Fail of your day.

[Bazer]

I thought this might be another entertaining thread idea.
Post a fail your day.


I was going to put a hot pocket in the microwave and i set the time and started it but i forgot to put the hot pocket inside...

I'm sure you have something interesting to say.

[Vagrant]

First!
XD
Did you not realize your mistake until the microwave stopped and you opened it to get your hot pocket?
That would have been hilarious

I'll post a fail as soon as I think of one

[Bazer]

dude, i slapped the microwave shut, walked to my room and i even waited after the beeping to let my "hot" pocket "cool down"

[Vagrant]

Hahahah
I would pay to have seen the look on your face when you opened the microwave and reached in for... What the fuck? Where's the hot pocket!? Who the fuck stole my hot pocket!!?
.
More than once I've filled a pot with water and put it on the stove to boil, then gone back 10 minutes later to find I never turned the stove on.
.
But there was this time where I drove an hour and 45 minutes to bring some things to a friend who I hadn't seen for months, and I was excited to hang out and explore the city. I didn't realize until I got there that I completely forgot the things he wanted, which was the original reason for my visit.

[LeaksOne]

this didnt happen today but it led to a scar....

once i was at my sisters and she made brownies but they were kinda burnt on the bottom so you needed a spatula to get one but smart me didnt see a spatula out and intead got a steak knife to pry a brownie out and i braced the pan started to get a brownie out then the knife slipped and stabbed my palm. i got kinda nervous cause my thumb went numb momentarily but no permanent damage was done

[toxus]

lmao

[dp26648]

im wearing socks and waterproof socks (ziplock bags) cuz im too broke to buy a new pair ...

it is fail when u hear the ziplock bags goin off when ur walking

or when i try to hide them when in public and come home to half of em sticking out ma shoe

awesome idea for a thread btw

[Asis]

someone decided on my way to the Norfolk base that they hated stop signs so much that they were going to run it over somehow FAIL on my part to get to base on time. When I was called in I showed the CO these pictures he had a hearty laugh and said you're still late son now get out of my office.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i296/S-L-V/CIMG0173.jpg

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i296/S-L-V/CIMG0174.jpg

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i296/S-L-V/CIMG0175.jpg

[conart]

i was pretty baked last night and tried to call my girlfriends cell to see what she was doing. not realizing i had borrowed her phone when it rang i picked it up quickly and said hello.

[lakim shabazz]

going to pick up nug the blunt roll it up and excited to spark then no lightteer and no change to buy one.

[graff4ever]

this happened a while ago
one time i went to fill the bath so i turned the tap on and left come back 10 minutes later to see how full it was and i had never put the plug in

[EST2007]

i just sharted my pants.. and i'm at work. i pulled the "wipe and toss" with my boxers

[crailtap]

this morning i was having a waffle at the dining hall, and the little butter cups were pretty much frozen. so i decided to heat them up in the microwave, forgetting that they had foil tops. the one exploded but i got the door open before anything else could happen. it smelled like ass.

[JayAyDubZed]

going to pick up nug the blunt roll it up and excited to spark then no lightteer and no change to buy one.

Fuck. Hate that shit. Happened to me yesterday.

[Vagrant]

going to pick up nug the blunt roll it up and excited to spark then no lightteer and no change to buy one.

how is this possible? I have two in my coat, and at least three by my paraphernalia

[goonzatwork]

i was talking on the phone while droppin the kids off in the pacific, and it started slipping(both the phone and a cosby kid), and the phone plopped in the toilet while my girlfriend was talking to me about the next time we're having sex.

[Fury]

I saw a guy spray painting his entire trailer black in front of Wal-Mart.

[Vagrant]

I decided to paint my trailer and bought a bunch of paint. But someone put a white cover on a black can, so as I'm painting all of a sudden the next can sprays black.
I couldn't paint over it so I had to go back into walmart and buy black paint and start over.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

While I was at the place getting tested for AIDS today, I went into the bathroom, went to open one of the stalls, and the stall opened inward. The stall door opened and hit the toilet bowel, allowing the door to open about eight inches. Useless toilet is useless.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Oh, and, sticking a cigarette in my mouth while taking a piss, yawning, cigarette in toilet. D:

[Baszma]

i think the bigger fail was when you found out you had AIDS.

[MontanaPainter]

it is fail when u hear the ziplock bags goin off when ur walking

or when i try to hide them when in public and come home to half of em sticking out ma shoe

awesome idea for a thread btw
Horrible idea for a post.

[Vagrant]

im wearing socks and waterproof socks (ziplock bags) cuz im too broke to buy a new pair ...

it is fail when u hear the ziplock bags goin off when ur walking

or when i try to hide them when in public and come home to half of em sticking out ma shoe


this post was fail of the day as is

[Baszma]

I'm just wondering why he needs waterproof socks on a daily basis

[Vagrant]

i'm thinking he wants to keep his toejam fresh

[Baszma]

ahh that's why 2 pairs of socks, to get that extra sweaty feeling.

[MontanaPainter]

Trolling troll was trolling.

[dp26648]

whats new

[garbage down tha way]

one time i was delivering pizza high and the total was like $32 roughly so she handed me 40 dollars and i was like uhhhhh...fuck, how much do you want back? and she was like, keep 5. so i was like, okay, and handed her 5, so she looked at me funny so i was like, fuck, heres 3 more. other words i gave her my whole fucking tip and her change haha. i was driving away like
FUCK!

[Vagrant]

you sir, are a dumbass
i used to be a pizza delivery driver
so i know what i'm talking about

[(SoS)Viruz]

I thought this might be another entertaining thread idea.
Post a fail your day.


I was going to put a hot pocket in the microwave and i set the time and started it but i forgot to put the hot pocket inside...

I'm sure you have something interesting to say.

Happened to me not to long ago so your not alone;)

[proNYNJA]

me and like 10 other writers from my school were posted up in the front of the school behind a cop car, then some guy walks up to my friend and ask him if he writes then my freind says yea RPGk and then the other guys like BOTk and then i hear my freind say FUCK BOTk and start rushing this random guy so they start fighting for like 2mins and all this happened behind a cop car with a cop in it and the cop didnt do anything and then finally when we break it up to cop gets out and is like "why is this kids nose bleeding?" and we said he fell and walked away.

that was the most epic fail i have seen in my life by a cop
.

[garbage down tha way]

you sir, are a dumbass
i used to be a pizza delivery driver
so i know what i'm talking about

dude i was under the gun.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

me and like 10 other writers from my school
.



This in itself is filled with fail.

[Mean Mr.Mustard]

hahaha

[inpho_211]

y would u chill out behind a pig's car??
one time i got home hungry and i was gonna make those 3 minute soups so i put the water to boil and i go to my room..i start sketching and i like the piece im doing so i go all out on the black book..then i smell burnt..i go to the kitchen and the fucking pot was heating itself for like 35 minutes..im such a fucking dumass..

[hielj8022]

[color=#1f3730][font=Times New Roman][size=3]rerea (http://rerea.baidu.ws/147756/Simply.html)[color=#1f3730][font=Times New Roman][size=3]rqqe (http://rqqe.baidu.ws/63796/Since+no.html)[color=#1f3730][font=Times New Roman][size=3]rouer (http://rouer.baidu.ws/70010/Lu+Pu-wei.html)[color=#1f3730][font=Times New Roman][size=3]too (http://too.baidu.ws/61932/1978.html)[color=#1f3730][font=Times New Roman][size=3]altt (http://altt.baidu.ws/50890/Failed+to+keep+the+appointment.html)

[Jackal1347]

So there is this cool girl in my class. Shes into graffiti, and shes good looking. For some reason im always nervous when shes around. I was just abou to ask her for her number, then bitched out : (

[inpho_211]

just go for it..dont b a bitch..its just a female..

edit: that is a fail^^

[Jackal1347]

Thanks for the advice, but i dont see her anymore today. Man, today kinda sucks. I need a cig!

[umop 3pisdn]

walk around my apartment with my backpack on, looking for my backpack. or using my phone to call my phone because i can't find it.

[irockyourass]

so i recently broke out my old film slr camera to start up my little photography hobby again and i've been planning to go to this old abandoned psych ward that's like 45 minutes from my house and i've been planning this out for a few weeks cause shit keeps getting in the way. anyways i finally head out there last weekend and most of the places that i usually use to get into the place are all welded shut and shit. after about a half hour of looking for another way in i finally get into the place. so i'm walking around looking for some ill shots and as soon as i find one i go to take the picture. batteries are dead. fuck

[ironcrack]

readin these post's

[Mean Mr.Mustard]

bought a pack of captain black's today, started talking to the cashier, got home without my pack of cap'ns

[notorious_rame]

Cut my hand open gnarly on broken glass while out writing and trying to climb on some overhang thing and walked 40 minutes to the 99c store with my hand in my sock to get ducttape and tape my hand shut. I got some weird looks on the bus that day.

[Baszma]

Cut my hand open gnarly on broken glass ... to get ducttape and tape my hand shut...


sketchy shit, that's why they make these things called bandaids.



last night i was straight blazed, and this girl was dtf, but hellll naw, I was too busy watching a movie laughin my ass off. shoulda hit it. :mad:

[SALVO]

I spilled half a gallon of white paint all over my carpet last night, and I didn't realize until this morning. I've spent half my day cleaning that shit up and you can still tell there was a spill there.

Fuck.

[EST2007]

^wow i think that tops this thread right now. wicked fail

[Th3t4]

fell up my stairs and cut my shin..... twice

[toxus]

fell up my stairs and cut my shin..... twice

lmao.

this thread is actually quite good.

[Th3t4]

lmao.

this thread is actually quite good.

:P
I was. they're the annoying sort of cut that only hurts when you knock it again XD

this thread has some luls
let them continue...

[Steezy McCreezy]

Was told to put a baked potato in the microwave for 6 minutes, went away to do something, smelt burning and came back to find a flaming baked potato. Spent half a day cleaning that microwave and everything still smells like a bonfire.

[ReadyToStrike]

I told some kid to put a potato in a microwave for six minutes, it set on fire haha.

[La Coka Nostra]

going to pick up nug the blunt roll it up and excited to spark then no lightteer and no change to buy one.


this is the worst. i literally tear my car apart looking for change sometimes. or i just go steal one. but what's even worse is when you rip the blunt or something when you're rolling it, and you don't have money for another.

[OOPS!]

Thats when you just eat it. Haha

[lakim shabazz]

ripppping the blunt is the worrrst

not my fail but i went to the paint section put em in my waist line and about to walk out of the isle and the manager was like 4 seconds to late to catch me HAHA his fail my win

[Obiz_BFM]

this didnt happen today but it led to a scar....

once i was at my sisters and she made brownies but they were kinda burnt on the bottom so you needed a spatula to get one but smart me didnt see a spatula out and intead got a steak knife to pry a brownie out and i braced the pan started to get a brownie out then the knife slipped and stabbed my palm. i got kinda nervous cause my thumb went numb momentarily but no permanent damage was done

dood that must of killed i did somthing similer 2 that once

[LeaksOne]

yeah it sucked especially since i didnt even get to eat the brownie :(

so i went to a halloween party at a co workers stayed for about 5 mins then left and the next day i found out this girl had sex in somebodies car and they fuck all the time but she was on 2 guys the whole night. so i visited her myspace only to find some pretty racy pics she was naked in most but covering since its myspace so i requested her in hopes of getting my weiner lubricated and......well.......it started off ok but now shes just an annoying immature 20 year old who likes to send random text messages. just 5 minutes ago i got a text from her saying "mmmmmmm pomegranate"

fuckin fail on my part. last time i listen to my penis

[-Empty-Can-]

I know a dude who had the same problem. He banged some chick on her porch and then she just kept texting him. lol

[Vagrant]

yeah it sucked especially since i didnt even get to eat the brownie :(

so i went to a halloween party at a co workers stayed for about 5 mins then left and the next day i found out this girl had sex in somebodies car and they fuck all the time but she was on 2 guys the whole night. so i visited her myspace only to find some pretty racy pics she was naked in most but covering since its myspace so i requested her in hopes of getting my weiner lubricated and......well.......it started off ok but now shes just an annoying immature 20 year old who likes to send random text messages. just 5 minutes ago i got a text from her saying "mmmmmmm pomegranate"

fuckin fail on my part. last time i listen to my penis

when she randomly texts you, you should take the bite.

fail on your part for being stoopit

[LeaksOne]

i didnt say i ignore her tough guy. i text her back but shes annoying as fuck. so like i said fail on my part for thinking it would be easy vagine

[inpho_211]

haha^^
i had so many clogged caps and then one day they didnt wanna work..so instead of bombing i got a gatorade bottle and paint thinner and put all my caps in the paint thinner..i started shaking the bottle and didnt put the top on and all the paint thinner spilled on the floor and i had to look for my tips in the dark..i refilled the gatorade thingy and my tips and put the top on and shake the shit out of it..leave it in paint thinner all night and last night i put my only orange dot on a rusto and the mofo cap explodes?? i got pissed and my dad was wondering who threw spray paint all over the wall.. thats a fail..

[PeeInTheShower]

boss tells me to call him to see if i need to come in. i call him and say i'm busy, he says "come in when you're done". fml.

[Small Time Crook]

I woke up again today. That was pretty failtastic.

[OOPS!]

Took a shit and realized there was no toilet paper. Yelled at my brother to bring me some out of the other bathroom and he just laughed at me and got back on the computer.

[Vagrant]

wipe with your hand, throw it at him, then wash your hand

[Flawless Victory]

i didnt say i ignore her tough guy. i text her back but shes annoying as fuck. so like i said fail on my part for thinking it would be easy vagine
Just be like "yeah (whatever she's talking about) is dope. Hey, you want to chill?"

[La Coka Nostra]

pomegranate is dope.

[umop 3pisdn]

fuck yeah, pomegranate.

[Baron]

Ran out of contact solution last night so I borrowed a friends bottle of solution. I failed to realized that it was solution for hard contacts. When I woke up and put the contacts in my eyes it might as well have been vinegar. I haven't been able to focus on anything for the past two hours so I skipped two of my classes.

[crailtap]

damn that sucks. the worst thing ive ever had with my contacts is getting an eyelash between one and my eyeball, and just having tears pouring out of that eye for a while, looking like a nancy boy.
who the fuck wears hard ones anymore?

[Loki X Sho]

I need a hard contact or I'll have to get a corneal transplant one day.

[Steezy McCreezy]

wipe with your hand, throw it at him, then wash your hand
I think he'll be a little more traumatized that you managed to throw your hand at him.

[Flawless Victory]

I need a hard contact or I'll have to get a corneal transplant one day.
I'll give you hard contact.

[.nolove.]

^fail of the day.

[ScueitontheBar-B]

This is a fail on behalf of my math teacher. All period long he was bugging me to do my work. After a while I got annoyed so I asked him.."dude, why are you all up in my shit?" to which he replied "boy ima be all up in your ass if you dont finish that damn work."

[IlikePie]

You should have him fired on grounds of sexual harassment.

[este_oner]

sat on the weed...

[Steezy McCreezy]

Suppository weed?

[Vagrant]

liquid thc enema?

[crailtap]

now theres an idea http://danknuggzz.blogspot.com/2008/12/rectal-marijuana-suppositories.html

[Steezy McCreezy]

Thats a too real it scares me a little, on second thought, the idea of telling someone its the new cool thing, hmmm, given me an idea now. To the lab!

[skull-e]

That website is lolz


and my fails of the day was lighting a cigarette backwards

don't hate

[.nolove.]

i made the mistake of getting suspended from school yesterday and had to walk home early in like 12 degree weather.plus wind chill.i was NOT dressed for it.3 miles is a bitch too walk in below freezing weather in a wind breaker.

[rone]

my fail: im writing a religion paper while on a graffiti site :D

[Baron]

my fail: Im writing a religion paper while on a graffiti site :d

Badass.

[inpho_211]

got an exploded orange dot and decide to go write with it..stupid shit now i got paint all over my head..

[Th3t4]

force to watch twilight- new moon
i fell asleep though so not so bad

[Jackal1347]

I was hungry and had lunch and breakfast. Now I have to lose even more weight for wrestling : (

[irockyourass]

ahhh... wrestling. fond memories of not eating for days at a time

[Jackal1347]

Yup. Going from 155 to 145 sucks. Plus on top of that i have to be hydrated to be certified. Like thats easy to manage.lol

[Vagrant]

"I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys."

[JackJill]

Ran out of contact solution last night so I borrowed a friends bottle of solution. I failed to realized that it was solution for hard contacts. When I woke up and put the contacts in my eyes it might as well have been vinegar. I haven't been able to focus on anything for the past two hours so I skipped two of my classes.

that shit is so painful. :(
I've done that on one occasion but it realized as soon as I put the solution in.
The second time I did it was with the hydrogen solution and i got the solution in my eye. I had to use polysporin drops.

[Baszma]

Got caught smoking weed... Grounded for a month. And the only reason I was smoking is because my girly dumped me for another guy so I was a lil depressed... Today has been the worst day ever, by far.

[SAID]

smoke more my man !

[rone]

Badass.

yess i know

[rone]

"I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys."

lol

[Baszma]

smoke more my man !



Believe it or not I have absolutely 0 desire to do that. I jet want some hydros to fall asleep, and when I wake up my girly's back.

[OOPS!]

Mom searched my car and found all my paint. Oops.

[DukeOne]

mixed latex paint with isopropyl alcohol...it made a marshmallow

[dp26648]

got a call ... answered the phone ... "please hold for the next available agent, your call is very important to us thank you" THE FUCK?!?! hang up!

[Vagrant]

I don't answer my phone if it's a number I don't know specifically for that reason.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

I live with my fiance`, whose ex boyfriend lives in the basement, who brought his new bitch over here. How do you tell your new girl "Hey we're gonna' go hang out at my ex's house, where I live?"

Not particularly MY fail, but, still.

[realtalk]

how does a girl tell her new bf that her ex lives in the basement

[-Empty-Can-]

I don't answer my phone if it's a number I don't know specifically for that reason.

Same here. I never answer any number not in my contacts.

[La Coka Nostra]

how does a girl tell her new bf that her ex lives in the basement


word. sounds like a fail on your part, rots.

[Baron]

Walked into my dorm at 5 this morning. My roommate was passed out, some one was out on the futon and someone else was ko'd in my bed. I was so pissed that I just left and walked another 20 minutes in the rain to my friends dorm and passed out on the floor. No my back hurts.

[Bazer]

i slept on the floor for three months when i got kick out bro. one night aint that bad.
youshouldve cuddled into bed with the guy to see if he'll get off. lol

[umop 3pisdn]

the guy to see if he'll get off


whatever floats your boat man...
i always answer phone calls i don't know if they call twice.


FOTD: had my iPod on shuffle, and 4 songs in a row were just bands intros that were samples and horror noises. basically 3 minutes of just not music.

[OOPS!]

I talked to my girlfriend on the phone while watching porn on the comp.. I muted it so she couldnt hear. =D

FAIL.

[-Empty-Can-]

You muted it instead of pausing it. Now thats a true man.

[OOPS!]

Yeah I can't decide if it's a fail or a win...

[CrustOner]

Both.

[OOPS!]

Yeah word. Either way it's a dick move.

[Siner]

One of my friends said "The first time I did it, I had never done it before."

[CrustOner]

I spent all day in my house today, drawing, and on the internet. I've eaten two meals today, because I was so lazy.

Epic fail.

[umop 3pisdn]

I spent all day in my house today, drawing, and on the internet. I've eaten two meals today, because I was so lazy.

Epic fail.


my two meals

woke up and had my breakfast salad

then had a frozen pizza.

real gangstas eat frozen food.

[inpho_211]

word..

[meteor]

I dropped some ice cream on the floor.

[inpho_211]

Some1 give this nigguh a e-napkin..

[iselldope]

i got 56% out of 100 on my rapport

[inpho_211]

theres a school dance..and im probably the only dumass that didn't go..

[IlikePie]

I blew the sub woofer out in my iPod speakers :(

[Jackal1347]

I blew the sub woofer out in my iPod speakers :(

I hate when that happends. or like when the wire breaks inside of it. Stupid headphones!

[massacreman]

today i fell on my mouth thanks to the snow. kinda cool to have snow tho. we dont have that much snow in holland.

[S!K3_NAW]

my fail of the day; realising you dont wear flip flops in like 16 degrees
damn

[Vagrant]

We do in wisconsin

[Thrice]

Im watching lake placid 2.

[DUSTER]

I've been 4 hours late at job.

[hasemler]

i just unknowingly tipped the pizza guy 20 bucks, happy holiday you bastard.

[IlikePie]

My night started as a win, fucking a bomb girl, lost a used condom in her bed, then fucking her some more with my spare. But then I left my hat at her house :(

[M3KA1!]

went to drop a goodmorning deuce and coughed up a huge chunk of lungs and decided to try and spit in between my legs while shitting. fail. loogie on dick.

[hasemler]

i woke up, after dreaming i had my girl with me, only to remember i'm too gay to get out of the friend zone.

oh yeah i also left BET on.

[lakim shabazz]

rocked a gravity hit last night full of cyrstal but when i put the bowl in, the chamber wasnt all the way down so the air blew most of the kief away FUCK.

[BlacktodaFuture]

waking up, putting pants on, then going back to sleep.

[Flawless Victory]

how the fuck is that a fail?

[BlacktodaFuture]

slept for few hours, woke up real sweaty. balls and all

[Vagrant]

went to drop a goodmorning deuce and coughed up a huge chunk of lungs and decided to try and spit in between my legs while shitting. fail. loogie on dick.

I lol'd

[zaco]

i just tried smoking the last of my bud outside with all this snow and wind, i couldnt light the shit and the bud ends up falling out my one hitter and scatters with the wind. i bend ove to pick up what i could find which was nothing at all, i stand back up an the cord of he my head phones gets caught on my knee and snaps in half.
winter is fucking horrible!

[HëRbN]

lol i had a similair one but minus the headphones. I woke up and found just enough left overs to load a bowl then RIGHT AFTER i loaded it i dropped my steamroller and it binked off the table and spun around flinging my only bud all over the place to never be seen again. Least the piece didnt break though

[RhodeIsland]

Lost a can walking to a spot, then dropped an other can a little later. Both pretty much full.

[JustChillin]

I was leaving my friends house and when we leave we have to lock the wooden gate. No one was their with me to lock it so I have to lock it and then climb the fence.

I walk my bike out of the gate and set it down and then for some stupid reason I hopped the fence to shut the gate and lock it when I could have just walked through.

[NoCanControl]

the fail of my day is when i went up the stairs stoned, to find out my parents invited tons of people to the house for a Christmas party. i was in my pj's and with messed up hair. i hate white people. sons of bitches

[MEARoc1]

i dropped a lit cig on the carpet, picked it up, hit it, didnt taste carpet FTW!!!

[zaco]

the fail of my day is when i went up the stairs stoned, to find out my parents invited tons of people to the house for a Christmas party. i was in my pj's and with messed up hair. i hate white people. sons of bitches

haha that must have been awkward as shit. my parents do stuff like that all the time and i hate it too

[hasemler]

ugh, digging a 96 grand prix out of the snow in nothing but jordans a beater and boxers with a broken broom.

[M3KA1!]

ugh, digging a 96 grand prix out of the snow in nothing but jordans a beater and boxers with a broken broom.

you are a god among men.

[leg-e-leg]

went to go clean up tha kitchen, decided i'd put in a new brita filter for tha water thing cuz im rarely home... so i go to check the cupboard nex to tha sink, i cant find shit, start dumping everything all over... still cant see it. so im like 'fucc this' i stand up, and hit my head wit tha other cupboard door which i left open, square in tha temple... then i felt dizzy... and this is where i went to go n sit down

[THAT BOY DOWN THE BLOCK]

took too much adhd pills and had diahrrea side effects, took it right before school and my stomach was all turnin and shit, horrible man. when i got home my poop was all watery dude shit was disguisting.had to lay up in bed whole day cuz i shitted too much.oh and i only skated for 20 minutes -_-

[FrEEk_nine-o-fizzle]

so last night i was making ramen and i put the ramen in the pot of boiling water, went to my room to see if the GA tread had any new posts and spent the next 20 mins on bombingscience while my noodles got burnt to the bottom of the pot

[rush2]

today i saw a boiled egg it the refrigerator that i wanted so i put it in the microwave and i took it out and took a bite & it exploded in my face

[LeaksOne]

^^ dont you know never to put eggs in the microwave??

[Bazer]

oh shit for real dude? O_o i didn't know that. why does it assplode?

[M3KA1!]

today i saw a boiled egg it the refrigerator that i wanted so i put it in the microwave and i took it out and took a bite & it exploded in my face

holy shit that happened to my dad when i was like six. funniest shit. he just poked it with a fork.

[Vagrant]

oh shit for real dude? O_o i didn't know that. why does it assplode?

moisture in the whites turns to steam and is contained under the shell
when its penetrated it explodes

[umop 3pisdn]

when its penetrated, it explodes


lol wot.

[Vagrant]

when its penetrated it explodes

thats what she said

[realtalk]

i left one in the pot that i was boilin the water in cuz i was gettin lifted an i hear i loud ass pop an egg an shell is all over the kitchen

[Stuck]

i woke up this mornign and had to go piss so i was pissing and i got lazy so i decided to try to sit down while continously pissing. i lifted my leg up and over the toilet but then slipt on my dogs drool...i made a mess :p

[PSYS]

...learning that inpho_211 has never used a DecoMarker.
A sad day, indeed. and quite possibly... the biggest fail of my day.

:(

:D

[-Empty-Can-]

I don't know if this is a fail but I was getting some ice from the ice dispenser on my fridge. So the ice is coming out and outta nowhere a stick of butter falls into my glass. I was like wtf? and started laughing. Sometimes my mom keeps stuff on the top of the ice tray and I guess this managed to get through.

[Thrice]

Share a class with one of the hottest chicks i've ever seen and she was telling me how she had to sneak into the school to get to class cuz they took her school ID away or something due to some payment shit.
So her next class was in the same building as my next class, and the security is nuts at that building; luckily there is a side door with a scanner for your school ID and there isn't a security person who checks ID so she asked me to meet her at the side door and let her in....I fuckin got there and waited my ass for like 15 minutes at the fuckin' door and the bitch didn't show up.....Bullshit!

Not much of a story but my days have been pretty bland, i just hate when people do that shit, i mean the class was right after the one we were just in, so I doubt she got there much earlier than me.

[inpho_211]

i was in class an this gurl i knew in 7th grade walked in an she sat next to tha desk i was in..an she was lookin fine as fuk..she asked if she could see my paper an when i get up i accedentilly kik my desk an tha mothea fucker falls down an makes a big ass bang!!
i walked to her all cool an gave her tha paper..
that shit was embarrasin..

[PSYS]

...having the weekend start tomorrow and realizing today i don't have any real plans. blah. dammit. i need a mop!

[kripto_asc]

http://blog.bernardgomez.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/alfalfa.jpeg
wat a DUM ASS!!!!!

[M3KA1!]

i just dropped my smokable on my crotch

[slim.571]

just tried to leave to go hit up a few spots tonite nd the back door is blocked in with a foot of ice it wont open so i cant get out

[NiL]

I've masturbated 3 times in the past hour and now I'm running late to see my girlfriend.

[HATER666]

i set my alarm for like 8:30 this morning because i had an interview for this job seeker shit. i was having the best sleep i've had in weeks (fucking froth the rain), so i dragged my ass outta bed and got ready, walked to my appointment, got soaked, and i got there only to be told its next week.
shit is rough ahahaha
now i'm in the library freezing in the aircon

[AeRo_yadidimean?]

i fell into a 5 foot high pile of needles and used condoms
):

[SAID]

Hahaha
cool story bro!

[AteskOne]

wtf?

it was pretty windy out today. while i was on a smoke break during class i was talking to this chick who was pretty cute. finished my cig and decided it'd be a cool idea to poke it out on the wall of the school. the wind blew the hot embers right into my eye.

[Speedy]

We're doing glass mosaics in art class. Well yesterday I was using the grinder to shape a piece of glass and I didn't have the safety glasses on. A little shard came up and got in my eye and I held it open to make it water to try to get the glass out and when the tear came out it was red. So remember kids, wear your safety glasses unless you want to cry blood.

[Jokz]

yesterday was march second and so time to buy a new trainpass which i didnt. i decided to take the train neways cuz i have no other way home for school. one stop before i get off the freakin security comes around to check the passes. i got fined 110$ because i was too cheap to buy the 5.50$ trainticket...........FAIILLLLL

[the cannabis evangelist]

opening my sumons to jurry duty
fuck i cant even make it thru like a half hour tv show about court
wat if its some 5 year oj style case with apeals and cross examing evidence n shit
fuck

[AteskOne]

hit a dog with my car at about 45 mph. pretty sure it's dead. didnt stop to find out. wait is that a win or a fail? well it's a fail for the dog.

[BlacktodaFuture]

quickly shaved this morning and missed alot of spots so i look like a premature joe dirt.

[Kayone707]

hit a dog with my car at about 45 mph. pretty sure it's dead. didnt stop to find out. wait is that a win or a fail? well it's a fail for the dog.

hahaha. thats cold.

[the cannabis evangelist]

last night i was scraping the grinder out, just got inuff for a small bedtime joint when my cut my finger and screamed fuck, wich scared my cat into spilling my weed

[Fluffy Bunnies]

gettin high and finishing a bowl, as soon as the landlord knocks on the door and sees the cat i am not supposed to have and writing him a cheque while gone outa my head

he didnt say anythinh though haha

[MAST]

went to see GZA tonight. smokin a cig outside, i dropped it, bent down to pick it up, and my left knee popped and i felt a really sharp pain in it. now every time i bend it, there's some insane pressure and it feels like it's gonna pop out of place. now it's starting to hurt again.

GZA was tight though

[WoeInfinite]

went to the bank to cash a check. get to the teller to fill out a deposit slip. turns out i left the check at home. vunderful.

[syne7]

Telling a girl she looks sexy on a picture, get deleted from her friends list.

lmao.

[crailtap]

my dad called me telling me that my uncle had to have his leg removed (complications from a lifetime of smoking)
and i laughed and called him out on his april fools joke
but it wasnt a joke...

[Flawless Victory]

lRL LOL.

[crailtap]

yeah i laughed my ass off at him, but he was like srsly

[the cannabis evangelist]

my dad called me telling me that my uncle had to have his leg removed (complications from a lifetime of smoking)
and i laughed and called him out on his april fools joke
but it wasnt a joke...
ouch

[BIGel]

this was the fail of two days ago.

I went into the dmv in downtown portland, and got arrested for some bullshit trespassing ticket in fucking Alabama. They obviously weren't going to send me thousands of miles to pay a 200 dollar fine, but still they held me for over 24 hours. Motherfuckers! And i didn't get my license!

[IlikePie]

I just texted my crazy Russian ex girlfriend who threatened to pull a gun on me (which she does have) if I ever talked to her again. This should be an interesting morning.

[otter]

Lol at the dude with the leg

[Colorplace]

im gonna fail in about 45 minutes when i enter that shitty job i got ...cleaning the mess in a meat factory

[Awzer2]

working out then smoking a cig..

[cigarette]

I just texted my crazy Russian ex girlfriend who threatened to pull a gun on me (which she does have) if I ever talked to her again. This should be an interesting morning.

ex gf with a gun.
watch out for that .

[IlikePie]

If I do not post tomorrow, I am either hospitalized, or dead.

[hasemler]

i helped a crippled ass dude in the mall with my gf get his nylon jacket caught off his scooter thing, and my gf's exact words were, "you do have feelings".

Fail

[signal]

im high and i got really bad cotton mouth.. so i go to take a drink of my coke (which was used for an ashtray earlier) and well you know the rest from there... im still thirsty

[viseversa101]

u ashed in it already? haha

i got 1 tho my gurl paints too n we was scopin this yard packed full of auto racks n see a car
so i tell her get down n we dip in weeds...well i guesss it was the start of a swamp n she was in water layin
shes movin around n im like quit movin i dont want him to notice...never knew she was in water






FAIL

[imported_big_boss]

my sister deleted a shit ton of pictures off the comp that I was going to use. So much for opening PS and Illo today...

[<[(Smokers187¤GS¤WM)]>]

Did some throwies this weekend so we finish filling in outline, then we start on the forcefield. The can was already practically empty I just brought it to finish it off my homie did his and I started it and its skippin on the first 5secs then it forced out some more and then just stops, we were recording and you just hear my homie say "FAIL" in the background hahaha

[Speedy]

4 days before my 18th birthday, I hit a cop car head on. No lie. My court date is May 10th. I think after this post the thread can be closed. lol

[Fake123]

I started a tag with the cap on last night I was like god dammit

[DirtyDozen520]

my girl was goin through my fone today and she noticed that i didnt save her number..uh ohh

[viseversa101]

haha my g/f found old pics of my exe

[<[(Smokers187¤GS¤WM)]>]

Getting outta my car then I hear a loud *SMACK* and my foot was southbound hoping to meet the cement but instead I hear a scraping sound, I look down and see my phone under my shoe now the left side is all scratched and half the call button is scratch off...oh well it looked good for the first four months lol

[DirtyDozen520]

my girl was goin through my fone today and she noticed that i didnt save her number..uh ohh

things are all good now,,if anyone cared lol

[M3KA1!]

trying to sneak a bite of a cheeseburger in the middle of drunk sex.

[viseversa101]

my girl just deleted the pix n took sum of her instead

[NiL]

Dayum bro, I've deleted nude pics off my phone cause I got a new girlfriend then we break up and I kick myself for deleting the fuckers rofl. Awell got another girlfriend now so all sweet. And LOL @ DirtyDozen gjb

[Speedy]

trying to sneak a bite of a cheeseburger in the middle of drunk sex.

hahahahahahahahahahaha. That's so classic.

[fromthegrave]

pictures of others girlz?? u save those shits kheds. email.

[LeaksOne]

well i wanted some microwaveable burritos so i pulled 2 out looked at the directions. 1min 15secs add 1min 15secs to every additional unit. so just to be safe i added 10 extra secs. so once they were done i pulled them out but they werent that soft so i kept adding more time thinking i had defective burritos. then i thought about it. i put the time on 1min 40 secs instead of 2 mins 40 secs. fucking a

[pleasedontstayr]

i woke up today and realized i spend every chance i get on bombingscience and 4chan. fuck.

[NiL]

WELL I came around a corner off a really fucking bumpy road in the wet, turned the corner dunno what happened ran up the gutter got back down tried to drive sounded like the bumper was scrapping got out that was fine everything fine, look at my wheel it's smashed in and apparently some CV bs is broken in my gearbox luls.
Tis fucked I just got it.

[viseversa101]

look at the bright side, u had ur car all weekend

[AoAssis]

Trying to ride a fixie for the first time and going over the handle bars and fucking up your friends bike in the process.

[FaultO]

went to scratch my choda today and my finger slipped through the new hole in my boxers and hit my butthole (didn't go in), but no way was i about to scratch my eye without washing my hands!

not much of a fail i guess.... still sucked.

[LeaksOne]

how bout when you scratch your balls secretly through a pocket or something and accidently end up pinching your ball. shits terrible. the scratch feels good until you squeeze your ball/s.

[FaultO]

some of the worst ball pain is when you're biking somewhere and a ball gets pinched between your leg and the seat. it wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to bike back to where you came from.

i've never pinched a ball in my pocket. but i've nutted myself doing the worm and playing squash (hit my junk from a serve the second time playing, almost barfed).

what a horrible feeling.

[LeaksOne]

you nutted doing the worm? LMAO you probably got SUPER intense once the sensation started

[FaultO]

yeah i can't really do the worm very well.... i was in jeans and i guess they had my shit in a bunch that i didn't notice until it was too late.

fack.

luckily i was alone at the time and spared myself some embarrassment.

[LeaksOne]

haha thats HILARIOUS. you had to feel it coming though. or did you?

[FaultO]

i was hammered.... so.... no. didnt' feel it coming.

i've also made the mistake of trying the worm with keys in my pocket. haha i'm a retard.

[LeaksOne]

haha youve got some pretty good stories involving the worm

[otter]

i just came to the conclusion i only like my gf when i'm drunk.
but i like everyone then.


i think i'll fuck her a couple of times and end the relationship.

[NiL]

look at the bright side, u had ur car all weekend

haha but still, bright side is, is it cost $800 and something and my lovely parents will pay cause I has no job like a slack cunt so I'll pay em back after.

[keepsicks]

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q148/keepsicks/4513378592_349af6f514_o.jpg

[NiL]

Lmfao that ice cube shit made me lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll so hard

[PeeInTheShower]

fail of my day is having to move tv from old house to new house, not having enough gas to get here and there, having to not move until i get my paycheck which isn't even guaranteed to be over 150 dollars, of which 75 i owe to some kid.

[IlikePie]

Apparently last night I needed McDonalds more than anything in the world. I woke up with the remnants of a Hot-N-Spicy jammed between a McDouble around my bed.

[menso]

havin to deliver flowers to my moms grave

[FaultO]

^wtf? did you fail at it or something?

[LeaksOne]

yeah thats not really a fail thats pretty sad....

i guess i fail alot when i go somewhere and accidently make eye conact with ugly and/or fat girls and they start cheesing. i feel bad for them haha

[kace91]

2 weeks studying for a final exam, last year of highschool. I overslept.

Now I cant take the seletivity (a test needed in my country to go to university) until i pass the recovery exam in september.

[DirtyDozen520]

Apparently last night I needed McDonalds more than anything in the world. I woke up with the remnants of a Hot-N-Spicy jammed between a McDouble around my bed.

i had a dream about doing that,,after i read this..
holds more significance than i though i guess

[Amanda Reckonwith]

Took my roomates car to work, someone broke in jacked
the shitty ass deck and my favorite pipe ever from hempfest 2 years ago
fuckin fail

[dp26648]

4 days before my 18th birthday, I hit a cop car head on. No lie. My court date is May 10th. I think after this post the thread can be closed. lol

jesus mutha fuckin christ .. thats a hell of a way to start a driving record. i hit a lady who worked at the polic dept once

i thought it was fuckin awesome ... my car flew way to the other side of the road .. and i hated my car so damn much ... fucking cobalts totaled that bitch ... best thing that ever happened to me

[Speedy]

Haha it's funny you say that because I drive a Cobalt and it fucked up the cop's car worse than my car was. I pushed his push bar into his grill. By the way, I got off without any points but I had a 120 dollar fine for "failing to yield to an emergency vehicle". In my mind I won though, because I know a hell of a lot of people who would pay more than 120$ to hit a cop...

[massacreman]

got a 4,8 out of 10 for my exam geography...

[Siner]

Haha it's funny you say that because I drive a Cobalt and it fucked up the cop's car worse than my car was. I pushed his push bar into his grill. By the way, I got off without any points but I had a 120 dollar fine for "failing to yield to an emergency vehicle". In my mind I won though, because I know a hell of a lot of people who would pay more than 120$ to hit a cop...
They didn't make you pay for the repairs though?, sounds like you got off pretty good!

[FaultO]

got a 4,8 out of 10 for my exam geography...

hmmm yep. i guess that would be the definition of fail.


geography isn't that hard man.

[Subconcious]

I got fuckin' OWNED by a security guard today.

So I'm in Toronto on a li'l trip, and I heard about this store that sells sick brand-name bike parts out in the open, like easy-as-shit to steal. Sooo..

I walk down there from where I'm staying, I get in there and I look around and I'm like "Holy bawls this is so sick! Ahh, this is gonna be so easy!" There's like 2 cameras in the whole damn store and the employees are running around helping customers like crazy, so they wont notice a thing.

I pick out my stuff, walk quickly to a blind stuff a few feet away and shove the stuff in my hoody, under my arm to hold it there. I look around and there isn't a motherfucker in sight looking in my direction. I'm so happy I just got away with that.

Anyway, I head to the bathroom cause there were beepers at the door and I was gonna look the stuff over for sensor strips. I get in there and there's this homeless-lookin' ginger pissin' and a guy in the stall. I wait for em to leave and go into the stall. I open the stuff nice and quiet and put the packages in the top part of the toilet, where the lid lifts up. I walk out and head toward the door. STILL no suspicious looks. Yess!!!

I walk out, I'm so happy with myself. :) I get like 10 feet from the door and I hear footsteps coming up on me fast and "Hey!"

I just turn all cool and calm, I'm like "Yeah?"

And this big fucking, ripped, shaved-head, arms-big-around-as-my-fucking-torso, 6'5" son-of-a-bitch is comin up on me. I try to act calm and he just comes up and him and this wheeny-ass, like 5'2" guard come to either side of me and trap me with my back to the wall. The big one says "Store security, I need to ask you some questions about some merchandise you were looking at in the store." I'm like "Alright, wadda ya need?" And he says "Come with me." and grabs my arm.

I'm just like "Oh shit, I gotta get the fuck out of here.." And we take a few steps and all the sudden, I just rip away from his grab and book it! I get about 3 steps into the run and he just grabs my backpack and rips it straight backwards, my fucking head almost popped off I got whiplash so bad.

He pulls me back and he just sweeps me face-first into the ground, rolls me over, and jams his knee straight into my fucking neck. With one hand he's got my right wrist and with the other, he just plants his palm on the side of my head and mashes my fucking cheek into the sidewalk.

Just then, the other wheenie-ass dude comes over and does a flying-fucking-knee straight into my fucking kidney! While I'm already on the ground! So I'm just like shocked, and the big guy lets his knee up off my throat just to take his palm off my face and stick his fucking forearm into my throat, instead! He starts rambling some bullshit like "You tryin' to get away from me? You picked the wrong fucking dude to mess with. You ain't goin' nowhere!"

So he lets off his arm the other guy gets up and I though he was gonna pick me up and this would be over and he'd bring me in and whatever, but nope! For some reason, he just decides to clamp his hand onto my neck and just squeeze as hard as he fucking could. I couldn't breathe or say a fucking word. He's just sitting there for what felt like ten minutes with his thumb jamming my adam's apple straight into my fucking brain and he says, "Don't you dare hit me, I'll knock you the fuck out. You're fucked." and I reply as best I could with "You.... Are.... CHOKING.... ME!...." and he lets up a little.

He rolls me onto my stomach again, grabs my arm with one hand and my shirt collar with the other and yanks me straight up, stretching the shit out of my favorite shirt, wraps his arm around my neck, and jerks me around for the 10 feet or so walk to the door. Just as we got to the door, he just throws me full-force into it. Just throws me and then slams his forearm into the back of my neck, crushing my face into the glass. He opens up the door with his other hand and from there it wasn't that bad, he just brings me up, calls the cops, retrieves the merchandise, and they all let me go with a ban from the store and a warning.

That wasn't the fail of my day, though. The fail was that I got wrong directions to the store and walked 2 hours in the OPPOSITE fucking direction to the other end of the god-damn city before I asked someone and they told me I was a fucking idiot. It turns out the place was like a 5 minute walk from where I was staying. I hate fucking google maps.

[CanalSt]

You should've ran when he said hey.

The fail of my day is seeing Stay High 149 today in 5 Pointz and forgetting to ask him to hit up my black book.

[kace91]

I dont know how it is in USA, but at least in my country, if a security guard from a store ask you to go with him and you say no they dont have the right of use the force against you.

The only thing they can do is call the cops, but they cant keep you in the store until they come, they only can do that when they have seen you stealing and they have proofs (i dont mean proofs of the stealing, i mean that they have to proof that they knew you have stolen something even before they registered you).

If they use the force against you, you have the right to report it to the police (even if you were really stealing) and they'll be juzged for it, they can even loose their jobs.

[DirtyDozen520]

haha god damn what a good read!

[fromthegrave]

id go back late at night and destroy that place

[AteskOne]

dude security guards in the US are usually roided out mother fuckers that are tapped and dont give a fuck about you. security guards will beat the shit out of you if you give them a reason to. i got choke slammed at a bar the other week by one guard, who then flipped me over, then 2 other guards grabbed me by the belt and shirt and hurled me out the door flat on my face. not a fun night.

[pleasedontstayr]

subconscious if i could quote that whole thing... i would. you got your ass handed to you, he probably stretched your ass while he was at it,
feel sorry for ya man

[Vagrant]

Fyi, if you walk out the store and someone tries to stop you FUCKING RUN!
They don't stop innocent shoppers. They only stop people if they have probable cause or saw you steal. If you stop then you're screwed. Run while you can!

[408Bomber]

went to get a bowl of cereal, poured it into my bowl, opened the fridge... no milk!

[AteskOne]

your day must be ruined.


not