July 4th: Declaration of Talitha Day!

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/index.php

this site is a gold mine of lulz.i mean i seriously cant tell if there trollin or not.but damn is it fucking funny.

some that we already found.

so im trolling some other unrelated forums today and (this happened to be a christian forum) as i was scrolling down the page i couldnt help but notice what one of the female users had in her sig...

Christian Ladies:
Are you tired of suffering your monthly curse alone in a cramped woodshed?
Is spending your cycle out in the garage a bit too rustic?
Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

quite a chuckle...heres a link to the site she's advertising.supposedly its a hotel or someshit that women go to when there bleeding out their vag's...

http://www.monthly-visitor.com/



i want to make it known that im a christian myself and was raised as a baptist and am in no way trying to talk down on christians but the people on this site....i mean the stuff they say and the ignorance they display.i cant tell if their all trollin too or if their serious.i really cant.i cant believe people can be that stupid..case in point.read this shit.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=14118

im irish and comanche/lenape indian.my families from the south,theres alot of baptists there.






seriously guys the more i read this shit i cant help but think these guys are trollin.they HAVE to be.



another passage i found:

Hello friends,

Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

I noticed that you have a lot of threads about women and how they should act and be treated.
I discovered a situation that I have not yet found the answer to. You see, just the other day I walked in on my wife in the shower (I don't allow her to lock any doors in the house, unless I say otherwise) and I was led to believe that she was pleasuring herself. We have a retractable shower head, and when I walked in, it was near her devil's layer and she seemed unusually embarrassed.

Though I did punish her, I don't know what else to do beyond these lines.
I need advice on what the right thing to do would be.

Your Brother in Faith,
Dustin

this is the reply he got.

Daily paddlings, an hour in her Prayer closet each morning, and no more showers! Take out that demonic contraption and restrict her to baths from now on.

I'm not sure why a Christian Man would need advice on how to discipline his own wife.

yeah holy shit, this forum is gold.. i cant belive some of the shit i found in like the first 30 seconds

this shit is sooo fucking funny.this whole site is lulz.we should make a thread of just the dumbest shit we can find posted on there.

start a thread! theres sooo much shit on here

Woooot wooooooooot

Choo-Chug-chug-a-lugga!

Add your Passengers Here!

These folks are going to HELL for being retarded.

"Look Ma! I can Drive!"
http://i40.tinypic.com/5yuwox.jpg

http://z.hubpages.com/u/144931_f260.jpg

http://i43.tinypic.com/24b3ogj.jpg

http://i39.tinypic.com/i4e7a8.jpg

"mommys little angel"




i had to change some of the pics but this is an actual post on there.
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=10357

mods aprove this shit its too fucking funny this whole site is.these guys are either the dumbest people ever or the most sucessful trolls ever.i cant tell.




theyz trollin

[H3TT1NG3R]

"
I recently ran into a forum and disvovered that Child Molesters seem to favor the Honda NSX.
I would never own one because it's not from the USA.
I have to feel that God approves of big Detroit steel cars and trucks. My 1972 Ford F-100 with a 302 and three on the tree was the best all around vechile i ever owned. That truck lasted over 25 years off hauling firewood, getting into the woods to get my deer to haul home and various other chores. In fact i remember once blowing the doors off of a Honda on I-64 one night. That guy passed me at about 85. I pushed the petal to the metal and blew past him at at least 110 mph!
God loves detroit steel, that's why the democrats are afraid to go there!"

hahahahhaha

"Originally Posted by eliot mayfield
I wonder why they're the favorite of child molesters?
My theory is that it has to to with the common name of the people who drive one: boy ricers.

R rape
I innocent
C children
E every
R ride

Mind you, it's only a theory, there must be loads of other reasons."

[H3TT1NG3R]

"Think about its perverted name: NSX. That is chink code for Nigra SeX! Thats all those slants want is to force normal people into fornication with jigaboos. "
hahahaomfgggg

[weak0ner]

ahahaha this forum cant be for real its so insane!!!!!

For those of you out there who scoff at the persecution that we TRUE (Baptist Republican) Christians must endure every day of our lives read this; last night the forum was down do a massed denial of service attack (DOS attack). Over seventy severers involved and with Jesus help (and He is the ultimate coder PRAISE!) it took our crack Information Security Team five hours to correct it.

Now who was behind this savage and ruthless attack? Why did they do it? Well our Information Security Team specialists have show it was an anarchist-atheist hacker group known as a PandusRPple. There were celebrating the premier of Judgement Day (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/id/) on PBS! PandusRPle is a group of degenerate thug Darwinists who hold Pandas are the ultimate expression of evolution and feed live kittens to pandas among other sick acts. What they really do with the Panda’s is truly unspeakable. Sufficient to say they are the reason US zoos have problems breading Pandas in this country.

Unfortunate the group membership resides mainly in Vermont and California, so they are outside US jurisdiction. However their “front” website is here (http://www.pandasthumb.org/). Now no would should do anything illegal but if someone were to go there and tell these sinners how wrong they are I am sure The good Lord would be pleased.

[Proper]

Pastor Ezekiel (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/member.php?u=24) http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/statusicon/user_offline.gif
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study



And there calling everyone else perverts and molesters?

[H3TT1NG3R]

"
I always read NSX as 'inna-sex'. Not sure what that means.

The NSX is also popular with the nation's rappers (that's hip hop type music.) It's a bling item that shows status and wealth. That's why they always rent them to show on their music videos.

Here are a couple of lyrics, although I don't totally understand them:
Quote:
DJ Quik So Many Wayz Lyrics
Blow her back out
Then I mack out
Freak the keys to the lex
Or find me havin sex in my nsx
I'm from the bx
But we flex from east to west
So while you ni--as coast-trippin
We'll be cashin them checks
I'm not sure what the bx is, or how one is supposed to 'freak the keys to the lex'.

I DO know that the NSX is a pretty small car, so I'm wondering how the singer was able to have sex in it? Maybe only if his mate was a small girl like a teenager?

Here's another song:
Quote:
DJ Quik Dollaz + Sense Lyrics
Because I'm floatin in my Lex and, depositin' fat checks and
gettin mad sex while I floss the NSX and
Besides this being a run on sentance, how does the singer drive two cars at the same time? His Lexus has anti gravity? And the NSX needs dental floss? I'm never going to understand this rap thing."

ahaahhaahhaahahahahah omg this is the best shit ever, thanks

[Tony]

Leviticus 19:28 (King James Version)

Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.

This is good advice for all Christians.

Why do people insist on marking their bodies, and what sybolism does the imagery represent? In many cases the tattoos are identical to others' in order to identify other cult members. Do you worship satan?

As the ranking True Christian™ and owner/proprietor of the Wiseman Compound and Bible Complex in North "by God" Carolina, I am pleased to report that the instances of Wiccan and hippy activity near the south fenceline have dramatically dropped in the last two months since my acquisition of the land beyond the former perimeter. I purchased the additional 600 acres with the Lords blessing on Dec 16th and the last Wiccan was treed on the night of Jan 22nd. The last hippy was apprehended on the following week on the 26th.

I have had a relatively slow period(forgive the nasty talk) these last few weeks and have kept myself busy with the Godly retraining procedures and such. Revamping the direction of the instruction if you will. This has not been easy as the last few Wiccans were the most violent to date and the hippies require constant monitoring to assure total sobriety throughout the process. It has been noted that the common hippy can "get high" on practically anything. And will if left unattended for more than the briefest of periods.

I have been observing the hippies and their unnatural tendencies for years. This has afforded me the uncanny ability to differentiate between the 5 sub-groups of the common hippy. The following is a short review of these sub-groups as well as their individual attribute. This is intended to aid the True Christian™ faithful in spotting and immediate capture or avoidance of any who fall within these guidelines.
For as we all know,
ALL HIPPIES ARE DISGUSTING BUT THEY AREN'T ALL DISGUSTING FOR THE SAME REASONS.

Sub-group 1.
The Original/Classic Hippy.
Charlie Manson and his filthy crew are in this group. Extremely violent and dangerous. These miscreants are prone to kidnapping young girls for interracial sex orgies and drug crazed self pleasuring carnivals of indecency. These sex perverts will stop at nothing until the entire world is a grotesque tie dyed explosion of naked unGodliness. Sandals are common year round.
They speak in their own unintelligible language with words like "groovy" and "man" or "wow" or "like" peppering their speech constantly.
They can be easily spotted due to their penchant for beads and fringed clothing as well as German and Swedish automobiles such as Volvo wagons and Volkswagon Microbuses. They also reek of Patchouli and body odor mixed with copious amounts of acrid Marijuana smoke. It is an unmistakable assault on the olfactory system. Long hair and ungroomed body fuzz only furthers their offensiveness.

Sub-group 2.
The New Agers/Crystal Rubbers.
This group is usually surrounded by Native American trinkets such as the "dream catcher" and other demonic feathered items. With their insipid claims of "vibes" and the so-called "benefits" of herbal tea and "holistic medicine". This group will usually attempt to convert you immediately with a never-ending Satanic dialogue. A strap of duct tape is useful in stifling this Hellish mumbo-jumbo. Weird earth oriented blessings and crystal centered Satanic rituals are commonplace in this groups environment. Incense fills their clothes and ponytails and braids with the horrible scents of Hell. Sandalwood and Black Love.
Plenty of subdued earthtones and of course sandals are the normal dress for this brand of evildoer.

Sub-group 3.
The Neo-hippy.
This is by far the most often encounted of the groups. This is the kid in the mall wearing the hemp necklace and the "Phish" tie dyed T-shirt reading poetry to his homosexual buddies. The females create the sinful waste of time known as "hemp art" by tying knot after evil knot in twine formed from the Devils weed. They also create their own clothing and wear sandals year round.
Smoking reefers and doing acid paper constantly has eroded the brain to the point of actually protesting the United States in several hundred of these devil worshipping addicts. They are generally too young and uninformed to know any better and require the most retraining of all the groups.
The women are hairy and loose with the clothing to the point of being practically nude. The men wear tie Dyed shirts and baggy ripped jeans. The promiscuosity presented by these heathens makes Jesus sick to His glorious stomach. The women are especially crafty and will not hesitate to use their feminine wiles to get what they want. YOUR SOUL.

Sub-group 4.
The Vegetarian/Eco-Wacko.
Easily recognized by their gaunt features and lack of body fat, these heretics are nothing short of God forsaken! With their skinny bodies and their "animals before humans" attitude, they never last long in captivity. Retraining almost always proves fatal. Jesus is incredibly disappointed in this group for their assumption that He was a vegetarian.
Easily captured due to the ease at which they faint. Tree hugging and shrub humping Satanist weirdos bent on the idea of a planet owned by animals where humans wander the land eating twigs and berries.
Look for pastel colors and animal pictures on their clothing. Sandals and dreadlocks. The men are generally homosexual and pass out immediately if threatened with more than a strong word.

Sub-group 5.
Militant Activists/Leftist Guerrillas.
These are easily the most detrimental group of them all. The Classic hippy is a walk in the park in comparison to this odiferous wastrel. Completely unhinged and exibiting a herd mentality that can only be described as Satanic in origin. Normally found in crowds, it is rare to apprehend a single Sub-group 5 member. Usually there are several dozen gathered for some insipid purpose. The protest signs they carry are a dead giveaway. Usually their signs are designed specifically to make Jesus cry.
Screaming nonsense and blithering about "rights" this and "rights" that, the Sub-group 5s are wirey fighters and normally require sedation in order to subdue them for retraining.
Look for tank-tops and lots of camo on the females and dreadlocks on both sexes.
Combat boots and as always, sandals.

You may have noticed an ongoing theme within all of the groups. Sandals and hair.
These are used solely in order to mock our Lord and Saviour. It is obvious, through careful research, to ascertain the hippies hidden homosexual agenda as well as the forced promiscuosity of minors through the use of terror and drug abuse. This is the core of the rotten apple of hippy dogma.
The peace symbol being a rendition of the broken Cross should be a warning to all who value their souls continuing non-damnation. Nothing enrages Christ Jesus faster than a mocking hippy worshipping mother earth instead of Him. This is easily a Satanic and inappropriate thing to do.
There should be little doubt as to the definite threat that they pose to our Glorious lifestyle. Care must be taken when apprehending one of these incredulous things. They bite as well as pinch and scratch.

With the help of the True Christian™ Saved of Landover Baptist in accordance with scripture, this horrible and disgusting menace will be thwarted. This aberration must be halted. With the information I have provided above, it should be no problem spotting a hippy in your area.

Be careful and any questions concerning hippies or hippy capture and retraining techniques(which are in a constant state of upgrade), feel free to contact me personally.
In Christ Jesus Holy name I pray.
M-

Look here stalker, hippies are violent and a menace. Just look at what Manson and Koresh did!

They use their trance inducing music and drugs along with blinding clothing and "Dye Tied" shirts to mesmerize impressionable youths into deviant sex acts and rituals.


ooohh lord...

[sketch_three]

Debunking common myths about Christianity
1. "Jesus was all about peace."
This is a common false teaching with no Biblical base.
Jesus Himself tells us, in a way that cannot be misunderstood, that we are not to believe it:

Think not that I am come to send peace on earth:
I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:34

And how could anyone forget Exodus 15:3?
The LORD is a man of war: the LORD is his name.
Exodus 15:3


2. "Jesus loves everyone."
WRONG!






http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=42&highlight=hates+cripples

[Proper]

Pastor Ezekiel...*yummy*
Wanna prove your stud status? Meowwwww.....http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/devil.gif
Sorry, couldn't help it! LOLZ.http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/wub.gif

Christ smells your rotting cooter all the way to heaven. Go take a bath.

You know, I am so used to this depraved behavior you wouldn't believe it. Just because I have rock hard abs and the same blond hair and blue eyes as Jesus, the perverts all think that I want to commit whoredoms with them. I've even been told by Brother BJ and his boys in security that there are websites all over the internets set up with the express purpose of worshiping my adonis-like body and stunning good looks, operated by both men (sodomites) and women (filthy whores).

I remain unmoved by their advances. Jesus protects me from such degeneracy.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=24711

This website is fucking epic.

[Tony]

I don't know who programmed the forum software, but they sure left some 'sugary' images in the smilies.

This thread title smilie is the most offensive:
http://i350.photobucket.com/albums/q411/Nobar_King/censored/gay-smilie.gif
It's the kind of mousy, rouge-cheeked smile you get from homers when you catch them checking you out.

I don't use this smilie. There are some bad ones in the smilie list, too.



http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/pink.gifhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/banana-dance.gif<Pink elephant and dancing cyclops banana. Who thought that was a good idea?

Please take it easy on the wierdo smilies, OK? We don't need to see too much of that kind of stuff.

BTW, could whoever is in charge of smilies do something about getting the hockey smilies grouped together? They're all over the place.


While it's a good idea to always be on the look-out for homosexual infiltration, let's not get paranoid:

The smiling pink face is for ladies's use only.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/pink.gif Pink Elephant is there to represent heathen Hindu Gods. I use this one in the deity bodycount (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=4384).

I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explaination about why we have a bouncing one-eyed banana smiley. No, I don't know what that perfectly reasonable explaination is.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=22019

[weak0ner]

this forum cant be real.

[Tony]

we all know that being god-fearing is a good thing. Our creation scientists have completed an epic research project that statistically proves once and for all that the truly god-fearing become christians - because the most fearsome deity is ours:

the official deity bodycount:

jesus http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/jesus%20smilie.gif

taiping rebellion (1851- 1864)
20,000,000 - 40,000,000

american indians killed
20,000,000

aids 1981-98
11,700,000
by keeping condoms away from sinners. Catholic priests have 4 times more aids cases than the regular population. Does that mean jesus gets 3 quarters of aids smitings?

the thirty years war (1618-48)
8,000,000

saracens slaughtered in spain
7,000,000

jews killed in holocaust
6,000,000 http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/rabbi.gifhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/joo.gifhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/fighting0036.gif

france: Catholic vs. Huguenot (1562-1598)
2,000,000 - 4,000,000

saxons and scandinavian pagans killed
2,000,000

rwanda and burundi (1959-95)
1 350 000

bush's crusade in iraq (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/orb_survey_of_casualties_of_the_iraq_war)
1,200,000+ (god told him to do it!)

people killed under the orders of god in the bible
1,283,000

spanish inquisition (1478-1834)
350,000

ivan the terrible, russia, (r.1533-84)
200,000

bosnia and herzegovina (1992-95):
175 000

poland (1648-54) jews slaughtered
150,000-200,000

witch hunts (1400-1800)
100,000

peasants' war, germany (1524-25)
100,000

vlad the impaler, wallachia (r.1456-1462)
50,000-100,000

jews killed as scapegoats for black death, west europe (1348)
20,000+

us lynchings, first wave (1865-76)
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/chase2.gif
3,500 - 20,000

lisbon (1506) converted jews killed
2,000-4,000

us lynchings, second wave (1900-50)
1,986

invisible handhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/bowdown.gifhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/char042.gif
smoking, 20th century
90,000,000

victorian imperial famines (http://books.google.com/books?id=3irkezgkqkmc&dq=colonial+el+ni%c3%b1o+famines&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=zz_9ny-ryy&sig=z9gpniyeh4a84hd8rty3qf_2wvw&hl=en&ei=ivchsoujd46wnpjozzgj&sa=x&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6) (1876-1900)
31,700,000 - 61,300,000

french equatorial africa (1900-40)
12,000,000

congo free state (1886-1908)
8 000 000 - 21,500,000

slave trade (christian)
15,000,000 - 20,000,000

slave trade (islamic)
19,000,000

shock therapy, russia 1992+
3,200,000 - 10,000,000 (sources for low estimate (http://www.unicef-irc.org/presscentre/presskit/monee8/monee8_key.pdf)and high estimate (http://press.thelancet.com/privatisationfinal.pdf))

climate change (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=330536#post330536), 1999-2009
3,000,000

ireland, famine (1845-48)
750,000

destruction of amazonian indians (1900-99)
500,000

forced laborers worked to death in portuguese colonies (1900-25):
325 000

rubber companies in peru and brazil, worker deaths (1900-12):
250 000

allahhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/ph34r.gif http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/blowup.gifhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/camel.gifhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/terroristbomber.gifhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/lex_12.gifhttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/ph34r.gif

timur lenk (1369-1405)
5,000,000

sudan (1983 et seq.)
1 900 000

east pakistan: Massacres 1971
1,250,000

iran-iraq war (sunni vs shia) 1980-88
1,000,000

arab conquest
698,200

algeria (1954-62)
675 000

hindus killed, india, (1366)
500,000

india-pakistan partition 1947
250,000

lebanon 1976-2000
150,000

algeria: Islamic fundamentalist insurrection (1992-2002)
100 000

war between christians and druses, lebanon (1860)
30,000

persia (1848-54)
20,000 babis (baha'is) massacred.

India, sepoy mutiny (1857)
15,000

massacre of armenians (1895-96)
5,000 - 75,000

israeli war of independence 1948
11,000

bengali war of independence 1971
11,000

2nd indo-pak war 1965
7,000

shinto god-emperor http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/risa_jap.gif
pacific war, 1933-1945
24,000,000

hindu godshttp://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/pink.gif

thuggee human sacrifices
9,100,000

india-pakistan partition 1947
250,000

widow burning
62,400 per century until 1829

india, sepoy mutiny (1857)
5,000 - 75,000

pagan

mongol crusades (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=321764&postcount=28)
40,000,000

human sacrifices during dedication of a temple of huitzilopochtli in tenochtitlan by aztec king ahuitzotl (1487)
80,000

south africa, xhosa self-destruction (1857)
40,000 starved

china, human sacrifices 750-1050
13,000

buddah and company http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/flame.gif
taoist yellow turban rebellion (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=322567#post322567)
3,000,000 - 7,000,000

boxer rebellion http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/bo.gif
115,000

vietnam, persecution of christians (ca. 1832-1887)
40,000

conclusion:

i have not worked out the precise numbers but it seems jesus is easily the most fearsome, with about one hundred million smitings to his credit before you even count his invisible hand, at which point it adds up to a quarter-billion confirmed kills.

The pagan deity that sent ghengis khan crusading gets second place. After all, many of his mongol warriors were christians.

Allah and the hindu gods seem to be tied for third with about dozen million victims, allah wins the bronze though, because his number is doubled if you count slavery in the islamic world.
The hindu gods used to do a lot of sacrifices in prehistoric times, but unless they nuke pakistan soon they'll become a historical footnote among the god-fearing.

Non-mongol pagans seem to be the same story as the hindus, though at least the pagan gods have the excuse that they hardly have any believers to do the smiting for them.

Buddah is pathetic, no wonder he's so fat, having not gotten off his butt to do a single smiting for an entire century now.

got that, god-fearers?

the god-fearing fear jesus!http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/jesus%20smilie.gif

...wow.

[sketch_three]

is smoking weed a sin
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=18332

[Tony]

God punishes Iran.

I am happy to see that God is finally eating Iran from within. It is sure fun to see his agents of glory eat those protesters, and when he is finished with them, he will eat those agents that ate those protesters, thus cleansing the region from all of those http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/ph34r.gif.

Thank you Jesus, for the cleansing of the desert. I love the smell of clean sand in the morning.


http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=24533

[Tony]

PROOF GOD IS REAL

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=13955


"dude, it says right there in the bible, sorry! checkmate atheists"

[Tony]

Paleontologists brought to tears, laughter by Creation Museum
By Britt Kennerly – 15 hours ago

PETERSBURG, Kentucky (AFP) — For a group of paleontologists, a tour of the Creation Museum seemed like a great tongue-in-cheek way to cap off a serious conference.

But while there were a few laughs and some clowning for the camera, most left more offended than amused by the frightening way in which evolution -- and their life's work -- was attacked.

"It's sort of a monument to scientific illiteracy, isn't it?" said Jerry Lipps, professor of geology, paleontology and evolution at University of California, Berkeley.

"Like Sunday school with statues... this is a special brand of religion here. I don't think even most mainstream Christians would believe in this interpretation of Earth's history."

The 27 million dollar, 70,000-square-foot (6,500-square-metre) museum which has been dubbed a "creationist Disneyland" has attracted 715,000 visitors since it opened in mid-2007 with a vow to "bring the pages of the Bible to life."

Its presents a literal interpretation of the Bible and argues that believing otherwise leads to moral relativism and the destruction of social values.

Creationism is a theory not supported by most mainstream Christian churches.

Lisa Park of the University of Akron cried at one point as she walked a hallway full of flashing images of war, famine and natural disasters which the museum blames on belief in evolution.

"I think it's very bad science and even worse theology -- and the theology is far more offensive to me," said Park, a professor of paleontology who is an elder in the Presbyterian Church.

"I think there's a lot of focus on fear, and I don't think that's a very Christian message... I find it a malicious manipulation of the public."

Phil Jardine posed for a picture below a towering, toothy dinosaur display.

The museum argues that the fossil record has been misinterpreted and that Tyrannosaurus rex was a vegetarian before Adam and Eve bit into that sin-inducing apple.

Jardine, a palaeobiologist graduate student from the University of Birmingham, was having fun on the tour, but told a reporter that he was disturbed by the museum's cartoonish portrayal of scientists and teachers.

"I feel very sorry for teachers when the children who come here start guessing if what they're being taught is wrong," Jardine said.

Arnie Miller, a palentologist at the University of Cincinnati who was chairman of the convention, said he hoped the tour would introduce the scientists to "the lay of the land" and show them firsthand what's being put forth in a place that has elicited vehement criticism from the scientific community.

"I think in some cases, people were surprised by the physical quality of the exhibits, but needless to say, they were unhappy with things that are inaccurately portrayed," he said.

"And there was a feeling of unhappiness, too, about the extent to which mainstream scientists and evolutionists are demonized -- that if you don't accept the Answers in Genesis vision of the history of Earth and life, you're contributing to the ills of society and of the church."

Daryl Domning, professor of anatomy at Howard University, held his chin and shook his head at several points during the tour.

"This bothers me as a scientist and as a Christian, because it's just as much a distortion and misrepresentation of Christianity as it is of science," he said.

"It's not your old-time religion by any means."



So many things wrong with this article, I don't know where to begin. I've taken the liberty of highlighting some of the points I would like to comment upon. First off, this is a biased article because it only interviews evilutionists, not Creationists. There is no opportunity for the Creationist viewpoint to respond back to the attacks and criticism. Here are my responses to the bold parts...

It comes to no surprise that a professor from Berkeley (Hey! We have one of those on here too!) would be against Creationism. His comment is immediately invalid because of where he comes from.

It is true that "mainstream Christians" don't support creationism because simply put, they are not truly Christians. If they were Christians by definition they would believe what the Bible says, and since they are not, they are merely atheists/agnostics/heathens who claim to be Christians.

I love this Lisa Park character. Notice how she started crying when she saw pictures of war and famine, attributed to the believe in evolution? Know why? Guilt, deep inside! And who can not resist laughing at this quote: "I think there's a lot of focus on fear, and I don't think that's a very Christian message... I find it a malicious manipulation of the public.". Obviously she's never read a Bible in her life! Much of the Bible is focused on fear! God will smite down anyone who dares disrespect him or fails to follow a basic order. But then, we understand why she thinks this way -- She's an elder at a Presybterian "Church" and we know they don't believe in a Bible or that Christ died for their sins, so there you go.

Another great quote to pick at: "And there was a feeling of unhappiness, too, about the extent to which mainstream scientists and evolutionists are demonized -- that if you don't accept the Answers in Genesis vision of the history of Earth and life, you're contributing to the ills of society and of the church." Praise Jesus! They're finally getting it! This is exactly what we've been saying at Landover. For once they clearly understand the consequences of leading a Godless lifestyle!

Finally, we have an uppity Negro professor (Hey! We have one of those here too!) who says: "This bothers me as a scientist and as a Christian, because it's just as much a distortion and misrepresentation of Christianity as it is of science," he said. DISTORTION? What distortion? The museum is based on what the Book of Genesis says literally and without changing it. There is ZERO DISTORTION! How is it a distortion of Christianity? Another so-called "Christian" who doesn't even read the Bible.

.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

i told you this shit was epic.

[sketch_three]

fuck i cant even tell the trolls from the southerners

[Tony]

it makes me scared for the human race



Originally Posted by StephenFrancois http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=353269#post353269)
I use medical marijuana to relieve symptoms of my multiple sclerosis..



am i going to hell?



I believe so.
Sorry.

I could Pray for you if you would like?

[sketch_three]

RIHANNA: Christian boyfriend disciplines this emo harlot
For those of you not up to date with the Rihanna story, here it is:

First, Rihanna - from Barbados, came to America to steal our jobs. The particular job she stole involves wearing emo haircuts, warbling terrible songs that sound like a failed opera singer gargling, and of course wearing scanty clothing.

She met a Christian man named Chris Brown, who sings about God in his songs, and even has Jesus tattooed on his arm:

http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x319/tj655824/Chris%20Brown/ChrisBrown-2.jpg

Then, just before the grammy awards, there to pick up her newest Award for corrupting America's youth, her Christian boyfriend Chris Brown recieved a text message from another woman.

Now, remember that the Bible is filled with righteous men that have multiple wives. So no matter what message that other woman sent, Rihanna has no excuse whatsoever for getting bitchy about it. Yet she did, in clear violation of the Bible.

The Bible says women are to use "chaste conversation, coupled with fear." They are not to braid their hair, wear gold, or put on any "apparel." 1 Peter 3:2-6
http://www.emohair.org.uk/emo_hair_pics/rihanna_emo_hair_d.jpg
In this photo you can cleary see she is wearing gold, in violation of the Bible. Also, note the emo haircut - she supports the emosexual agenda to turn America's boys into sissified proto-homos.


Rihanna, a singer, is disobeying the Bible's command that women be silent:

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 1 Timothy 2:11-15
But she didn't, so she was disciplined the way God demands that uppity women be disciplined.

There's another theory of what happened: her Chris Brown discovered that Rihanna did not possess "tokens of her virginity" and thus decided to have to put to death, as Deuteronomy 22:13-22 demands.

Rihanna is lucky that God did not choose to discipline her directly. Take a look at Ezekiel 23: the entire chapter is the story of how God punishes a harlot, God has her nose and ears cut off, God has her forced to "pluck off" her own breasts, and then after being raped and mutilated, she is stoned to death.

Rihanna, on the other hand, only got punched a few times, bitten once or twice, and choaked into unconciousness. God let you off easy, Rihanna!


rest of the thread
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19734

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

And once again the floor is open to questions...

Brother Wiseman writes, "Why are so many nigras becoming terrorist? Why? Why do they go from bad to worse by becoming black Muslims?"

Well, Marshall, it is known that Islam is a religion of degenerates. Degenerate inevitably end up in jails. Darkies are recruited into the jail bird gang of Islam just like any gang of thugs and punks recruit members for rape and shanking. No different than the Aryan Nation groups we hear about in jails.

Brother Raptuaire writes, "Why do the kneegroids like the towel-heads releigion so well? I've noticed some similarities between the way the muslimoids and darkoids speak, like I have heard a darkie say "Ell'yeah *****!" and I've heard the muslimoids say "Allah!" Also, I've heard "Gee, a hahd one *****" and also "Jihad" by the sandcoon. While it seems the negroid and the muslimoid don't seem to always get along, they share that religion. Could you give an analysis on this?

Raptuaire, both the sand and jungle coon being the primitive animals that they are would both look up to the sun and the moon, giving these celestial bodies undue admiration. When the slightly more developed a-rab ousted the false sun god Ra for the equally false moon god Allah the negroid followed suit because the moon has a relationship with nighttime. The cover of dark being the perfect situation to steal and rape. Also the a-rabs, in an attempt to make themselves feel superior, enslaved certain negroids and gave them the Moohamadean religion. Some negroids wishing to elevate themselves to a-rab status started mimicking a-rabs by adopting their false religion in hopes of no longer being Hamites.

Brother Deaner writes, "Is it true that in the ghetto good manners is considered removing the dishes from the sink before urinating in it?"

No, Deaner. In ghettos they urinate on the outside front steps and inside stairways. I do not believe that dishes are even washed in ghettos. The sinks are used to wash niglet babies, chitins, greens, and hair.

Sister Thumper writes, "Is it true negras have an extra muscel in their legs?"

I m afraid not, Sister T. However, hood rats are known to have fast twitch fibers in their musculature. This has developed do to jumping fences, running from authorities, playing basketball all day long instead of going to school, shucking & jiv'in, and from bobbing and weaving around bushes as they attempt to remain unnoticed as they stalk their next rape victim. This type of muscle development is not hereditary.

Glendora has quite a few questions:

Sister, Christianson writes,

1. "How can colored folks afford the gas for those Cadillac Escalades and Lincoln Navigators with the rising price of oil?"

They deal crack.

2. Is it possible to NOT walk to the beat of rap music?

No.

3. I noticed colored folks have pink lips, tongues, and such . . . what color are the naughty bits?

Depends of the skin tone. Your blue gummed blackies have pitch black naughty parts from top to bottom, while the high yellow fellers have a light brownish member with a pinkish peach colored tip. In between those two the coloration will get darker the closer you get to tar complexion. No purple/red coloration or visible green or red veins.

4. a. Why do some colored gals have those great big stand-up butts, even though they aren't that fat?

If you watched national geographic you' ll find that most animals perform the act with the male sneaking up from behind. The descendants of Ham are so degenerated by the time the sons of Shem and Japheth came to rightfully claim them that Satan gave the females a backside to absorb some of the shock from the wild animalistic thrusting brought on by the males.

4. b. Do colored men actually like those great big stand-up butts?

Yes. They absolutely love it. They hoot and hollar like howler monkeys whenever they see one.

5. Finally, there's some young bucks at the liquor store and they keep saying they want to pull up my bumper and smack something, are they planning to valdalize my car?

Did they say, "Smack datazz" ? Brace yourself... Although the negroid love those big round firm high backsides, they would kill their own mother to get a beautiful white woman such as yourself. I must assume that police frequent the area or they know that the owner has a shotgun behind the counter because you are unharmed.

Those filthy degenerate punks want to... do things of a sexual nature... doggiestyle... *shudder*. The thought the common blue gummed negroid with a white woman is appalling. What store is this? Perhaps Elmer and his hunting buddies should pay these coons a visit for showing such disrespect.

Sister Folger writes, "Remy, I can't help but admire you and note that you are an exceptional person. A true credit to your kind. Since I feel so safe with you and you haven't raped me or anything. Does this mean I can trust all high yellow coloreds?"

No, Melissa. Not all coloreds of the lighter persuation are honorary white men. Although it is true that given equal conditions they are better than the tar baby variety, they are usually raised by their darker more savage bretheren. Only trust Landover Baptist Church® approved coloreds. The Reverend Dwight Williams is a darker complexion than myself, but he is a True Christian™ and church approved. Colin Powell is light in complexion yet has regressed and started making trouble for GWB's new head negro Condie. Make sure you consult with church staff before ever being alone with any colored.

Sister Galvin writes, "Is it true that wetbacks private parts are shaped like an aztec spear?"

Because many are uncircumsized in Mexico their privates look more like tamales or some kind of soft shell tortilla wrap. I hope that answered your question, Shannon.


Remy Lebeau
View Public Profile
Find all posts by Remy Lebeau

#2 09-15-2006, 08:46 PM

some of the most rascist shit ive ever read haha.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

I'm rather annoyed (and horrified) at the number of people who ask us what to do when they've caught their son, daughter, sibling or even parent masturbating.

This issue has been addressed over and over again, and while we do care deeply about the private matters of all individuals, the same question getting asked over and over tends to waste space and clutter our forums.

So you've caught somebody doing something bad to themselves. What now?

The first thing you should do is INTERRUPT. Scream at them, tackle them, do whatever you have to do to free their hands from the evil clutch of their privates.

If there is a Bible handy -which there should be in every True Christian home- grab it and smack the perpetrator upside the head with it and then turn to Genesis 38:9, in which GOD obliterates Onan for spilling his seed all over the ground. (Seed is a Biblical term for "semen," GOD forgive me for saying the 'S' word.) This verse only applies to males. If you happen to find a female pleasuring herself, try this verse instead:

There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel. -Deuteronomy 23:17

The above might also be useful if you find your allegedly Christian son involved in the practice of homosexuality.

Once scripture has been read to the self-abuser, start beating and kicking them, calling for the demon of lust to leave! (I once knew a pastor who would bite the face of the masturbator, so that every time they looked in the mirror, they'd see what they had done to themselves.) As you are administering the beating, force the subject to pray for forgiveness and don't quit hitting them until they have repented! If the person is unable or unwilling to pray, beat them harder! The devil is a tough adversary!

After the beating is complete and forgiveness has been asked, it would be prudent to call your pastor and tell him what happened, so that he can relay to the message to the rest of the church and organize a prayer army to keep the demons of lust away from whoever it was you caught pleasuring themselves.

I hope this is helpful, and I hope we don't have to see anymore pointless threads.

Praise GOD and amen!

-Bob Fore

[sketch_three]

*This brings back painful childhood memories. I remember one day when my Godly Father Pastor Lamentations Flint came home early from a missionary trip to Des Moines unexpectedly, and surprised my mother....who was down in the basement listening to Mahalia Jackson records (an obese nigress singer)...Father kicked the door in and gave her the beating of her life...There was blood and screams for hours....She died several hours later from unrelated causes....ANYWAY, I still carry the memories of shame and disgrace to this day, that my own mother would be found "boogie-woogieing" to that Godawful race music that my Godly Father had spent so many hours warning us about...These days I use that basement for training my servants...The blood stains are still on the walls down there....I can't seem to scrub them out.....

[Tony]

I truly believe that the power of prayer is strong enough to heal even the most serious of diseases like cancer, the AIDS, and pancreatitis.




Why did God create other planets?
The Bible only talks about the happenings on this planet, Earth. So, why did he make all the other planets? This is a question that I have had on my mind for some time.


Why do you think he made THIS planet?


Originally Posted by Nobar King http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=352688#post352688)
Why do you think he made THIS planet?


For people to live on and worship him?



Does it matter why? Do humans have a right to know? We know God made them. We can speculate why. If he chose not to tell us, that is 'his business'.



Look on them as tiny lightbulbs - that's their job. You don't expect to do much with lightbulbs or for lightbulbs to have much other purpose. They're just nice to look at of an evening.



That is how I always looked at the other stars and planets. Sky decorations, nothing more.

..

[Tony]

Michael Jackson is still alive. He is a High Priest of Satan, forcing children to commit unnatural acts with Neverland Zoo Animals, then sacrificing these same animals in the name of Satan, and then killing the children in blood sacrifice performing AZTEC RITUALS OF RIPPING OUT CHILDREN'S HEARTS AND EATING THEM SO THAT HE COULD LIVE FOREVER.

Michael Jackson is a vampire and can only be killed by a wooden stake through the heart. In the early 1980's around the Thriller deal, he made a Faustian bargain with the Devil: He would become the richest and most famous man in the world and live forever at the cost of becoming a vampire and a Satan worshipper. He accepted.

Vampirisim explains why Michael Jackson's skin turned white, why his face changed drastically (NOT plastic surgery but the effects of advanced vampirism!), why he had to have an umbrella out in the day light, sleeping in a glass coffin ("hyperbaric chamber"), etc. Even Thriller Music Video shows Michael with FANGS.

NO DOUBT MICHAEL IS IN HIDING PROBABLY IN TRANSYLVANIA.

[sketch_three]

there completly batshit skitzo look ma im eating dad crazy

[Tony]

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/customavatars/avatar2668_2.gif
HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! As you may have noticed, I've taken a liking to a certain member of our forums. He's going to be here tonight and I'm afraid I'll do or say something wrong to scare him away! This has to go right for me because I don't get that many chances!

I've been trying to "play it cool", as the kids say. He asked if I'm single and I said, "Yeah, I am right now." In reality, I haven't had a date in 7 years. What do True Christian women do on dates? What if he tries to do something forward, like hold my hand?

I'm a nervous wreck. I've already made one pot roast but I dropped it in the floor and had to eat it. It took 4 phone calls and a lot of yelling to get someone to go to the store for me and get another one. He seems like a meat man, so I decided to forgo the vegetables and replaced them with bacon. Do you think he'll mind?

I'll be wearing a nice skirt and blouse. The problem with the blouse is that the top button keeps coming undone and I don't want to look like a whore. I've put on a few pounds since the picture I use as an avatar. Will he think I'm too jolly?

If anyone has some advice or comforting words, I surely would appreciate them. I'll check back later as I want to clean the bathroom again.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=23844

[sketch_three]

lamo

like realy im crying

[sketch_three]

Bubbles: Can they be trusted?
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=21416

[Mr yarbles]

lawl at the people that go on that forum and don't understand and then try to argue

[Proper]

Bubbles: Can they be trusted?
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=21416


http://www.landoverbaptist.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=8996&d=1245139872


http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u121/ronnath/furries3.jpg

Hahaha.

[sketch_three]

i know every thread is fantastic,
have u seen the ex negro programe?

[Proper]

http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/787/gaybaby.jpg

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=21600

[Ume]

I got to post one thing, and they banned me, laaame.

[sketch_three]

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=20585

[Tony]

The Bible says that people who say there is "no God" are "'ivveleth (ihv-vel-LETH)" which translates to "mentally insane" (Psalm 14:1) Thus, people who claim to be Atheists are suffering from a mental delusion that can be cured in many cases by steadfast prayer, and/or mild electro-shock therapy coupled with approved medications prescribed by an authorized Christian Psychiatrist or experienced Pastor.http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19316


http://img406.imageshack.us/img406/2092/toz281te7.jpg

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

I saw the topic title as "Bendover Bandits"

[skull-e]

i just remembered i was chasing down a homer so i can purify him from his disease and i tripped and fell and i hurt my back. I didn't want to take any prescription drugs because that is made from satan's army, scientists so i wanted a natural treatment and my doctor recommended marijuana. If god created it must be good for the body and my back doesn't hurt nearly as much as it use to now.

found a troll

[Proper]

We should gather a posse and invade their forum as "Satan's Army" or "Satan's Our God."

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

these are seriously the best trolls evar.they not only troll but they made a whole website to troll on.i fucking love these people.my heroes.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

We should gather a posse and invade their forum as "Satan's Army."

theyll ban you.like hella quick haha.

[Proper]

Do you have to verify your e-mail before you can post?

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

probably.but i dont see how you can troll other trolls...

[skull-e]

they put some guy under ''investigation'' for suggesting that praying probably wouldnt fix someones physical pain and smoking marijuana medically would.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

http://i42.tinypic.com/2mzjymb.jpg

[Proper]

I honestly hope that website is fake.

[Tony]

it never ends..



That's one of the funniest stories I ever read. Christ is gonna drown them in mud for trying to bypass His control over the global energy market. Jesus has already set up a delivery system for natural gas thru several established and trustworthy American companies. If He wanted those chinks to find their own he would have started off by giving them brains.

Brain surgeons

The New Testement states clearly that the mind is in the heart. (Esther 6:6, Proverbs 23:7, Isaiah 10:7, Matt 9:4) People who claim the brain is used for thinking are plainly and simply anti-biblical.
Believers in Micro-organisms

Mircoscoptic creatures are never mentioned in the Bible at all, so we are forced to do a lot of rewriting of Genesis to account for their day of creation, and their presence or absence on the Ark.
Meterologists and weathermen and pilots

The Bible clearly states that the sky is a solid dome, a "firmament," which was firm enough to separate waters above it from those below on the Earth. By Noah's time it was still solid enough to have windows in it that had to be opened to let the rain through. I think that false-Christians that spite on Gid's face by calling it "poetic metaphor" have given in to the godless materialists! The Bible really is literal, in the true sense of the word. The sky was a hard firmament with windows in it-and anybody who says different is a mealy-mouthed evolution-sympathizer.



http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=4474


look at all these people who you cannot trust!!!! always remember, dont trust Anyone who uses Insulin.


According to scientists, the human insulin available for diabetics today is made by genetically engineered E. coli bacteria! What does that have to do with evolution? Real human genes were spliced into bacterial DNA using recombinant techniques, so the nasty germs now churn out authentic human insulin. Kind of sounds like the stuff that makes us human and the stuff that makes germs germy is the same kind of stuff, and is almost as interchangeable as tinkertoys. Maybe it shows that we're closely enough related to our own intestinal bacteria that we can stick a bit of human being into them without their minding terribly. Sounds like a fraud! Obviously it is prayer that keep Diabetics alive, not this fraudulent "insulin", which can be banned with no ill effects.

[LeaksOne]

We should gather a posse and invade their forum as "Satan's Army" or "Satan's Our God."

im down for that. just make some bullshit yahoo accounts and everytime they ban you use another one

[Tony]

I honestly hope that website is fake.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n75y8jHQb2Q

haha it is, totallllly fake.

[H3TT1NG3R]

use www.mailinator.com if your gunna spam them. you can make unlimited e-mails.
just make up any name or anything @mailinator.com then go to their site, type in the e-mail u used, and it shows ur inbox pro

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n75y8jHQb2Q

haha it is, totallllly fake.

way to spoil the fun dick..i found out about 8 hours ago but i didnt want to ruin it.its more funny that way.

[LeaksOne]

way to spoil the fun dick..i found out about 8 hours ago but i didnt want to ruin it.its more funny that way.

dont worry mero its still funny. you can pretty much tell from the home page but once you start postin an readin what other people are sayin its still funny.

[EGO31]

^ thank god it's fake. On the other hand, check out Fundies say the darndest things
Hilarity will ensue.

[BosoeHNT]

Landover Baptist forums is a known parody and troll website.

Fun status: Ruined. For anyone who didn't catch Tony's post...

[Vagrant]

Landover Baptist forums is a known parody and troll website.



Conclusion: THESE ARE THE GREATEST TROLLS IN THE WORLD

instead of trolling as satanists, why not join in the fun and troll as extremely conservative baptist bible humpers?

[DUNSY]

that forum is way too awesome :D !

[ESKiMO2]

They're obviously trolling.
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/PS3.htm

[Facedorateur]

I cant believe how much that website is epic

[Vagrant]

Grammar fail

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

Grammar fail


i fell his pane.

[ESKiMO2]

hahah that's my new religion. I'll put that down for my religion from now on...

[Talitha]

Now, which of you Boys and Girls shall we see in Church tomorrow?

Y'all been saying and doing some mighty awful things.
We can forgive you if you choose Jesus as your Savior.

[sketch3]

how about u acept my egaculate as the savior of ur breasts

[Talitha]

And another thing!
Why am I only a JUNIOR MEMBER?

Do you know who I am? :cool:

[Vagrant]

Oh christ... xD

[sketch3]

a dyke faced cunt rustler

[Talitha]

Oh christ... xD

Not quite dear, just one of his loyal followers.

[Talitha]

a dyke faced cunt rustler

I recognize a case of Tourettes when I see it.
Jesus can cure that, friend.

[Vagrant]

Ladies of landover campain against womens suffrage haha

"LOLCAWS"

[Proper]

You are nothing like the 'real' Talitha. You should say more outrageous and biblically correct things.

[Mr yarbles]

Did sluse just make another troll?

If not
Tits or gtfo

[Talitha]

You are nothing like the 'real' Talitha. You should say more outrageous and biblically correct things.

I can assure you that I'm as real as the Love of Jesus Christ.

You aren't very welcoming are you?

Is it because I is white?

Or is it just because I'm a True Christian™?

[Vagrant]

Tits or gtfo

Roflcopter!

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Support the LADIES OF LANDOVER CAMPAIGN AGAINST WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE today

Campaign against....women having the right to vote?


Sounds like a plan.

[Talitha]

Well!!
Praise Jesus and Glory!
I just got a nice email from your Admins:
Dear Talitha,

Thanks for registering at Bombing Science: Graffiti Forums! We are glad you have chosen to be a part of our community and we hope you enjoy your stay.

All the best,
Bombing Science: Graffiti Forums

Job 19:21
Have pity upon me, have pity upon me, O ye my friends; for the hand of God hath touched me.

[Vagrant]

"She's" a Landover Baptist. I assume they don't support womens suffrage.

[Proper]

I can assure you that I'm as real as the Love of Jesus Christ.

You aren't very welcoming are you?

Is it because I is white?

Or is it just because I'm a True Christian™?

I, too, am a True Christian™. The hostility stemmed from you being on the internet while I am over here starving. Do as the Lord says, and make me a late lunch.

[Mr yarbles]

Well!!
Praise Jesus and Glory!
I just got a nice email from your Admins:


Job 19:21
Have pity upon me, have pity upon me, O ye my friends; for the hand of God hath touched me.

I challenge you to a battle
The word will be Banana phone
Entries due tommorow
Sound like a plan?

[Talitha]

I challenge you to a battle
The word will be Banana phone
Entries due tommorow
Sound like a plan?

Is that anything to do with Brother Ray Comfort and his exciting news that Bananas be proof of God? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGMuIyBK5P4&feature=related)

Other than that, I have no idea what you are talking about.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Talitha, you came to the right place.
Bombingscience is apparently full of satanists, what with all the pentagrams and inverted crosses flying around.


Get to convertin', bitch.

[Vagrant]

I do believe the evil demons can be exercised from my body by being sucked out through my penis.
Please save me, Talitha!

[Talitha]

Talitha, you came to the right place.
Bombingscience is apparently full of satanists, what with all the pentagrams and inverted crosses flying around.


Get to convertin', bitch.

Jesus led me here.
I don't know much about all these Pentygrams and Santanists and such, but I do know that if you allow yourself to be bathed in the blood of Jesus Christ you will achieve eternal Salvation.

[Talitha]

I do believe the evil demons can be exercised from my body by being sucked out through my penis.
Please save me, Talitha!

Friend, I expect you been pulling on your Choo-choo so much in your bedroom that it would take much more than a Christian lady like myself to get them Demons out.
By the way, Demons infest your Colon. Not your Choo-choo.

[Vagrant]

Boo you fail Talitha-troll. she would obviously know what a pentagram and a satanist is.

[Talitha]

So, which one of you signed at Landover as SrsBizns and Posted a Virus Link?
Not nice. I had to ban you.

[LeaksOne]

lady ive heard of demons sneaking too the testicles thus needing to be sucked out. therefore vagrant shall need them sucked out. and before you say somethin about me sucking them out first im not gay and second the procedure has to be done by a woman. get ta suckin and make it snappy cuz im next

[Talitha]

Boo you fail Talitha-troll. she would obviously know what a pentagram and a satanist is.

If any of you sinners are signed in at Landover tell me who you are here and I'll prove who I am.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Jesus led me here.
I don't know much about all these Pentygrams and Santanists and such, but I do know that if you allow yourself to be bathed in the blood of Jesus Christ you will achieve eternal Salvation.


I would, love, to bathe in the blood of Christians.

[LeaksOne]

We should gather a posse and invade their forum as "Satan's Army" or "Satan's Our God."

i think every member of bs should do this.

[CrustOner]

Fail troll is fail.

and I'm in on the Satan's Army.

[Talitha]

Goddamnit, epic troll is fucking epic
Also

Jesus wasn't christian, stupid.

Of course he was Christian.
He is Christ.

He was certainly no hook-nosed dreidel spinner.

[Vagrant]

I disagree, slushi.
She's not believable enough.
Need more scripture quotes and intelligence.
You can tell its someone pretending to be a Landover Baptist.

[Vagrant]

i think every member of bs should do this.

The Landover mods would just ban everyone. There's no point, anyways, since all the Landover Baptists are trolls.
Why wage war with them when we know they're not real?

Seriously I have great respect for those folks. They have the skill and dedication to create an entire community of trolls with the goal of faking a believable ultra extreme baptist sect.

[Talitha]

I disagree, slushi.
She's not believable enough.
Need more scripture quotes and intelligence.
You can tell its someone pretending to be a Landover Baptist.

You are a suspicious fool Vagrant.

HERE (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/thestaff/ladies/talitha.html) is my BIO.

Job 4:17
Shall mortal man be more just than God? shall a man be more pure than his maker?
Behold, he put no trust in his servants; and his angels he charged with folly: How much less in them that dwell in houses of clay, whose foundation is in the dust, which are crushed before the moth?

[Talitha]

Did one of you Homers just post this at Landover?

Talitha has not been saved and wont but has position, mock her, thats sister taitha masterbating, squirting like her child jenny donati and jean poole, thats pastor ezekiel flint masterbating, and bill reuben wants oral and anal sex just like his reverend rev. jim osborne, thats why they are grecian formula 666 hair dyers, dont shake hands with talitha, but hit on her, she is a want to be lusted lost witch, that, pointed, hollie, is sister taitha in the lake of fire with her pastor ezekiel and jean poole and , its jenny donati, said, Jesus, appeared, said, hollie, that is, pointed, hollie, the rev. jim osborne in fire up to kneck, with his dyed hair and bill reuben walked in, thats, pointed, hollie, this whole board in lava, every one, put it on bob, get their names, mocke them

[Billy_Mayes]

I think I'm in love with you.

[Talitha]

I think I'm in love with you.

GLORY!!
I hope you are a Christian man, Brother?

[Billy_Mayes]

I'm whatever you want me to be.

[Talitha]

Did one of you Homers just post this at Landover?

Whoever it was I just Banned him to eternal damnation.

[Vagrant]

I'm seriously laughing.

And there's so many commas in that quote on the last page its epic. Whoever wrote it is a genius

[Talitha]

I'm whatever you want me to be.

Sign in as Bill Mayes at Landover, make sensible posts and I'll send you a friend request.
Maybe then your friends here shall believe who I am.

[Proper]

Sign in as Bill Mayes at Landover, make sensible posts and I'll send you a friend request.
Maybe then your friends here shall believe who I am.

I believe you. I can see the e-mail address you registered with.

[LeaksOne]

Sign in as Bill Mayes at Landover, make sensible posts and I'll send you a friend request.
Maybe then your friends here shall believe who I am.

so your mission here is to convert us all to christianity and for us to join your forum?

[Talitha]

I believe you. I can see the e-mail address you registered with.

Thank you.
When I go out Evangelizing I like to let my hair down a little. You know, do as Romans do when in Rome?
NO!! They killed Jesus (with the Jews). Forget that one.

[Talitha]

so your mission here is to convert us all to christianity and for us to join your forum?

No.
Only those who fall in love with me. :)

[Proper]

Are you an adulterous Christian, Talitha?

[LeaksOne]

No.
Only those who fall in love with me. :)

im already a member.

[Talitha]

Are you an adulterous Christian, Talitha?

No such thing. Adultery is a Sin.
Adulterers should be stoned.

I am a wealthy widow woman who lost her husband under unfortunate circumstances.

[Vagrant]

Ok, so your a real Landover Baptist. That just makes me respect you even more because you went to another message board to troll.

How did you find your way here?
I assume a member of these boards registered at yours and you followed them back here.

[Talitha]

Ok, so your a real Landover Baptist. That just makes me respect you even more because you went to another message board to troll.

How did you find your way here?
I assume a member of these boards registered at yours and you followed them back here.

We use JesOS Operating system on our Servers. It has Anti-Sinner detection.
The details are then sent on to the DOF (Department of Faith) and I come to find out who is trying to Troll our site.

[Mr yarbles]

were you aware of te fact that billy mays is dead?
or is he
Maybe he's jesus?

also I hope I don't get banned at landover now :(

[Proper]

No such thing. Adultery is a Sin.
Adulterers should be stoned.

I am a wealthy widow woman who lost her husband under unfortunate circumstances.

I am very glad to see you have keep your faith so strong in Him.

In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

[Billy_Mayes]

Billy Mays Here! Risen on the third day

[LeaksOne]

I am a wealthy widow woman who lost her husband under unfortunate circumstances.

so your single? :D

[Talitha]

were you aware of te fact that billy mays is dead?
or is he
Maybe he's jesus?

also I hope I don't get banned at landover now :(

I BAN anyone who makes improper or unChristian Posts.
So will the other Moderators.

[Mr yarbles]

Lay off leaks that pussy is mine.

[Vagrant]

we use jesos operating system on our servers. It has anti-sinner detection.
The details are then sent on to the dof (department of faith) and i come to find out who is trying to troll our site.

win

[LeaksOne]

Lay off leaks that pussy is mine.

ill bible fight you for it

[Talitha]

Lay off leaks that pussy is mine.

So, is that why you are signed in at Landover?

[Proper]

Hahaha, banned!

[Mr yarbles]

DAMMIT

I'm gonna go change my sig and avatar to a pair of titties over there and post in as many threads as I can

[Talitha]

So, is that why you are signed in at Landover?

Update: Mr Yarbles
Current Activity: Viewing Thread Homosexual protestors hate the president: Terrorists!!

[Mr yarbles]

How'd you find me so fast!?

[Vagrant]

Nun-porn?

Rule 34 states it must exist

[Talitha]

DAMMIT

I'm gonna go change my sig and avatar to a pair of titties over there and post in as many threads as I can

I just gave you a nice Avatar. ;)

[Mr yarbles]

sarah palin supports retartedness
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=24890

lol that avatar you gave me was hilarious

[weak0ner]

lol this bitch is hilarious.

[Vagrant]

How'd you find me so fast!?

Jesus told her.

[LeaksOne]

DAMMIT

I'm gonna go change my sig and avatar to a pair of titties over there and post in as many threads as I can

hahahaha way to tell on yourself

[Mr yarbles]

lol my name at landover is mr yarbles
Not like it's too hard to find me haha

[LeaksOne]

lol my name at landover is mr yarbles
Not like it's too hard to find me haha

i thought up a whole new name. i think im guna make a new one using this s/n. i got in trouble for my other one haha

[Talitha]

i thought up a whole new name. i think im guna make a new one using this s/n. i got in trouble for my other one haha

You did that all by yourself?
Glory!!
You'll be getting into joined up writing before you know it.

[LeaksOne]

You did that all by yourself?
Glory!!
You'll be getting into joined up writing before you know it.

im sorry but what exactly are you flabbing your gums about?

[Proper]

You need to take some serious trolling classes, Jezus.

Hahahaha! You deleted your post.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

my god what have i created.

[Proper]

Talitha, have I been accepted?

[Talitha]

Talitha, have I been accepted?

As what?
I took the Trash away from your title didn't i?

[Vagrant]

When I get home from work at 11 tonight I'm gunna have some fun!

[Talitha]

When I get home from work at 11 tonight I'm gunna have some fun!

You just go and look for Salvation.
I have to go and spend a few hours with Jesus in my Prayer Closet soon, so I will warn you, you may get banned.

[Vagrant]

I understand.
The lord grants salvation only upon the pure, and just. All other souls will be doomed to hell.
Praise Jesus!

[Proper]

As what?
I took the Trash away from your title didn't i?

No! I'm just 'TRASH' now. :mad:

[Talitha]

No! I'm just 'TRASH' now. :mad:

I have my position within the Church to think about.
If you think I am just some wanton slattern then you are very much mistaken.

I'm sure you can sweep a woman off her feet better than that?

[Vagrant]

That's about right isn't it? Lol

[Proper]

I have my position within the Church to think about.
If you think I am just some wanton slattern then you are very much mistaken.

I'm sure you can sweep a woman off her feet better than that?

I will try. You just watch out!

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Probably one of the most entertaining topics on bombingscience, ever.

[Vagrant]

One of the most interesting events on BS ever.
Considering how it started.

[Talitha]

I will try. You just watch out!

I love your new identity. Proper Job :)

Miss April is really sweet.

[Proper]

Yes, we are truly lucky to have found one another via Landover Baptist online. Thanks a million!

[Talitha]

On that note I must leave you.

God Bless.

YIC
Talitha

[Proper]

:(

[Vagrant]

I think from this point on, July 4th on BS will always be remembered as Talitha Day.

I mean, what has happened on July 4th in the last 233 years? Nothing. Its about time we had something new to celebrate.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

this thread is epic win.and its my thread...therefore through the transitive property or whatever the hell its called that means IM epic win.yay...and yes from now on its talitha day on BS.



talitha is a mod.i bet money on it.

[Ume]

Adulterers should be stoned.

Way ahead of you.

[Vagrant]

therefor I'm epic win

talitha is a mod.i bet money on it.

Not quite. Just because you created the thread doesn't mean you're epic win. You had no part in the events and convo that made this thread epic win. Sorry.

But you are right about Talitha being a mod. Well, partly. She is a mod but not from BS. She was a mod from the Landover Baptist forums.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

:(

not even by the transitive property?

[Ume]

Long Answer: No.


Short Answer: No.


sowwy. :(

[Proper]

^ Hahaha.

"July 4th: Declaration of Talitha Day" - yes?

[dior]

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#1 Today, 03:41 AM
i like
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1


am i a sinner please help

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i was born in the 70s does that make me a terible hippy sinner please help me i dont want to be a sinner


i like
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#2 Today, 03:50 AM
Johnnyboy
Forum Member
Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Southeast North Carolina
Posts: 390


Re: am i a sinner please help

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by i like
i was born in the 70s does that make me a terible hippy sinner please help me i dont want to be a sinner

No, being born in the 70's doesn't make you a sinner. The fact that you're a non typing retard means that God hates you. Have a nice evening.
__________________
Johnny Ray James

1 John 5:12 "He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life".

hahaha im trollin this shit

[Vagrant]

^ Hahaha.

"July 4th: Declaration of Talitha Day" - yes?

yyeess!

[La Coka Nostra]

a message board full of trolls?
why does that sound familiar?



...now who do you think is responsible for such things?
http://www.lmfao.us/content/motivational/miscellaneous/4chan-better-than-sex.jpg

[Proper]

yyeess!


Done.

She sent me a private message earlier telling me she'll try and come back soon. I hope she does...:)

And she helped me a find possible True Christian wife on my first day there. :cool:

[Vagrant]

haha
i'm going to register there tomorrow
i need to think of a good name and persona though
and it will take a few days of lurking to get a feel for the place and how things work
not to mention get in the correct mindset to be a believable Landover Baptist

[Ume]

Done.

She sent me a private message earlier telling me she'll try and come back soon. I hope she does...:)

And she helped me a find possible True Christian wife on my first day there. :cool:

You need to find out why Theophilus was banned. :mad:

[Proper]

You can't really troll against them! You should just act like one of them. It's much funnier.

[Ume]

I WAS! I made a thread introducing myself, said some things about how Im with god, the last thing i said it was in your intro thread! and it wasent even bad, i said we killed commies... gaaay.

[Proper]

You were definitely treated unfairly. :mad:

[Vagrant]

i just registered. i wonder how they'll take it
haha

i think the best bet it to completely pretend to be a crazy baptist.
and not try and troll them, because thats not the point. the point is to make fun of religious nuts by pretending to be them but take it to the extreme.

[Proper]

Miss April, I realize I may have some competition with "ProperLovesMissApril" but remember -- you are his second choice! He came here with the name "ProperLovesTalitha" and once Talitha jilted him he moved his affections towards you. You are a "runner-up" prize in his eyes.

Now surely you don't want a man that thinks of you as a consolation prize, instead I know you would like a man who thinks the world of you...and is a multi-millionaire with an extensive televangelist empire.

Wouldn't you like to be on TV, Miss April? Unfortunately, most of the women on televangelist programs (Tammy Bakker, Jan Crouch, etc.) are well, how can I say this nicely....well, the Lord didn't spend much time designing their looks before placing them in this world. You on the other hand, are quite photogenic and could draw in viewers!

Imagine: Rev Jim and Miss April's Wealth and Health Gospel Hour, broadcast to over 90 countries around the globe! Isn't that a wonderful fantasy to think about? Except, that fantasy may come true someday, hopefully! http://www.landoverbaptist.net/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Haha, this guy is mad cock-blocking me.

[Ume]

Fiiiixxxx ittt!

[Proper]

Lol, is this who you were talking about in the GA thread? I was talking about real life :(

[weak0ner]

i look mexican but im white do i still quilfey as a "True Christian"?!?!! btw id smash that chicks pussy har har har.

[Mr yarbles]

SO i got the ban :(

But I made a new account and you'll never guess who I am

Edit:
Damn that bitch is fast

http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/126/81625056.png

[Talitha]

OK.
Some ground rules for those of you who think you can come to my home and crap all over the carpets :mad:

If you Post anything obscene, suggestive or offensive YOU WILL BE BANNED.

If you upset one of the Mods YOU WILL BE BANNED.

If you upset a Pastor or Admin YOU WILL BE BANNED.

If you upset me YOU WILL BE BANNED.

Banning means aeternal Damnation in this life and the next. If we find out you have returned under a different name and continue to post any of the above YOU WILL BE CONTINUALLY BANNED.

You are a Guest in my home and no more until you are deemed suitable to lose your Unsaved Trash title.

We are a Baptist Forum and as such you will be required to Post as Baptists.

Our heading that says "Unsaved Unwelcome" means just that.

You are Unsaved Trash until you prove yourself otherwise. To become a True Christian is not just a title given to anyone. It is given to those who show they are on Fire For Jesus.

Oh, Your Talitha Rememberance Day is most appreciated.

YIC
Talitha

[Vagrant]

trying to pull off a somewhat believable 9 year old didnt work

You have been banned for the following reason:
underage troll
Date the ban will be lifted: Never


sure it was probably obvious
damn you guys are protective

[Talitha]

You agree that you are 18 yrs or over when you sign up.

Our Boards are more than 10 years old so yes, we are protective.

[Vagrant]

Your boards are probably inappropriate for a 9 year old anyways...

Jesus would be ashamed.

[Talitha]

Your boards are probably inappropriate for a 9 year old anyways...

Jesus would be ashamed.

Our Boards are actually 100% Biblically correct.
Read a Bible and check for yourself.

[CrustOner]

lol'd at piffle.

[nero112]

the fuck is going on here?

[CrustOner]

read the first few posts..

[Talitha]

the fuck is going on here?

I am here to spread the WORD of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Are you another Tourette sufferer? Have I arrived at the wrong website again? (http://tourettesyndrome.forumup.co.uk/?mforum=tourettesyndrome)

I shall Pray for you my Son. :)

[Vagrant]

Our Boards are actually 100% Biblically correct.
Read a Bible and check for yourself.

I never said your boards were less than 100% biblically correct.

I said they are probably inappropriate for 9 year olds, what with all the open talk about homosexuals and some of the opinions of the members.

A 9 year old might not be able to handle the maturity of the boards and would be less than welcome.

[Tony]

Have I arrived at the wrong website again? (http://tourettesyndrome.forumup.co.uk/?mforum=tourettesyndrome)



thanks for that link.. seriously


i found some helpful stuff about my conditions over there :)

[nero112]

umm ok ..thanks

[Talitha]

I never said your boards were less than 100% biblically correct.

I said they are probably inappropriate for 9 year olds, what with all the open talk about homosexuals and some of the opinions of the members.

A 9 year old might not be able to handle the maturity of the boards and would be less than welcome.

Oh yes, I quite agree.

It was your comment that Jesus may not be too happy.

We have the Landover Bible Gun Camp for kids and lots of other fantastic stuff (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/subjectarchive/kids.html)in our archive for them to read.

[Vagrant]

No I'm sure Jesus loves your boards, just not that they're child-unfriendly.
Jesus' love is limitless, and the well-being of children is included in this, but your boards are inappropriate for children, thus denying children an equal place in the light of God, appropriate teachings, and conversation, and achievement of salvation.
I feel this denies children the experience of Jesus' love, and therefor would upset The Lord.

[dior]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unsaved NOT Welcome!

An Unnecessary Explanation

The future of Christianity rests in the protection of a people to practice their religion in a safe environment. When unsaved folks are about, the environment becomes "unsafe." Why would an unsaved person want to go to church anyway? To do bodily harm to the people of God? To cause dissension within the body of Christ? To steal something? Church is not a place for unsaved people. It is a place for Christians to gather and be edified in Bible teaching. It is a place for Christian worship and fellowship. An unsaved person wouldn't feel comfortable in Church. They shouldn't - for does the Devil feel free to bask in the sweet light of God's glory? Nay! If you want to get someone saved, do it outside of the church. It's called 'evangelism.' We are tired of being criticized for our Godly policies! We evangelize over 50,000 souls a month outside our church! There is absolutely no reason for an unsaved person to be in church (the only exception would be janitorial, funeral, or matrimonial attendance).

Q: Would you allow a convicted rapist on parole to speak to your daughter after Sunday services?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow an atheist who knew sign language to interpret your pastor's sermon to the deaf?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow a former priest expelled from his parish by the archdiocese due to complaints about "inappropriate conduct with youngsters" to serve as a guest teacher of your child's Sunday school class?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow a mentally ill street person who speaks to himself in loud voices to sit on the front row during Sunday services?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow an abortion doctor to moonlight as your youth director?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow a Deacon to usher with alcohol on his breath?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow Michael Jackson to serve as a counselor for your church's summer camp for boys?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow Barack Hussien Obama anywhere in your church?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow an AIDS-infected homo with lesions to sit in the pew next to your child with a cold?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow ramps and a crippled section in your fellowship hall?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow negroe gang members to lounge on your church steps, cleaning their guns and listening to offensive ghetto music?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow an illegal alien who hasn't bathed in weeks to sit in front of you during services?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!

Q: Would you allow the Reverend Louis Farrakhan to preach in your church?
A: No! Unsaved are NOT welcome!


Now, we hope your ignorant minds are finally satisfied with the truth. If you have read this article and you are unsaved, kindly SHOO!

[Proper]

SO i got the ban :(

But I made a new account and you'll never guess who I am

Edit:
Damn that bitch is fast

http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/126/81625056.png

Why are you guys continually making accounts for this kind of stuff? Find the Light, c'mon. :)

[weak0ner]

OK.
Some ground rules for those of you who think you can come to my home and crap all over the carpets :mad:

If you Post anything obscene, suggestive or offensive YOU WILL BE BANNED.

If you upset one of the Mods YOU WILL BE BANNED.

If you upset a Pastor or Admin YOU WILL BE BANNED.

If you upset me YOU WILL BE BANNED.

Banning means aeternal Damnation in this life and the next. If we find out you have returned under a different name and continue to post any of the above YOU WILL BE CONTINUALLY BANNED.

You are a Guest in my home and no more until you are deemed suitable to lose your Unsaved Trash title.

We are a Baptist Forum and as such you will be required to Post as Baptists.

Our heading that says "Unsaved Unwelcome" means just that.

You are Unsaved Trash until you prove yourself otherwise. To become a True Christian is not just a title given to anyone. It is given to those who show they are on Fire For Jesus.

Oh, Your Talitha Rememberance Day is most appreciated.

YIC
Talitha


gtfo outta here then hahahaha. you need to remove all that sand from your vagina.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Greetings gentlemen,

My name is the Rev. Jim Osborne and I'm an ordained pastor and televangelist from Orange County, California. I've seen that there is a bit of a misunderstanding involving a potential love triangle between myself, Proper, and Miss April over on the Landover Baptist discussion forums.

Now, I wasn't sure what you meant by "cock block" at first, although I had a vague idea of what you were trying to hint at, so I asked my grandnephew and he told me what you are talking about. Back in my day, we used to call it "keeping the foxes out of the henhouse". But, time has a way of changing language.

My eyes have been set on Miss April ever since she walked through the door here. Just a lovely, beautiful, virginal Christian woman of 18....she is really quite rare. And as the Book of Proverbs tell us, such women are more rare than rubies. Truly a woman like this deserves a fine, outstanding, highly successful Christian husband, which would be me. After going through four unhappy, unsuccessful marriages (and the fifth is on the brink of disaster), I feel that Miss April might finally be "the one", even if I had to wait 68 years of my life to find her!

Now Proper, there are a bevy of other beauties on our boards as well. Perhaps I could offer an olive branch and act as a matchmaker? We have a lovely young lady of 18 recently signed up named Victoria. She's a real treat to look at, lemme tell you! The Good Lord has blessed her naturally. Now, don't go thinking I'm treating God's Favorite Forum(tm) as a brothel. I am just letting you know there are other beautiful, saved Christian women there for you to pursue.

Of course, it goes without saying, that you must first be a saved True Christian(tm) man to go on chaperoned dates with these ladies. And do not expect to "get the milk for free" -- fornication (sex before marriage) is strictly prohibited and we take the utmost measures to make sure it doesn't happen. We do not allow intermingling between True Christians(tm) and non-Christians. The Bible makes it abundantly clear why we should associate with only with our own kind...


Luke 6:22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.

1st Corinthians 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

1st Corinthians 10:20 But I say, that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to devils, and not to God: and I would not that ye should have fellowship with devils.


I would also hope that other members of this forum find the Light of Christ. Jesus is not somebody to be mocked; He is someone to be worshipped. Jesus Christ died for our sins so that we may have eternal life. The blood of the lamb of god takes away the sins of the world.

Also, please treat Sister Talitha with respect. She is an upstanding True Christian(tm) woman and a model for all women to become. It makes baby Jesus cry when you use such harsh words on her.

May God bless you,
Yours in Christ,

Rev. Jim Osborne

[Talitha]

gtfo outta here then hahahaha. you need to remove all that sand from your vagina.

I think you are mistaking me for someone else. Your girlfriend perhaps?

Now, why on earth should I want to leave? I've made so many new friends.

Are you Banksy by the way? ;)

Oh GLORY!!
That was Reverend Jim from the Television :)

I never had a Television until my husband died. May the Lord rest his Soul.
Now I just can't keep away from those wonderful Christian channels.

[BIGdreamSCHEME]

wow.. sickest thread in the history of bombing science

[Talitha]

wow.. sickest thread in the history of bombing science

Is that good?
I never understand a word you young people say these days.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Why, it's lovely to see you here, Sister Tali! :) I just wonder if anyone else here recognizes me.... :cool:

[LeaksOne]

gtfo outta here then hahahaha. you need to remove all that sand from your vagina.

oh man i couldnt agree more. i was banned because that bitch pastor ezekiel banned me for posting skills of a retarded then i corrected him an said its supposed to be posting skills of a retard then he got mad cuz he was wrong and banned me for being a smart ass. yea talitha pastor ezekiel cussed at me. you guys are some of the greastest trolls on the internet but at the same time your stuck up

[weak0ner]

oh lordy lordy save me!!!! i shall never stray from the flock again or something.

[Talitha]

oh man i couldnt agree more. i was banned because that bitch pastor ezekiel banned me for posting skills of a retarded then i corrected him an said its supposed to be posting skills of a retard then he got mad cuz he was wrong and banned me for being a smart ass. yea talitha pastor ezekiel cussed at me. you guys are some of the greastest trolls on the internet but at the same time your stuck up

He banned you for being a smart ass?
Well! I'd never have guessed.

[BIGdreamSCHEME]

Is that good?
I never understand a word you young people say these days.

nah, not that great, this place blows.
I was wondering if the Rev. could hook me up with some sweet True Christian Virgins, just wanna play the field.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

oh man i couldnt agree more. i was banned because that bitch pastor ezekiel banned me for posting skills of a retarded then i corrected him an said its supposed to be posting skills of a retard then he got mad cuz he was wrong and banned me for being a smart ass. yea talitha pastor ezekiel cussed at me. you guys are some of the greastest trolls on the internet but at the same time your stuck up

Pastor Ezekiel is a fine young True Christian(tm) man. I met him years ago, when he was just a boy when he was a caddy for the golf foursome between myself, Pastor Billy-Reuben, Pastor Deacon Fred, and Pastor Al E. Pistle. Even at the tender age of eleven he could quote scripture like those weird guys in India who can recite Pi to 100,000 places.

What we don't care for at Landover is the improper usage of the English language. God's favorite language is American English and just carelessly abusing it is a slap in the face of God. Does not the Gospel of John start out with "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." - John 1:1.

Pastor Ezekiel is a wonderful man and nary a shred of egotism in his soul, but if you come to Landover with the intention to mock our beliefs or start trouble, then you are unwelcome. After all, one of our slogans is "Unsaved Unwelcome".

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

nah, not that great, this place blows.
I was wondering if the Rev. could hook me up with some sweet True Christian Virgins, just wanna play the field.

I thought I made it clear that the Landover forum is not a brothel. What is your intention, sir? Do you intend to find a nice virgin, deflower her and steal her innocence and leave her at the curb? Those practices are severely frowned upon.

IF...you are a True Christian(tm) man who has accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior
IF...You have resisted the temptations of the flesh and do not sin against God
IF...You seek a woman strictly for marriage and all sexual intercourse between you and her will be strictly for producing children with no intent on pleasure

THEN you may be able to go on a chaperoned date with one of these ladies. One of the senior pastors, perhaps Pastor Ezekiel may accompany you. That is to ensure there is no hanky-panky like sex, open-mouth kissing, or petting of inappropriate areas.

[weak0ner]

send me your whores jim. ill show them what its like to be a sinner.

[LeaksOne]

Pastor Ezekiel is a fine young True Christian(tm) man. I met him years ago, when he was just a boy when he was a caddy for the golf foursome between myself, Pastor Billy-Reuben, Pastor Deacon Fred, and Pastor Al E. Pistle. Even at the tender age of eleven he could quote scripture like those weird guys in India who can recite Pi to 100,000 places.

What we don't care for at Landover is the improper usage of the English language. God's favorite language is American English and just carelessly abusing it is a slap in the face of God. Does not the Gospel of John start out with "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." - John 1:1.

Pastor Ezekiel is a wonderful man and nary a shred of egotism in his soul, but if you come to Landover with the intention to mock our beliefs or start trouble, then you are unwelcome. After all, one of our slogans is "Unsaved Unwelcome".

for some reason i feel like bein REAL ethnic so here i go....
*****h wat da fukk you talkin bout? you motha fuckas is nasty havin a 4sum wit all guy. dat shit isa nas-t.
ok but anyways i duno what the fuck your talkin about in that reply. you basically jus said nothin at all. you made no points.

[LeaksOne]

send me your whores jim. ill show them what its like to be a sinner.

wana share??

[Vagrant]

Notice how our True Christian friends are welcome here, and haven't been banned, yet whenever we try to visit them on their boards we are persecuted and banned?
I believe this shows our decency and compassion for all of the Lords children.
God is a compassionate God, and the Lord would want his children to be compassionate as well.

[LeaksOne]

Notice how our True Christian friends are welcome here, and haven't been banned, yet whenever we try to visit them on their boards we are persecuted and banned?
I believe this shows our decency and compassion for all of the Lords children.
God is a compassionate God, and the Lord would want his children to be compassionate as well.

amen brother....amen.
why would you guys come on here and ask us to join then ban most of us that do join? pretty pointless if you ask me. just gtfo. go over to pureg or somethin.

[Tony]

http://www.religionfacts.com/jesus/images/Barzoni-Black-Jesus-Montage-Vincent-Barzoni.jpeg

http://00f2684.netsolstores.com/productimages/black_Jazz/19977_BlackJesus_Pg23_WEB.jpg

http://sharpiron.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/9558black-jesus-and-scenes-of-life-posters.jpg

http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa119/sscmuchlove/2004_BlackJesus_Pg23_WEB.jpg

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

We have no whores at Landover except for the few unsaved harlots that wander in from time to time. No True Christian(tm) woman would spoil herself and disrespect her body which belongs to Jesus Christ.

Well, you only get banned if you are trying to start trouble, mock God, abuse the English language greatly, etc. If you come with respect, respect will be given to you. The forum is intended so we can glorify Jesus Christ and have a nice safe fellowship with each other, away from the dirty porn-infested internet. We discuss the Bible and what God commands of us. Obviously, if someone comes in there to stir up problems, they will get banned.

By the way, I am not a moderator there. I am simply a True Christian(tm). I can attest that I've never seen anyone get banned for a bad reason. In fact, many posters at Landover have crossed the lines numerous of times and have given reasons to get banned.

As for God being a compassionate God, I can only recommend you read the Bible a little bit more thoroughly. Many times God has smite down people and entire cities for sin. And if you do not accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, you will be damned to Hell for eternity. Doesn't sound so compassionate, does it?

We aim at erasing the misconception that "God is compassionate" because that just points human beings to a road of damnation. If you go around thinking that God is compassionate and Jesus loves everyone, you become lax with your own morals. You start to think "Hey, I don't need to follow what the Bible says! God will forgive me!". What is important to understand is that we should fear God and do not want to stray from His Teachings any way. This is why we follow the KJV 1611 100%, through and through, and don't twist Scripture to suit our own needs.

The vast majority of "Christians" see the Bible as a salad bar, where they can pick and choose what they will and will not follow. God is not pleased. And the bigger problem is people get the wrong idea of what Christianity is by these false Christians. This is why people always accuse us at Landover of "twisting Scripture" or "not following Jesus' commandments" because they do not understand the whole Bible and their view of Christianity has been distorted by false prophets. Jesus himself warned us of "wolves in sheeps' clothing".

I hope I have cleared up any misunderstandings you may have had about Landover Baptist. Thank you.

Yours in Christ,
Rev. Jim Osborne

[Pickton's Pigpen]

omg there are people from landover posting on bs.
this is win.




i wonder what Jesus' inventory looks like...

[weak0ner]

We have no whores at Landover except for the few unsaved harlots that wander in from time to time. No True Christian(tm) woman would spoil herself and disrespect her body which belongs to Jesus Christ.

Well, you only get banned if you are trying to start trouble, mock God, abuse the English language greatly, etc. If you come with respect, respect will be given to you. The forum is intended so we can glorify Jesus Christ and have a nice safe fellowship with each other, away from the dirty porn-infested internet. We discuss the Bible and what God commands of us. Obviously, if someone comes in there to stir up problems, they will get banned.

By the way, I am not a moderator there. I am simply a True Christian(tm). I can attest that I've never seen anyone get banned for a bad reason. In fact, many posters at Landover have crossed the lines numerous of times and have given reasons to get banned.

As for God being a compassionate God, I can only recommend you read the Bible a little bit more thoroughly. Many times God has smite down people and entire cities for sin. And if you do not accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, you will be damned to Hell for eternity. Doesn't sound so compassionate, does it?

We aim at erasing the misconception that "God is compassionate" because that just points human beings to a road of damnation. If you go around thinking that God is compassionate and Jesus loves everyone, you become lax with your own morals. You start to think "Hey, I don't need to follow what the Bible says! God will forgive me!". What is important to understand is that we should fear God and do not want to stray from His Teachings any way. This is why we follow the KJV 1611 100%, through and through, and don't twist Scripture to suit our own needs.

The vast majority of "Christians" see the Bible as a salad bar, where they can pick and choose what they will and will not follow. God is not pleased. And the bigger problem is people get the wrong idea of what Christianity is by these false Christians. This is why people always accuse us at Landover of "twisting Scripture" or "not following Jesus' commandments" because they do not understand the whole Bible and their view of Christianity has been distorted by false prophets. Jesus himself warned us of "wolves in sheeps' clothing".

I hope I have cleared up any misunderstandings you may have had about Landover Baptist. Thank you.

Yours in Christ,
Rev. Jim Osborne


if there is a god i sure as hell hope i never have to meet him. your God sounds like a pompous bigot. religon is such cruch ppl use to blame things they dont understand/cant control. die in a fucking fire you troll fuck.

[Werse]

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=60

[Proper]

Pastor Ezekiel is a fine young True Christian(tm) man. I met him years ago, when he was just a boy when he was a caddy for the golf foursome between myself, Pastor Billy-Reuben, Pastor Deacon Fred, and Pastor Al E. Pistle. Even at the tender age of eleven he could quote scripture like those weird guys in India who can recite Pi to 100,000 places.

What we don't care for at Landover is the improper usage of the English language. God's favorite language is American English and just carelessly abusing it is a slap in the face of God. Does not the Gospel of John start out with "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." - John 1:1.

Pastor Ezekiel is a wonderful man and nary a shred of egotism in his soul, but if you come to Landover with the intention to mock our beliefs or start trouble, then you are unwelcome. After all, one of our slogans is "Unsaved Unwelcome".

I should ban you for stealing my virtual Christian virgin girlfriend. :mad:

[weak0ner]

do it for e-love Proper.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

I should ban you for stealing my virtual Christian virgin girlfriend. :mad:

Now, now Proper...Miss April is off-limits. I saw her first. Be a gentleman! Like I said, we have a myriad of beautiful young saved 18-year-old virgins at Landover that you can take your pick of.

HOWEVER, and this is a strong caveat, you must have accepted Jesus Christ as your savior, you must have rebuked all sins of the flesh, and you must agree to go on chaperoned dates with these ladies for the express purpose of marriage, nothing else (no one-night-stand hanky-panky for these gals!)

THEN, you may be considered to be married to them, and let it be warned, that sexual intercourse shall only be made for the purposes of producing children and not for any pleasure on your or your wife's part in any way. Got it?

I have no problem fixing you up with a True Christian(tm) wife, Proper, but you must understand there are rules to be followed. And let me remind you, they are not our rules, they are God's rules.

You strike me as an intelligent, decent guy. I believe you are willing to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. This is your first step. Let me know if you need any pastoral counseling or questions about the Bible.

God bless you,

Rev. Jim Osborne

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

if there is a god i sure as hell hope i never have to meet him. your God sounds like a pompous bigot. religon is such cruch ppl use to blame things they dont understand/cant control. die in a fucking fire you troll fuck.

Weak0ner, my misguided brother, I only seek to show you the Truth. God is not a pompous bigot. He is God. He makes His own rules. Who are you, as a mere mortal human being, to judge the Almighty on what He sets as Accepted and what is Not Accepted, hmmh?

Religion may be a crutch, but atheism is a wheelchair. Don't forget that.

I am not a troll. I am an evangelist. I am here to spread the Good News that Jesus Christ has died for you. All of the sins you have committed, all of them, have been washed away by the Lamb of God with his sacrifice. Read the Gospels. Look at Jesus's teachings. Aren't you the least bit humbled that a man as great as this DIED FOR YOU? Jesus was the ultimate human being, don't you forget that. He was God in the flesh and he presented it to every one.

Weak0ner, this wonderful man, the Son of God, died for YOU. How does that make you feel? How many people in your personal life would die for you? Your parents, your girlfriend/wife, your best friend? I doubt it. Only someone so as pure as love as Jesus Christ would do such a sacrifice for you.

[weak0ner]

how do i know Jesus was ever really alive?! or for that matter was a real person and not some made up trash to control stupid/simple minded ppl?!?! you dont have to preach to me about where im going to go when i die ill deal with that the day it comes NAWMNEEENUKH.

Like I said, we have a myriad of beautiful young saved 18-year-old virgins at Landover that you can take your pick of.

right on padre now you got my interest in the old man up stairs! im really not that bad of i guy i just dont beleive in anything you stand for. but thats alright when the time comes and the old bearded boogie in the sky comes to take us away in the rapture at least ill know least ill know Rev. Jim Osborne was right all along!!!!!!11 byahhh.

[LeaksOne]

we are about to flood your site with activity so the least you can do is humor a few of us.

there not guna let us flood there site. if you dont type perfect. periods commas ect then your gettin warned then next thing you kno your banned. and proper ban jims punk ass. none of his posts mean anything. talitha is enough for bs

[DUNSY]

.::D BEST FUCKING THREAD EVER ! :D:.


(tabitha i want to see you write, show us your handstyles...)
(i wonder if god could bomb some good heavenspots :p)

[Ume]

Pastor Ezekiel is a fine young True Christian(tm) man. I met him years ago, when he was just a boy when he was a caddy for the golf foursome between myself, Pastor Billy-Reuben, Pastor Deacon Fred, and Pastor Al E. Pistle. Even at the tender age of eleven he could quote scripture like those weird guys in India who can recite Pi to 100,000 places.

As I recall Reverend, was this golf foursome not accompanied by Playboy Bunnies? My memory is a bit hazy on which Adult Magazine stars were there but alas, such things would be immoral and a slight against our Lord and Savior because they are harlots who wish to spread the sins of the flesh?

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

hmm, well unlike the rest of you tards, proper punctuation and shit is'nt that big a struggle for me. and i don't think you get what i mean.

unlike the rest of you tards, proper punctuation and shit is'nt that big a struggle

tards, proper punctuation and shit is'nt that big

punctuation and shit is'nt

and shit is'nt

is'nt

..

[garbage down tha way]

I was banned after 3 posts.

[TheMurderousMisterMero_]

backalley is like the fucking punctuation nazi...

[Proper]

I was banned after 3 posts.

The website is kind of boring now. I don't know how they could keep at it after 10 years.

[CrustOner]

It's obvious it's a troll site.. These guys are awesome fucking trolls though. haha look at the t-shirts.

[Vagrant]

Agreed, they're some dedicated trolls. Its insane.

[dior]

i posted ume's signature and was banned

[LOLOLOLOLOL]

Wow, you /b/tards really need to grow some brains or Grow the Fuck Up and GTFO.

[dior]

who the fuck are you please patiantly wait for some one to escort you to the door

[LOLOLOLOLOL]

who the fuck are you please patiantly wait for some one to escort you to the door

Why do you care, Charlatan who has a piece-of-shit car?

[dior]

did you just insult my car?

[LOLOLOLOLOL]

Yes, I had, what are you going to do, kill me with some flimsy cardboard body-kit fitted Civic that has no power whatsoever?

[dior]

no i was guna say i dont have a car haha

[LOLOLOLOLOL]

You're still a ricer. You're going to own and pimp a Civic and be ridicululed, Ricer trash.

[dior]

hahhahahaa im not even a ricer your really funny my fine sir your just making random quesses

[LeaksOne]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/fail-owned-rocket-surg-fail.jpg?w=500&h=375

talitha this ones for you. jim....not so much.

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/fail-owned-god-love-fail.jpg?w=375&h=500
this is more your style jim

[Talitha]

I feel I must share with you all the very kind offer I had via PM from "garbage down tha way".
talitha i must be honest with you. i am attracted to you in an immense way and it would be more than delightful if we could meet up and have sex. i have over 700 posts so obviously im not a troll. cant wait to fuck you. bye!

I have to say, I get this kind of thing all the time.
Whilst I appreciate the thought, I have my relationship with Jesus to think of.
I suggest you go back to your usual self fornication methods and come back to me when you are both old enough and Saved.

By the way, Masturbation is Murder.

God Bless.

[garbage down tha way]

Cant win them all.

[Vagrant]

By the way, Masturbation is Murder.

Could you please validate this claim? Possibly by quoting some obscure scripture? I would really love to hear your explanation as to why masturbation is murder.

While Talitha builds her hopeless case, everyone please take the time to watch this video of Pastor Deacon Fred (aka Chris Harper, the creator of LandoverBaptist.org) speak at an Atheist rally in Washington DC (it's almost 9 minutes long, but funny):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-jk3VvjGoE

[B.S. POLICE]

I feel I must share with you all the very kind offer I had via PM from "garbage down tha way".


I have to say, I get this kind of thing all the time.
Whilst I appreciate the thought, I have my relationship with Jesus to think of.
I suggest you go back to your usual self fornication methods and come back to me when you are both old enough and Saved.

By the way, Masturbation is Murder.

God Bless.


your on bombingscience now? yea riiighttt


trolls will troll

[Proper]

Should I approve this thread?

Oh how I love God's Music. :)
Do you?

Here are a few from my own personal collection:
http://www.bombingscience.com/graffitiforum/attachment.php?attachmentid=6182http://www.bombingscience.com/graffitiforum/attachment.php?attachmentid=6183
http://www.bombingscience.com/graffitiforum/attachment.php?attachmentid=6184
http://www.bombingscience.com/graffitiforum/attachment.php?attachmentid=6185
http://www.bombingscience.com/graffitiforum/attachment.php?attachmentid=6186
What are your favorites?

http://www.bombingscience.com/graffitiforum/attachment.php?attachmentid=6187
God bless
Talitha

Yay or nay? First to 3 votes wins.

[B.S. POLICE]

Fuck no

[Proper]

Stop posting 'fuck no' you turd. :mad:

[Proper]

Can you see the pictures now? Well, I just deleted the thread anyway. 'Nough of this gospel sarcasm stuff.

[B.S. POLICE]

that was my 3 votes proper, i abuse the little power i have

[Vagrant]

yeah lets at least keep the knee-slapping contained to this thread

Talitha, i'm still waiting for your rebuttal...

[Mr yarbles]

should i approve this thread?



Yay or nay? First to 3 votes wins.

hellz yes.

[Talitha]

yeah lets at least keep the knee-slapping contained to this thread

Talitha, i'm still waiting for your rebuttal...

I don't feel the Love anymore :(

If I replied your Mods would only delete it.

Ohhhhh................ the perscution.

Galatians 5: 10-12
I have confidence in you through the Lord, that ye will be none otherwise minded: but he that troubleth you shall bear his judgment, whosoever he be.
And I, brethren, if I yet preach circumcision, why do I yet suffer persecution? then is the offence of the cross ceased.
I would they were even cut off which trouble you.

[Vagrant]

Come, now, Talitha. if you fail to make a valid argument why masturbation is murder I will declare victory and your debate record will be tarnished by a loss. I'm sure your friends at Landover would be very dissapointed, as well as Jesus, that you have failed.

I say masturbation is not murder, and am eagerly waiting for you to debate me.
Somehow I think you know I'm right so you refuse...

[iselldope]

i say masterbation is win,try it talitha pleaaaase atleast one time,do it for your members of BS

[Vagrant]

I want her to debate and attempt to back up her statement soooo bad.

Why?

Because I'll crush her.

[iselldope]

yeah,cause masterbation is good and healty,and why did her so called ''god'' create such an nice function of the human body,