Fail of your day.

[massacreman]

fail of the day:
coming into the toy thread which got raped by retards

[Speedy]

I got fuckin' OWNED by a security guard today.

So I'm in Toronto on a li'l trip, and I heard about this store that sells sick brand-name bike parts out in the open, like easy-as-shit to steal. Sooo..

I walk down there from where I'm staying, I get in there and I look around and I'm like "Holy bawls this is so sick! Ahh, this is gonna be so easy!" There's like 2 cameras in the whole damn store and the employees are running around helping customers like crazy, so they wont notice a thing.

I pick out my stuff, walk quickly to a blind stuff a few feet away and shove the stuff in my hoody, under my arm to hold it there. I look around and there isn't a motherfucker in sight looking in my direction. I'm so happy I just got away with that.

Anyway, I head to the bathroom cause there were beepers at the door and I was gonna look the stuff over for sensor strips. I get in there and there's this homeless-lookin' ginger pissin' and a guy in the stall. I wait for em to leave and go into the stall. I open the stuff nice and quiet and put the packages in the top part of the toilet, where the lid lifts up. I walk out and head toward the door. STILL no suspicious looks. Yess!!!

I walk out, I'm so happy with myself. :) I get like 10 feet from the door and I hear footsteps coming up on me fast and "Hey!"

I just turn all cool and calm, I'm like "Yeah?"

And this big fucking, ripped, shaved-head, arms-big-around-as-my-fucking-torso, 6'5" son-of-a-bitch is comin up on me. I try to act calm and he just comes up and him and this wheeny-ass, like 5'2" guard come to either side of me and trap me with my back to the wall. The big one says "Store security, I need to ask you some questions about some merchandise you were looking at in the store." I'm like "Alright, wadda ya need?" And he says "Come with me." and grabs my arm.

I'm just like "Oh shit, I gotta get the fuck out of here.." And we take a few steps and all the sudden, I just rip away from his grab and book it! I get about 3 steps into the run and he just grabs my backpack and rips it straight backwards, my fucking head almost popped off I got whiplash so bad.

He pulls me back and he just sweeps me face-first into the ground, rolls me over, and jams his knee straight into my fucking neck. With one hand he's got my right wrist and with the other, he just plants his palm on the side of my head and mashes my fucking cheek into the sidewalk.

Just then, the other wheenie-ass dude comes over and does a flying-fucking-knee straight into my fucking kidney! While I'm already on the ground! So I'm just like shocked, and the big guy lets his knee up off my throat just to take his palm off my face and stick his fucking forearm into my throat, instead! He starts rambling some bullshit like "You tryin' to get away from me? You picked the wrong fucking dude to mess with. You ain't goin' nowhere!"

So he lets off his arm the other guy gets up and I though he was gonna pick me up and this would be over and he'd bring me in and whatever, but nope! For some reason, he just decides to clamp his hand onto my neck and just squeeze as hard as he fucking could. I couldn't breathe or say a fucking word. He's just sitting there for what felt like ten minutes with his thumb jamming my adam's apple straight into my fucking brain and he says, "Don't you dare hit me, I'll knock you the fuck out. You're fucked." and I reply as best I could with "You.... Are.... CHOKING.... ME!...." and he lets up a little.

He rolls me onto my stomach again, grabs my arm with one hand and my shirt collar with the other and yanks me straight up, stretching the shit out of my favorite shirt, wraps his arm around my neck, and jerks me around for the 10 feet or so walk to the door. Just as we got to the door, he just throws me full-force into it. Just throws me and then slams his forearm into the back of my neck, crushing my face into the glass. He opens up the door with his other hand and from there it wasn't that bad, he just brings me up, calls the cops, retrieves the merchandise, and they all let me go with a ban from the store and a warning.

That wasn't the fail of my day, though. The fail was that I got wrong directions to the store and walked 2 hours in the OPPOSITE fucking direction to the other end of the god-damn city before I asked someone and they told me I was a fucking idiot. It turns out the place was like a 5 minute walk from where I was staying. I hate fucking google maps.

If that happened to me, that place wouldn't have any windows within a few days.

[wasted1]

falling to sleep while boiling spagetti? till its on fire :D

[Thrice]

In the US at least the people who work in the store can't chase you outside of the store, as far as malls go and security I think if you make it outside you're safe. If security chases you outside of mall premiss I think they can get in big trouble.

[Vagrant]

falling to sleep while boiling spagetti? till its on fire :D

why the fuck were you boiling spaghetti?

[Ume]

.... To eat it I would assume?

[FaultO]

maybe we're all too mangia cake for Vagrant... that boy makes his pasta fresh.

[AteskOne]

http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/9352/kevingarnettpaulpiercea.jpg (http://img42.imageshack.us/i/kevingarnettpaulpiercea.jpg/)
especially mr. paul pierce...

[wasted1]

spagetti rox. specially with delicious sauce :D

[Subconcious]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Alfredo sauce mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm awwggrawwllrrrrgrawlrrr...

[LeaksOne]

lets see....for starters i read someone elses schedule for work and thought i worked 530am to 3 then after i clocked in a coworker told me to check the schedule and i really was suppose to work 10am-7 luckily the manager just let me stay there.

and a couple mins ago i was on the porch and walked directly into a spider web, spider and all, and the whole time i was walking towards it, it felt like slo-mo, i was thinking man why wont this fly move.

[FaultO]

^i did that schedule fuck up last friday.... not at 5:30am though thank fuck.

i went and had two pints in the time i had to spare, and had a great buzz on for the first hour or so of my shift.

so my fail was a win.

today all i did that sucked was scratch my balls and snif my fingers after mowing a couple of lawns in the sun....

man my balls were sticking to everything in sight. so hawt out.

[LeaksOne]

sniffing your fingers is so weird yet so useful. and i dont mean just random sniffs i mean like after scratching places, touching strange things, and most famously after finger fucking.

[FaultO]

i completely agree, you can learn a lot from sniffing your fingers. not only about where your fingers have been, but about yourself as a person.


yeah my friend's a nurse, and when she was training, she was putting a suppository in some volunteer dude's asshole. according to the supervisor, she wasn't going deep enough. so the supervisor grabbed her hand and shoved her fingers in as far as they would go.

haha she phoned me to ask if it was weird that she couldn't stop sniffing her asshole covered fingers.

completely normal i said.

[LeaksOne]

LOL thats kinda extreme but i cant even lie......i would do the same thing, though id gag extremely, id do the same thing

[GuyGuyer of Guyland]

i completely agree, you can learn a lot from sniffing your fingers. not only about where your fingers have been, but about yourself as a person.


yeah my friend's a nurse, and when she was training, she was putting a suppository in some volunteer dude's asshole. according to the supervisor, she wasn't going deep enough. so the supervisor grabbed her hand and shoved her fingers in as far as they would go.

haha she phoned me to ask if it was weird that she couldn't stop sniffing her asshole covered fingers.

completely normal i said.

completely normal... if its my asshole covered fingers

[CeseOne]

well, i was skating this park and im trying this trick into a bank and i slipped out and fell on my head. i dont remember this but apparently i kept standing up and falling down and talking about super random shit that made no sense whatsoever. so that pretty much is my fail of the day

[LeaksOne]

so i was at work and on my way home this job called me and told said to call back so when i got it i was thinking its too late to call them now so i get home and take a super power nap and wake to find another missed call from them. luckily she got straight to the point and wants to schedule an interview.

and while i was sleep my little sister came and asked me where the garbage bags are and i woke up and started touching my ipod docking station then i told her there are no holes so you cant shoot.

[EsKoNeR!!]

cracked open a tallboy of sierra nevada and passed out on the couch before i could take one sip.

[NiL]

cracked open a tallboy of sierra nevada and passed out on the couch before i could take one sip.

fuck yeah

[Papa Crucifix]

Lit a blunt backwards -.- burnt the cardy shit sucked so bad

[iamBoZ96]

last night i was making slaps for a trip so i drew a character and i tried to quickly mass produce it and i wasted about 50 slaps. so epic fail

[IlikePie]

^^You suck.

[Baron]

Not realizing that I don't have any artistic talent.

Yeah, that sucks.

[DukeOne]

Woke up :D:):confused::mad::(

[EsKoNeR!!]

last two posts so prime.

[NiL]

y0 Boz I don't get how your throwie looks good in your sig yet your handies are shit!? Maybe you're like my friend he can draw really good in general and draw good lettersbut he couldn't tag to save himself. Hes a good drawer though

Anyways my fail if you can call it that.
Is I was hoping I'd come home and my dad has to go out (which he did) and I would get to sit at home by myself fucking finally and smoke some bongs and hang out BY MYSELF but my fucking mother is home. I needa move out. But then I won't have anyone to make me dinner do my laundry and all that shit.

[crailtap]

fail: i broke my wrist in two places skating today, doing the most shit simple trick ive prob done hundreds of times. this marks my first serious injury in all of my 7 years of skating.

extra fail: monday im leaving for a 3 day trip with my friends to an amusement park and water park. not only did i just drop $160 on this ticket/hotel package thing this morning, but i prob wont be able to work either, so im broke. i cant even toke up without assistance. this sucks

[technosapien36]

i accidentally broke my bong today :(

[Sbal]

Use an apple. It's environmentally friendly and provides munchies for afterwards.

[Tokyo_ROCKABILY-CLub]

Use an apple. It's environmentally friendly and provides munchies for afterwards.

i give the apple to my dog afterwords. i think he appreciates it :)

[hasemler]

my girlfriend was taking a quiz to see if i was cheating on her in cosmo or some rag like that, and i failed it. Like positive to cheat, she looked at me and i lol'd.

[PeeInTheShower]

fail of my day is finding out i got 14 dollars in my account.

[NiL]

Mine is EVERY day I come on to BS I'm like the only one posting. How great my timing is.

[iamBoZ96]

Yeah, that sucks.

i didnt say that i juss wass half asleep and messed up on sum slaps

[Get Rekt!]

runaway snowboard at the mountain. haha that shit was embarassing.

[LeaksOne]

so i went to the fair with my boy and some of his family and me him and his little brother got on this ride and these 3 sexy hispanic girls were sitting across us on a spinning ride so we get up there and the ride is going and me and my boy were talking about something MEANWHILE one of the hispanic girls titty pop out and my boys little brother was the only one who saw and he was trying to get my attention while it happen up i looked when she finally caught it because apparently she was trying to catch her titty haha. i was so pissed off i missed it.

[SALVO]

That whirling green one?
I went last week, ate a whole bunch, and went on a few rides, not that one though it looked like a total puke inducer.
Had I known boobs were popping out I would have risked it. Thats my fail.

[.aner.]

Woke up at 6:30, have to drive an hour for school to make it for 8... So I showered, ate, got high, fapped and ate again and left at 7:56. I value education.

[LeaksOne]

That whirling green one?
I went last week, ate a whole bunch, and went on a few rides, not that one though it looked like a total puke inducer.
Had I known boobs were popping out I would have risked it. Thats my fail.

hahaha no it was a big blue one called jumping something. i went on that tall blue one where you go inside of it and it spins and sticks you to the wall. that was a fucking terrible ride. i was dizzy for about 15 mins after and i had a headache like no other. and i dont even like riding rides.

[inpho_211]

getting up in class........................................with a boner,,

[MoF.]

getting high and thinkg that its a good idea to put a spoon in the mircowave aswell so the spoon dosent colden up the food then relising your mistake only after its ruined your food :'(

[Tony]

I was starving and ate a slice of pizza that was fresh out of the oven, and burned the roof of my mouth pretty bad... as a result I have been stuck eating soup with no crackers, pudding and water for the last 5 days



I'm so hungry...

[AKnR]

when i woke up

[PETER]

getting high and thinkg that its a good idea to put a spoon in the mircowave aswell so the spoon dosent colden up the food then relising your mistake only after its ruined your food :'( being dumb enough to do this in the first place. Or say colden up..... wtf.... and the guy in the "good afternoon" forum who got popcorn chicken before his interview..... who fucking eats during a job interview. Did you wear your "don't hire me I am a useless degenerate" t shirt? it's fucking KFC!?! How do you not get that job? Wear your underware outside your pants or eat during the fucking interview holy fuck!

[plumbererer]

so, you are pointing out what you consider other people's fails in the aptly named fail of YOUR day? yeah. that makes sense.

[PETER]

so, you are pointing out what you consider other people's fails in the aptly named fail of YOUR day? yeah. that makes sense. This just up lifts me from the fails of my day. Today has been riddled with them. I fucked up a transaction at work that is over a million bucks.... and it's not that big of a deal, but now I have a ton of people up my ass.... in other words ranting about other's fails helps me feel better about mine (even if only temporarily and regardless of how arbitrary it may be)

[AKnR]

a million $ transaction fucked up how is that not a big deal please enlighten me i actually want to know why im not joking:eek:

[PETER]

the system we use is pretty clever. I missed a single digit in a line of accounting and it held up the transaction, but it was a 30 second fix. It just made a few people have to do extra work. We move billions a day as a "company".

[Strange Journeys]

i was taking a shit at school when someone banged on the door, causing me to jump up and let loose on the floor

[IlikePie]

Threw up while brushing teeth. Fuck being hung over.

[twisties]

Getting spooked by a cats meow.

[dreisus]

Alright picture this I'm in a lecture, along with 200 other students, I need to let a huge fart go, I try to do it all sneaky and do it when the lecturer was talking, so mid sentence I figure it's time, I push hard to get it out in time, there was a problem the teacher heard, she stopped talking so everybody just watches me as I drop this fat stinker, then I tried to speed things up and push it out harder, this is where it went bad, it followed through with everybody watching, I just picked up my books and waddled out of there. Yeah I dropped that class haha