word yo im just figuring shit out i used to be happy. always get wat i want and shit but im looking back at my years and shit i always was a loner even if i tried to fit in man i spent receses alone in elementary shit was fucked up and ive known these kids for years since JK .. i always made people laugh but i didint seem like it was a good laugh it was some awkward your an idiot joke laugh.
Well understand this, It could be a lot worse. Things are not always that peachy and will never be perfect but you take the good with the bad. In being a loner, your mind grows faster than it should and faster than those around you. When they are cracking jokes like fools, your mind is racing at ninety to nothing and you understand and see things in a different light. time goes on and things will get better. all it takes is time. When you look back, you will see then, that is was not THAT bad, and I will warn you now, bad bad things can happen, and most likely will. Loved ones will die, and Loved ones will get sick, this is all a part of the fucked up cycle of life... It goes on friend..
So well said eh, and about the mind growing faster, I can say that about myself too minus the loner part although I do spend a lot/majority of my time alone with myself and do meet a lot of other people during other times and I will say that yes I do see everyone in different, each in their own and you understand people better. I'm just happy I'm going to get a good night's sleep, took a warm shower, and comfortable in bed, life is good night is young school work is going and gah I don't feel a thing right now because I'm just going to deal with all that once I wake up. Peoples catch on some rest trust it clears up a lot of grogginess and makes you feel more fresh and able to approach things in a better light.
Siner: I'm sixteen and a half, but I got no job. 25 months until i can move out! and thanks, you've been a major help. If you ever have any issues, shoot me a pm, look me up on AIM, gimme a call, whatever. I owe you one. Romero: yeah, he's never articulated that to me, he's just made up facts and figures to dissuade me. I understand that I'll be shipped straight to Baghdad, and that Marines get put on the front lines. I was the one who had to explain that to him! he just doesn't make sense.
Every one I wish the best for you. The BS Forum has been awesome while i have been on. Bye world Bye forum
nah dog, you don't need to do that shit today, or ever. If you have a problem, talk to me about it. I'll help you a lot more than dying ever will. shoot me a PM.
pick your shit up and deal with it simple as stop bitching and moaning only you can change what you deem depressive and what ever else.if you need to talk to someone try a close friend or fuck maby your mum.or grandparents they do help .
step 1 of my plan is underway, and things are looking up! On the downside, I'm about to start working out with some local marines at 0600 every fuckin day. Should be fun!
Live in the now, I always say. Well no I don't, but it applies. And yeah, snort one zanni bar + a couple beers and it hits you three times as hard. The Xanax is just a precursor to make the booze better. Doing Xanaxi by itself is kinda lame. Unless you snort/eat half a script or so. And you can't pop zannis like skittles either, you get used to the effects and have to take a break for it to really hit you again. Like a nicotine buzz. I used to drink like a fish, my biggest vice. I spent my nights getting wasted to forget everything. And this isn't too long ago either. I've talked to many a BS member on a lonely, drunken, depressed night. I never acted like a frat boy and got drunk at parties and shit. I much prefer getting drunk alone, with some music, and my cell phone to text message all the people whose lives I've fucked up, once I'm too loaded to care. Now I just smoke like an open flame and eat Xanax. I have my own script for it for anxiety sooo I get it free. I see my therapist tomorrow at 2.
Backalley, do you have a celly now? bcuz if so, pm me and I'll give you my numba, so i can text you even when I'm not on AIM. At least when you feel like communing with the general public.
yeah its not the feeling of like suicide. I get the feeling of deeeeeeep depression like it actually feels like something is screwed in me. No matter what I do Im still in the really deep depression. I live only to draw that is all. Its like im crying in my head constantly. I dont get a thrill out of my life at all no matter what i do... its really scary...I want to enjoy life but its like something is stopping me... you guys seem to be helpful so you guys got any advice?
Thats what I really liked about alcohol too, cause it just numbed the pain and blurred my depressed thoughts. But I got sick of drinking cause of bad hangovers and feeling like shit all the time. I don't really feel all that much better now that I haven't drank in about a month, but whatever. Anyway, too me, it almost sounds like you have just switched one addiction for another, that being, alcohol, for xanax, and then just a couple of beers. But your really not gonna feel better until you stop all that shit. I mean, I know your prescribed xanax for anxiety, but you shouldn't be abusing it. Sorry if it sounds like I'm judging you cause thats certainly not my intention. Anyway, how depressed are you lately anyway, like is it still bad? Well first of all, I'm glad your not considering suicide, thats one thing thats still positive. Anyway, my suggestion would just be to talk about you felling with anyone who is close to you, rather that be your parents, friends, cousins, etc... Sometimes just getting your feelings out can just be really helpful. It definetly sounds like your depressed, so I would also recommend that you maybe see a counselor, I don't know if your in school but if you are I'm sure your school has one and you could look into seeing one, and they could also offer you some suggestions, hope this helps and good luck.
ahh man i am pretty much crying right now RIP You shouldent have killed yourself your Family is not taking it well. I didnt meet you to meny times but you where i nice guy when i was around ya. Rest in Peace DOC
Peacebomb - I know exactly how you feel man and don't even inch towards the self end man 'cause I didn't have the nerve to do it either and honestly I'm living to draw too and I sometimes feel that I'm crying in my head at certain times but yeah I try to cheer myself up by taking my mind off things and I do this by studying and reading and doing research and while doing those I sketch to take a break and live life a little every time, it helps bro it really does. For me, I look around people and see how they need drugs or alcohol to either keep themselves happy or overly numb their sorrows so that if they can't get happy, at least they can't get sad either, and I think that's just messed. I've never looked at drugs and alcohol as materials to boo away any problems in life because they are just temporary numbing materials like anesthesia and sooner or later those problems still come back to haunt you because they're lurking right above your head, the only difference being that they can't be in your head while you're intoxicated because the drugs and/or alcohol are invading your mind at that very moment, once they're gone, those problems find a way to sneak back into your mind again and you're back to square one. You see before my loved one left me, she made me stop everything, and it's not like I ever did either on a regular or a totally insane basis, sure I can count on my fingers the number of times I have but that was it, and I'm so happy I stopped for good and I'm far away from her in a different country and she doesn't trust me at all and she could probably be thinking that I'm puffing up and juicing down and all that but I'm not and the reason why I never even approach those things is because I've seen how people feel like lowlifes when they smoke/drink, they feel guilty, they feel messed up like they're not doing anything in life, they feel like all their hope is gone and such but they have no sense of any of those negative feelings because they're just so numb, so distorted - AND I'M GLAD I'm not ever going to be in that mindset again in my life ever because I feel so messed up that she's left me and if I were to ever consume such materials, it would just make me realize what a bloody horrible person I was even though my intentions were to love her and the worst thing is she has never given me any answers so I keep questioning myself and I don't want to that while I'm intoxicated because I might do something wrong to myself if I don't get the answers I need to know to find out why she had to leave me. Gah it's making me think about that all over again but I'm happy to see that in the past few pages no one has actually made a girl the reason to commit suicide, I'm very proud of everyone here who's managed that because no one should let anyone else ruin your life and lead you to ending it because of that person. Love for all, hatred for none, my family always taught me that, I wish I was back my mother and father because living alone in a country miles away doesn't really help but I guess it makes me a little stronger... somewhat. And I'd never go to a councelor because they'd never understand my problems and even if they did, they'd never be able to help me because they can never bring her back to me and she just won't look at me in the same loving light that she always did, heck I don't even exist for her anymore but I'm trying to punch myself in the face and telling myself that it's my fault and it purely is so I can't cry about it because I've been a douche who's made a lot of mistakes but never cried over them and I'm not planning on crying over them and doing something harmful to myself this time either. Councelors only come in handy if the problem is very basic and if they person is having a hard time wrapping their head around that problem to solve it. I just hope everyone find a solution to their problems, I pray so much for everyone's happiness all the time, even though I don't know so many people's names, I still pray hoping that whoever is having any problems - please resolve them in some beautiful way. Bah I also hope Doc isn't serious about being gone. But yeah, good morning everyone, one of the side-effects of my messed up mind is that I can't really sleep anymore, I've been like this for a long time now where I get to see the sun wake up before I can even think of a wink of sleep.