i dunno guys, ive had my fair share of chaotic shit in my life, my dad died of cancer when i was ten, im skint as fuck 24/7, my mums strugglin to make a living and just breaks down a lot. i remember being suicidal when my dad died, i mean you might think "hes only ten, he cant of thought it through or been serious" when its the same thing with people who are a lot older, people on this site who are suicidal need to think through, life is a gift, dont take advantage of it and try and ride through, no matter how shit it is find a way to escape. write all your problems down on a piece of paper nd have a look at it all, you'll realise that the shit your in isnt as bad as your making it out to seem. RANT OVER.
So I got kicked out of where I been staying at the last month. So, on the road again. This time, taking company. My girl's couch surfing with me..Since we both got kicked out. She has nowhere to go. I always have couches to crash on. Someday I'll make my way around to you all. I still have to get to RI and hit up Die. You too, vague. (Yes, vague)
I can't even begin to say "sorry for your unfortunate conditions in life" and shit like that beecause i haven't experienced anything close to it. Yeah i grew up in a pretty wealthy family that isn't abusive or anything like that, but i can tell you in my "perfect little world" that i dont' feel a fucking thing. I have no motivation, im empty as fuck and sometimes i'd be willing do anything to get something out of life, but i sit here bored and miserable for the most part. I keep my head up as much as i can and work my ass off to try to get somewhere in life. I gotta say tho sometimes it's easier to see and expereince the good side of life when born on the bad side, but fuck i guess that's why i have dreams about having a fucked up life. My sucidial feelings aren't conceived in my mind, but just a result of a vacant life. money, sex, drugs, and even graffiti can't even fix that kind of thing. W/e done ranting, ill keep myself productive and get my mind off things.
As gay as my life's always been, it's nothing compared to my girl's. She makes my parents look like saints. She's had the most unfortunate existence of anyone I've ever known. The difference between me and her? She didn't deserve it at all. That's why I have to take her with me. I've never given two shits about anyone, at all. Ever. But I'm going to give her a better life than what she's had.
Write a book, dude. *thumbs up* Don't worry about an ending. Walking off into the sunset together is good enough.
Id buy it too It bothers me when people on bs are such doush bags to each other all the colture of graff is whack as fuck I wouldnt be doing it if it wearn't for the actual graff part I try my hardest to love everybody
i know exactly what you mean, there's such a big competition to be the biggest twat on bs, i dont see why people cant just get along it pisses me off how people are so fuckin insensitive there so dysfunctional, but im sure they act fine in real life
dont ever commit suicide, you no hero when you do, just board a plane to some other continent and never come back, check everything out
I don't exactly have consistent internet access at the moment. So I didn't stop posting because I offed myself. I've considered writing the book a lot. Dr. Phil even wanted to bring my whole family on his show after someone I knew wrote him a letter detailing mine, and my sister's lives. I didn't need that kind of help. I did as I said, I took her with me. And I've never felt shittier. She's sleeping on the floor here, in what is basically a shanty on the side of a cliff, where I'm staying with some old woman, and her dog. We made it three hours away from her psychotic mother, after she was kicked out of her house for being worthless in her mother's opinion. I'm trying to find work, anywhere. I haven't had a job since June; I quit working to focus on getting a GED, then dipped again. We certainly can't stay here, it's barely liveable. I dunno' what to do. I got her away from the people that destroyed her life, and outlook on it, but I didn't bring her anywhere any better. She has nowhere else to go, though. And I'm not going to let her be alone. It really took me nearly twenty years to find someone worth caring about, and right now I seem to be the only one that does. I even went so far as to pray, every day, for a solid week. Make my amends with god, and beg him to forgive me for everything I've done to spite him if he'd just protect her from one specific thing. That he didn't. I've always felt he liked nothing more than testing/tormenting me, and about the time people started calling me "Rotten" I'd realised bad things no longer bothered me. I'd come to expect everything to go wrong, so I never got my hopes up, I learned to never be embarassed, and most rotsily, I really stopped caring about anything in the world. What DID I have to care about? I had no family, any friends I had either only wanted to fuck me or they rid my nuts and ended up annoying the piss out of me. I was pretty much convinced I was the most useless waste of space ever conceived, But I had no enemies, either. I just didn't/don't care enough about ANYONE to spend time having ANY emotions toward them...'til her. So now, I can't help but feel he's getting to me, through her. There's nothing else he could possibly do to me. But I DESERVE every last thing that's happened. She doesn't. She's slept with fewer people than fingers I have on my hand, she's never committed a crime (Other than smoking some weed) She's never done a hard drug in her life, and despises them with a passion (And got me off of them) She doesn't even smoke cigarattes. She's never betrayed anyone, or fronted to someone, or asked for much of anything from anyone. And shit STILL goes wrong for her, and there's nothing I can do about it. She never complains, even when I'm wrecked. She's never looked down on me, or thought I wasn't doing enough. She always expresses the exact opposite, infact. Even when I'm having a breakdown, like last night. I'm at a weird time in my life, when I feel really vulnerable, because what happens to me has always been irrelevant, but now I have her. She's just...there. She's like, my responsibility now. Not saying it's a bad thing, but it's a hard thing for me to jump into. She's mine to take care of, because no one else will. And right now, the only thing I worry about is being unable to do it. Right now she's asleep on/under a blanket on the floor, curled up in a ball. It's like 25 degrees outside, according to this computer. And still, the last thing she said to me was "good night honey. I love you. We're gonna' be happy" Am I not THE most useless thing ever?
That is definitely something you have special, Rots. Keep it that way. Continue doing what you're doing, because she seems to enjoy that you care about her, maybe because you are the only one who does. So you're not useless at all, rather, you're everything to her. Where would she be without you? Homeless, but alone. You're currently like her guardian angel, it sounds (as lame as that sounds), and that's something you should definitely take into account. And fuck God, that ***** doesn't exist. It's the placebo effect and your thoughts affecting your outcome. Just continue doing what you're doing, and stay strong; Things will get better, and you'll both be happy. Good luck.
She sounds like she's your key rots. Lately i've fallen for all the wrong girls and I let myself get led on and fucked over by teases. This shit gets worse and worse by day, feel like im 2 feet away from slitting my fucking wrists. Not sure if im going to break things off with this girl because i see potential in her, but it looks like a bad outcome is about to turn scares the shit out of me, because im not sure im strong enough to make it through this time.