intenal).
but perhaps you should focus on why your hate makes you depressed instead of the actions that cause hate. cause what you hate are all very reasonable things to hate, yet you hate yourself for hating them. am i making sence?? you hate yourself of getting help and feeling normal negative outlooks but truthfully thats closer to happiness (for me) than smiling, being navie, and ignoring your surroundings. do you hate hating cause its not a convenctional way of being happy (ie fluffy clouds kinda thing), or perhaps cause you think youre alone in your negative thoughts, or cause you need people to accpet your alteranatie outlook?

anyone else feel me on this, im just wondering if there are other happy hateful people out there??

[vegimite on toast]

i can get pretty hateful
im pretty peachy keen though
i like cereal and horses and electric heaters and my life
most definately you can hate and still be happy
hating on people makes me feel happy, unless its some serious fighting stance stuff,
hating people doesnt make me feel happy because i hate myself though cause i dont hate myself, i dunno why i like being hateful, i just do
i can be nice though =)
and although i can be pretty mean on here esspecially i am actually nice to more people than i am hateful
everybody gets depressed sometime, the estatic times are always met by the dark and vice versa
when im feeling down and out i do something monotonous and arduous and that seems to help me
thats just me though, i find that the best way for me to get over depression is to just keep moving, that seems to work for me
although if you're having some issues you think you can get through by yourself or you dont know what to do
finding someone to talk to can be very helpful too, even if its someone on the internet
hope you get on all right moze

[moze.2]

last nlght i felt a little better. i dont want this thread to turn into my journal but i feel like i need to say this to somone i dont know in person. today my friend canceled his plans with me.i dont know why. he seemed hesistant with his excuse. i know he was lieng. he proably found a way to get high or drunk with one of his friends during the week we were leaving. it was a cheap shot. now its too late to call anyone else. "trying to run though deep water" not the right phrase but its the first one that comes to mind. im trying to go to california. to see my friend. hes a big actor. famous. spotlight. the one kid who i hae never been mad at, angry, and i feel comfortable around. i pray that he answers his phone. i really need this. " i feel like im doing the tustfall but noone is there to catch me"... its not the right phrase bbut the first one that comes to mind. reading your messages you guys sent back.. made me feel better i guess. please dont stop. i realized that maybe i dont hate. i dont wanna sound cliche' but hate sounds so... strong. maybe i just dont like. cynical isnt the right word...but the firsst that comes to mind.... last night i was up till 7 am.. not doing anything. i was enjying nothing ness. at 4 oclock i heard voices. not crayzy ones but just people talking or saying words. i couldnt hear them too well unless i focused on them. but then they would leave. i didnt want them too. i felt happy for a second. thrilled while they were there. i felt like they came for me and me alone.. crazy i know. but right now i wanna be crazy. apart from crazyness i wanna be calm/ i know opposites. my ying and yang. " the calm before the storm" isnt the right phrase.. but its the fiirst one that comes to mind. last night around 7:40 am (maybe thats today) i turned on my computer and listened to sounds of rain and water. it was peaceful. Nirvana can be a beautiful place even if it is in the room of a 17 year old law breaking loser. it mmade me think. i dont want to be herre. i want to live in the woods far away from everyone. my dream day changed at the moment. i no longer wanted to be in the city for that one pperfect day. i wanted to be, on the outside of a tent. in october while its raining. the water hitting the tent like little angry fists shunning its existance. then falling off the tent and landing in a puddle next to my head. im laying on my back staring straight up but no water hits my eyes and im... happy. ha. i havent a care in the world on that one day... not my wet clothes. not the temperature. nothing. last night i dremt that i was walking down a sttreet. it was the street i grew up on. you kno the casual middle class neighborhood that we all lived in at one point. i walk dow this street but i notice a road and a house that i have never seen before. i am curios..the house is white and is more like thouse buildings on the corneror of a forked road. its 2 stories and white. it right where my old firend used to live. but then again its not because i can see his house. and hes playing in a glass box. he shouts some thing but i cant hear it. i am too interested in this house. i walk up to the door of it and look back at my firend. but he is dead in the box and his blood drps form every side of his 6 walled glass cage. i walk in. inside there is abou 7 feet of space. it is diamond shaped instead of a normal square. to my immediate left is a stair that begins a spiral staircase wayway up into darkess above. i coulda sworn this was only two stories i think to myself. to my right is a door to a kitchen. there is a lottle old lady in a light pink garmet and shs cleaning up broken glass. she turns to me with a happy smile and says" they'll be here soon you know" and turns back to her work set before her. i want to say what? but i cant so i try to turn her to face me but when i do she is a rotting corpse and turns to dust in my hands. i kneel down and stare in awe. but then the door opens. a man walks in wearings blach everything. he is white and about 42 years old. he is carrying a satchel of tools and lays them on the small welcoming table in the center of the room. i notice that there are some of the strangest tools i have ever seen in my life and i know wht he is going to do with them. he calmly looks at a tool. inspects is and sets it down. he pus on a pair of black gloves and picks it back up. he attacks me weilding his forighn weapon. i dodge but i know im not that good a dodging and i just got lucky. and i right. he digs a sharp pointed spike into my shoulder and i feel it in my bone. it wiggles a bit. i ppick up a razor sharp tool form his thing and slice some of his face. he is unfazed. hisflesh hung from his cheek like a piece of deli meat. i swing at his arm and then leg. the oth fall to the floor but yet he... doent do anything but smile. the same dumb smile he has had on the entire time. i run out the door and down the street. im running and running and then i blink. i curse that blink. when i reopen my eyes. im back in the house. that god damn house. and he is in there. he unrolls the satchel and skips the first tool heused before and goes on to the second. he says to me that he s goint to use every one of the tools untill i die. i know that everytime i run out. somehow ill end up back here. and each time i do.... he'll start with the next tool in line......... that was my dream... whre is sigmund frueid when u need him. am i that close to insanity.... please talk to me somone

[fannypack uprock]

doubting your sanity can bring you solace my friend. it sounds odd but that sort of thing undoubtedly brings about some serious self reflection, in which some supring realizations can come about. so, if your friends arent bringing you the sort of comfort you are looking for, then stop looking for comfort in them, and change your aim. find what does give you comfort and stick to that until you feel a little more stable. then, figure out what you can do to make the changes you need to make to have that stability from day to day. a lot of times feelings of depression are huge signs that something isnt right in your life, and changes need to be made.. and theres nothing wrong with that, its a natural part of life. you just need to make sure that youre around to make it through the changes. naw meeeeen?

[AVID1]

If you're feeling shitty/emotional, I just write graff. it helps me deal with those problems.

[Derogatory9o5]

word avid... if im feeling down.. or pissed off.. no matter what it is man i can always rely on graff to cheer me up.

[AVID1]

and you can get some sickkkkk pieces up!!! haha

[revolt92]

Graff doesnt cheer me up. If it's meant to then...i dunno....i have a song that cheers me up, my freinds cheer me up. Graff makes me happy sure but i wouldnt say it cheers me up. And if your depressed and thinking about suicide i doubt graff will even be on your mind

[SLEDGEHAMMER]

Moze, just keep your chin up man i respect you for sharing your views and i deeply feel for you, its not wrong to hate, no matter who you are or what you do people will always hate something, dont lose the will to live life has its ups and downs just keep banging on. You see all the african children in poverty with no food or money but they trek on with a smile on there face, dont hate yourself , your a unique individual, everyone is.

Suicide is not the answer, but rest in peace all those who fall to it.

[RFI. SPit]

Moze, just keep your chin up man i respect you for sharing your views and i deeply feel for you, its not wrong to hate, no matter who you are or what you do people will always hate something, dont lose the will to live life has its ups and downs just keep banging on. You see all the african children in poverty with no food or money but they trek on with a smile on there face, dont hate yourself , your a unique individual, everyone is.



Quoted for truth. I wanted to write something similar, but this conveys my feelings pretty well.

[rolling roks]

yeah for all you people who come and here and tlak about yalls problems
i got mad respect for yall
i ve been through some shit before in my life where i thought it could only go straight down
family fighting with my brother (drinking underage drugs etc.) and my mom and dad had a close call with a divorce thing going on
my moms also not straight in the head so she loses it every now and again
BUT
this should be a community of people with a common interests,goals, beliefs, etc.
you may have someone a few states, cities, countries away from you
that has the same thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc as you and never know it
and where better to get help with your life and problems
then people like you?
we are here to help answer your questions
wether it be graff, your girl, your fam, your friends whatever
peace to all yall

[RaiN]

actually i was trying to do suicide this morning. sent last message to my ex girlfriend(she wasn't my first girl, but girl who i really loved) with who we broke up. i got perfect plan and i almost done it, music was fading out, i felt serious pain, after about 15minutes feeling this deadly pain i looked at my phone and saw she didn't replied to my message, so, i thought she is not worth it and i stopped. now i have very bad feeling but i'll be ok. graff is only way now how can i live, i'm thinking about it every day doing some sketches, bombs, tags, etc. and it really helps me. and BS community helps me a lot too, thanks! now i'll do all i can to be a better then before, because i have this damned bad experience. thanks again!

[-Sinn-]

I had severe suicidal issues when I was 13 it was my first time in a large school in the city all my friends that I'd had stopped hanging out with me when Itold them how I felt i gradually slipped really really deep into depression people in my school became scared of me cuz I'd have cuts or scars all over my body most of my pain and anguish had been because of being a BIG guy. My mom found me in my roomone day laying in my bed passed out from from an overdose on a combination of Dextromanphetamine and Anti-depressants. she found the suicide note id left her in py pants pocket later on that week after that she took me to counciling my coucillor was actually a really cool guy i told him why i was like that he encouraged that the next time someone started something I beat the shit outta them ( Cool councilor) The next week broke a kids nose eyebrow ridge and jaw after that I ended up befriending an other outcast of sorts my best friend Logan(It's his B-day today), then I met Mint & Mundey we ended up becoming best friends and it bettered my life by an amazing amount I show props to my true friends the ones who helped me out of the gas camber I locked myself in and for that I will always be greatful

[anarchy]

I had severe suicidal issues when I was 13 it was my first time in a large school in the city all my friends that I'D

This shit pisses me the fuck off right here. Going to a new school and being said ain't being depressed. Trust me.

[-Sinn-]

I have major Depression issues in my family its cuz we lack some fuckin chemical the point is im over with that shit and fine now i just dont understand ppl who make fun of others cuz they were like this

[moze.2]

hey guys. its me and im still here. i know even im surprized. i talked to my friend out in LA and im going to see him! im excited and i can really use this. seeing him again will be great. some of my friends called me an hour ago and they were all drunk and thay were making fun of me and how i do graffiti. i dont even know if thats omething to be made fun of but its almost amazing in a sense how these kids can take something as small as a hobby and make it seem like the pimple on your highschool photo. i bought some prisma color pens and drew on my black canvas vans. i think it looks cool but my mom said she only liked one of em. i didnt really buy the pens... i stole them but it was just so easy. i also stole 7 cans of spraypain.. i hope im not a klepto or anything but graffiti and sttealing are what makes me feel... alive. its weird i know but every little thing in my life is. from my living situaltion all the way down to my slighty ingrown toenail. im thinking about going to support groups for things i dont have. its extermely selfish, i mean seeing others suffing so i dont seem as bad off or so i can get that one anonymous persoon to cr wth or so people can hear and feel my pain so its not so much my burden or my families but others...im going to hell no matter how i see it. ill let you all know how that fairs out. they are calling again. their newest joke is to call nonstop asking for "jhon" who, ofcoure, isnt my name. they are all drunk. every last one of them. that is their support group. i know this because i used to go. it'd be on a friday night or saturday and we would all bring 7$ for the vodka, the weed, the salvia, the laughter, the whatever-you-came-there-for. it would usually be at Bens house.he'd sacrafice his basment to all the spit, puke, spilled food, and spilt alcohol, for a night. he acted like he didnt care but i knew he did. he didnt care about the drinking he just wanted to be accepted by his olld friends. his friends that ditched him in 7th grade and called him names, his "friends" that were all in his basement thanking him for the place to drink in. and they would! they would drink soo much that you could kill five grown men. all seven of them completely plastered to the point that the walls melted to the floor and the floor melted to oblivion. and then they would let out themselves. who they truly are. they would cry and tell truths that no one would tell when sober. and they knew in the morning they woould all forget. but it was their therapy.. it is and was their support group. but i dont have that. not anymore, or since the time when i scared the shit out of them saying i had a gun. i didnt, but i wanted one. i do now too but not to hurt others. but no my support fell through that one night. and now i have people with real problems such as alchooholism and brain tumoors and parasites, to cry on. im hoping this works

[Sou - Mvd]

Ok , I made a post regarding your previous post that earned me a warning. I'm going to attempt to be more civil in this one.

You need to look into yourself and deal with your problems through what ever avenues lead to your own actions. I'm no psychologist but a friend of mine did what you're doing to and it pissed the hell out of me. Stop living vicariously through Chuck Palahniuk's novels. Sure re-living fight club sounds like fun, but going to support groups isn't going to realistically help you. Have you tried counseling? It seems to me you are creating problems to apply these preloaded pseudo solutions to. The actions in his books weren't meant to be taken literally but rather metaphorically. He is trying to inspire a demographic but you have taken inspiration the wrong way. I'm sure anyone who has read any of his work has wanted to write off the world at one point but that isn't what it is meant for. Read them again and try and get something to live for out of them instead of just looking for reasons not to.

[mada focka]

a big wriiter in portland ("ICER") went to a party a couple days ago. he seemed to be having a good time but for some reason he went home and decided to shoot himself in the head. he wasnt none to be deppresed, and he wasnt under the influence of anything. he just did it. it sucked major balls

[RFI. SPit]

hey guys. its me and im still here. i know even im surprized. i talked to my friend out in LA and im going to see him! im excited and i can really use this. seeing him again will be great. some of my friends called me an hour ago and they were all drunk and thay were making fun of me and how i do graffiti. i dont even know if thats omething to be made fun of but its almost amazing in a sense how these kids can take something as small as a hobby and make it seem like the pimple on your highschool photo. i bought some prisma color pens and drew on my black canvas vans. i think it looks cool but my mom said she only liked one of em. i didnt really buy the pens... i stole them but it was just so easy. i also stole 7 cans of spraypain.. i hope im not a klepto or anything but graffiti and sttealing are what makes me feel... alive. its weird i know but every little thing in my life is. from my living situaltion all the way down to my slighty ingrown toenail. im thinking about going to support groups for things i dont have. its extermely selfish, i mean seeing others suffing so i dont seem as bad off or so i can get that one anonymous persoon to cr wth or so people can hear and feel my pain so its not so much my burden or my families but others...im going to hell no matter how i see it. ill let you all know how that fairs out. they are calling again. their newest joke is to call nonstop asking for "jhon" who, ofcoure, isnt my name. they are all drunk. every last one of them. that is their support group. i know this because i used to go. it'd be on a friday night or saturday and we would all bring 7$ for the vodka, the weed, the salvia, the laughter, the whatever-you-came-there-for. it would usually be at Bens house.he'd sacrafice his basment to all the spit, puke, spilled food, and spilt alcohol, for a night. he acted like he didnt care but i knew he did. he didnt care about the drinking he just wanted to be accepted by his olld friends. his friends that ditched him in 7th grade and called him names, his "friends" that were all in his basement thanking him for the place to drink in. and they would! they would drink soo much that you could kill five grown men. all seven of them completely plastered to the point that the walls melted to the floor and the floor melted to oblivion. and then they would let out themselves. who they truly are. they would cry and tell truths that no one would tell when sober. and they knew in the morning they woould all forget. but it was their therapy.. it is and was their support group. but i dont have that. not anymore, or since the time when i scared the shit out of them saying i had a gun. i didnt, but i wanted one. i do now too but not to hurt others. but no my support fell through that one night. and now i have people with real problems such as alchooholism and brain tumoors and parasites, to cry on. im hoping this works


Good to hear from you Moze. Keep on keeping on.

[syrup2]

For those of you that know that feeling after a failed sucide attempt
I think they should bottle it and label it therapy

my two cents on the topic

[KLYPSE6193]

Yo Wats Happenin To Me I Lost My Gurl And I Can't Stop Thinking Of Her It's Like I Can't Get Her Out Of My Head ..i Loved Her Soo Much Out Of The Gurls I Had Their Was Sumthin About Her I Loved She Broke Up With Me For Some Dumb Reason And Now It's Like I Have Nuthin To Live For Ill Never Find A Nother Gurl Like Her.....fuk This!!!

[Msfyt]

the only cure to a broken heart is time
lol or another girlfriend!!


and heads up moze, you seem to know more about reality than most adults

[Brian Peppers]

Does everyone in the graffiti scene suffer from depression? It sure fucking seems like it. I kinda think this shit is related somehow.

[Msfyt]

i think it has more to do with the average age of writers

[JackJill]

Yeah I'm going to have to agree. usually as young as 12 up to the age of 17 and still longer, they suffer from depression and it might have something to do with raging hormones.
Moze, you write beautifully for your age. And like RFI said "Keep on keeping on."

[revolt92]

Yo Wats Happenin To Me I Lost My Gurl And I Can't Stop Thinking Of Her It's Like I Can't Get Her Out Of My Head ..i Loved Her Soo Much Out Of The Gurls I Had Their Was Sumthin About Her I Loved She Broke Up With Me For Some Dumb Reason And Now It's Like I Have Nuthin To Live For Ill Never Find A Nother Gurl Like Her.....fuk This!!!
They say you fall in love 5 times throughout your entire life, you'll be alright.

[Msfyt]

really well im almost half way then
this is number 2
hes moving in next month :)

[revolt92]

well, then you might fall in love with his two dogs and his cat...then you'll never have to fall in love again..

[Msfyt]

lol with our 3 children??!!?!?

[whahappen?]

hey guys. its me and im still here. i know even im surprized. i talked to my friend out in LA and im going to see him! im excited and i can really use this. seeing him again will be great. some of my friends called me an hour ago and they were all drunk and thay were making fun of me and how i do graffiti. i dont even know if thats omething to be made fun of but its almost amazing in a sense how these kids can take something as small as a hobby and make it seem like the pimple on your highschool photo. i bought some prisma color pens and drew on my black canvas vans. i think it looks cool but my mom said she only liked one of em. i didnt really buy the pens... i stole them but it was just so easy. i also stole 7 cans of spraypain.. i hope im not a klepto or anything but graffiti and sttealing are what makes me feel... alive. its weird i know but every little thing in my life is. from my living situaltion all the way down to my slighty ingrown toenail. im thinking about going to support groups for things i dont have. its extermely selfish, i mean seeing others suffing so i dont seem as bad off or so i can get that one anonymous persoon to cr wth or so people can hear and feel my pain so its not so much my burden or my families but others...im going to hell no matter how i see it. ill let you all know how that fairs out. they are calling again. their newest joke is to call nonstop asking for "jhon" who, ofcoure, isnt my name. they are all drunk. every last one of them. that is their support group. i know this because i used to go. it'd be on a friday night or saturday and we would all bring 7$ for the vodka, the weed, the salvia, the laughter, the whatever-you-came-there-for. it would usually be at Bens house.he'd sacrafice his basment to all the spit, puke, spilled food, and spilt alcohol, for a night. he acted like he didnt care but i knew he did. he didnt care about the drinking he just wanted to be accepted by his olld friends. his friends that ditched him in 7th grade and called him names, his "friends" that were all in his basement thanking him for the place to drink in. and they would! they would drink soo much that you could kill five grown men. all seven of them completely plastered to the point that the walls melted to the floor and the floor melted to oblivion. and then they would let out themselves. who they truly are. they would cry and tell truths that no one would tell when sober. and they knew in the morning they woould all forget. but it was their therapy.. it is and was their support group. but i dont have that. not anymore, or since the time when i scared the shit out of them saying i had a gun. i didnt, but i wanted one. i do now too but not to hurt others. but no my support fell through that one night. and now i have people with real problems such as alchooholism and brain tumoors and parasites, to cry on. im hoping this works
damn....
you should seriously consider writing
like literary stuff
and i feel the same way about my friends and shit, which is why im hoping to move to san francisco and get into the graffiti scene out there while going to college

[revolt92]

lol with our 3 children??!!?!?

Or that...both would work fine

[whahappen?]

Does everyone in the graffiti scene suffer from depression? It sure fucking seems like it. I kinda think this shit is related somehow.
yea, its because you feel alive and happy for some reason which is definatly what your gonna wanna feel if your depressed

[AIP]

this might be my last day bombing science...i need help fast...anythin will prob help.just shits too hard...oh well thanks for most of the dope pics and funny comments...peace out hope yall live good lives and dont end up like how i think i will

[pyroguy]

Does everyone in the graffiti scene suffer from depression? It sure fucking seems like it. I kinda think this shit is related somehow.

i dont know where to start...i think alot of reasons we've all fell in love with graffiti is due to our own insecurities. graffiti is a subculture that is outcasted by society(like others im aware of ive live a few) and is much like the people in. if graffiti were to be accepted by other people i dont really think id do it for the simple fact that it wouldnt be gettin back at anything. im not say that i have a personal grudge against any one thing but against myself. i fell in and out out the metal sene and the punk sene but wasnt saticefied because there were always those people that tainted it weren real. to many rich kids found it cool to go to hot topic and throw on a romones shirt with out listening to a second of who they were where i'd really have to diy the whole kit-n-kaboodle. im not saying i have life figured out or anything or the sort hell im only 20, what i am saying is i havent found anything near a pleasing as racking supplies and doing my own thing. depression to me is dwelling far to long on life it self and when your out bombing or whatever you do that passes time is what keeps you going, you dont have time to dwell on thing because your looking over your shoulder away from what ever it is you hate most and that is the real world. graffs an escape like drugs or i dont even know what "normal" people do. everybody has something hiding in the dark i think its just how you deal with it that makes you unique an focusing on that alone has kept me going far longer than i could have imagined. keep pressing on and fuck every one in your way.

[thesilentvandal]

wow, what pyro guy just said, touched me, like its so true

[pyroguy]

it was hard enough to just submit that geez

[-Sinn-]

I find that the writers who suffer from depression realize reality and how much it blows so theyre doin what they can t make it better for themselves whether that means doin drugs or just the high from racking or painting because u say to urself

"Lifes fucked up lets see what shit I can get away with doin today that will make me feel truely alive."

thats my opinion don't know if it makes all to much sense tho

[pyroguy]

no man thats exactly what im saying. im having an extremely hard time just keeping up with bills and relations and my own self and noticed that i have to get away a lot more then i hit a smooth patch and ill slow down and just enjoy it then i start to think about shit and ill have to go out again. its a constant cycle. life sucks so make something of it. ill spend hours locked away in my apartment until im to fed up with bouncing off the walls with myself that i have to go fuck some shit up whether it be rippin it up with a mad skate session or painting for hours on end till i dont think i even have the energy to walk home. that is if i have the energy to peel myself from my bed at 5 in the evening after 12 to 18 hours of sleepin. i used to tell myself i just like to sleep but i realized later its just another way to escape the harsh realities of my own fucked up world.

[-Sinn-]

i wish i could sleep but i have fuckin summer school now that makes me sad

[ladie sevo]

what you say is very true... i've been there myself and its hard to deal with at times... BUT i've always seem to realize that there is something else something more. I feed off the adrinaline of painting or drawing or flying down the road on my bike.. Your world is what you make it, true the "real world at best sux" but non the less the world we create is ours alone... so if yours is "fucked up" as you say... try sitting back and seeing whats not. I dont know if any of this makes sense, but i've lost a few friends to suicide and depression....these two i know all to well

[pyroguy]

im still here and have made a way for myself to be here for a very long time. sometimes i honestly feel as though i was made that way for those that have a tougher time than i do. i think to much and thats my biggest weakness and stregnth. keep on pushin kids i can do it, im even doing it sober currently.

[ladie sevo]

u and me both with the thinking thing..
take care of yourself pyro
and good luck on the soberness

[revolt92]

this might be my last day bombing science...i need help fast...anythin will prob help.just shits too hard...oh well thanks for most of the dope pics and funny comments...peace out hope yall live good lives and dont end up like how i think i will

Wait! does this mean your going to kill yourself?

just don't, what's the point? to cause even more suffering into this world? for you freinds and family? that's a stupid idea. You take your own life, you also take a part of others aswell.

[JackJill]

I just came back from my newest psych.
They're all women. Figures. She's really tiny, and looks asian. Her name is Cosico DeJesus.
Yes DeJesus, pronounced Dehéseus. Which doesn't sound like an asian name in retrospect.
My first interview was okay. I'm kind of discouraged to start with though because it's my fifth one. And although she looks promising; it's still only just the summer. I'm more optimistic at this point. Fall is approaching all too fast.

AIP, you can't kill yourself, you have too many responsibilities. To your pets, to your family. It's selfish to end your life without first thinking who you'll be affecting.
That's what I tell myself. Don't worry, hun, you'll pull through.

[AIP]

IM STILL HERE...THANKS TO JACKJILL...thats what caused me to stay another day so i owe u so much man thanks....i thought teice and relized how much it wasnt worth it...jackjill thanks alot man...saved my life

[RFI. SPit]

AIP listen man, if you need help talk to me, tell me what's up, I'll listen and talk to you to try and help you pull through what ever is going on. Don't make a bad decision

[pyroguy]

im here for any one of you and id hope youd to the same for me

[JackJill]

Pyro, dude, you know it.
AIP, I'm glad to hear that. Made me smile a little bit.
If anyone ever needs help...you can pm me any time. I've been dealing with S.A.D for 5 years now.

[ILuvHoodRats]

sometimes i just dont even think of my own life and what could i do in the future
id just like to shoot my head and spread my thoughts to all my "friends" and family that just doesnt get what I see what I think
I feel like im the only one in my family , in my world that doesnt want to get in the same shit everybody is. why do everybody seems to be on another planet.
they all want to be the richest motherfucker on earth. I just want to be a lil someone
Yeah they been telling me im shit cause i do graffiti and its bad but this shit's actually saved my live a few times , i could have jumped down that roof , i could have jumped in the traffic but no , i gotta get up tonight... go destroy shit.Is it so hard to understand ... being someone
ive been dealing with a huge depression for months now Im feeling like shit
I wish i could die and see the faces of my parents to see if what they did was good , the popo too. Id fuckin dedicate my death to the police .. fuck the poliice... yall know what i mean.yo friends , whatever u guys call it , I call it bullshit they'll let you down , see , i used to have friends.
Im dreaming to see my parents unhappy , with them holding my dead bloody body in their arms crying for me to come back , but when im there what do they do , nothing , nada fuckin shit.thats the point , why do people love you when they dont even seem to , I need to know they love me to not feel like im nothing , but now im not nothing. Ive got my alter ego in graff that keeps me alive , i still have a desire to proove to everyone in the game i can do better than them , I can still do , and be something/one. thats the shit
Damn i had to get this shit out ... whatever
Theres this shit running in my head , mixing with THC cause now this shit is all i smoke and see.
getting rushs stealing stuff , painting , running from the popo
i deal with all these things with ease. but why cant i handle life as hard and as bad as it seems...

[tense]

its awesome how the this thread is probably the most positive one on this site, everybody sticking together and helping eachother out when one is in need, pyroguy, Jackjill, rfi.spit, and everybody else, u ppl r wat makes life worth living.

[Brian Peppers]

Yo hoodrats, i see where you're comin' from, but killin' yourself for that? Damn thats no fun. I'm planing to just leave. Go drift around for a while. I was in boyscouts, i could make a fuckin' fire. Fuck showering i can just swim in a lake. And if you do this, then you can actually see the reactions on there faces. See if you make it on the news. See if your parents actually care that much. But if you're planning what i'm doing, you can't smoke cuz usually when cops pick you up after running away they like drug test you and give you a nice doctors check-up to make sure you didn't get bird flu or some shit.

Anyone go tips for being a drift or something. You know, just get out for a month and just be care free for a while you know, instead of offing yourself... I still havn't gotten laid yet... don't wanna die before that. (yeah, i'm in my late seventeens and still havn't gotten laid, shut up... chicks in my town don't dig a guy into graff.)

[ILuvHoodRats]

Yo if i just leave like that and come back after a month , man my parents would kill me on the spot and that wouldnt even be a nice death.

[pyroguy]

im not advocating at all but ive talked to a lot of bums in my day. some are pretty cool guys for completely milking every tax dallor i pay, but they hop trains and get to see alot of cool shit. theres alot or hard knocks about living the life though, twacked out people with no regaurd for life and moneys hard to come by even for just a burrito. ive thought about it. itd be something youd have to ease into learn the life you know. be careful if thats the life change you need to make. and understand it be for you go head first in it. make sure you can come back to a regular life, some people can't do that. thats what makes an addict.

[<apeks>]

i attempted suicide once and i regret it worst mistake of my life
i got really sick afterwards had to be in the hospital for 1 month
thank god i didn't die

[moze.2]

........ i dont even know what to say anymore..i really want to "keep on keeping on" but it seems like on punch in the face after the next.... i got back from LA and it was great out there.. but i got home and my "friends" had formed an alliance against me. i already felt their coldness whan i stepped off the plane. they sent their little drone steven, who i cared after since grade school, who i loved as a friend, who now because of them has a mental addiction to pot, to tell me they all quote unquote they all "completely hate" me. i am their new target, their scratching post. dig your claws deep into my back and draw my blood. i swear its just going to get worse i feel it. my one friend i havent seen for a long time is going to come over tomorow. were going to piece some trains. i wonder if he knows im this fucked up. its like sitting next to a murderer on a newyork bus but yu only know him only as a stranger. i know people like me but at the same time i feel like im not meeting the standards or something. i feel not up to par. but do they realize who i really am. its like im yelling at them to look but the 4" plexiglass on the steel door to the creamatory is soundbroof and im burning at the stake. i dont even know what im saying any more god help me. if you can feel this drop in my stomache, this cold on my plams, these nails in my spine this hopeless darkness in every blink saying " dont open your eyes, its not worth staying awake" please let me know. let me know im not alone...

.
.
... i wrote a book.

[thesilentvandal]

i dont even know why i live anymore, like i got nothing that keeps me aliove except graff , and all the fucking hate, ive been depressed before, and it happens to me alot, since i have no life, and around like 1-2 friends, im always sitting home, and when im not im bombing, but still, party's and shit, i havent been in months, since i was deppressed, and lost most of my fake friends cuz i was depressed.

[Msfyt]

ok
lets talk about friends
friends fucking suck ass
if they are girls all they want is drama
if their guys all they wanna do is sleep with you (well for us girls atleast)
i think over the years my friends list keeps getting smaller and smaller
and now you know what i dont even care, having 1 best friend who understands me is better than 12 drinking buddies
when im reading some posts im wondering why are all so concerned about some so called friends think of us, let alone the need to have cool friends
it might be hard for me to understand cause its been many years since ive been in a situation that i got picked on (lol other than here). but dont let your "friends" get you down, cause they arent worth your smallest concern. yes they think they have some control over your life but only if you let them. dont react to them, let them have their "fun" as cruel or unjust it might be, let go of that need to prove them wrong. cause that battle isnt worth it, what is is your peace of mind. this may sound horribly depressing but truthfully i think our expactations of having people be there for us or brining us happines is pretty selfish on our behalf.



and i have a very personal question, if you all dont mind answering

why would you want to kill yourself?
to leave your problems behind
or to show the everyone the pain they caused you


mine was always to cause pain to the others that caused me pain
i too wanted to settle a score, to show them that people feel that i feel
and their responsibitlies as humans lead to many outcomes
one being my death

sadly after seeing friends kill themselves
i realized the people affected were to selfish to realize their own involvement in the friends death
they would idolize this dead friend who they had many times before caused so much pain
their concern ending up being to pretend things werent as the were, and confused at what went wrong
but sadly none of them took any of that blame upon themselves

so ive come to realize although suicide seems like the right answer at times
youre not there to control the outcome
you have all these fake friends crying for you
and friends and family seem to forget that they werent there for you when you needed them most

so sadly ive turned to pestimisism (of people) verses suicide
dont rely on others to bring you happiness, cause i think you might be expecting alot
but rely on wha you can give yourself, and if you think you cant give yourself happiness youre wrong its out there in many forms

[GeSuS_KRiST]

........ i dont even know what to say anymore..i really want to "keep on keeping on" but it seems like on punch in the face after the next.... i got back from LA and it was great out there.. but i got home and my "friends" had formed an alliance against me. i already felt their coldness whan i stepped off the plane. they sent their little drone steven, who i cared after since grade school, who i loved as a friend, who now because of them has a mental addiction to pot, to tell me they all quote unquote they all "completely hate" me. i am their new target, their scratching post. dig your claws deep into my back and draw my blood. i swear its just going to get worse i feel it. my one friend i havent seen for a long time is going to come over tomorow. were going to piece some trains. i wonder if he knows im this fucked up. its like sitting next to a murderer on a newyork bus but yu only know him only as a stranger. i know people like me but at the same time i feel like im not meeting the standards or something. i feel not up to par. but do they realize who i really am. its like im yelling at them to look but the 4" plexiglass on the steel door to the creamatory is soundbroof and im burning at the stake. i dont even know what im saying any more god help me. if you can feel this drop in my stomache, this cold on my plams, these nails in my spine this hopeless darkness in every blink saying " dont open your eyes, its not worth staying awake" please let me know. let me know im not alone...

what do you mean man, if someone doesnt want to be your friend thats there loss... people change and yo loose friends it happens to people everyday, yeah it maybe hard to accept it at first but in the end its better off that your not with them, because if there just going to drop friendship jsut liek that they werent real good friends to start with, and drugs might have alot of things to do with there new personality change....

if thats all your problems man you should be thankful, theres soooooo many people out there who have it worse but they still keep there head up, not having friends isnt anything do consider commiting suicide over, suicide is nothing more but a selfish act... a perminate answer to a tempory problem, this is what alot of people who commit suicide never understand thart u can only get sooo depressed, so down untill u finally hit rock bottom and once your there, there is absolutely no other direction to go but up....

get out there and meet new people, you said that people dont even relize who you really are, but are u giving them a chance to get to know you, or are u just shutting them out in your mind and putting up walls to hide your emotions forceing yourself to have a blank personality, which would make it impossible to find out who you are and what you are about....

you say u wonder if your friend knows your that fucked up, trust me your not that fucked up, your having a problem with depression, have u tried seeing a doctor and maybe gettin put on some sort of anti-social disorder medication, or maybe some anti depresents?

have you tried talkin to people, and pouring out everything thats in your mind, and if so, are u talkin to the right people, people who actually care and listen?
i used to work for a hotline that thats all we would do is take calls from teenagers and other people who just couldnt deal with it all, and they would dump there whole entire soul of to people and just to have someone listening and then giving advice made them feel better, it showed that there people out there in the world who do care, look kid keep your head up, get out go to some shows, go try to meet new people, take up some sports or somthing liek that to keep your mind busy and constructive instead of jsut sitting there dwelling over your problems, because if u have depression thinking along by your self is the worst thing to possibly so (trust me) the more you think and over analize your thoughts the more down and out u try to get, the more you feed that mood with depressing music the worst it get untill you start to think way into it and u start to actually transform your problems into somthing that it wasnt in the begging almost creating a depression conspicery inside of your head... and once u do that its HARD to get out off

ive attempted suicide 14 time in my life, its pointless.... if have too many friends do it, mr then i care to think about... so dont think im jsut some kid who doesnt know what its liek i been there and back too many times, i been on just about every meds i can think of, i been institualized, i been to ever shrink in my city and ones outside... i know how it is, and trust me if u give it up it will get better, just keep your head up man....


silent vandle the same thing in the applys to you

[RaydBGK]

I think one of the hardest parts of growing up is having to face the realization that a lot of the friends you thought you had are fake ass bitches. And even still, a lot of people you're going to meet as you get older are going to be fake. The only thing you can do is not let them win. Keep your shoulders back and move on, because one of the best parts of life, the part that makes it completely worth living is when you find those few people that aren't fake. The few people that accept you for who you really are. The people who got your back through the worst of times, no matter what. All you have to do is wait, and keep meeting new people till you find them.

I think that's why a lot of graff kids stick together. There's something about the art and activity that makes true graff artists trust and respect eachother. Honor amongst thieves, I guess.

Of course, some graff kids are useless pricks, too... but that comes with the territory.

[sika_2002]

this is some pretty interesting shit, iv always had depression, ranging from not bad at all to contemplating suicide. and i agree totally with what mysfit said above. having 1 true friend is so much better than a couple fake cunts. i love my girl so much and she loves me and i couldnt be happier. suicide aint worth the business, dont loose out because of others, simply move on and let them see that theyre loosing out and your enjoying your life.

[pyroguy]

id like to say that if you get past your teen years where all you can do is be depressed you get to a point in your life where nothing matters but your self. ive lost all my friends and what not and my family still doesnt care and i know it a wear and tear process but eventually all those feelings turn into a very passionate hate for anything that holds you down. fuck every one and live for your self!

[tense]

I have a bit of that social anxiety disorder i think, its really hard for me to just start a conversation with someone i dont know becuz im afraid of wat they mite say or do, but if im with someone else that i know and another person i dont know is there its completely different, i act a little bit withdrawled but just having another person there that im comfortable with makes a world of difference. I know how to solve this problem, i just need to go out and conquer my fear, its just that i get into this pattern of sayin " Im gonna do it tommorow" and then i nevr do.

[pyroguy]

i have that problem to but its hidden in a brash kinda attitude. its hard to get jobs because of it because i worry about how to react. it doesnt matter whos with me itll take a couple of week of watching some one before i can even greet them comfortable. i hate people.

[tense]

yee man, its hard for me to get jobs too, i get all nervous when i go into interviews and i end up fukin it up. The same things go for graffiti, if im writing with sumone i know and trust i dont give a fuck and i go crazy when i bomb, ive bombed in the daylight on busy streets becuz ive been wit ppl who do the same shit, but i get crazy stressed when i bomb alone, even if i do it at night.

[JackJill]

Continuing with the whole friends thing.
I can understand how that gets you down Moze; Msfyt, as right as you are about what most friends are like, I must stress that those who do not have the same point of view as you do, will find such prospects daunting.

The whole idea of a friend (as society has been stating and schools have been teaching) is someone who is there for you, will share with you, love you despite your faults, and sacrifice as well as compromise in order that you are pleased. I find however, that although this is one of those vice versa times, feelings and actions aren't reciprocated. I concluded that the lack of it, was what made your friend fake.

Now all that I've mentioned in the above is a one on one kind of situation. In a group, that's where the taunting comes in to play. People are a terrible thing. One person? Not so much because they are alone. But as a group, they feed off each other, and use this feeling of immunity to poke at you. As to what it accomplishes, I would say the majority of the time; a feeling of satisfaction to watch something hurt. It's kind of a sadistic analysis as you stand behind the leader, watching the squirming, relishing the damage, occasionally adding your own scathing remark until the subject is reduced to tears. Or worse.
Like a flower being subjected to drought, shock and any kind of elemental assault, it will whither and die.

I know all too well how this works. I've been on the winning end. If that is indeed what you would even call it. But when it's over, and everyone walks away but yourself, you are confronted with the haunting eyes of the defeated who lies there. He cringes and silently pleads with his eyes begging you to at least help him up so that he knows not everyone is cruel.

This feeling of shame that attacks you makes your heart pound and unable to deal with it sans groupe, you flee. The feeling manifests itself, and to get rid of it, you stay with your group and start afresh the next day. To feel satisfied until once again you are left with that image in your head, that one day you too could end up on the recieving end. But until then you feed. Frenzied and addicted, to the worst drug. And then that day comes when you are chosen to be the next recipient of their cruel intentions.

Sick isn't it? How easily they will hold you close and love you like a brother. The next minute, they will throw you down at their leisure, and you are succumbed to the will of the mob.

I don't think I can keep writing this today. Maybe tomorrow. Reliving such sorrow is enough to make anyone break.
I know I may not have made anyone feel better, quite the opposite, but this grim reality...I hope you have enlightened yourself with it, at the expense of someone who still now struggles through it. And learn to fight it.

[tense]

i've had that kinda shit happen to me and ive done it to ppl, its like a pack of dogs, its kind of a mob mentality to it where becuz ur doing wat the other ppl r doing u feel excepted, u feel loved. A lot of people feel real tuff doing this kind of shit when really all it does is show how much of a pussy u r.

[sk8er6]

a lil 12yo dude at my camp got kicked out, and he went to his room and hung himself with an extension cord.

he didnt talk to anyone. he was dead in a matter of hours.
he left behind his mom and his 2 year old baby brother.

if youre thinkinkg about taking your own life, think about the life you are taking away from others. Yours.

you do matter, and people will miss you.

-sk8er6

[unify260]

it brings tears to my eyes when i think about how cruel people can be and for the reasons that media feeds them like having nice cars and bein tough and lots of money and how pretty they should be...

no one cares about stuff that should really matter

[thesilentvandal]

wow this has become like my dayary(I dont know how to write it) ok well, everybody tells me im stupid and shit, wow, i talk about killing my self they take it as jokes, i try to kill my self they say again that im stupid.

[GeSuS_KRiST]

a lil 12yo dude at my camp got kicked out, and he went to his room and hung himself with an extension cord.

he didnt talk to anyone. he was dead in a matter of hours.
he left behind his mom and his 2 year old baby brother.

if youre thinkinkg about taking your own life, think about the life you are taking away from others. Yours.

you do matter, and people will miss you.

-sk8er6
do you know how many people have killed themselfs one lil kid isnt going to change anyones point of view man, people are only concerned about themselves when they do it...

[sk8er6]

true, but you just have to realize your not the only one in the world. you just have to find somone, anyone to talk to. im no psychiatric, im just speaking from experience.

[Snot]

Hey, sorry to spill my shit without reading too much of everyone elses.
But.. it's definitely been a re-occuring thought that's run through my head for years.
There's so many things that just make me wanna lead down the road of giving up.
There are lots of things that keep me going in life.. and just lately.. every single one of those things is messing up in some way.
My girlfriend being the biggest one, you may think "oh some 15 year old kid doesnt know what love is" But, It's been almost 2 years now and maybe the best 2 years of my life, i've really found out who I am inside because of her.
But i have this feelings where I think that i've been lied to the whole time.
Which crushes me.
The graffiti is another thing.. when I have no-one to be with on certain nights, I'll destroy my blackbook or just go around my area alone painting.
But, my crew.. which isn't just a crew, it's like a family to me.. never seem to help out when i need it most.. being the most skilled guy in my crew (not bragging) makes me feel seperated from the rest, because they look up to me and when i have a problem i'll have nowhere to go.
Graffiti is also another on-going problem because i can't keep lying to my family, they've always been there for me and i just lie and get out of the house just to write graffiti.
All these things and more have, like i said before, lead me down a road to give up.
Suicide is always a thought, but it's fairly hard to accomplish, the other times i've tried.
There is more but i dont want to spill my soul out to something people may not even read.
You don't have to respond, I just wanted to let it all out.

[graff=life]

I have a bit of that social anxiety disorder i think, its really hard for me to just start a conversation with someone i dont know becuz im afraid of wat they mite say or do, but if im with someone else that i know and another person i dont know is there its completely different, i act a little bit withdrawled but just having another person there that im comfortable with makes a world of difference. I know how to solve this problem, i just need to go out and conquer my fear, its just that i get into this pattern of sayin " Im gonna do it tommorow" and then i nevr do.


yea man that happens too me all the time...i feel all weird then i start stuttering or repeating a sentence twice lol

[graff=life]

and uhh....seriously i know alot of suicidal people...im not suicidal...but like im always there for them like i talk to them and shit try to change there mminds and so far its been working....

[tense]

yea man that happens too me all the time...i feel all weird then i start stuttering or repeating a sentence twice lol

i get all scared and i can feel my heart beating and shit, its kinda like an adrenaline rush but instead of feeling exhilerated i feel fukin petrified

[graff=life]

yea man some times i just start walking away after a moment like i give up and just go somewhere else lol sounds stupid but thats what i do lol

[Welsh_Graffer]

So I did it again today, I actually feel ready to die, and have felt this way for a long time now, I'm 15, I've been through alot of shit. my best friend killed him self last year, 3 weeks later my mum passed away.. I've tryed to take my life 7 times now.. I feel maybe I am over reacting? I guess this is a cry for help. So my girlfriend who i'm very much in love with, Who has helped me through so much, got really drunk and decided to let some random guy take a picture of her tits, when I found this out, I was crushed. I drank a litre of vodka, took 16 paracetamol tablets and put a razorblade to my arm.. Maybe I am over reacting? What would you do under given circumstances? I really dont feel happy in this world anymore..

[moze.2]

ok please dont do this please!!! i know it sucks and its really hard but if you could see how i was about 2 weeks ago and how i am now!! it really isnt worth it. read my earlier posts and you can see im not lieng! alot of bad stuff happened to me and it only got worse for a while. i got arrested at the orst time of my life 2 weeks ago when other bad shit was happening but after.. things got better. i got a job and stuff and i promise things are going to get better. i feel that something good is coming around the corner. keep your chin up and roll with the punches!

please think of these words today and everyday when your struggling because it may not be as bad as you think it is. The most authentic thing about you as humans is your capacity to create, to overcome, toendure, to transform, to love and to be greater than your suffering. and I know you are great and capable of great things.
"The real reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life gets again after the hell is over"
and trust me the hell ends. "you are not in hell, you are merely passing through" i know you just want to stop the pain but this isnt the way
please PM me if you wanna talk

[revolt92]

Yes, you are over reacting about your girlfreind...seriously this may sound harsh but shit happens...she got drunk and i bet she regrets it, have you asked her about it? Your 15 man, you got your whole life ahead of you...don't end it now, think about your girlfreind, about your family and freinds. I mean to say one more life taken doesn't matter is stupid because it's not just your life your taking...it's a part of other peoples.

I'm not gunna say i know alot of stuff, hell im younger than you but i know the impact of death as you will to with your freind and your mum. How did you feel? think about that before your decision and if at the end of the day you really feel like ending it then fine...but in my opinion you got to much to lose to throw it away like that.

I hope that helps man

[moze.2]

revolt wtf?! dont ever say to someone who is about to end their life that " at the end of the day its fine" please delete that part from your post or your post comepletely

[nuf.rd]

So I did it again today, I actually feel ready to die, and have felt this way for a long time now, I'm 15, I've been through alot of shit. my best friend killed him self last year, 3 weeks later my mum passed away.. I've tryed to take my life 7 times now.. I feel maybe I am over reacting? I guess this is a cry for help. So my girlfriend who i'm very much in love with, Who has helped me through so much, got really drunk and decided to let some random guy take a picture of her tits, when I found this out, I was crushed. I drank a litre of vodka, took 16 paracetamol tablets and put a razorblade to my arm.. Maybe I am over reacting? What would you do under given circumstances? I really dont feel happy in this world anymore..


man you need some weed in your life.
i use to be some what suicidal but the next day i smoked a blunt for the 3rd time
(first 2 try's i didnt feel shit) and after that life has been smoother than a girls ass :D
i suggest some grand daddy purp. you wont be able to move for 1-3 hrs depending on the quality;)

[RFI. SPit]

ok please dont do this please!!! i know it sucks and its really hard but if you could see how i was about 2 weeks ago and how i am now!! it really isnt worth it. read my earlier posts and you can see im not lieng! alot of bad stuff happened to me and it only got worse for a while. i got arrested at the orst time of my life 2 weeks ago when other bad shit was happening but after.. things got better. i got a job and stuff and i promise things are going to get better. i feel that something good is coming around the corner. keep your chin up and roll with the punches!

please think of these words today and everyday when your struggling because it may not be as bad as you think it is. The most authentic thing about you as humans is your capacity to create, to overcome, toendure, to transform, to love and to be greater than your suffering. and I know you are great and capable of great things.
"The real reason for not committing suicide is because you always know how swell life gets again after the hell is over"
and trust me the hell ends. "you are not in hell, you are merely passing through" i know you just want to stop the pain but this isnt the way
please PM me if you wanna talk



Hey moze man, good to hear you're doing better brother

[moze.2]

Thanks man. yeah honestly without all of the support i got here from BS i wouldnt be here. it really helped alot talking and having pple help me trough and i think we need to pull together to help out welshgraffer

[Bombsquad13]

great thread,

although i have never really attemped or went into deep planing mode i did think about it many times but then i realized there is way more to life then you really see when your 13 years old.

my mom works for this orginization for young woman any age its mercy ministries of america it is awesome i have personaly seen lives changed it is really amazing send me a messege if you want more info on it i will be pleased to respond and send more information about it!

once agian amazing thread lets help out our own people for once insted of hating everyone

[revolt92]

revolt wtf?! dont ever say to someone who is about to end their life that " at the end of the day its fine" please delete that part from your post or your post comepletely
Actually if you read it i said then fine, i meant at the end of the day it's his decision. Has to make his own choices in life and not let us do it for him, don't get me wrong i don't want welsh graffer to end his life, i do not wish that about anybody but he has to think about his position in life and if he feels like it's the only way out then there is nothing we can do about it.

Welsh graffer, if your still here then i strongly advise you not to do it...but like i said...we can not make your decisions for you, you need to be strong enough to da that for yourself.

[Oleander]

Good!
Those people need to be helped out.
x

[moze.2]

look bro i dont want to start a fight because this isnt the right forum but you are completely wrong! if your talking somone out of suicide you dont tell them or hint to them that it is in anyway ok! it is their choice but its not a good one and you need to talk them away from it not dilly dally on to be or not to be

[revolt92]

I don't want to argue over this either, i'm just saying that whoever's choice it is they need to be strong enough to make it by themselves. And of course it's not ok! if i ever implied it was then i apoligise. I may be wrong about this, hell i probably am but dude i'm 14 and all i'm trying to do is help people with their situation, i take it your older btw.

In my own life outside of graff i try to help people and this is the way i do it, if you feel that i'm doing it wrong then sorry but this is the way i know how. If you wish i can stop coming to this thread, but i just wanted to give something back to the graff community for all it's helped me.

my bad moze, peace

[moze.2]

i respect you and nah its cool you dont have to stop coming here i was just pointing out

[revolt92]

Cheers man, i respect what you've gone through and yeah i suppose you've got first hand experiance in this.

Mods delete this if you wish

[ILuvHoodRats]

some times i wonder why I am still alive, I mean ... I just noticed that everything around me was bullshit I wish Icould do a big rooftop and just throw myself down after. I'd like to see my mom cry and all sad for years to make her realize all the shit she made me go throough with her fuckin statements and critics and shit like that , I wish i could fuckin stab her.
I wish I could kill my whole family who are just a bunch of retarded dumb bitches, and then kill myself with a note where I would dedicated all these deaths to the fuckin life too hard and death too easy.

[FuGu]

I was sent to the hospital last year for trying to kill myself, shortly after that my girlfriend (of 4 years) broke up with me for reasons only known to her.I havent been normal since but ide rather die doing what I love than dieing by my own hands.

So I guess graffiti saved my life

[urbanpirate]

whenever i get depressed i just think like theres not alot of writers where i live and that means im important to the graf comunity around here and theres no way i am gunna die without being a kingg l

[PRIM_1]

i think it all comes down to yourself and how yu see the situation your in.
cause im pretty sure many people have been down the same path of sucide( i know i have) and still came out in the end.
all yu need to see is that there will be a light at the end of that dark tunnel.
and no matter how bad it seems, yu "can" get over it.

[Edward"Sezer"Hands]

some times i wonder why I am still alive, I mean ... I just noticed that everything around me was bullshit I wish Icould do a big rooftop and just throw myself down after. I'd like to see my mom cry and all sad for years to make her realize all the shit she made me go throough with her fuckin statements and critics and shit like that , I wish i could fuckin stab her.
I wish I could kill my whole family who are just a bunch of retarded dumb bitches, and then kill myself with a note where I would dedicated all these deaths to the fuckin life too hard and death too easy.
Chill out with that shit.
I ve seen kids come and go. don't say shit that you can't take back. Statements and critcs?
are you serious homeboy?
I wish my mom would critic me on some shit, hell i wish my moms would talk to me. Look at the bright side of shit not always the negative my *****.
You sound like you on some dumb wild shit.
All i can say is take out these emotions in a positive way, people are always gonna be on your case man, you gotta jump over that shit like a hurdle. Don't let words hold you down prove people wrong.

[plz]

well all i can say is at least i have one person who understands me, i really didnt even realize she did until last week, everyone else thinks im really weird, psycho and/or emo cause im not afraid of death

[BombingSciences Bitch]

I'm not afraid of death, ok i fear myself getting injured and shit but if i die i die, why go through life always afraid of what might happen?

[Msfyt]

i dont think this thread has anything to do with fear
i think its probably the opposite if you can openly talk about your feelings, especially ones that have to do with suicide

id just like to applauded everyone in this thread
it makes me very proud and happy to see that even with so many differences we are there for each other
support isnt always easy to find so being there or just reaching out for that support is very strong of all of you

[plz]

i didnt mean it havin to do with fear like that, its just cause im not afraid of getting hurt or of death noone has ever understood me, and when im feelin down it was hard cause noone was there for me

[Msfyt]

ok im going to go out on a limb here and say something that isnt excatly kosher
but saying noone was there for me is just as much of your responisblity as it is theirs
you see resources are available everywhere so finding support isnt always about friends and family
if you are feeling down dont wait for people to come to your rescue cause they might not even have a clue what youre thinking or that youre depressed

we need to own our own feelings
when need to know people cant read our thoughts
and that most likely help wont find you you need to find it

talk to people let them know how you feel otherwise they are probably to wrapped up in their own problems to realize the importance of where your heads at

there are many outlets for suicide prevention and unlike friends and family probably "understand you"
why because most volunteers are volunteers because they conqured depression themselves

[MAST]

finally finally finally found someone i can actually trust to tell my feelings to and have her tell me hers. i've known her for a couple months but have only been good friends with her for a couple weeks, and we got so close so fast, it was great. now we don't have to tell eachother "now, if i tell you this, you can't tell anybody", cause it's pretty much understood. it's exactly what i've always needed, because i used to get so depressed, and there was people for short times that i though i could trust, but i really couldn't, and it just made me feel so much worse. and in this town, it's such a rare thing, because all we have is bullshit rich kid drama with all the sheltered pricks who don't know what it is to be real, and what real drama is. every other girl i've met here doesn't see that as much as her, and we both hate the majority of the people here equally, so it makes it that much better. she's the closest thing to a girlfriend without actually being one.

it seems in the past year, i've grown to discriminate real from fake, and grown more real. i've found much more who my real friends can be, and for some reason, most of them are the not-so-well-off people in this town. i think it's because our parents don't shelter us as much, and we have to fend more for ourselves, so unlike everybody else in this city. everybody here fixes all their tiny ass problems with more and more money, so they may never know what realism is. so i guess we just kind of get eachother more in that way.

anyways, i'm rambling, but i guess what i'm saying, is i haven't been this far from depression since i was too little to know what it was. i guess i just need the right people in my life.



and i also stopped smoking green, which actually helped a lot, to say the least.

[Kayone707]

finally finally finally found someone i can actually trust to tell my feelings to and have her tell me hers. i've known her for a couple months but have only been good friends with her for a couple weeks, and we got so close so fast, it was great.

so many things wrong with this.
1)unless its your mom, dont trust any female. (seeing that 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the percentage of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships lasting is considerably less. once you two break up or stop being friends [it happens] shes going to have alot of info about you to talk shit about)

2) how can you trust someone that you've only known for a couple months? ive been going out with my lady for two years and i dont tell her alot of shit. i have friends that ive known for six years that dont know close shit about me.

3)your too trusting. you cant trust anyone these days, its gonna fuck you over.

that is all

[MAST]

it's the whole exchanging thing. i would have way more shit on her if she were to go telling people about me, so i highly doubt she would. and when i say way more, i mean wayy more.

and pretty much the only friends she has now are me, her boyfriend (yeah, hhah, she's breaking up with him reallly soon), and like 1 other girl who she basically just uses for rides.


and i'm not too trusting. i honestly have never completely trusted anybody my entire life. and there's still shit that i'm probably never gonna tell her or anybody, that i'll take to the grave with me.

plus, with the shit that she's told me, she's had a lot of the same problems i have over the course of our lives, and she's told me way more personal stuff than i've told her, so i think i know how it would go if we were to stop being friends. we'd pretty much be in the same rut.

[Kayone707]

sounds like you drove right past the 'potential boyfriend' parking lot and parked in the 'best guy friend' section.
the gates are closed. its too late to switch parking

[MAST]

thats honestly what i thought until a couple days ago.

even if so, i don't really care. i realize it is kind of gay, but she's not the only girl i care about, so it's not like i'd have nowhere to go if she wasn't into me.

i'm not completely out of the loop. i've been down that road before, and know how it works, and i know it blows, so i've been trying not to go that way again.