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Demotivational Posters/Epic Failure Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Bazer, Apr 21, 2008.

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  1. momma__mad

    momma__mad New Member

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  2. anti-anti-crime

    anti-anti-crime Elite Member

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  3. Subconcious

    Subconcious Senior Member

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    Ahahahahahaha, that was disgusting!
     
  4. Subconcious

    Subconcious Senior Member

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  5. BARACK OBAMA

    BARACK OBAMA Senior Member

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    hahah thats shitty man.. but your welcome :)
     
  6. PulseWithLife

    PulseWithLife Elite Member

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  7. Subconcious

    Subconcious Senior Member

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    How a Sandwich Makes You Its Bitch in 11 Easy Steps

    1. At first, you are unaware of your desire for a sandwich
    a2.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vE2mq2PBI_AAAAAAAACmg_4vG75mklnRk_s320_sandwich.png
    At this stage, you are generally unaware of any desire to eat a sandwich. Maybe you are watching TV. Maybe you are talking on the phone. Whatever you are doing, you are content to be alive without a sandwich in your mouth.

    2. Desire for sandwich registers
    a4.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vFbEyKz9I_AAAAAAAACmo_CSsvXX2Tt3U_s320_sandwich2.png
    You become vaguely aware that something isn't right when a feeling of uneasiness engulfs you like a dark, suffocating fog. You realize that you are going to need a sandwich.

    3. Panic
    a4.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vGM8WL6lI_AAAAAAAACmw_VIbNL5cpGkQ_s320_sandwich3.png
    HOLY SHIT!!!!!! YOU NEED A SANDWICH RIGHT FUCKING NOW OR YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!

    This stage comes on abruptly and usually before you have time to even make it to the kitchen, let alone go through all the steps of preparing a sandwich. You feel like your body is imploding into a black hole of hunger and without a sandwich to plug that hole, you will almost certainly perish.

    4. Melodramatic journey to kitchen
    a1.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vHA__gMRI_AAAAAAAACm4_yY7eU3KYdzA_s320_sandwich4.png
    Hunger has a way of bringing drama to the surface. The combination of hopelessness and self-pity often leads to unnecessary theatrics.

    5. Planning
    a4.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vIBgEguVI_AAAAAAAACnA_TkKMb06NrCI_s320_sandwich5.png
    Your sandwich is going to be the best sandwich ever. A sandwich to rule all sandwiches. No matter how many things you put on it, it always seems like there needs to be more things.

    6. Creation of a monstrosity that even you will look back on with shame and bewilderment
    a3.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vIknzTkQI_AAAAAAAACnI_ydO6oGd3eUg_s320_sandwich6.png
    Hunger has clearly clouded your judgment because your sandwich turns out to be a towering atrocity of questionable meat and condiments that are wonderful on their own, but taken together, create an oozing sludge of nearly inedible failure.

    Despite this, you feel like you are some sort of mad genius. You should be on Iron Chef! You are creating new flavor frontiers!

    7. Anticipation
    a3.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vKhJqNZFI_AAAAAAAACnQ_MNE19sHrrwA_s320_sandwich7.png
    This is probably the best stage of eating a sandwich. In this moment, you imagine a kind of nirvana that is not attainable by mortals. Your mind conjures up a flavor experience so powerful that it defies logic. As you sit there staring at your glorious sandwich, nothing else matters.

    8a. First assault
    a2.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vLjJlcxtI_AAAAAAAACnY_f7JH9RChA2w_s320_sandwich8.png
    You seem to have neglected a few details during preparation, namely the discrepancy between the size of your mouth and the size of what you can reasonably expect to fit inside something the size of your mouth. Your sandwich is cumbersome and unwieldy. If you want to eat it, you are going to have to get creative.

    8b. Second assault
    a1.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vMteiOPwI_AAAAAAAACng_OiUJtqcX_7I_s320_sandwich9.png

    8c. Third assault
    a2.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vM4GzkqBI_AAAAAAAACno_lkwwrUY7qww_s320_sandwich10.png

    9. Violence
    a2.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vNEadrB5I_AAAAAAAACnw_q1FY3tve91M_s320_sandwich11.png
    You finally resort to trying to crush the sandwich with your hands. You stand over it like a caveman, beating it with your fists in a fit of rabid frustration. Condiment sludge squishes out the sides in rivers.

    10. Success (?)
    a1.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vNoee2JsI_AAAAAAAACn4_a4bqKbsCTSM_s320_sandwhich12.png
    The sandwich finally submits to your reshaping efforts. You have reduced your once majestic creation to a festering shadow of its former self, but it is now possible to put it in your mouth! YAY!!!! You think you've won.

    11. Resolution
    Sandwiches almost always end in one of two ways.
    a1.bp.blogspot.com__D_Z_D2tzi14_S7vPJu6RgpI_AAAAAAAACoA_F8fuQVsEqeE_s640_sandwich13.png
    If you made the unfortunate mistake of underestimating your hunger, you will be unable to enjoy the final third of your sandwich because you will be too busy being afraid that there will not be enough of it. Every wonderful bite is filled with the painful realization that it is bringing you closer to having nothing more to eat. You begin to panic. You try taking smaller bites and chewing longer. You alternate taking a real bite and just sniffing the sandwich and moving your jaw to simulate eating. But nothing can reverse the inescapable fact that you didn't make yourself enough sandwich.

    Conversely, if you overestimated the amount of free space inside of you, you will be faced with a harrowing battle of man against sandwich. And the sandwich always wins. If you force yourself to finish the sandwich, it will defeat you from the inside. If you give up and leave part of the sandwich uneaten, it will haunt you with guilt and feelings of inadequacy.

    Bitches.
     
  8. menso

    menso Senior Member

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  9. Subconcious

    Subconcious Senior Member

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    [​IMG][/url][/IMG]

    [​IMG][/url][/IMG]

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    Don't you hate it when you see a girl in a bikini and it ends up being a sausage?
     
  10. doesntfeelsafe

    doesntfeelsafe Member

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  11. Speedy

    Speedy Senior Member

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    I don't know if any of you have ever seen these, but they're from www.dontevenreply.com. This guy finds craigslist ads and just... well you'll see what he does.





    Original ad:
    **** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
    Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
    Offering: cash, items for barter



    From Me to **********@***********.org:

    Hey,

    I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

    Thanks,

    Mike



    From Jeff ****** to Me:

    I am. lets see what you got.



    From Me to Jeff ******:

    Jeff,

    Here you go:

    awww.dontevenreply.com_images_knife1.JPG

    Looks like a normal spoon, right?

    awww.dontevenreply.com_images_knife2.JPG

    Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

    I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

    Mike


    From Jeff ****** to Me:

    that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.



    From Me to Jeff ******:

    Jeff,

    I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

    Mike




    From Jeff ****** to Me:

    fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.



    From Me to Jeff ******:

    Jeff,

    Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:


    awww.dontevenreply.com_images_glock.JPG

    At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.

    awww.dontevenreply.com_images_m16.JPG

    Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.

    awww.dontevenreply.com_images_m3.JPG

    This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

    Let me know if you want any of these items.

    Thanks,

    Mike


    From Jeff ****** to Me:

    youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.








    Very few things actually make me laugh out loud anymore, but this one had me crying. Here's the link to the actual website. http://www.dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=84
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2010
  12. momma__mad

    momma__mad New Member

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  13. n0b0dy

    n0b0dy Senior Member

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  14. LeaksOne

    LeaksOne Elite Member

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    50 tyson for president bitches!!!
     
  15. Bazer

    Bazer Moderator

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  16. AteskOne

    AteskOne Elite Member

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    got about 10 seconds into that video and realized it was way to gay for me to watch 6 minutes of it.
     
  17. Stuck

    Stuck Elite Member

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  18. Bazer

    Bazer Moderator

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    thats it guys? really? post more shit. im high and bored.
     
  19. Stigma02

    Stigma02 Senior Member

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  20. 4ENOD

    4ENOD Senior Member

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