I think one of the hardest parts of growing up is having to face the realization that a lot of the friends you thought you had are fake ass bitches. And even still, a lot of people you're going to meet as you get older are going to be fake. The only thing you can do is not let them win. Keep your shoulders back and move on, because one of the best parts of life, the part that makes it completely worth living is when you find those few people that aren't fake. The few people that accept you for who you really are. The people who got your back through the worst of times, no matter what. All you have to do is wait, and keep meeting new people till you find them.

I think that's why a lot of graff kids stick together. There's something about the art and activity that makes true graff artists trust and respect eachother. Honor amongst thieves, I guess.

Of course, some graff kids are useless pricks, too... but that comes with the territory.

 

this is some pretty interesting shit, iv always had depression, ranging from not bad at all to contemplating suicide. and i agree totally with what mysfit said above. having 1 true friend is so much better than a couple fake cunts. i love my girl so much and she loves me and i couldnt be happier. suicide aint worth the business, dont loose out because of others, simply move on and let them see that theyre loosing out and your enjoying your life.

 

id like to say that if you get past your teen years where all you can do is be depressed you get to a point in your life where nothing matters but your self. ive lost all my friends and what not and my family still doesnt care and i know it a wear and tear process but eventually all those feelings turn into a very passionate hate for anything that holds you down. fuck every one and live for your self!

 

I have a bit of that social anxiety disorder i think, its really hard for me to just start a conversation with someone i dont know becuz im afraid of wat they mite say or do, but if im with someone else that i know and another person i dont know is there its completely different, i act a little bit withdrawled but just having another person there that im comfortable with makes a world of difference. I know how to solve this problem, i just need to go out and conquer my fear, its just that i get into this pattern of sayin " Im gonna do it tommorow" and then i nevr do.

 

i have that problem to but its hidden in a brash kinda attitude. its hard to get jobs because of it because i worry about how to react. it doesnt matter whos with me itll take a couple of week of watching some one before i can even greet them comfortable. i hate people.

 

yee man, its hard for me to get jobs too, i get all nervous when i go into interviews and i end up fukin it up. The same things go for graffiti, if im writing with sumone i know and trust i dont give a fuck and i go crazy when i bomb, ive bombed in the daylight on busy streets becuz ive been wit ppl who do the same shit, but i get crazy stressed when i bomb alone, even if i do it at night.

 

Continuing with the whole friends thing.
I can understand how that gets you down Moze; Msfyt, as right as you are about what most friends are like, I must stress that those who do not have the same point of view as you do, will find such prospects daunting.

The whole idea of a friend (as society has been stating and schools have been teaching) is someone who is there for you, will share with you, love you despite your faults, and sacrifice as well as compromise in order that you are pleased. I find however, that although this is one of those vice versa times, feelings and actions aren't reciprocated. I concluded that the lack of it, was what made your friend fake.

Now all that I've mentioned in the above is a one on one kind of situation. In a group, that's where the taunting comes in to play. People are a terrible thing. One person? Not so much because they are alone. But as a group, they feed off each other, and use this feeling of immunity to poke at you. As to what it accomplishes, I would say the majority of the time; a feeling of satisfaction to watch something hurt. It's kind of a sadistic analysis as you stand behind the leader, watching the squirming, relishing the damage, occasionally adding your own scathing remark until the subject is reduced to tears. Or worse.
Like a flower being subjected to drought, shock and any kind of elemental assault, it will whither and die.

I know all too well how this works. I've been on the winning end. If that is indeed what you would even call it. But when it's over, and everyone walks away but yourself, you are confronted with the haunting eyes of the defeated who lies there. He cringes and silently pleads with his eyes begging you to at least help him up so that he knows not everyone is cruel.

This feeling of shame that attacks you makes your heart pound and unable to deal with it sans groupe, you flee. The feeling manifests itself, and to get rid of it, you stay with your group and start afresh the next day. To feel satisfied until once again you are left with that image in your head, that one day you too could end up on the recieving end. But until then you feed. Frenzied and addicted, to the worst drug. And then that day comes when you are chosen to be the next recipient of their cruel intentions.

Sick isn't it? How easily they will hold you close and love you like a brother. The next minute, they will throw you down at their leisure, and you are succumbed to the will of the mob.

I don't think I can keep writing this today. Maybe tomorrow. Reliving such sorrow is enough to make anyone break.
I know I may not have made anyone feel better, quite the opposite, but this grim reality...I hope you have enlightened yourself with it, at the expense of someone who still now struggles through it. And learn to fight it.

 

i've had that kinda shit happen to me and ive done it to ppl, its like a pack of dogs, its kind of a mob mentality to it where becuz ur doing wat the other ppl r doing u feel excepted, u feel loved. A lot of people feel real tuff doing this kind of shit when really all it does is show how much of a pussy u r.

 

a lil 12yo dude at my camp got kicked out, and he went to his room and hung himself with an extension cord.

he didnt talk to anyone. he was dead in a matter of hours.
he left behind his mom and his 2 year old baby brother.

if youre thinkinkg about taking your own life, think about the life you are taking away from others. Yours.

you do matter, and people will miss you.

-sk8er6

 

it brings tears to my eyes when i think about how cruel people can be and for the reasons that media feeds them like having nice cars and bein tough and lots of money and how pretty they should be...

no one cares about stuff that should really matter

 

wow this has become like my dayary(I dont know how to write it) ok well, everybody tells me im stupid and shit, wow, i talk about killing my self they take it as jokes, i try to kill my self they say again that im stupid.

 

do you know how many people have killed themselfs one lil kid isnt going to change anyones point of view man, people are only concerned about themselves when they do it...

 

true, but you just have to realize your not the only one in the world. you just have to find somone, anyone to talk to. im no psychiatric, im just speaking from experience.

 

Hey, sorry to spill my shit without reading too much of everyone elses.
But.. it's definitely been a re-occuring thought that's run through my head for years.
There's so many things that just make me wanna lead down the road of giving up.
There are lots of things that keep me going in life.. and just lately.. every single one of those things is messing up in some way.
My girlfriend being the biggest one, you may think "oh some 15 year old kid doesnt know what love is" But, It's been almost 2 years now and maybe the best 2 years of my life, i've really found out who I am inside because of her.
But i have this feelings where I think that i've been lied to the whole time.
Which crushes me.
The graffiti is another thing.. when I have no-one to be with on certain nights, I'll destroy my blackbook or just go around my area alone painting.
But, my crew.. which isn't just a crew, it's like a family to me.. never seem to help out when i need it most.. being the most skilled guy in my crew (not bragging) makes me feel seperated from the rest, because they look up to me and when i have a problem i'll have nowhere to go.
Graffiti is also another on-going problem because i can't keep lying to my family, they've always been there for me and i just lie and get out of the house just to write graffiti.
All these things and more have, like i said before, lead me down a road to give up.
Suicide is always a thought, but it's fairly hard to accomplish, the other times i've tried.
There is more but i dont want to spill my soul out to something people may not even read.
You don't have to respond, I just wanted to let it all out.

 

yea man that happens too me all the time...i feel all weird then i start stuttering or repeating a sentence twice lol

 

and uhh....seriously i know alot of suicidal people...im not suicidal...but like im always there for them like i talk to them and shit try to change there mminds and so far its been working....

 

i get all scared and i can feel my heart beating and shit, its kinda like an adrenaline rush but instead of feeling exhilerated i feel fukin petrified

 

yea man some times i just start walking away after a moment like i give up and just go somewhere else lol sounds stupid but thats what i do lol

 

So I did it again today, I actually feel ready to die, and have felt this way for a long time now, I'm 15, I've been through alot of shit. my best friend killed him self last year, 3 weeks later my mum passed away.. I've tryed to take my life 7 times now.. I feel maybe I am over reacting? I guess this is a cry for help. So my girlfriend who i'm very much in love with, Who has helped me through so much, got really drunk and decided to let some random guy take a picture of her tits, when I found this out, I was crushed. I drank a litre of vodka, took 16 paracetamol tablets and put a razorblade to my arm.. Maybe I am over reacting? What would you do under given circumstances? I really dont feel happy in this world anymore..