So this requires some context but I'll try to be brief...I live in a suburb of NYC, its a small town but not that small. Over the last couple months I painted the word "Love" in about 15-20 spots, all in very visible spots from roads while driving (stopped at red lights, all over intersections, on a billboard, along the train, in bright pink paint. I know its not the typical kind of graffiti, and the reasoning for the word "love" is pretty fucking stupid, but I held the same values most bombers hold-tear shit, destroy shit, go on a fucking rampage, hit anything, unstoppable type of feeling. I ended up getting caught by police one day just driving around, they had my license plate from a camera driving by one of the spots I had done the previous night, I was probably the only car that drove by from like 1-4 AM, its a dead road so it was pretty obvious whoever was in that car had done the graffiti. They brought me into the police station, detectives questioned me, they had a whole fucking folder of pictures of all the spots. Now its a couple weeks later and I have a court date June 30th because one of the buildings' owners wanted to press charges. Also got fired from my job because I hit their building. I know im a dumbass.

What it comes down to though is despite all this, every day I drive around and see all my spots that are still up, and It just motivates me more than ever to keep hitting shit, only problem is its completely illogical and I'll 100% just end up in more trouble. Im trapped as fuck. I don't want to change the style or word or anything because it wont give me the same satisfaction, I don't want to go to another town/city for the same reason. Besides, even if I did change the whole tag, I would still be suspected by police because I was like the only active person in this town and they have my name and address. Im not gonna fucking do graffiti behind fences on containers and shit that literally nobody ever sees. It would give me no thrill. This is a fucking curse. Graffiti and bombing is all based off BEING SEEN. But now I can't be seen or I WILL end up in jail. Its not even a question. Like its not about "taking the risk" anymore. There is a cell with my name on it, guaranteed, if I ever do graffiti in this town again.


The fact that I have no choice anymore, the complete reversal of the freedom I felt, is killing me. I know there isn't much anyone can do to help, but maybe at least discussing this with people on here will be something to do to take my mind off the reality of my situation.