Suicide

[bilal_tariq]

Peacebomb - I know exactly how you feel man and don't even inch towards the self end man 'cause I didn't have the nerve to do it either and honestly I'm living to draw too and I sometimes feel that I'm crying in my head at certain times but yeah I try to cheer myself up by taking my mind off things and I do this by studying and reading and doing research and while doing those I sketch to take a break and live life a little every time, it helps bro it really does.

For me, I look around people and see how they need drugs or alcohol to either keep themselves happy or overly numb their sorrows so that if they can't get happy, at least they can't get sad either, and I think that's just messed. I've never looked at drugs and alcohol as materials to boo away any problems in life because they are just temporary numbing materials like anesthesia and sooner or later those problems still come back to haunt you because they're lurking right above your head, the only difference being that they can't be in your head while you're intoxicated because the drugs and/or alcohol are invading your mind at that very moment, once they're gone, those problems find a way to sneak back into your mind again and you're back to square one.

You see before my loved one left me, she made me stop everything, and it's not like I ever did either on a regular or a totally insane basis, sure I can count on my fingers the number of times I have but that was it, and I'm so happy I stopped for good and I'm far away from her in a different country and she doesn't trust me at all and she could probably be thinking that I'm puffing up and juicing down and all that but I'm not and the reason why I never even approach those things is because I've seen how people feel like lowlifes when they smoke/drink, they feel guilty, they feel messed up like they're not doing anything in life, they feel like all their hope is gone and such but they have no sense of any of those negative feelings because they're just so numb, so distorted - AND I'M GLAD I'm not ever going to be in that mindset again in my life ever because I feel so messed up that she's left me and if I were to ever consume such materials, it would just make me realize what a bloody horrible person I was even though my intentions were to love her and the worst thing is she has never given me any answers so I keep questioning myself and I don't want to that while I'm intoxicated because I might do something wrong to myself if I don't get the answers I need to know to find out why she had to leave me. Gah it's making me think about that all over again but I'm happy to see that in the past few pages no one has actually made a girl the reason to commit suicide, I'm very proud of everyone here who's managed that because no one should let anyone else ruin your life and lead you to ending it because of that person.

Love for all, hatred for none, my family always taught me that, I wish I was back my mother and father because living alone in a country miles away doesn't really help but I guess it makes me a little stronger... somewhat.

And I'd never go to a councelor because they'd never understand my problems and even if they did, they'd never be able to help me because they can never bring her back to me and she just won't look at me in the same loving light that she always did, heck I don't even exist for her anymore but I'm trying to punch myself in the face and telling myself that it's my fault and it purely is so I can't cry about it because I've been a douche who's made a lot of mistakes but never cried over them and I'm not planning on crying over them and doing something harmful to myself this time either. Councelors only come in handy if the problem is very basic and if they person is having a hard time wrapping their head around that problem to solve it.

I just hope everyone find a solution to their problems, I pray so much for everyone's happiness all the time, even though I don't know so many people's names, I still pray hoping that whoever is having any problems - please resolve them in some beautiful way. Bah I also hope Doc isn't serious about being gone.

But yeah, good morning everyone, one of the side-effects of my messed up mind is that I can't really sleep anymore, I've been like this for a long time now where I get to see the sun wake up before I can even think of a wink of sleep.

[.A.K.4.7.]

I feel suicide is selfish and pathetic. How can you do that to your loved ones? You are merely transferring your pain onto others. It solves nothing. There is ALWAYS a way through depression.

These are my opinions, let them offend you if you want, but don't try to talk to me about Psyk and Boner, I knew them and it doesn't change my opinion one bit.

[Decide]

I feel suicide is selfish and pathetic. How can you do that to your loved ones? You are merely transferring your pain onto others. It solves nothing. There is ALWAYS a way through depression.

These are my opinions, let them offend you if you want, but don't try to talk to me about Psyk and Boner, I knew them and it doesn't change my opinion one bit.

finally

[bilal_tariq]

Truth. Screw suicide, there's always a way out, that's what I always say too. I don't have many people who I can associate myself with daily but shit if I did I'd have shudders knowing they're not there anymore because they committed suicide... just have some concern and regard about what and how you're going to affect lives around you after your life is gone, it makes a huge difference. What if every time you and your boys had a session that you guys always run every other day and now that you're gone, those guys don't even chill no more and even if they do kick it once in a while, it'd be brutal to run a session without having you around in the rotation right? Plus how do you think they'd react if your name ever came up during that or whenever? Trust me, if you don't want to be put in all those shoes, then don't put anyone else in those shoes either.

[.A.K.4.7.]

These kids just going on about their depression and shit as if it's killing them. This sounds cheesy and played out but seriously, think of the fucking kids in africa. They get through day to day, why can't you?

Go to councilors, get out and do things, go for walks, take photographs, see the beauty in life. Get off this suicide trend, it don't make you a martyr, it just makes you look like a coward in my eyes.

[bilal_tariq]

Yeah, good looks on the suggestions 'cause most of those things are what I do too - photography, sketching, going for walks and stuff, just not going to counselors ever 'cause like I said problems go deeper and deeper and they just won't understand. I just look at this thread to come and just talk about reality a bit 'cause not everything in life is "unicorns and rainbows" as she'd say so I come in here to help out people and at the same time recluse a bit. Talking is always a good way to get stuff out, and A.K. as much as I respect you, I'd say some of us on here do a job as counselors helping out people just like how you are too, by telling them that it's weak to end yourself, I guess I'm just using a more subtle tone.

[Siner]

These kids just going on about their depression and shit as if it's killing them. This sounds cheesy and played out but seriously, think of the fucking kids in africa. They get through day to day, why can't you?

Go to councilors, get out and do things, go for walks, take photographs, see the beauty in life. Get off this suicide trend, it don't make you a martyr, it just makes you look like a coward in my eyes.

You do have some good points, but what you have to realize is that for alot of people, depression IS killing them, it's so destructive to their daily lifes that when thought of ending their own lives come into their heads, thats pretty much whats killing them.

I wanna come in here to help people throught there problems, cause if we can help save one life whats the harm of that. And awesome posts bilal_tariq, hope your doing alright, your posts are really insightfull.

Anyway, I just wanted to post this PBS documentary that I watched on TV a couple of years ago, I thought it was really good, it's pretty long but if you want to understand depression, I definetly recommend you watch it, it's in 9 parts:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9951IX6hos

[KidN]

It's not selfish if your reason for suicide is the fact that no one loves you.

[Aesir]

^Is it fucked up that that made me laugh?

[Worms]

suicide is in my head daily...i always envision just ending my shit its fuckd and lately ive been seeing some weird shit....like shadows and blurry figures of animals and bodies my parents r threatenin to kick me out if i dont go to counseling but i dont feel like talkn to some snobby bitch who could give a fuck less

[Siner]

Dude, you might not think that a counseler doesn't give a fuck about your situation, but maybe they can offer some suggestions about things that you could change in your life to make it better. I mean even if you could talk about your situation more in here maybe we could even offer some suggestions to you.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

These kids just going on about their depression and shit as if it's killing them. This sounds cheesy and played out but seriously, think of the fucking kids in africa. They get through day to day, why can't you?

Go to councilors, get out and do things, go for walks, take photographs, see the beauty in life. Get off this suicide trend, it don't make you a martyr, it just makes you look like a coward in my eyes.

Who the fuck are you?

[PeeInTheShower]

kidn you're right, in most suicide cases, the person felt like not even their parents cared about them. and did you know the root of depression, committing of violent and non violent crimes, bad parenting, and self destructive drug use, usually comes from lack of love from their parents? i know we can all kid with our friends and say "what? your parents didn't love you or something?" but see here, it's no bullshit. talk to any addict that has hit rock bottom and turned their life around, and they'll tell you themselves that they used their parents not being there EVERY SINGLE TIME as a justification for drug use and other crime. and obviously, your parents can't drop whatever they're doing all the time to come help you when you need it, but when people have self destructive behavior where they feel like there's no hope, they'll use anything they can as an excuse..

and siner, sorry to say, but counselors don't care. i know this personally. i was court ordered as a kid to see a counselor and whenever we had nothing to talk about he'd bring up shit like "and how did you feel that your dad was always at work? did you feel like that made him a bad father" and i thought to myself, "holy shit, this guy will say anything to fill up these 45 minutes"

edit:and food for thought. ak47, no way in hell can you compare africa to america. we are promised so much in america, and when we feel like those promises of "freedom" aren't fulfilled, and we can't trust our own authority, our own higher power, that we feel like the reason to live is to fight the government by destroying ourselves. to show authority that we "stand out" in a sense. some people figure that suicide is fame, and they'd rather rest in fame than work the everyday 9 to 5 and abide by bullshit laws which everyone (everyone being the average joe citizen) realizes are unfair, but choose to do nothing but obey. some people don't stand for it.

[Siner]

I guess I see what you mean by most people who commit suicide have no love from there parents.For alot of people like me, and other people who have posted in here who are surrounded by love in their families, it's doesn't matter at all, we still feel depressed as fuck. No amount of love can seem to change that. And I wasn't saying counselers give a fuck, I was just saying that they could hopefully offer you some suggestions if your depressed.

[.A.K.4.7.]

Who the fuck are you?

Someone with an opinion. Who the fuck are you?

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Someone more important.

[.A.K.4.7.]

yep.

[Backalley Abortion Doctor]

Two years ago.

And I've never seen you post a picture of, anything.

[.A.K.4.7.]

I could post something from 4 years ago that can kill that, shut up.

[DoctorOfCrime]

ahh man i am pretty much crying right now RIP You shouldent have killed yourself your Family is not taking it well. I didnt meet you to meny times but you where i nice guy when i was around ya.

Rest in Peace DOC

I am not dead