Jokes...

[SIAH]

you know how catholic priests make holy water?
they put it on the stove and boil tha hell out of it.....haha...ha...

[3DCulprit]

ok, do me a favour, ask a member of this forum who you know to be black respond to me about the joke regarding the apple and the tree, let me ask them for their opinion, personally i think this is a mostly white forum, making the odd joke regarding black people is admissable , a 12 page thread is racist, doesn't anyone see that ?

without all the bullshit answers by all the pretend hard men, can someone please give me a logical answer and explain a 12 page racist thread as not racist especially on a hip hop style thread !

If you look back its all i asked for in the beginning !

[3DCulprit]

There are not too many rules on this forum, BUT it is important that you respect these ones:

- Before asking a question, search the forums. There is a 'search' function at the top of the screen, please use it.
- If you have a general question on graffiti, post it in the "Tools and tips" forum.
- Post your messages in english, so most of the people on the board will understand.
- No advertising is permitted.
- Stay on topic in a thread.
- If you're going to reply in a topic, don't just post 'yup' or 'word' or 'uh-huh'.
- You can post pictures, but no porn or nudity.
- " RACIST ", homophobic or misogynic posts are NOT allowed.
- The moderators reserve the right to delete any posts deemed unsuitable, offensive, 'spamming', 'flaming' or just plain old useless.


Other than that, you are pretty free to post what you want here... Welcome to the Bombing Science forums!

[pSYKAOz]

fak all crackers!

omg i said a anti-white comment and im a canadian writer!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

and im white! damn us canadian racist graffiti kids!

hahahahahaahh

[3DCulprit]

feeble attempt !!

your all still guilty !




There are not too many rules on this forum, BUT it is important that you respect these ones:

- Before asking a question, search the forums. There is a 'search' function at the top of the screen, please use it.
- If you have a general question on graffiti, post it in the "Tools and tips" forum.
- Post your messages in english, so most of the people on the board will understand.
- No advertising is permitted.
- Stay on topic in a thread.
- If you're going to reply in a topic, don't just post 'yup' or 'word' or 'uh-huh'.
- You can post pictures, but no porn or nudity.
- Racist, homophobic or misogynic posts are not allowed.
- The moderators reserve the right to delete any posts deemed unsuitable, offensive, 'spamming', 'flaming' or just plain old useless.


Other than that, you are pretty free to post what you want here... Welcome to the Bombing Science forums!

[pSYKAOz]

duh kid i know that. and most of us do.

u dont like our forums?

leave. simple ne?

[3DCulprit]

i will leave this forum when this thread is deleted !

[pSYKAOz]

keep on posting then. u are a joke all by yourself hahaha

[3DCulprit]

ha ha ha ha ha ----> your a funny guy !!!

great sense of humour racist !

[pSYKAOz]

funny thing is im possibly the less racist guy i know.

[pSYKAOz]

OMFG!

that means canadians are super racist if im the less racist i knowww!!!!!

ahhhhh!

nooooo!

*gouges eyes out*
ajsagkjadfkldfaldkgnldakfngkandkan

*runs around blindly*

agagagagaga

*poops on you*

ahhhhhh

[3DCulprit]

ok breathe in !...................thats better, anyone on here who is not racist should have told the people who were making the jokes to stop it, its not just you lot who look at the thread, show some respect, someone on this forum is going to give me a decent response that justifies the level of disrespect thats been shown on this hip hop style graffiti forum and then demnd it be deleted due to the offence it could cause people.

The joke about the apple cannot be laughed at by anyone, 1000's of black men were hung from trees in the old USA in which all generations of people suffered.
i still cant find the humour !



anyone with a respectable answer to this just holla , i am listening !!

[scarface]

heres one for you then im not normally rasict but fuk it: a plane crashed in milan last week 200 japaneese on it, broke my heart it did .........................6 empty seats

whats the diference between a dead dog in the road and a dead ****** in the road? the dog has skid marks leading up to it

a man goes 4 a job in south africa and the boss says 'were having a lot of trouble with the blacks at the moment so here is a revolver shoot 6 ******s and a rabbit' 'why do i have to shoot the rabbit?' the boss says 'youve got the fucking job'

[3DCulprit]

sad sad sad !

i read that in the way you wrote it mate, out and out racist, i am glad though cause all the other jokes were wrote with the same meaning, they are not jokes and not funny.


i can understand a few racist clowns on sites but this site is pretty much the whole gang even the thread administrator wont take it off, well the site has been posted to other forums for US and europe to see,

keep it up though, your really proving my point, that Canadians are racist !

dick !

[scarface]

im not from canada Dickhead and if u care so much fuk off to africa or summat and help the starvin u narrow minded fuk

[3DCulprit]

i have been an active member of the anti national front in the uk and regarded as one of the most prolific writers in the uk and will not tolerate racism on a fuckin graffiti forum, bombing science website is linked to my new website and i am not having the 1000's of people checking my site affiliate with fuckin rant like this !

enough of the dickhead as well !

racism is fucking out of order ! it aint no joke !

[scarface]

jesus christ man i take back what i sed about sending u to africa to help the starvin they dont desevre that U FUCKIN WHINE SO MUCH THEY WUD FUKIN EAT U

[3DCulprit]

yes but it wont happen again !

[Kayone707]

What do jelly beans and people have in common?
-Everyone hates the black ones


What happens when you stick your hand in a bag of jelly beans?
-The black one steals your rolex

[scarface]

pakistan dont have a football team coz every time they have a corner they build a shop

[GeSuS_KRiST]

dude 3D fuckin chill your so obsessed with trying to be racist that your a fucking racist yourself...considering that u have been bitching the past few pages about how u hate people like us and hope we all die your no better then the folks cracking the jokes (where's my snare).... why dont u just shut the fuck up and stay out of the thread? why dont u post some of your artwork just stop the bitching you fuck face go fuckin hug a tree and listen to your modest mouse

[shyone]

Originally posted by 3DCulprit@Nov 29 2004, 03:09 PM
i have been an active member of the anti national front in the uk and regarded as one of the most prolific writers in the uk and will not tolerate racism on a fuckin graffiti forum, bombing science website is linked to my new website and i am not having the 1000's of people checking my site affiliate with fuckin rant like this !

enough of the dickhead as well !

racism is fucking out of order ! it aint no joke !
i am behind you all the way..out wid racisiim (check the u.k thread)

[shyone]

but gesus has a point..you are yourself subcontoinsly being racist to canadians..remember to wrongs dont make a right!

[scarface]

yea fuk off 3DCUNTPRICK lets just keep this a joke thread.................................just to annoy u

what do u get if you cross a ****** and a octopus?

a fukin good cotton picker

[3DCulprit]

sad bastard

[RookieX412]

...racism is dumb, dont be an ass...

[esaem]

OK 3D WE'RE ALL RACIST MOTHA FUCKAS. YA HAPPY NOW? JUST LEAVE. YOU SURE SHOWED US. btw im not canadian.

[aCId II nz]

haha fuk off 3d my thread aint gonna get closed...........so FUCK OFF

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v508/acidtwo/racist5.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v508/acidtwo/racist6.gif

theres some racism for ya hahahhaha, i got fuckin teased for bein "brown" in school so shut the fuck up if u gonna carry on with this i wanna a 1 on 1 wit u stupid lil bitch and blaming canada what the fuck?

yo and uve made yr point now fuck off.

[esaem]

"ship those ******s back"..i can imagine someone doing that these days and being assassinated by WHITE people. Black people would be upset but the fuckin wierdos like 3D would be more offended then them nigs.
I hate how people think anything referring to another race means yous racist.

[glue]

Originally posted by 3DCulprit@Nov 29 2004, 08:16 AM
GLUE : i am quoting you here before you went off on your silly rant but if you would have left it at this that is merley the point i am making



i am opposed to racist jokes there not necessary and nobody should be saying them on a canadian hip hop site... nobody should be saying that anywhere. i dont find those jokes funny. i agree with you on some notes


you are feeling that i am being racist to you when i refer to all canadians in which means you are offended and so are the people who visit this site who are black !



i think jim carrey would look at you in a gawpish way and say " LOO--ZERRRRR "
what is the diofferance between a white person saying ****** and a black person saying ******? nothing unless you seperate races and only use that word toards black people. now adays here in canada ****** is more slang and not directed as a racial slur and is not allways directed to black people.

sorry my friend but i have no clue what your talkking about... i never said i was offended i can understand if a black person would be offended, but not asll the racist jokes are directed to blacks. these racist jokes arent funny and should stop.

and you should stop saying how all us canadians are racist, like i said most people in my area arent white and it doesnt bother me.

its funny how when someone makes a good argument towards you and you completely black it out and just seem to intimidate everyone. you are in no way helping the problem just making it worse.

alot of people said there not from canada about 10 so stop assuming that only white canadians are making these coments.

if your going to reply to this try making educated replies and stop pointing finger.

[glue]

Originally posted by scarface@Nov 29 2004, 02:48 PM
heres one for you then im not normally rasict but fuk it: a plane crashed in milan last week 200 japaneese on it, broke my heart it did .........................6 empty seats

whats the diference between a dead dog in the road and a dead ****** in the road? the dog has skid marks leading up to it

a man goes 4 a job in south africa and the boss says 'were having a lot of trouble with the blacks at the moment so here is a revolver shoot 6 ******s and a rabbit' 'why do i have to shoot the rabbit?' the boss says 'youve got the fucking job'
i dont find thoise funny at all.
and yes 3d some of the stuff you say does offend me.
your a stereotypical fuck.

[KARE 2 ELABERATE]

if anyone is truely offended by these jokes, i agree that the thread should be closed...... but as it seems, the only person offended is some white guy who has no personal relation to the subject and probably doesnt have a single black friend, yet makes assumptions that people he DOESNT KNOW are hurt by these comments

and also how the fuck can u even fucking try to claim canada is racist, we are probably the most multi cultural country in the entire world, and the comments of a few people do not represent the mass's

[GeSuS_KRiST]

canada did harbor nazis after the whole hitler thing and jsut kinda turned there back but that doesnt mean shit rascits are everywhere in every person its part of religion it part of everything its been there from the begging of time and will be there till the end

[scarface]

why is ***** racist most black rappers use it just look at that 50cent and biggie song entitled the realist *****z, at the end of the day we live in a multi-cultural world and it pays to have a joke and a laff at ur self

[3DCulprit]

One of the most evil organisations in the world is on the march in Britain.

The hate-fuelled Klu Klux Klan has gone on the offensive here after being taken over by a ruthless new leadership.

The KKK made its name in the Deep South of America where white hoods and burning crosses became its chilling trademark.

Now burning crosses have been found by roadsides in the English Midlands where heavy recruiting is taking place.

And prospective Klan members are being summoned to meetings across the country to be quizzed about their anti-black, anti-gay and anti-Jewish credentials.

Our undercover reporters witnessed two of these "auditions" - one outside Bow Road underground station in East London and another at Glasgow Central rail station.

There were no white hoods or capes. Everyone had been ordered not to wear anything that might indicate their affiliation to the KKK.

Instead shaven-headed minders glared menacingly at the recruits as they were quizzed about their schooling, passport numbers, jobs and religious upbringing.

The man carrying out the London interviews knew exactly what he was doing...he has had a career in Army intelligence. Now Alan Winder, the Klan's new UK Grand Dragon, is on a mission to increase the 130,000 reported cases of verbal and physical clashes over race in Britain last year.

"The new Klan is attracting the worst kind of racists to it here in Britain," says Gerry Gable, editor of the anti-racist magazine Searchlight.

He added: "These people are attracted by the history of the Klan - the murders of thousands of blacks in America - and would delight in the same thing happening here.

"These are racists who have no interest in spreading their message of hate through elections but through terror campaigns and attacks."

Under Winder - sworn in as Britain's No.1 racist by the Klan's American leaders during a secret visit last summer to Britain - the UK Klan is thought to be more tightly organised than ever before.

An example can be found deep in the vaults of Companies House in Central London where business firms are obliged by law to file records and accounts.

Company number 03409828 is a newly-formed business, Invisible Empire (Europe) Limited.

The words "Invisible Empire" were coined by America's early Klansmen to describe the way that identities were protected so they could carry out lynchings and murders of non-white people. Winder is listed as a director of Invisible Empire (Europe) Ltd and his home address is the company's registered office.

The limited company has been set up not just to channel funds, but also to make it more difficult for the police to prosecute Klansmen. Under British law it is more difficult to secure a criminal conviction against a company than it is against individuals.

And so when Britain's Klansmen produce hate-filled literature and racist T-shirts and badges, they can shield behind Invisible Empire (Europe) Limited.

The company secretary and No.2 to Winder is Bill Binding, who at last May's General Election stood in Dagenham as a British National Party (BNP) candidate...a clear example of the close links between ultra right- wing organisations.

The Klan claims to have 400 activists, including Mark Atkinson, the far-right Combat 18 member jailed last week for 21 months for terrorising boxer Frank Bruno's mother.

The KKK - the words Klu Klux are derived from the Greek for circle - was initially set up as a social circle in Tennessee for Confederate veterans of the 1861-65 American Civil War in which 620,000 lives were lost.

But it was soon taken over by black-hating "rednecks" furious at the freedom given to slaves following the Northern States' victory over the South.

The shadowy organisation has remained intact and six years ago American KKK leaders - known as wizards - helped form the British Knights of Ku Klux Klan.

Winder, 35, a salesman, and Binding, 65, a former railman, wrested control of the British KKK earlier this year from its former commander Allan Beshella, 40, now based in Wales.

After his coup, Winder made his intentions clear in a secret letter to Klan activists: "I intend to make us a success.

"By a 'success' I mean nothing short of our being the leading group throughout Europe for the fight for the preservation of our race and community, and the exile of the Jewish and mud races."

He added chillingly: "The Invisible Empire is exactly what it says - the Invisible Empire. We shall not be contesting parliamentary seats, nor holding mass rallies."

To reduce the risk of the authorities interfering with their activities, the formation of para-military-style cells is planned by Winder, previously involved in the far-right BNP, National Front, British Movement, National Action Party and National Socialist Alliance.

The British KKK is most active in Nottinghamshire, Derby, Glasgow, West Yorkshire, Surrey, Hampshire, Thames Valley and South Wales. Two years ago it was revealed that a leading Klan member was Mike Putley, a civilian computer operator in the Royal Navy.

It has other supporters in the armed services.

A letter posted in Cyprus by an anonymous serving soldier to a UK-based KKK paper said: "When I hear the trouble we get with blacks in British streets it makes me sick to think that I can't do anything while I'm stuck here.

"When I return I want to join the Klan and I know a lot of people in my regiment who feel the same. We don't have any blacks."

Asian gangs have been formed to hit back at white attackers but this has delighted the far right. It wins them more recruits and increases the racial tension on which they thrive.

Mr Gable, whose Searchlight magazine has bravely monitored and reported on the far-right groups, said: "If anybody thinks the Klan is about people dressing up in white sheets and messing around, they should took at their criminal records.

"They parade in America in combat fatigues like a militia and are now organising and arming themselves as such.

"The fact that they have set up a company here suggests they are going to be better organised than they have been before.

"These new developments are particularly worrying."

[scarface]

^^ yo fuck the KKk itz one thing tellin a joke but that shit iz just out of order and they would not win if they took on all the blacks i for one would blow there fukin faces off fukin KKK wankers

[3DCulprit]

will you shut up with your bullshit drivel.

"whats an apple and a n*gg*r got in common, they both hang from trees" is not funny and any joke like it is totally out of fuckin order, where is the fuckin joke, 1000's of black men were hung from trees, had their dicks cut off whilst swinging from them in the USA, where is the fuckin humour in that ?

dont answer me with your " fuck off, faggot, dickhead, blah blah blah "

give me a dignified answer or fuck off !

[3DCulprit]

This article is taken from

http://www.savekevincooper.org/trophy.html

During the civil war photographs started to be taken of certain people doing certain things to other people, but they weren't necessarily trophy photographs, they were more like documentary photos. It wasn't until sometime later that the real concept of trophy photographs took off. It took off in such a great way that parties were held, and days off were given. People from within and around a certain community would travel for miles to participate in taking these trophy photographs.

What were these photographs of, you ask? Black men and women being lynched! Black men and women and in some cases their children being raped, burned, castrated, and hung from trees! Many Americans posed next to these tree hanging people, these pieces of strange fruit so that they could be in a trophy photograph and show everyone just how they dealt with people who they dehumanized, humiliated, conquered! They too had the same sort of self satisfaction and smile on their faces that the soldiers in Iraq have on their faces!




can anyone find humour in this please !!!!!

[glue]

?? wtf. why dont you do somthing about it? i dont live in europe here in canada we dont have those problems. you have gone off topic way to far i dont even know what your trying to prove, that the kkk is still around in europe? at first you were ranting about how racist canad was. seriously im confused.t

[3DCulprit]

Glue the fact that you dont have them problems makes me want to put a fuckin bullet in your head, dont make reference to black peoples fuckin atrocities if you dont know, i have been fighting against the fuckin nazis since i was 15 which is for 20 years , i have had run ins with the klan in the usa, they are murdering bastards and to make jokes of their evil pleasure is fuckin out of order, ok people might think ffs why u so bothered, well i am and thats it, sitting their behind your computer on a graffiti site which is one of the only cultures in the world that unites people is a fuckin disgrace.

My rant is over but even if you all dont stop at least i have put the spark in your mind to reconsider, just dont joke about it, thats all i ask !


http://www.upptown.eu.org/upload/uploaded/12321.jpg

[SBQ-PK]

Originally posted by 3DCulprit@Nov 30 2004, 07:26 AM
Glue the fact that you dont have them problems makes me want to put a fuckin bullet in your head, dont make reference to black peoples fuckin atrocities if you dont know, i have been fighting against the fuckin nazis since i was 15 which is for 20 years , i have had run ins with the klan in the usa, they are murdering bastards and to make jokes of their evil pleasure is fuckin out of order, ok people might think ffs why u so bothered, well i am and thats it, sitting their behind your computer on a graffiti site which is one of the only cultures in the world that unites people is a fuckin disgrace.

My rant is over but even if you all dont stop at least i have put the spark in your mind to reconsider, just dont joke about it, thats all i ask !


http://www.upptown.eu.org/upload/uploaded/12321.jpg
dude, if you're just going to come here to start shit and make me go through three pages of your bullshit just to read one ****** joke, just fucking leave. no one cares about you.

[atxbomber666]

what the fuck is up with all this rascism???

[pSYKAOz]

haha i actually laughed at a good deal of those racist jokes. then again i laugh at this one:

michael jackson to another pedophile: ill trade u 2 fives for a 10.

or whats the best thing about fucking twentyeight yr olds?

theres 20 of em...

doesnt mean im a racist pedophile lol!

and u go around calling canada a racist contry blablabla...

how come we hardly have ne serious hate crimes? how come europe has ALOT of them?

maybe u misstook canada for another country?

back in the day canada was known as Free Land for black and mulato ppl seeking freedom from slavery. if u could make it to canada u where free. never read the stories of slaves undertaking the long south to north journey?

im very much against racism... but when u start getting all heated up over some jokes your pushing it too far.

its like ppl who dislike blacks. ok fine dont like black ppl. but keep it to yourself. when they start cussing em out etc etc... thats taking it too far. so if u dont approve or find our jokes funny then fine, make a post about, explain your point of view... then move on.

making it an obsession and becoming vehement about the subject wont convice ppl u are right, instead u are making ppl rebel and act even more racist just too piss you off....

[TIONZ_ER!]

im not racist... just scared of 75 % of all blacks because they randomly come in big sizes here in texas and talk alot of crap for nothing... someone like me that 6' 160 has no chance against them :D but ya there are alot of good black writers too... just look at chillen.. his ish is ill...

btw.. waster them jokes had me crakin up!

[pSYKAOz]

Originally posted by TIONZ_ER!@Nov 30 2004, 09:34 AM

btw.. waster them jokes had me crakin up!
:lol: :lol: at least one of my 7431 posts was funny!

[TIONZ_ER!]

i been here almost as long as you and im still in the 200's geez!

[scarface]

what did the woman on the beach say to michael jackson?

'scuse me mate ur in my son'

a man on his way home see's a priest stranded so he offerz him a lift on the way home the man sees a ****** on the pavement normally he would run him down but today he just swerves because of the priest and the man hears a loud 'THUD!' he turns around and says 'what was that' to the priest the priest replies 'you missed the black bastard so i opened my door'

Garfield the movie has been rated 18 apparantly theres alot of pussy in it

[TIONZ_ER!]

haha i like the preist one :D

[pSYKAOz]

ya ive heard that priest one like 6-8 yrs ago haha

garfied one wsa good also hehe

and if u add my 2-3 thousand posts i had b4 the forums crashed...

[TIONZ_ER!]

wish i had the chance to be here before it crashed... i heard there were some hardkore writers on here back in the day!

[pSYKAOz]

ya there was.... plus i was the lil toy bitching at ppl for not liking my sketches hahah!

[TIONZ_ER!]

haha

[yuki]

A young couple was out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway, the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles and hour, will you take off all your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car over. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads. She replies, "I can't, I'm naked." He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, "Cover your crotch with that and go get help from that gas station down the road." She takes the shoe, covers herself between the legs, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives, she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help!Help! My boyfriend's stuck!" The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies with some astonishment, "I think it's too late... he's too far in!"

I might start copy and pastin' these more often, they're kinda funny.

[scarface]

a man is at the bar chattin 2 another man the posh man says'i bought my wife a bentley to go to the horse races in a rolls royce to go to dinner and a mercedeez for going around town in' the other man replies 'i bought my wife a dildo and a pair of slippers, so if she dont like the slippers she can go fuck herself'

[sika_2002]

a man walks into a bar and goes up to a woman, "the names bond" he says. she says "let me guess, james bond".
"no" he replies,
"uni-bond, iv come to fill ur crack"

[Car2nist]

Battle of the toys is a joke.

[sika_2002]

Originally posted by Car2nist@Nov 30 2004, 04:27 PM
Battle of the toys is a joke.
haha, good one

[mad]

why did the women cross the street?



why'd she even leave the kitchen

[scarface]

a man goes into a chineese resteraunt and says 'hey you'
the chineese man replies'how u know my name'

[scarface]

this 1 iz for all u from the uk and know about the cockel-pickers that died in morcambe bay

The chineese cockel pickers were told 2 come in when the tide reaches knee high but kneehigh was in the van

[bruce]

Originally posted by glue@Nov 30 2004, 07:20 AM
?? wtf. why dont you do somthing about it? i dont live in europe here in canada we dont have those problems. you have gone off topic way to far i dont even know what your trying to prove, that the kkk is still around in europe? at first you were ranting about how racist canad was. seriously im confused.t
glue im not starting shit with you but you sound like a white middle class kid. im from montreal and i know theres racism here aplenty. whether its language based or ethnic based it exists.

[Tony]

a man enters a pun contest, and writes 10 differant puns and submits them all, hopeing atleast one will win. well, no pun in ten did.

[Tony]

You gotta love this guy.....
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson
University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the
reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the
crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long
distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his
new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a
special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair,
including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his
gift to everyone,and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex
with
the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and
had
hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a
couple
of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "Fuck you!". Then he
turned
to his bride and said,"Fuck you!".

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after
finding
out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if
nothing
were wrong.

His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest
wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best
man's
reputations in front of 300
friends and family members.

[yuki]

One day little johnny comes in from the play ground and write the word "penis" on the board in block letters very small. So the teacher comes in and erases it and looks around the class for a guilty face. So the next day he does it again but bigger and its taking up half of the board. So she erases it and looks around the class for a guilty face and doesnt find one. So finally the third day little johnny writes penis on the board in big block letters covering the whole board. The teachers erases is and says "whats up with this word?" So little Johnny stood up and replied "the more you rub it the bigger it gets"

[infer one]

lmao yuki, not really a joke but more of a fact, America is a great country, not hateing or saying better than any other, but its the only one where you can start off poor and black and grow up into white and rich aka MJ...

[sika_2002]

haha, scarface, ur one is sweet, the cockle picker one

[i_eat_clam]

what did fitty cent tell his granmah' when she knitted him a sweater?


- G You Knit??

[GeSuS_KRiST]

HAHAHAHA i woke up and remember that joke ima tell it to my mom when she gets home... from robbing old people

[i_eat_clam]

ya u do that G...
theres nuttin better to do in Fl then drink orange juice and rob old people.... amen

[Whoa]

:lol: :lol: orange juice


NOW THAT is classic comedy

hehehehehehe :P

[DaZe]

theres this gay guy who got kicked out of his appartment and so he asks if he can stay the night and have a shower at his straight friends house the guy says only if you dont jerk off in my shower thats just gross the gay guy says ok so the gay guy goes to his friends house has a shower then leaves the straight guy goes to take a shower in the morning and theres cum everywere like on the roof, the curtain, the walls, everywere so the guys really pissed of so he phones the gay guys cell phone and says why did you jerk off in my shower he said i didnt i farted....


also how do you get a goth out of a tree.....
cut the rope

not racist

wats the difference between a black guy and a bench
one can support a family

[e.pau-hp]

This was originaly posted in the fresstyle thread, but I guess it's more of a joke. Even if the guy is my new idol...

Chek out this kid freestyle...killer rhymes!!
Freestyle (http://www.rawjunk.com/?file_type=Video&show_media=9)
WooT Woot!!!

[joust]

Originally posted by e.pau-hp@Dec 17 2004, 11:41 PM
This was originaly posted in the fresstyle thread, but I guess it's more of a joke. Even if the guy is my new idol...

Chek out this kid freestyle...killer rhymes!!
Freestyle (http://www.rawjunk.com/?file_type=Video&show_media=9)
WooT Woot!!!
wow... just fuckin wow.

[Slob]

why do women have shorter feet than men?


so they can stand closer to the sink

[**MATEO**]

Originally posted by Slob@Dec 18 2004, 03:06 AM
why do women have shorter feet than men?


so they can stand closer to the sink
i dont get that

[infer one]

^^^your ignorence shows in your posts....



" ya u do that G...
theres nuttin better to do in Fl then drink orange juice and rob old people.... amen "

:lol:

[mad]

why do all spanish and mexican people drive low riders?

cuz its easier for them to pick cabbage


why do black people call white people honkies?

cuz thats the last thing they hear when they get run over

[**MATEO**]

Originally posted by mad@Mar 16 2005, 06:56 PM


why do black people call white people honkies?

cuz thats the last thing they hear when they get run over
hahahaha

[Tony]

Originally posted by **MATEO**+Mar 16 2005, 03:16 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (**MATEO** @ Mar 16 2005, 03:16 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Slob@Dec 18 2004, 03:06 AM
why do women have shorter feet than men?


so they can stand closer to the sink
i dont get that [/b][/quote]
because you're an idiot.

[Havoc411]

one day a snail crawls up to this guys door and as the guy leaves for work he sees the snail and tosses it over his house and he brokes his shell. so 3 years later the snail crawls his way slowly back to the front door and the guys leaving for work and sees the snail and recognizes him and he yells "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!"

[Dr.evil]

what has 2 legs and bleeds alot.





















HALF A CAT,,,,,HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Havoc411]

heres a joke, your mom.

[Alchohlics_Anonymous]

^pretty good havoc....pretty good. and that cat joke was funny as hell. :lol:

[Havoc411]

heres something funny, i met the dude who painted the piece on the left in your sig and you didnt but you have his stuff in your sig and i dont!!!!

[Dr.evil]

i hope no one is indian hear or just doint get mad........
how do you kill 1000 indians....flip a nickle off a cliff.....how do you kill 1000 more.....tell them its still down there

[Havoc411]

women are like elephants to me, i like to look at them but i wouldnt want to own one

[Dr.evil]

hahah that was funny.......what do you call a drunk indian in a ditch.....drunk....waht do you call 2 drunk indians in a ditch, SLEEP OVER!...

[Havoc411]

what do you call a man with no arms or legs laying on your doorstep?



Matt



what do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?



Bob

[Dr.evil]

what do you call a empty beer can on the side of the road...an indian artifact.



what do you call a full beer can on the side of the road....a rare indian artifact

[SLIK]

Originally posted by Havoc411@Mar 16 2005, 08:27 PM
one day a snail crawls up to this guys door and as the guy leaves for work he sees the snail and tosses it over his house and he brokes his shell. so 3 years later the snail crawls his way slowly back to the front door and the guys leaving for work and sees the snail and recognizes him and he yells "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!"
omfg i found that so funny....iono why...

[Alchohlics_Anonymous]

haha havoc and dr. evil are funny mothafuckas.

[SLIK]

a sandwich walks in to a bar and says:

bartender let me get a drink

the bartender goes up to the sandwich and says:

sorry we dont serve sandwiches here!!!

duh dump ch!

[Dr.evil]

i dont really think that makes sence...sorry homie

[SLIK]

use ur noggin man! hahaha :rolleyes:

[Dr.evil]

hope no one take offence to these black jokes....whats the differnce bettween a hard working black man and big foot....big foots been spoted...

[Alchohlics_Anonymous]

^hahahha lmao. good one. :lol:

[Bombs Away]

what did one saggy breast say to the other?













"if we dont get some support, people are gonna think we are nuts!"

[vegimite on toast]

Originally posted by Tony@Dec 2 2004, 05:22 PM
a man enters a pun contest, and writes 10 differant puns and submits them all, hopeing atleast one will win. well, no pun in ten did.
Oh, ho, oh. Lame has hit a new level of craptapulance.

Nice pun tho. :lol:

[TeK89MadeE781]

not really a joke but itd make a funny komersial in my oppinion, you know those adds where they say brought to you by?

The Nine-Eleven Tragedies: Brought To You By America Airlines




sorry to those who get offended, me and my friends were talkin bout 9-11 and came up wit a few but w/e

[scarface]

wats the number1 song i thailand??


The tide is high



wats the new diet sweepin across thailand??



swim-fast

[Whoa]

Originally posted by Bombs Away@Mar 16 2005, 11:02 PM
what did one saggy breast say to the other?













"if we dont get some support, people are gonna think we are nuts!"
:lol:

classic
just classic



oh
why doesnt Jesus play hockey





















cause he always gets nailed to the boards

[Bombs Away]

Originally posted by TeK89MadeE781@Mar 17 2005, 07:39 AM
not really a joke but itd make a funny komersial in my oppinion, you know those adds where they say brought to you by?

The Nine-Eleven Tragedies: Brought To You By America Airlines




sorry to those who get offended, me and my friends were talkin bout 9-11 and came up wit a few but w/e
you faggot mother fucker that shit aint funny.


if your gonna tell a 9-11 joke make it a good one


what was the last thing the twin towers ordered from the pizza place?













2 large plains (planes)

ps. i like scarfaces sig. do your country a favor.

[Whoa]

time to pull some funnies


One morning a man tells his coworker her hair smells nice. The
woman gets enraged, storms into her supervisors office and
declares she's filing a sexual harrassment suit. "come on." says
the supervisor. "What's wrong with a guy saying your hair smells
nice?"
"He's a FUCKEN MIDGET."


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Atch!
Atch who?
I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!

Your Momma's so fat, when she blinks, her eyelids clap!
Your Mama is so stupid, she sits on the Television and watches the sofa.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.
Yo mamma's so stupid, she stared at a Ford for an hour because it said "Focus."
Yo mamma's so poor, when I went into her house a cockroach tripped me and an ant stole my wallet.
Yo Mama so poor that when you asked what was for dinner yo mama put her foot on the table, pointed to her feet, and said "Corn"

[toxus]

heres a joke website
www.thejokeyard.com

[toxus]

your mums so fat that when she went to the farm all the pigs started singing to her 'were family, we are family'

[Whoa]

thats not original
post your own
silly :rolleyes:

[Whoa]

Originally posted by toxus@Mar 17 2005, 02:14 PM
your mums so fat that when she went to the farm all the pigs started singing to her 'were family, we are family'
http://img212.exs.cx/img212/4836/bunny3iy.jpg

[shyone]

one day pinoccho goes to his dad ''my dick is to rough, whenever i try to shag the girls i get splinters.'' his dad says ''here is a bit of sandpaper to smooth it down with''
1 week later piniccho's dad says, ''so, has that sandpaper helped with the girls?'' toi which pinnocho replys..''girls? who needs girls?''

[Whoa]

:lol:

[toxus]

bit harsh,
santa never visited thailand for christmas, he gave them a wave

[Whoa]

Originally posted by toxus@Mar 17 2005, 02:17 PM
bit harsh,
santa never visited thailand for christmas, he gave them a wave
you're going to hell :lol:




what's the diffrence between a jew and a pizza?


The pizza doesnt scream when ya put it in the oven

[Grenade]

your moms so fat when god said let their be light he told her to move


THE PEACOCK JOKE
one day at the mall an old dude was sitting on a bench
a teen with spikey blue black purple pink green hair came over to the bench and sat down
when the teen looked over he realized the old man was staring at him
so the teen asked"what old man, never done anything crazy?"
the old man replied "got drunk once and had sex with a peacock, and i was just wondering if you were my son."

[scarface]

One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?" The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

[ASEN]

Whats funner than swinging around a baby attached to a stick with a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

[Idealeyez]

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. 'I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours?' Do we point at our crotch when we ask where the toilet is?

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say, 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too.' Piss off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it?

When people say, ?It's always in the last place you'd look.' Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do some people do this? Who and where are they?

When people say, while watching a movie, 'Did you see that?' No, shit-for-brains, I paid $15 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

People who ask, ?Can I ask you a question?' don't really give you a choice, do they?

When something is 'new and improved' - which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going, say: ?You should know, arse hole, you pulled me over.'

[Rik JamEs]

there was an old blind guy walkin down the street with his cane and he walked by a fish market, took a deep breath and said Good Morning Ladies !

[_____JEKLROKS_____]

Whats the difference between a Tea cup and a Pee cup?
A tea cups is to drink tea out of, a Pee cup is what a Mexican drives.

Why dosen't Jesus eat Skittles?

[Whoa]

Why is Six Afraid Of Seven?

Cause Seven Eight Nine

:lol:

[Crack Killz]

Originally posted by aCId II nz@Oct 23 2004, 07:08 PM
hey its not like were dissing any body i hav dark colored skin so shut the fuk up if u dont got no jokes "mo fucka"..........newbie
aCId II
lol I like it when acid get's mad................Makes me tingle I think

[Alchohlics_Anonymous]

Originally posted by Whoa@Mar 28 2005, 11:00 AM
Why is Six Afraid Of Seven?

Cause Seven Eight Nine

:lol:
haha classic! :lol:

[joust]

hah, that it is that it is.

[westcoastbomber]

why do black people like basket ball?













Cuz they can run,steal,and shoot

[aCId II nz]

Originally posted by Crack Killz+Mar 29 2005, 04:15 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Crack Killz @ Mar 29 2005, 04:15 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-aCId II nz@Oct 23 2004, 07:08 PM
hey its not like were dissing any body i hav dark colored skin so shut the fuk up if u dont got no jokes "mo fucka"..........newbie
aCId II
lol I like it when acid get's mad................Makes me tingle I think [/b][/quote]
same here :o


hahahha :lol: i will take that as a complement

[_____JEKLROKS_____]

Why did the pope cross the road?

He crossed* everything.

[westcoastbomber]

???

[_____JEKLROKS_____]

Why dosent the pope do kareoke?
Hes dead. < I thought this up and If I'm going to hell everyone will know why.

Why don't polish people ride Japanese motor cycles?
They said they can never get used to getting in on the other side.

Whats the difference between a sorrority house and a circus?
One has a cunning array of stunts, the other a stunning array of cunts.

Whats the difference between a Nun and a Prostitute in a bath?
One has hope in her soul...

[westcoastbomber]

Yo mama's so poor, she has to wear her McDonald's uniform to church.
Yo mama's so poor, she has to do drive-by shootings on the bus.
Yo mama's so poor, I asked her what's for dinner and she pulled out a gun and said "Next one who moves!"
Yo mama's so poor, when I was taking family portraits for you and said "Cheese!" she went looking for the line.

[aCId II nz]

not sure if these have been posted but i will post them anyway cos theyre a couple of my fav blonde jokes

Two Blondes and a Camel


Every day two blonde women would come out of work together and look for their car. But all the cars in the lot looked the same, so they sat around until all the cars were gone and then they would get in the last car and go home. One blonde said to the other, ''We need to find a faster way to get home.'' So the next day they went to work on a camel. After work they came out and the parking lot was full of camels. So the first blonde went around lifting up the tails of all the camels. The second blonde said, ''What are you doing?'' The first blonde said, ''When we came in today I heard someone yell "'Look at those two assholes on that camel!!'"


Two Blondes and Two Mice


There were two blondes as roommates and they both bought mice. When they got home the first blonde said, "How are we going to tell them apart?"
The second blonde said, "Why don't we take one and chop off one of its legs?"

But during the night the mouse with four legs said to the mouse with three legs, ''That's not fair -- I want three legs too.'' So the mouse with three legs told him to eat one of his legs. And so he did.

The next morning the blondes were upset about this so they did the same thing as the day before. But again the mouse with three legs ate one of his legs. This went on until both mice had no tails and legs. Then one of the blondes shouted, ''All right, that's it! You take the black one and I'll take the white one!''

[westcoastbomber]

Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles her mouth looks like its throwin' up gang signs.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, she slows down traffic when she smiles.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiled, Dorothy made it to OZ.

[jape-the-nape]

you got so many missing teeth it looks like your tongues locked up ina prison cell

[westcoastbomber]

if i wanted cumback i woulda wiped ure moms chin

[snore]

ok a guy walks in to a building,what does he say...?

[Cleo]

Why didn't G-Unit get on the bus?

They didn't have 50 cent!


hahahahaha.... <_<

[Atom]

This is kinda racist but here i go...

What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in the leaves?


Raisin Bran.

[jape-the-nape]

Originally posted by snore@Apr 14 2005, 11:38 PM
ok a guy walks in to a building,what does he say...?
good morning

[jape-the-nape]

Originally posted by Atom@Apr 15 2005, 09:06 AM
This is kinda racist but here i go...

What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in the leaves?


Raisin Bran.
most people go off whenthey hear a racist joke,were all people some people are just diferent,its like makeing fun of a kid with girl hair,or a nnerd at scool

what do you call a black abortion centre,crime stopers

[_____JEKLROKS_____]

I think the only way to ever get over racism is to make it funny...

Crime stoppers ha, fucking guy.

What you call five mexican people, one chinese and five black people?

A sprinker, hand movements are used but I'm not sure if nessacary.

>>Spick, spick, spick, spick, spick
Chink!
******, ******, ******, ******, ****** <<

I hope that wasen't too tasteless but I told a black friend and he laughed...

[Havoc411]

Originally posted by snore@Apr 14 2005, 11:38 PM
ok a guy walks in to a building,what does he say...?
he'd say ouch.
that was funny in 3rd grade. great job fagbag



:lol:

[snore]

ok then...i dont see why your so mad

[infer one]

nvm*

[Asshat]

What do you call a black kid on a bike?


























































































































































































YOUR MOM.

[infer one]

your MOM goes to college




i can just say this everyminute and it never stops being funny

[Havoc411]

Originally posted by snore@Apr 16 2005, 01:55 PM
ok then...i dont see why your so mad
im not mad, im fucking IRATE NOW!! WHAT THE FUCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


it was a joke dumbass

[->toNE*]

theres a white guy that loves his wife soo much,he got wendy tattod on his dick.wen he was hard it said wendy when he wasnt it said W Y.
so there in jamica on a nude beach,an he see a big black guy with W Y on his dick.so the white guy says u married a wendy too.he says










naw mine says WELCOME TO JAMICA HAVE A NICE DAY

[WHO'S NEKS?]

what does bruce lee like to drink?


whataahhhhhh!!!
http://img106.echo.cx/img106/1504/mainpic13bv.th.jpg (http://img106.echo.cx/my.php?image=mainpic13bv.jpg)

[bigbomba']

Whats hot, pink, and in a glass box?

Dead baby in the microwave

Whys is the baby crawling in circles?

its ahnd is naild to the floor!




WHy is the baby crawling in place?

its other had in naild down!


what is grosser that 10 dead baby naild to a tree?


1 db naild to 10 trees!



why did the dead baby cross th e road?



it was stapled to the chicken!









whats grosser than 100 db's in a dumpster?


the one eating its way out!!



whats grosser than that?


he gets out but goes back for more!

[**MATEO**]

what do u call a black girl w/ braces?



































a black n decker pecker recker

[bigbomba']

What do u call a bus full of 59 arabs that drove of a cliff?




A damn shame the bus held 60!



how do you get a baby in a bowl?








a blender!

how do u get it out?


a spoon!








how do you get 1000 dead babys in to a trash can?







a wood chipper!

how do you get them out?





a straw!


what do you get when you mix a dead baby and a 12 guage shotgun?



a new coat of paint on the dinning room wall!

[Havoc411]

why couldnt ray charles or stevie wonder read?













they were black

[bigbomba']

what do u call 10 mexicans in a mini van under 10 feet of water?







a good start!




why dont you ever hit a black kid on a bike?




its prolly your bike!

[Whoa]

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"



Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh... she got fired too."



A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said."We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty ! years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

[Havoc411]

hahahaahaha

[secto]

A gentlemen looks out his window and notices a man moving in to the house that has been for sale next door. Curious, he decides to head over and introduce himself to his new neighbor.

"Hi, my name is Steve. Looks like we're going to be neighbours, do you need a hand?"

"Oh no thanks Steve, I should be fine...my name is Professor Phong and I work at the local university," the man said.

"What do you do there?"
"Well, I'm a Professor of Deductive Reasoning."
"A Professor of deductive reasoning? I've never heard of that. What is Deductive Reasoning?"

"Well, it's simple" the gentleman said, "I see that you have a dog house. I can deductively reason that if you have a dog house, you've most likely got a dog."

"Right..." said Steve, unimpressed.

"Well...if you've got a dog house then I can deductively reason that you also have a dog."

"Of course"

"Well, if you've got a dog than you've probably got kids that play with the dog. I can't imagine having a doghouse like that with all those toys and such if you don't have children to play with them."

"Fair enough," said Steve, gradually coming to terms.

"Alright. So if you've got children, and you've got a dog and a doghouse, odds are you have a mother for those children and she may even live with you. That means, that merely by seeing your doghouse I can deductively reason that, combined with the person that stand here right now in front of me, that you are an average heterosexual male. Something as simple as a doghouse can give insight into something as unobvious as someone's sexuality."

"Wow!" said Steve, now a member of the Church of Deductive Reasoning™

So...later that evening Steve is jogging around the maze of hedges he calls his "neighborhood" while his children watch TV, he meets up with his friend Jeff who is also jogging.

"Hi Steve."

"Jeff! How are you?"

"I'm alright...Hey, did you meet the new guy? Sue said she saw you two talking. He seemed pretty well off...what's he do?"

"Oh...he's a professor of deductive reasoning at the local college," Steve told him authoritatively. "See, he's the professor of Deductive Reasoning"

"What's that?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain and I don't have the time to go into all the nuances. I can give you an example, though."

"Sure," said Jeff.

"Well...do you have a doghouse?"

"No."

"OH GROSS...YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!"

[seap!]

"aero ive seen your pieces and they're very nice so i mean no disrespect when i say fuck you, fuck off - its tricks, thats how its going to be, it aint changin, ive said it so many times and ill say it again
fuck yall haters"

[Idealeyez]

this isnt a joke but a riddle(figure this out)

there once was a man whot live in california
who shot his wife, drowned her for 15 minutes
and then took her out to dinner.... How is this possible?

[westcoastbomber]

wut do u call a bunch of white crackers runnin down a hill?
















AVALANCH!

[westcoastbomber]

What is one paki on the moon?

A problem

What is a mosque full of pakis on the moon?

A problem

What is all the pakis on the moon?

problem solved

[joust]

Whats the diffrence between menstral blood and sand?






























you cant gargle sand.

[drugaddict]

crazy i just heard that today ^
lets get hitched.

[_____JEKLROKS_____]

Thats a fucking great joke... ^^

How do Chinese people name their kids? they drop a spoon down the stairs...

[seap!]

why do tthey call them 'aids patients'?
because it takes so long to die.

why do bums drink cold beer in the morning and warm beer
in the afternoon?
because they haven't got refrigeratofs.

[jinx671]

an old farmerz horse had one day stoped eating running..etc,,..woried he posted up flierz saying whoever cud cure hiz horse wud be givin a large sum of money...weeks passed and all who have came tried but left in failure...until one morning this filipino guy comes knockin on the door sayin i cud doit i kan cure yur horse...oh really said the old man..you try then...he showd him to the barnhouse...the filipino guy simply whisperd in the horsez ear sumthng so hilarious i guess it made the horse laugh hiz ass off.....the farmer waz so pleased he paid the man and he left......the next morning suprisingly the filipino guy showz up at diz farmerz doorstep again saying he forgot 2 tell the horse one more thing....the farmer said oh yahyah go ryte ahead..so da man goez in the barnhouse and comez back out secondz later laughing Hiz ass off.....da farmer sayz watz so funny and he goez inside the barnhouse...but only thiz time he comez back pissed off..he sayz what have you possibly done or said 2 make my horse so sad again?!?.....the filipino guy sayz it didnt wanna believe my dick waz bigger than hiz so i showd it 2 em....... :lol:

[jinx671]

oh yah.....

[jinx671]

dat filipino guy...ya dat waz me :lol: hahahhh

[unknown_1]

whats the fastest thing on 2 legs? an eathiopian with a dinner ticket
whats the 2nd fastest thing on 2 legs? the 1 he stole it off

what do you call a paki fallin off a cliff? chocolate drop
what do you call him climbing back up again? black magic

what do you call 100 bald men on a raft? beans on toast

why do blondes like BMW's? because they can spell it

blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff, who hits the ground first? the brunette, the blonde had to ask for directions

why do blondes wear knickers? to keep there ankles warm

i got a shit load more but cant be arsed right now and sorry if i offend any1

[! PrOPeRr ! .aOk.cRu.]

-Is your refregirator running?

-yes?

-You better go catch it.

hahaha-slaps knee






Nah Im just joking.
seap! your joke was stupid.


VVVVVV that was so stupid it was funny, runci.

[runci]

why do gorillas have big fingers..




























































because tehy have big noses :huh:

[Mse]

why do humans have fingers?





































































































coz they have penises :(

[! PrOPeRr ! .aOk.cRu.]

why do penises have heads













































































bcus they have bodies? :wacko:




and now its played out.

[Mse]

no no i wanna do another one
*sobs*
why am i crying?









































coz iim a little bitch :)
hehe

[! PrOPeRr ! .aOk.cRu.]

thats so true. :lol:

[-save]

if black jokes offend you dont read...


- how do you get a black person off your trampoline?
- put velcro on the ceiling...

- what do you say when your tv, comp., and dvd player start floating in a dark room?
- drop it *****'...

thats all....sry all people of african american descent!!!

[(ace)]

a funny joke about a monkey and a lizard

a monkey was smoking a huge blunt alone in the jungle.

a lizard was walking near the tree where the monkey was and decided to go puff on dat shit.

they smoked the hole blunt and where sooo fuckin stone.

the lizard was thursty so he went to the nearest lake

he drank and fell asleep....

an aligator was pasing near the same tree where the monkey was

the monkey said:

HEY dude what the fuck did you drank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hahaha-

[Puffer]

yeah that ones good ive heard it before^^

[gnarlatron3030]

okayyy

Q: what I say when 50 cent knit me a sweater?
A: Gee, you knit?
:D :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :P :ph34r: :blink: :unsure: :angry: :( :huh: :o :o :o :wacko: :mellow:

[jinx671]

wanna here a joke?!?!?..yur mom..hahahhhahahhaahhhahahahhhh!!

[mad]

why are trees so close together in harlem?

public transportaion
hahaha

o man i love that one
im not rasict but that shits funny

[Msfyt]

this is a bump fpr seks

[r.A.n.D.o.M]

hey did you find out they got the cure for birdflue ?

bomb the canary islands ahahahahha :I

[Paint Magic]

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

[JetBlack]

Wanna hear a joke?

Womens rights.

[**MATEO**]

haha

yo mom is so fat, she sat on a dollar and got change.

[Paint Magic]

this ones funny


A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Mahon) agreed to answer his questions. The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Mahon replied, “One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it we took it back to the farmer that lost it.” “I can’t print that,” said the reporter, “Is there another event that made you really happy?” Farmer Mahon thought for a minute and said, “Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin’ young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy.” Again the reporter knew he couldn’t print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Mahon, “Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?” Farmer Mahon hung his head and replied, “Well, I got lost once.”

[Dante Spitaliere]

^
not bad not bad

[screw_loose]

Originally posted by JetBlack@Mar 29 2006, 06:50 PM
Wanna hear a joke?

Womens rights.
you said it wrong.

[joker00]

Originally posted by mad@Dec 21 2005, 05:59 PM
why are trees so close together in harlem?

public transportaion
hahaha

o man i love that one
im not rasict but that shits funny
:lol: :lol: :lol: :D :) :unsure:

[joker00]

y is ray charles so happy


he doesnt know hes black

[joker00]

ur mom is so dumb ur dad said i want 2 eat your pussy and she fried the cat

hahahaa

[Kingz514]

im not laughing

[Paint Magic]

me either

[What Happened to the Letters?]

narrarator-chinese man calls in sick to his chinese food restaurant
manager-"i really needed you to come in today"
asian-"well i feel like shit"
manager-"when i feel bad i just have sex with my wife try that out"
asian-"ok" then comes in after about 2 hours
manager-"ohh so you took my advice"
asian-"yeah i feel great...and you have a nice house"

changed it around a little bit cause couldnt remember the exact words...my dad told me that one...

[joker00]

^didnt have me crackin up but i giggled like a little bitch

[What Happened to the Letters?]

blonde joke, kinda lame but still a bit funny...

so three girls are in a a convertible; a red head, a blonde, and a brunette, the car goes off a cliff into the ocean and the redhead and the brunette come up to the surface, they're looking around and then finally the blonde comes up, they say "what took so long?" the blonde says "i couldnt get the door open"

[What Happened to the Letters?]

a joke stolen from blue collar comedy tour:

so my sisters got this horse right, and it broke its ankle, so i heard if you shoot it it helps the healing process, well i went down tehre and shto the damn thing but its been about a month now and i dont see it healing, if it dont heal soon ima have to go shoot it againg...

none of these are really laugh out loud jokes just makes you chuckle to yourself

[What Happened to the Letters?]

joker00, you cannot say anyhting kid, im not trying to mak you psis yourslef here but all teh jokes i saw you posted, complete shit...not gunna lie man, they're liek you think oh that funny but you dont even crack a smile while reading it...

[What Happened to the Letters?]

ok heres a story thats funny but very gorss too, not a joke at lal but it can be funny depending on who you are so ill put it in here...

so this guy is eating out his gf and using a lolipop to make it taste better and she likes it, so he starts to insert it and somehow it breaks off, so he dont want her to notice and look like an idiot so he starts eating her he finds it(he thinks) and bites down and shit goes all over his face, he pulls back, hes covered in herpes...

True story by the way...a kid i know bit a girls herpe while eating her out, fucking gross!

[AoAssis]

ok that is nasty, but funny haha

[.ProperDozerPhaze.]

Ugh..that's fucking gross.

So what did he get herpes on his face?

[screw_loose]

you know herpes is really warts, so unless the wart came off and flew onto his face, in which in that moment she would be screaming in pain, i doubt thats true.


so just fucking leave.

[SeKs]

I'm no racists, and i didn't bother o read the other jokes, but here it goes i got a few:

How do you get little black kids to stop jumping on your bed?
-Stick Velcro on the Ceiling

How do you get them down?
-get the little mexican kids and tell them it's a pinata party.

What is the ULTIMATE rejection?
-You hand falling alseep while masturbating!

Why do women have legs?
- So the don't leave tracks like Snails.

How do you get 5 black guys to stop raping a white girl?
- Throw'em a Basketball

What are 3 French words EVERY black guy knows?
- Coupe De Ville (cadillac)

Jesus and Moses were out fishing on the Sea of Gaillea. the conversation came up to Miracles and moses claims" Man, i'd really like to do a miracle, mmm.. know what? i think i'll try it now, it's been 4000 years, so let's see if i still got it." Moses stands on the Bow of the boat, raises his arms and commands the Sea to part. The Sea Parts in a roar leaving a bone dry sea bed, and comes back together on his second comand. "Not bad" jesus replied," It's only been 2000 years since this doesy, let's see if I still got it." Jesus nimbly jumps up onto the Gunwale of the ship, steps out onto the water, only to sink like a boulder. moses quickly saves him, but jesus, so determined to walk on water, tries again, with the same dissatisfactory Result. Coughing and gagging on deck, moses laughing his ass of, Jesus says" Damn, that should have worked, only last time i did this i didn't have Holes in my feet...

Why can't Jesus Eat M&Ms?
-They keep falling through the holes in his hands.







I got more to offend everyone.... :D

[AoAssis]

Originally posted by screw_loose@Mar 29 2006, 10:00 PM
you know herpes is really warts, so unless the wart came off and flew onto his face, in which in that moment she would be screaming in pain, i doubt thats true.


so just fucking leave.
i thought herpes was blisters.

[What Happened to the Letters?]

Originally posted by screw_loose@Mar 29 2006, 10:00 PM
you know herpes is really warts, so unless the wart came off and flew onto his face, in which in that moment she would be screaming in pain, i doubt thats true.


so just fucking leave.
ever popped a wart/blister? they have shit in htem...he bit it, shit went on him, but no he didnt catch it as far as i'm aware...i believe it has to be transmitted sexually but not sure...

[What Happened to the Letters?]

Originally posted by SeKs@Mar 29 2006, 10:08 PM
Why do women have legs?
- So the don't leave tracks like Snails.
i loved this one...

[screw_loose]

^^^^^^OMFG HAHAHAHAHHAHAH
QLWRHTQHRKQHWRKJQHRJQKWR HI CANT BREATHE HKRJHQWKRHQWKRHWKQRHKWJERHKWJHERKWEJHR WEKLRTHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

[kill]

why dont blacks have dreams?
cus the last one who had one got shot

[STONES ONES]

how do you make martha stewart scream twice?

fuck her in the ass then wipe ur dick with her curtons.

[SpLiTbomber]

haha ^ nice


why are blakc people so good at basketball?

cuz they can steal, shoot, and run

[vegimite on toast]

i dont know if i read this on here or where i got it from...


anyway


three cunts, james, ray and bruno end up ship wrecked on a desert island
they come across the natives who threaten "unless you all go out to the forest and return with a fruit each we will sacrifice you"
the guys scurry around looking for fruit
james and ray returned. james had an apple he showed the elders who replied "good, now if you can shove it up your ass without making any noise, you will be spared" so he tried...and squealed...so as promised, james was killed
luckily ray had brought back a bunch of small berries, the elders asked him to shove them up his ass, he proceded to do so, but right at the last he second burst out laughing.
up in heaven the james asked him "why'd you laugh? you could have easily gotten away." ray replied, "i saw bruno coming back...he had a pineapple"

[SpLiTbomber]

tis b funny^

[koper]

What's the difference between a ferrari and a dead baby?

I dont have a ferrari in my garage

[SpLiTbomber]

lol^


whats the difference between a pizza and a jew



a pizza feeds a whole family and it doesnt scream in the oven

[Ceazer]

reporter goes to a back woods alabama town looking for a good story. He stumbles along this old farmer who agrees to answer some questions the reporter asks him can you think of a time you were really happy?

the farmer replies yes this one time a farmer lost a sheep so we formed a search party, found it and fucked it.

knowing he couldnt us tis story the reporter asked for any other times

and the farmer says yes this onetime this guy lost his daughter so we formed a search party found her and fucked her.

The reported decices to try a diferent tactic, have there been any times when you where truly sad?

The farmer shyly responds well, i got lost once

[vegimite on toast]

^hahah

[Skyhopper]

why are black people good at basketball?


'cause they're knee grows <_<

[vegimite on toast]

yeah your smiley thing sums that lame one up

racist jokes are great...if they're funny


a gay bloke decided to get into the porn industry...but decided his body wasn't totally tanned, so to fix this problem, he headed to the beach with the intention of giving his genitals a good bake. as he was content with the pigment of the rest of his body he covered himself in sand and covered his head with a towel, leaving only his penis and balls sitting there...proudly. meanwhile two old women walking the beach saw the sight...one women exclaimed "my god!...look at that! when i was 15 all i wanted to do was see a penis, when i was 18 all i wanted was do feel one, at 25 i craved them to death untill 30 when i just gave up on the pursuit of getting some, and now that im too old to get any they start growing in the wild!"

[What Happened to the Letters?]

Originally posted by Ceazer@Mar 30 2006, 04:49 AM
reporter goes to a back woods alabama town looking for a good story. He stumbles along this old farmer who agrees to answer some questions the reporter asks him can you think of a time you were really happy?

the farmer replies yes this one time a farmer lost a sheep so we formed a search party, found it and fucked it.

knowing he couldnt us tis story the reporter asked for any other times

and the farmer says yes this onetime this guy lost his daughter so we formed a search party found her and fucked her.

The reported decices to try a diferent tactic, have there been any times when you where truly sad?

The farmer shyly responds well, i got lost once
heard that one soo many times...

heres a blonde joke..its ok:

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug Through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?, she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and then handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer Looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

[cape]

2 blondes were walking in the wooods, they came across some tracks, one said they were deer tracks the other said rabbit tracks, they argued for 10 minutes and then got hit by a train

[dripz]

Originally posted by WHO'S NEKS?@Apr 27 2005, 03:33 PM
what does bruce lee like to drink?


whataahhhhhh!!!
http://img106.echo.cx/img106/1504/mainpic13bv.th.jpg (http://img106.echo.cx/my.php?image=mainpic13bv.jpg)
I LAUGHED SO HARD WHEN I READ THIS

[SiMpUhL]

whats green and yellow and eats nuts??? :blink:
























































gonnorhea

[What Happened to the Letters?]

thats fuckin gross! theres a girl in my english calss with gonnoreah, everytime i see her i think of cottage chees dripping down her pants/skirt

[SiMpUhL]

two words

AWWWWW FUCK

dud that almost made me hurl....honestly, cottage cheese *gag*
fuckin nasty mane

[KaSe01]

your mama's so nasty, when i asked her what was for dinner she opened up her legs and said "crabs". :lol:

[FaultO]

you're mom's so hairy she has afros on her nipples.

[vegimite on toast]

ive had crabs, it is no laughing matter!

[KaL1]

Yo mommas so fat that wen she stepped on the scale it said 2 be continued

[Mse]

vegi do you sleep?

ive go this one:
two surgeons are having a fight about who has had tougher operations and the first one says "a woman got hit by a car i had to reconstuct her face it took me 3 months"
the other one says" thats nothing a homosexual fell of a 2 story building onto a lamp pole and it went into his anus it took me a year to get the smile off his face"'

[dark\gbk]

why did the graffer walk across the road???















who gives a fuk why isnt he bombing











nah dat is a gay 1



what is 400m long and has a arsehole at each end??





a police radar trap

[anarchy]

lol

[ste__811]

what do you call 2 skunks in a 69
odor eaters

a man walks in to a jewlers pulls down his pants and starts playing with his asshole the shop assistant says "what the fuck are you doing" the man says "what it says on the door" the shop assistant says "what the hell are you on about" the man says "the sign on the door says come in and pick your ring freely".

ste

[BANG BRO]

YOUR MAMA'S LIKE A BOWLING BALL, SHE GETS PICKED UP, FINGERED AND TOSSED IN THE GUTTER

[zink-dt..]

how do you get a 1 arm blonde out of a tree........










....wave

[zink-dt..]

blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[zink-dt..]

Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

[zink-dt..]

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[zink-dt..]

Last Day on the Job
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

[zink-dt..]

Church Bells
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

[zink-dt..]

Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[zink-dt..]

The Tiger
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

[zink-dt..]

Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

[zink-dt..]

the funniest blonde joke
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

[zink-dt..]

Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

[zink-dt..]

Drivers Licence
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

[clockworkfuse]

why did joe fall off the swing




cause joe was a fish

why did hte plane crash into the mountain?







cause the pilot was a loaf of bread.

[FuLa]

what do you call a black guy operating an airplane???































a pilot you fucking racist!..
:D

[EGO31]

Originally posted by GeSuS_KRiST@Oct 24 2004, 09:00 PM
ok im not goin to lie i hate kids and this is why im known as the dady baby joke king

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AX.

What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.

Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!

ok enuf for now to anyone whos offened by these sorry
thisones realy sick

what do you get when you put a baby in a microwave?

an erection


lol

[Struk]

lololol i love baby jokes heh so cruel but funny :lol:
anyways heh...ive got nothing against babies but if u got more just go ahead haha

[WIZDUM]

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
-Nothin you already told her twice.

How do you tell if an asian has robbed your house?
-Your homework is done, your computer is fixed , but an hour later the fucker is still trying to back outta your driveway.

[Struk]

hahaha^^ i love the second one :lol:

[REMEK]

whats the difference between 1000 dead babies and a ferrari?

i don't have a ferrari in my garage!

[NICCSACC]

why is asprin white?

cuz people want it to work.