Unlike you vandal, i don't sit around all day talking about some radical left wing liberal bullshit as I smoke weed in my mom's basement. I work hard and earn my own living, and deal with life's bullshit, not just smoke weed to try to avoid them. "the working man is the tough guy." -De niro (bronx tale)

 

stop tryna bang on the internet fucker.'wit my red rag'.no self respecting gangster calls their flag a rag.you sound retarded.

 

For vandal and bigdic who i'm not gonna quote to bump to the next page. If you guys can't understand why someone would want to kill thereself thern don't even post in this thread. You obviously don't even understand mental illness and how painful and destructive it can be to your every day life. People come on here to talk about there problems cause they have nowhere else or no one else to talk about them with, so if people on here can talk someone out of ending there own life what's the harm of that, especially when bigdic said if your talking about suicide on this thread you might as well just do it already.

 

forreal.ive been suicidal for about 2 or 3 years.one of my teachers killed my aunt.i think thats when it started.that plus i was already mentally ill.depression and things like that.i dont really have anyone to talk too because i dont really have family.i mean my mom but were not on good terms right now or ever haha.as for friends,i dont talk to anyone after i got out of jail.alot of people that called themselves my friends just used me for things and when the cops came half of them snitched on me.it made me resentful and learned not to trust anyone at all.so ive been holding it in for a long time. but its been a while since i really thought about doing it but i can say to anyone thats thinking about killing themselves the thing tat worked for me was just keeping busy.as long as i was doing something.anything that got my mind off of suicide it was a good thing.i still think about it but i mean not as much and not so in depth i guess.bombing makes me happy tho.i mean how can you be sad when your having so much fun haha.but dont think about it and surround yourself with good happy people.

 

everyone thinks about it. specially writers... i have yet to meet a single writer thats perfectly stable. were all fucked up in the head to some extent, you have to be if your gonna go around ruining other ppls property without any regrets.

 

Yeah bombing definetly helps, I find just going for a walk helps alot too which I guess is a part of bombing anyway. Last night I felt like shit so I went for a walk for like two and a half hours and about halfway throught I started to feel better. Did a little bit of tagging but mostly just wanted to get out to clear my head. Keeping busy is great advice too, but when you have nothing to do it's really hard, which is my predicament unfortunately right now. Like when I have no friends to hang out with, no motivation to leave my apartment, nothing to do but watch TV and and be on the computer all day, fuck I hate my life...

 

well jus so you kno im pretty straight in tha dome i think its jus the attitude u gotta have to jus not give a shit bout taggin peoples shit n i dont think neone likes bein home all day

 

Xanax, cigarettes, and drinking myself to sleep.

 

the reason I post this to people i don't even know is so that I can get unbiased help. If I went to a therapist, they would know me, and therefore make preconcieved notions. You will as well, but not nearly to the level that someone I've known for years will. At least that's the basic thought to why I post this. It also helps others to know that people have the same (or similar, I should say) problems. Misery loves company.


and I second what Rots said. Skip the xanax though. cigs, and drinking/crying myself to sleep.

go ahead, call me a puss. idc. It gets me to the next day. and some folks appreciate that.

 

u do xanax and drinking together? dont dothat shit if u do

 

Drinking is one of the worst things you can do if your depressed, heavy drinking at least. Drinking acts as a stimulant for a short while but the next day it's just gonna make you more depressed.

 

Hahahaha, you're telling me! My life = go to school, come home, get yelled at for a couple hours, escape to my room, drink to forget I have parents, sleep.


Rinse and repeat. It's shitty, but it works.

 

Oh man, Been there, done that. Not any more thank God. Sounds like your going through a hard time. What problems are you having with your parents, Are they just not supportive? Are you getting any help like counselling or seeing a phychiatrist?

 

well, I'm adopted, so there wasn't a very strong connection there in the first place, but now my brother (their biological son) is developing into somewhat of a prodigy. He's a high school freshman, in Calculus BC. I'm slightly above average, but the constant comparison between me and him is taking a toll. He's goody-two-shoes to the fullest, and I've always been the, "gifted, yet troubled" one, so they'll flat-out ask me, "why can't you be more like your brother?"

Then recently i told my parents about my life plan, which is fairly simple, but it'll work. it is as follows.

step 1: graduate, and join the Marines
step 2: once I finish my first tour, if I really liked it I'll take another tour, if not, move to step 3.
step 3: If when I get out, I can start a tattoo apprenticeship immediately, I'll do so. If not, I'll use my pension from the Marines, plus all the wages I'll have saved to go to an art school. preferably Creative College of Art and Design, in Omaha, Nebraska.
step 4: live life. I won't be rich, but i don't wanna be. I just want to have some $$ freedom to go to shows, chill with friends, and the like.


My dad flat out said that I'd "break his heart" if I joined up. And this is the same guy that gets drunk and hits me. So I didn't stress it at first, but now he's actively trying to keep me out of the Marines, pulling up b.s. requirements that I know they don't have, as I correspond with my friend who's already with them frequently.


and no, I'm not seeing any sort of help like that. idk, it just always seems that if they found out about me being suicidal, they would drug me for the rest of my life. And then I DEFINITELY wouldn't be able to do what I wanted.

 

Well the fact that you actually have a plan for the future like that may mean that your not as bad off as you think you are. I mean, sure your parents aren't supportive, but you have to do what you want, how old are you? If you have enough money, or can get enough, just move out, then you can do what you want and will be truely happy. I mean I can't even think of a future so atleast you have somthing positive in the to look foreward too.

 

In not so much the sense of depression, but unhappiness, I find myself with no appreciation for the fact that I am breathing. Sure, I paint and everything because it makes me happy and gives me the addrenaline rush I desire, but how long will it keep me going? It can't keep my mind off things forever.

All I know is, at the end of the day, when I run out of paint and stickers to put up, I am sick of being where I am, sick of coming home to no girl, and no love.

these girls I sleep with mean nothing to me but a quick fuck, they can't give me the deep feeling in the pit of my stomach that I want.

It's not suicide I am after, but I am waiting on some accident to kill me.
If it happens tomorrow, I can't say I'd be too concerned with it.

 

id join the army personally.but its nice to see you have a plan.im about your age i believe and i have only a vague idea of what im gonna do when i get older haha.but the service is very honorable i dont see why your father would be so against it...

 

yea i got problems with school and myself.. been having fucked up thoughts in my mind.. even marijuanna doesnt help it just makes me have a deeper thought of worse things... finding out the unknown about my family and me and shit... its fucked... 15

 

i mean.. i used to feel normal till now