i didnt mean it havin to do with fear like that, its just cause im not afraid of getting hurt or of death noone has ever understood me, and when im feelin down it was hard cause noone was there for me

 

ok im going to go out on a limb here and say something that isnt excatly kosher
but saying noone was there for me is just as much of your responisblity as it is theirs
you see resources are available everywhere so finding support isnt always about friends and family
if you are feeling down dont wait for people to come to your rescue cause they might not even have a clue what youre thinking or that youre depressed

we need to own our own feelings
when need to know people cant read our thoughts
and that most likely help wont find you you need to find it

talk to people let them know how you feel otherwise they are probably to wrapped up in their own problems to realize the importance of where your heads at

there are many outlets for suicide prevention and unlike friends and family probably "understand you"
why because most volunteers are volunteers because they conqured depression themselves

 

finally finally finally found someone i can actually trust to tell my feelings to and have her tell me hers. i've known her for a couple months but have only been good friends with her for a couple weeks, and we got so close so fast, it was great. now we don't have to tell eachother "now, if i tell you this, you can't tell anybody", cause it's pretty much understood. it's exactly what i've always needed, because i used to get so depressed, and there was people for short times that i though i could trust, but i really couldn't, and it just made me feel so much worse. and in this town, it's such a rare thing, because all we have is bullshit rich kid drama with all the sheltered pricks who don't know what it is to be real, and what real drama is. every other girl i've met here doesn't see that as much as her, and we both hate the majority of the people here equally, so it makes it that much better. she's the closest thing to a girlfriend without actually being one.

it seems in the past year, i've grown to discriminate real from fake, and grown more real. i've found much more who my real friends can be, and for some reason, most of them are the not-so-well-off people in this town. i think it's because our parents don't shelter us as much, and we have to fend more for ourselves, so unlike everybody else in this city. everybody here fixes all their tiny ass problems with more and more money, so they may never know what realism is. so i guess we just kind of get eachother more in that way.

anyways, i'm rambling, but i guess what i'm saying, is i haven't been this far from depression since i was too little to know what it was. i guess i just need the right people in my life.



and i also stopped smoking green, which actually helped a lot, to say the least.

 

so many things wrong with this.
1)unless its your mom, dont trust any female. (seeing that 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the percentage of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships lasting is considerably less. once you two break up or stop being friends [it happens] shes going to have alot of info about you to talk shit about)

2) how can you trust someone that you've only known for a couple months? ive been going out with my lady for two years and i dont tell her alot of shit. i have friends that ive known for six years that dont know close shit about me.

3)your too trusting. you cant trust anyone these days, its gonna fuck you over.

that is all

 

it's the whole exchanging thing. i would have way more shit on her if she were to go telling people about me, so i highly doubt she would. and when i say way more, i mean wayy more.

and pretty much the only friends she has now are me, her boyfriend (yeah, hhah, she's breaking up with him reallly soon), and like 1 other girl who she basically just uses for rides.


and i'm not too trusting. i honestly have never completely trusted anybody my entire life. and there's still shit that i'm probably never gonna tell her or anybody, that i'll take to the grave with me.

plus, with the shit that she's told me, she's had a lot of the same problems i have over the course of our lives, and she's told me way more personal stuff than i've told her, so i think i know how it would go if we were to stop being friends. we'd pretty much be in the same rut.

 

sounds like you drove right past the 'potential boyfriend' parking lot and parked in the 'best guy friend' section.
the gates are closed. its too late to switch parking

 

thats honestly what i thought until a couple days ago.

even if so, i don't really care. i realize it is kind of gay, but she's not the only girl i care about, so it's not like i'd have nowhere to go if she wasn't into me.

i'm not completely out of the loop. i've been down that road before, and know how it works, and i know it blows, so i've been trying not to go that way again.

 

exactly.

 

my moto is live life to its fullest fuk the goverment theyr just rich people n be who you want n dont care what others think so ima throw a big fuk you in the air n drink some vodka

 

^i used to think like that too, when i was 13
hospital straightened me out, though
im down a half a fifth a day

 

my family has a suck it up and quit ur bitchin policy

 

PLEASSE everyone on BS dont take this matter lightly and lets pull together again to help out a fellow wrighter.

 

he didnt almost die he was planing to n by the way if it was over a girl stop bitchin theres more to life than a stinkin piece of stubly pussy damn n yes you save him from doing it but theres no need to post all up like yh im a hero blah blah i meen that shit personal between u n him have som respect man

 

yo razor damn like kay says talk to your family ive wanted to kill myself so many times before cos of all the shit i thoguht was so serious just look at what you have and focus on the shit that makes you , you n you will realize people in other places are far more worse off than you ,

 

SO fuckin true and thats kinda where im at now in my life but my firends are helping me through

 

I went through a bad patch about 8 months ago after a really harsh break up and tried to kill myself twice. Then I learned that when you hit that really low point life can only get better. Suicide is the easy way out and life is hard you get used to it, killing yourself over a relationship is pointless its not the end of the world. I would never consider trying to kill myself again its not worth it. I think a lot of people don't think about those who they are leaving behind. It might be over for you but not your friends and family. It will destroy those who are close to you.

A few weeks ago I had a trip and saw in my mind what would happen if I died. I saw the aftermath from the point of view of my family and friends and I never want that to happen to them. I don't fear death or what come after death I only fear what would happen to those I leave behind.

 

iv thought about it before....but none more seriously then tonight.....I'm not going to though I just really need to vent or what ever....write this somehwere were someone besides me can read it as lame as that sounds I dunno......
.............. I fucking hate everything in my life.....iv fucked everything up nearly completely.....I'm just tired of fucking up....tired of not being good at anything except fucking everything good up....I failed out of school.....I don't have enough money to pay for school.....I work a shitty job and I can't get hired anywhere else ive tried....and as shitty as my job was, its just getting progressivly shittier.....I went from working 40 hours a week.....to 8 hours in two days.....I owe so much money its rediculouse.....but since I can't get a job its just getting worse.....
I'm tired of lieing.....tired of being lied to...tired of letting everyone down...and tired of being let down........tired of feeling used....tired of knowing shits changed but not being told straight becuase people are afraid of hurting me, when it hurts me more to know its changed and that I'm just not being told(relationship/friendship).......tired of not being appreciated for anything I do....wasting money for no reason.....not having money....not having a life...... the only real people id worry about hurting if I ever went threw with it is my mom dad and grama...iv already lost most of my friends, and the one thing I thought mattered more than anything......but yeah I could have seen that coming since I was the first she cheated with....but no where near the last....Iv never hated myself more since iv been sober....I prolly hated myself about this much when I first found out I was failing out of school and about to go on trial for shit I didn't do and no one had my back at all....except for alcohol.....but now I'm straying away from that.......

I just needed to write that down before I did something really really really really stupid.....its just been a shit day ontop of a shit couple of weeks

 

damn man, keep happy?...

 

the kid who's going to do it is never going to post a serious post in here.