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wow thanks for the love guys, i mainly ignore what people say, they try to bring me down because they feel as shitty as i do. New year starts tomorrow, 10th grade. Most people leave my alone, there is the select few who manage to find a way into my head. Ive never defended myself, thats proboly one of the reasons ive felt shitty by what people say about me, the fact that i have no back bone to stand up for myself
find something to do with yourself rather than be self conscience, forreal. itll help. you guys feel down on yourself because you watch everyone get bigguped while you sit down an get nothin. GET YOURS. whether its knowledge, graffiti, sports or whatever. do what you do. stop sittin on the internet being sad an shit ya know?
you get what you take, if you aint gettin up to take yours. you aint gettin shit. look on the bright side, you live once. even pain is better than not existing. at least in my eyes. appreciate everything.
butters, do something to boost confidence. as bad as it sounds. smoke a joint or get drunk. drugs an alcohol fucks you up. but if you can control that shit in modest amounts, itll help open your third eye and boost self confidence. not sayin become a self destructive alcohlic IE me. but ya know, jam out an take it easy. dont bug on popularity. cuz everyones a loser in someone elses eyes.
Last edited by GuyGuyer of Guyland; 09-06-2010 at 12:59 AM.
Guy is right. Get up and fucking do something instead of sitting around doing nothing. One of the main things I noticed about my own depression - and other people's in the same nut house - is that when your keeping distracted and doing something, you're NOT sitting around stuck in your head, and thus, you don't feel like shit.. as much at least. Sitting around and doing nothing is probably the worst thing you could do when your suicidal.
I know I completely trailed off from what guy was actually saying, but whatever.
Right now, I'm just starting College. I left my girlfriend (honestly feel like shit about it. Not going into it though.), so I have nothing to do in my spare time. I don't make friends because I'm afraid to. I try and talk to people but I just sound retarded, and after that I just feel like shit and start putting my self down further and further until "the box," is open. The box refers to the thoughts, memories, and self hatred I have.
Suicide is starting to become a main subject in my mind, once more. I have my coping mechanisms, but like before, their going to stop working and I'm eventually going to turn to my old methods of coping, which would probably be the death of me.
Romero - Friends are tricky mother fuckers. The kind that you speak of are scavengers. Like vultures, really. They fly around looking for meat (your weed, paint, what have you.) and then leave once the carcass is picked clean. It's a depressing thought, but a lot of people are like this. Doesn't mean you shouldn't keep looking for someone down to earth about a friendship, because those people are out there too. Just look for them.
About your Mother, and your family in general. She sounds like, from what you describe of her, a miserable cunt. But look at things for the big picture. WHY is she saying that shit to you? Well it's for a couple reasons most likely:
1. She hates herself. This is a no brainer and no doubt true. People who put others down, specifically in your case, are themselves in there own eyes a failure so they must make people feel how they do. From what I've seen of it, and experienced, you can break these people down by showing it doesn't matter what they think of you.
2. She's a cunt.
Don't let her get to you, if you start telling yourself that shit and feeling it's true, you've lost. Not life, not anything, but you've lost control over your own self image. Maintain it, don't look in the mirror for days, listen to music the second you walk into the house until you slam the door behind you to leave, laugh as much as you can, smile as much as you can, frown only when you need to. Smile the tears of disappointment - laugh off the sense of loneliness.
Depression is a disease. It's a festering fucking sore that stays open and gets worse. It's pressure, it's stress, it's sadness, it's the very essence of pain bottled up and delivered to you unwillingly. It's hard to deal with because the pressure keeps building up and building up day by day and there's no way to release it in your mind. There is though, throw a ball against a wall, punch your pillow, or combine the two and punch a ball -- or a wall. Not literally, but you get me. It's stress that needs to be released. Like a valve, until it is turned the pressure is not leaving. I wish I could be more help on this subject, I'm great at dealing with the pain myself because I've lived with it all my life, but I'm shitty at helping other with theres.
Butters - Keep ya' head up. It's a shitty rap for being different, but eventually people will stop giving a shit. They'll leave you alone eventually. And when they do it'll get better. You'll feel better and you'll make new friends, the same as you, people who will accept you. I feel like their's more your not putting out, but whatever the issue is, don't ever consider suicide as the way out. Because if you take that route, every single person thats ever tormented you, or bullied you, or put you down wins. It might seem like they already did, but they didn't. In the end YOUR the one taking there shit, and your the one who's gunna' grow up tough as fuck because of it. When your 18, your going to notice the stress of life isn't getting to you as much as it is to others. Things don't piss you off that make others furious. This is Karma. Things will go your way, just keep on going.
go fucking paint instead of being all depressed and shit, after you mob ur local blvd or freeway, then lets see if you wanna off yourself, i bet you'll wanna get a nice night of sleep so you could get up and do it all over again, and again and again. you think dudes like YNOTSE would tolerate people whining about how bad there life is. Dude would probably do anything to come back just for 1 night and paint. You guys have all the time in the world, make use of it and do graffiti. You are on a graf forum, so you must be interested in it.
This thread makes me smile... I know kind of weird.
But the support in here is strong and nothing more real than words of people that have been there.
Depression gets easier as you get older, because you rely more on yourself and eventually there comes a point that you just don't care what other people think.
So sadly just toughing it out everyday works.
I'm not a big fan of this get drunk and do drugs stuff, but I did it too. And it did open my mind to stuff but that disillusion to life grows old and eventually you need to face reality. Plus don't lower your own personal expectations, raise them be better than what is going on around you.
ive tried twice and im thinking about trying again...
im a toy, but ive got a natural talent for graff. it makesm e forget how loneley i am and how much everything sucks. but my parents wont let me do it and im under lock and key
it sounds like your about 14? surly things aint that bad.
for all you loneley mother fuckers stop sitting on the fucking internet all day! your never making friends on bombing science! If your too much of a gimp to be friencds with cool kids, go make friends with some even more gimpy cunts.
i fucking hate this tread
The music is what its all about.
I love it just like you love it, thats why your here, im here coz i love to play, you dont come i cant play and i love to play.
Loosin it hardcore about to go off the fucking deep end. Best friend ran off with my fiancée today. Walked the streets for hours lookin for the mother fucker, and that bitch. Puttin him in acoma if i see his ass. Life's a bitch then you die. Feels like its not worth shit now. Im feel my self fallin deeper into this fucking hole. Drugs only numb it to a certin extent. Lifes shit.
I'm just getting into graff and I guess I'm a toy or whatever, since I barely started, but yeah. I can relate to this thread.
I just got out of the hospital for attempted suicide, anorexia, cutting and bulimia.
I almost got back into that shit, but instead, I picked up a pen and started sketchin graff and it's basically saved me from myself. it's what I do all day everyday now and I'm getting better at it. I hope to be there to support anyone who needs it and to get support.
everyones life falls apart at some point....im going to be spending time in jail because of what i had to do the other night...i had just moved to a different city and most the people i have met so far are fucking snakes....they let me down and now im getting fucked over..i dont know what to do with my life and i hope i can make it to the good times
depression isn't about getting outside the house or surrounding yourself with people
i know most of you will find this video kind of gay
but hey im a girl and like all inspirations of inner reflection
@ -surfa-uk i had to beat these guys with a bar because everone who i was with ran away...not what i wanted to do..and then they snitched on me
not gna lie i teared up readin some of this shit n thinkin back to when ive had some fuckin bad depression. i get such a thrill holding a blade to my wrist but never actually cutting myself. maybe thts a good thing cuz idk if id ever actuly do it cuz when i rly think about it i have so much to live for but at the time i jus wanna die so i dnt have to deal with anything
i drink beer n smoke cigs...yeah...